


Return to Me

by legendarytobes



Category: Smallville
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, NC-17, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-09
Updated: 2015-09-06
Packaged: 2018-02-12 09:58:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 112,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2105421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/legendarytobes/pseuds/legendarytobes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(Goes AU in the middle of 8.20 "Beast"): Clark is able to use Black Kryptonite to separate The Beast from Davis in the Fortress of Solitude and sucks both himself and Doomsday into the Phantom Zone. This leaves Chloe behind to deal with the fallout and bring him home. When her options start running out, she dares to trust Tess and her LuthorCorp resources, which might end up ruining them all...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. On Bended Knee

**Author's Note:**

  * For [marikology](https://archiveofourown.org/users/marikology/gifts).



> Warnings: This is a hurt-comfort fic at its core with a strong element of TC or "torture Clark." While I'm not going into Saw territory by any means, it still has some rough patches that Clark gets into so if TC and H/C isn't your thing, then I understand.

It burned me to do it.

How many times had I thrown Kryptonite away for him over the years, since I'd known his secret? Hell, I'd been doing this back at Luthor Mansion before I even knew that Clark wasn't actually a meteor mutant. Since then, I'd honestly lost count. Between the Luthors, Phantoms from the Zone, and weekly threats, I'd saved him so much that he owed me free lunches from now until well into the next decade.

I'd rarely used it against him.

I had a few times, which, granted, weren't his fault. The time he'd had an infection courtesy of Brainiac came to mind. That had been a day, to see the looks on Mr. and Mrs. Kent when they knew that I had been let in on the deep family secret. Still, this was different. I'd never pulled Kryptonite out on him when he was in his right mind.

He'd never understand this, what I was doing, why I was doing it.

Of course, he hadn't seen what I had. I didn't care if it was a dream, from what we knew of The Beast half of Davis, it was only a matter of time. I refused to watch the inevitable, to see Clark torn in half. I'd held him cold in my arms a few times before, but I didn't think Jor-El would be able to set something like that right. I no longer could, thanks to Brainiac. If Clark had ever woken up from seeing the person he loved---whom he'd technically died for---in pieces, then he'd understand all of this.

The key to the caves was heavy in my hand. I was the only one who knew where to find it. Not J'onn or Kara, even after her second departure. He'd never even told Lana after all that time she'd lived on the farm. I liked that. Deep down in the middle of all our bullshit and missed connections, of Jimmy and Lana and Davis, of the way he'd looked at me recently when I wore Lois's face, it flattered me how deeply he trusted me with his heritage and his mission. I was about to use that to betray him.

Swallowing hard, I slipped the disk into its slot and forced my eyes closed. The world felt like it was dissolving around me and the vertigo slammed into me hard. I stumbled as the chill Arctic air assaulted me, and forced my eyes open. Clark and Davis were already tangling with each other. I ducked behind a column as they ran into each other faster than I could see. They bounced back off one another and stilled, facing each other for another round. Gulping, I rushed forward and held the Kryptonite high.

The effect was immediate on Clark.

True to his word and ressurrection, the radiation did nothing to Davis.

As I watched, Clark's veins bulged from his skin and began to turn black, a green cast came over his skin, and he sank to his knees. Funny, once in ISIS, I'd told Lana that was what the agency's namesake had done to the great God Ra. After she'd used his powers to put Lois in the hospital, I'd always assumed and feared she'd do the same to Clark.

Nine months ago when he saved me from Black Creek, I never thought it would be me.

"Chloe!" he called out, and I hated myself.

Hated myself for doing this, for playing up the charade. Hated myself for letting Davis take my hand and offering a reassurring smile. I hated that I couldn't explain anything to him, but I hated it more that he'd try and be the hero like always even if I did come clean. I wouldn't let him die.

I owed him more than that.

"Clark, I can't. You can't condemn someone else to the Zone. Davis," I said, my voice struggling to stay even on the words. "He's innocent."

That was beyond debatable. There was a field of two hundred bodies in Smallville that said otherwise. Desperate to stop the Beast or not, Davis had started deliberately feeding it. He'd killed people willingly as a human. Still, I knew how the Zone worked. If Clark went there, he wouldn't come back, not after the Phantoms had come out and then again with Faora as well. He'd hunker down like Kara had, and the world would never see him again. Damn it, everyone needed the Blur.

I needed him, even if when this plan worked I'd never see or talk to him again.

"Chloe, I have to."

"You're not Jor-El," I said, shifting a little as Davis's clammy palm clamped harder on my hand. "You'd never forgive yourself, if you even came back."

"I...couldn't."

"I know," I replied, pulling Davis with me to the main console. I'd send us back to the caves and get a head start.

Getting there, brought us closer to Clark and he groaned but managed to stay upright. For a moment, we passed so close that I could almost touch him, and I wanted to. I couldn't. That would upset Davis, tip my hand, and I needed his compliance. I was never going to see him again or hug him, and before this we'd had one of the worst fights we'd ever had.

That burned.

Clark startled me then by grabbing onto my wrist.

"Don't."

Before I could answer, Davis pushed hard against his shoulder, sending Clark sprawling back. "She made her choice, Clark."

God had I.

We were at the console, and I was moving what I needed around to get back to the caves. Maybe there were a few islands of information left in my brain after all, even with the infection gone. The one thing Brainiac's infection hadn't completely ruined for me, although God knew he'd tried.

I was almost done and the glow was building through the Fortress when the Kryptonite in my hand started to burn. I screamed and dropped it. When I looked down, it was black.

Clark, his jacket covering his hands, raced forward and grabbed the black rock before I could get it. I noticed the amber glow dimming from his eyes, and wanted to scream. Just enough distance with Davis's push, and now he had neutralized the only thing I had to keep him out of this.

"Clark, please!"

Now I was begging, but it was too late.

He surged forward, and he slammed hard into Davis. The black Kryptonite flared almost purple in the Fortress and Davis screamed. I couldn't believe what I was watching, the way that the Beast---huge grey spikes and all---pulled from his chest, almost splitting his torso in half but at first stuck to the same set of still human legs. The light continued to grow and the Beast pulled harder against its confines, legs sprouting as well like some sort of arachnid nightmare.

The glare crescendoed and I fell to the ground as a concussion tore both halves of Davis apart. Clark was so ungodly fast now. I used to think it was annoying when he blurred off on me in high school or back at The DP. I could barely even process what was happening. The panel was humming now, the grey-blue haze of the zone swirling from it. The hole grew and, desperately, I threw myself in front of it.

"You go, and I go."

Clark was struggling hard with the Beast in his grip. The monster was technically in a headlock, and I figured only its own disorientation at being freed kept it close to manageable.

He looked at me and shook his head. "Not this time, Chlo."

"You can't hold him and move me at the same time."

"I don't have to," he said, nodding.

Strong arms, for a mortal, were around me. I flailed as best I could in Davis's grip, scratched and clawed at his arms, begged and screamed and pleaded. The one time ever that he and Clark agreed on anything and it was about me. Despite all I did, Davis was still a large guy and a paramedic. He was used to lifting people. It was easy to force me to the side, to hold me still as I watched my best friend, fuck, the man I loved dragged to Hell.

Davis didn't release me until long minutes after the portal had shut itself. When he did, I rushed to the console. We were back in the Kawatche Caves before Davis could blink or really understand what was happening. I surged past him, my eyes angry and brimming with tears. Not now, I needed to get to my car and get to the loft. I'd get the crystal from the loft. I'd get that, and I'd find J'onn, and then he'd tell me how to use it, and I'd go after Clark myself.

"Chloe, wait."

"No, don't you dare," I said, scrambling through the narrow passages and rushing to my door. "You helped him!"

"And I know the Beast better than anyone else," he said, as he whipped me around to face him.

Reaching up, he cupped my cheek. I shuddered. The attraction between us was gone. Most of it had left when Brainiac was gone from me, but after that field and the dreams, now that only just Davis, paramedic sociopath remained. No, there was no affection there. The hopeful look in his eyes, so like he'd been the day he'd kissed me before my disastrous wedding, said his desire for me was as fervent as it had ever been.

"Chloe, Clark's gone."

"I'm getting him back," I said, yanking my arm away.

"You can't. There's no way to open that whatever it was."

"Phantom Zone. You know nothing, and you don't have a part in this, not anymore. Congratulations. Clark did figure out a cure all on his own. So now, him? Me? We are officially not your problem."

Davis reached for me again, and I dodged him. Quickly, I unlocked the car and opened my door. "Chloe, everything we wanted...Clark's gone, and Jimmy's in Coast City at rehab, not to mention the divorce."

"I don't want you, Davis."

It shocked me how fast he could move, even without Kryptonian additions. He was holding me by my shoulders and pinning me to a car. It was so pathetic, so desperate, that I rolled my eyes before I could think about it. I'd been threatened by everyone from Brainiac to Lionel Luthor, this wasn't even in my top ten.

I brought my knee up, hard, tired of his games.

Davis groaned and stumbled back. It gave me enough time to pull the taser from my jacket pocket. The electricity arcced between its ends, blue and fierce. "I said, I'm done."

He hopped again and I reached out to stun him, surprised a bit when he fell unconscious to the ground before I reached him. Looking down, I saw the dart embedded in his back, I was not surprised to find Tess Mercer coming out from behind a tree.

"You can thank me later. Should I have my labs take him?" She emphasized her point by nudging his back with the tip of her boot. "My team will love to get a look at him."

I flinched and fought back my own anger and revulsion. She'd spent the better part of a year like Lex before her begging Clark to confess all his secrets to her, trying to convince both of us that she wanted to only help. Her curiosity, her clinical detachment when looking at what she still assumed was an alien chilled me. I wondered if she'd wanted Clark in that place as badly, if all her talk about the good he could do was so much bullshit.

"He's not the Beast."

Tess narrowed her eyes at me. I'd give her this, for a relatively new corporate scion, she did condescension almost as well as Lex or Lionel. "Don't lie. I'm not stupid, Chloe, and I can trace a pattern."

"He was," I corrected. "But he's not now. Clark and he fought...I...Clark did something and now he's not."

"Not possible, not if Davis can survive the severe meteor rock bath you gave him or so Oliver mentioned."

"I can't give you the details."

"Why not? Clark knows that I know he's special, that he's the Blur as sure as both of us are sitting here. If he did something, then you can explain what."

"Trust me, I could tell you the words, but you wouldn't get it anyway, too many blanks. Besides, you're more than eager to cut into Davis to see what makes him tick and, currently, he's perfectly human."

"Admitting Clark's not?"

"Admitting," I continued. "That if you're this excited over what you think is more than human, then I don't want to know what would happen if you had concrete proof that Clark and The Blur are the same guy."

"Again, I'm not stupid."

"No, but I don't trust you any more than I ever trusted Lex."

"I'm not Lex. He uses people."

"That's all Luthors know how to do," I responded coolly. "Trust me, I've graduated that school. Fine, then let me go. Davis...he's human now but he is the Cornfield Killer."

"No really," she drawled. "So, you don't want my help except under very specific circumstances? I can help get rid of the trash."

"No," I said, my voice tight. "I didn't say kill him or experiment on him. You'd be disappointed."

"Well, I'll make sure, first, it's a waste of time."  
"Just turn him over to Detective Sawyer. I don't have time to babysit him, not now. Clark needs me." This time, I at least made it into the car and buckled up before she tapped on the window. "What!" I shouted after starting the car and rolling down the window.

Tess shook her head, "Not even a 'thank you?' No wonder Lex got sick of this town."  
**

"Chloe, I thought you knew about the crystal."

I was sitting on J'onn's sofa, a large afghan over my lap. He'd offered me that along with a cup of coffee that I wasn't thirsty enough to touch. Maybe that was a first for me. I'd driven directly to Metropolis and his apartment when I frantic search of both the loft and Clark's house had failed to turn up the crystal he'd once used on Zod. I knew it was there. It had to be there.

J'onn had to know; he was powerless but still Clark's guardian, even now.

"Chloe," he started again, patting my hand. I stilled. J'onn was trying to comfort me. I didn't need that. I just needed him to direct me to the crystal and tell me the on switch. There wouldn't be anything to worry about once Clark was home. "Kal-El's crystal was destroyed by Faora and he had to use mine to get rid of her."

"Great so it's not in the loft. Is it in his desk at The Planet? I know Clark can be sloppy, and I'll talk to him about where to keep his extraterrestrial goodies later. You'd think he'd understand that reporters, even in the basement, can be dangerous to Kryptonians by now."

"You're not letting me finish."

"You're drawing it out," I countered.

"Faora destroyed his so he took mine, but then The Persuader destroyed that when the Legion was here."

I blinked. Everything between the final onslaught of the Brainiac infection and then waking up in my own bloodied wedding dress was hazy at best. I could remember some things, oddly Clark walking me to the aisle sticks out but not actually saying my vows to Jimmy. Also, yes, Davis's kiss. Everything once Brainiac had me fully under his control was a blur though, and I had no idea what a Persuader was.

"Huh?"

"The villain from the future sent to kill Kal-El before he could fulfill his destiny. He destroyed the crystal in the loft, and that's why...nevermind."

"No, why what?"

"Kal-El might be in the Phantom Zone but if he ever got back he'd be mad that I told you."

I leaned up and glared back at him. "I'll be more pissed if you don't. Besides, I don't have time for this. I have to get Clark out."

"The portal is there. You know he got back before. If he chooses to use the portal where Kara did not, then he will."

"And he could be stubborn and never come back for 'the greater good.' J'onn, unless you have anything else to offer me, I have an amazing amount of research to do to rescue our resident martyr."

"The Legion had different ideas on how to deal with the host," he confessed, leaning back in his chair.

"Me, you mean. Say what you mean."

"It doesn't matter now. There's nothing you can do to get Kal-El back. He's on his own."

"And we wait? Oliver's crazy and is going around murdering people. You're, well, you're like me and both our abilities are D.O.A., and the rest of the League is disbanded. Without Clark, Metropolis has nothing to protect it."

"And, honestly, I do believe he'll come home. I don't think he'll make the same choice that Kara did, but it'll take time and you know that in the Zone---"

"Time moves differently," I repeated, rolling my eyes. "That's not good enough. If it takes him time, he could be gone months or years." The thought of him passing me by, of not getting back on accident until twenty years or a hundred from now made me nauseated. "I won't do that."

J'onn stood up and walked back to the island in his kitchen. He poured himself a second cup of coffee and gestured toward mine. "It'll help you think."

"I don't need to think. J'onn, isn't there anything else? Are there other Kryptonians? Other resources? Come on, think!"

"I'm sorry, Chloe. If Kal-El comes, he does it on his own."  
***

One month.

That was one month of walking by The Planet and expecting Clark to be there, working away at my old desk. That was one month of reaching for my phone and pressing the speed dial on his number first thing in the morning and remembering he couldn't possibly answer it. It was one month of racking what was left in my brain from the infection and then digging into Swan's journals as well as Clark's steamer trunk, hoping I'd stumble onto something. I wished I still had that crystal that I'd had back when Faora had overtaken Lois, but that had shattered. I was on my own with dead ends, and the aching, bone deep loneliness.

Davis was in jail, awaiting his trial for the Cornfield Killings, and Oliver had left long ago for Star City. Good riddance, he'd blackmailed me for things Brainiac had forced me to do, and stooped to murder. Lex was awful, don't get me wrong, but he deserved to go to jail as Lionel once had. If we stared killing the criminals instead of turning them over to the law, we should just rename ourselves "vengeance" instead of justice.

Of course, that would imply we existed in any form at all, which we didn't. Sometimes J'onn came by my office at ISIS to talk with me, and, to be fair, Bart had taken me out for tacos last week to ask how my "finding Stretch" project was coming, but otherwise, we were closed down. Without our strongest players on deck in J'onn and Clark and without Oliver's financing, we were dead in the water.

Lana was gone who knew where with her infection and powers, and Jimmy was out of my life, which after his Facebook messages I wasn't even sad about. I honestly don't think I'd have said yes to the engagement without Brainiac in my head and certainly would have never said yes without my memory full of holes. The fact he'd stolen from me and insulted me alleviated any guilt I had about injuried the Beast had given him.

I at least assumed that as I searched for Clark that I'd have Lois in my life. She shocked the Hell out of me by moving to the Star City Register so she could rekindle things with Oliver. She mentioned that with The Blur gone, Metropolis no longer seemed as exciting. I'd waved Clark's absence away as best as claiming it was an extended visit to see his mom. Mrs. Kent had played into that fiction, and Lois, seemingly with nothing left for her here and Tess breathing down her neck, had left to the familiar, to Oliver.

We talked nightly, but I never had anything to say. I could only talk generally about my patients, and there was nothing else that consumed my days but Clark. I would find him; it was what I did.

I just was out of ideas.

Digging through Clark's chest for the hundredth time, hoping frantically that some alien mcguffin had been left behind that I'd somehow missed the first ninety-nine times, I found nothing. The only things besides the key to the caves and Swan's journals were Smallville momentos---his letterman jacket from senior year, things Mr. Kent had given him, an old yearbook.

Silly sentimentality was overwhelming tonight. I'd come to the farm from Belle Reve. Despite all my best efforts, one of my patients had used their pyrokinesis to almost burn down their high school. I'd had to sign them over. Belle Reve wasn't completely the hell-hole it had once been, but it wasn't anything I wanted to send someone to if I could avoid it. This was the fourth patient I'd had, including the shadow shifter back in the fall, who'd hurt people or gone as far as killing. I needed to stop kidding myself, maybe.

I wasn't a counselor. Hell, the one thing I'd wanted more than anything was to get rid of my own powers and I almost had, going as far as to almost getting my heart cut out.

Still, I had helped ease Clark through a lot of crap in his life, and I knew what it was like to fear your mutation and the possible madness building inside of you. Lana had left me with a foundation that was a thinly veiled excuse to spy on Lex and do experiments as with Casey Brock, who Brainiac had infected two years ago. I'd worked hard to get real, helpful staff and to do what I could. Hell, I was already blacklisted thanks to Lex, and someone had to keep these kids from turning into supervillains in their own right.

Especially with Justice disbanded and Clark gone.

I sucked at what I did, but if I didn't do it, Metropolis and Lowell County would suffer more for it.

But watching that girl's blank glazed over look as they took her away, it felt too much like my mom. Even if Clark wasn't here right now, even if I'd known I wouldn't find my magic bullet tonight, I needed the comfort of the loft. Hard memories were here, but so were some of my best. Even if this is where the Beast had waged havoc, or I'd seen Clark kiss Lana before Lex and Helen's wedding, even then, well, it had all really started here, hadn't it?

Tired, I reached out and picked up the yearbook. As crappy as I felt, as bone weary, I smiled paging through it. The superlatives page hurt a bit, both to see the class have hope for Clark, even in a jock strap capacity as most likely to be in the NFL (if only they knew how badly Clark would fail any physical) and to see me as someone who was bound to succeed. Hadn't seemed like it one damn bit this year or since Lex fired me. Still, as I flipped through, I felt that warmth again, that happiness. There was a collage of just candid shots at high school and goofy student poses, no real theme.

There was Clark, towering over me like always, but smiling broadly in a way I hadn't seen him do since before he'd quit college. The expression on my face was about as naive and hopeful. The words below that bit even deeper.

Best friends.

Best friends would save each other. He got shot for me, came to Black Creek without powers or a prayer, had fought back Brainiac to bring me back to myself. He'd saved me so many times, and I'd never been able to really save him. I'd had my shot, but I'd bungled it miserably.

So far.

Screw it. I wasn't going to fail fully.If I couldn't find it alone and J'onn couldn't do it, I'd go to someone who had the means and probably had pored endlessly over her predecessor's work. If I had to tell her everything, so be it. Clark could yell at me when he was home.

It'd be about like when he left.

Pulling out my phone, I dialed the main office for The Planet, spoke quickly with the secretary and waited for the person I wanted to be put on the line.

"Chloe, pleasant surprise. It's as if you noticed the barrage of voicemails I left you after I found out you and Clark managed to cure Davis or, hell, the emails and couriers I started sending after Clark dropped off the face of the planet."

"Operative word, Tess."

"Now you're interested?" she was practically purring on the other end.

"I'm desperate. Help me find Clark, please."

"Depends."

Slow, deliberate. Bitch was enjoying this.

"On?"

"You know. I can't help you with vague clues and no direction. You tell me everything you know about Clark, and all of LuthorCorp's resources are yours, everything also that Lex and Lionel left to me privately about the Traveler. Just confirm it for me."

It ate at every instinct I had to say anything. Hell, I'd had the DDS beat me senseless once over his secret. But I couldn't protect Clark either if he was in an alien wasteland. Ignoring the burning in my gut, I gripped the spine of the yearbook harder, and spoke:

"Everything you and Lex ever suspected is true. Tell me where to meet you and we'll get our partnership started."

Clark, forgive me.


	2. The Wasteland

Chapter Two - Wasteland

Even if it was a place I'd been twice before, the Phantom Zone wasn't a place you got used to. After the portal opened, I woke up and found myself face down in one of the million sand dunes. My muscles were sore, and my left shoulder was throbbing from where Davis had pushed me. Normally, if I were still home, something like even from a being as powerful as Davis had been, would heal up on its own.

Now it was settling into a deep ache and would only get worse under the weird blue-grey light of the Zone.

Wheezing slightly, I forced myself up and looked around. I hadn't expected the Beast to be near me. If we'd landed in the same spot together, it would have torn me apart by now. Without yellow sunlight, I doubted it was as strong as I'd felt it be at Chloe's wedding. That still didn't mean that it wasn't a giant monster with razor claws and fangs. Even at my best, I'd barely been able to lay a hand on it. If it found me here, I'd be ribbons.

Thank God for whatever small favor our separation was. 

I knew to start I'd been risking that guess, basing it only on Lois and I landing apart the last time I got sucked in here.

If I'd been wrong...

Well, I wasn't and it didn't matter. If I had been wrong, then no one in Metropolis would have suffered anymore either way, then Chloe wouldn't be drawn to that monster's every need. Or to Davis. There was a symmetry to it all, if it had gotten that bad, that everything left of Krypton, everything that could hurt Earth, was gone one way or the other, me included.

It hadn't panned out that way, which I preferred. 

Reaching up, I wasn't even surprised when my palm came back with blood on it. Flinching, I touched the top of my left eyebrow again and hissed. Managed to cut the Hell out of my face too, apparently, just falling here. Brushing it away as best I could, I then used that hand to shield my eyes and started marching forward into the desert. The portal was in a cave system. Lois and I had found it before, and Raya had known where it was. There had to be a way to get back. As dangerous as it was to let Phantoms loose again, as better as it would be to just stay here forever like Kara tried to do, I knew I couldn't do that.

Lex might be dead and Brainiac and the Beast done for now. It didn't mean that Metropolis wasn't full of crime, weird crap didn't come for the League on a semi-annual basis, and that Chloe and my mom were alone and defenseless. Maybe if I were a better man, someone who could let go and hope that J'onn or someone else could take my slack, maybe I'd stay holed up here. Maybe I'd keep any chance of phantoms escaping low.

I wasn't.

The last thing I wanted was to live in his hell hole where the day never ended, the heat was burning into me, and everything felt a million times harder because I was just a guy here. Not to mention one surrounded by the worst criminals my...Kryptonians had ever found. I didn't think I could become some caveman like warrior with spears and dreads like Kara. I didn't want to be forced to try, either.

I walked for hours, heading what I hoped was towards the caves I'd found once before. It wasn't like I had a compass on me, and this wasn't Earth. Tricks my dad taught me long ago on the farm, like finding moss on the north side of trees or following the sunset. The sun never set here, just offered a sickly, dying glow. It occurred to me that the farther I walked, the more the same everything looked. It was one dune after another, and I was beginning to gasp in heavy breaths, my throat dry and rough.

I'd have to start thinking about finding something to drink too. I wouldn't make it to the portal if I didn't find something for this problem first. Normally, okay so I'd never really explained this to Chloe or Lana, but normally at this point in my life, I didn't have to eat or drink anything. I mean, I know I eat. I did in high school and such and had genuinely felt hungry then, especially as I grew. I can't honestly remember the last time I was actually hungry. I think the last thing I can remember was the summer after I saved Reeves Dam. That summer had been terrible. I thought Lana had died, my mom was off in D.C., and besides working the farm, I didn't do much of anything. While I could make feeding the animals, especially Shelby, a top priority. I hadn't really been interested in cooking for myself.

Not that I couldn't.

For beyond obvious reasons, it's not like I had any sisters and mom had wanted to teach someone how to cook. That all fell to me. Considering how terrible both Sullivan-Lane cousins were, it was for the best.

Still, I remember feeling so hungry one morning while mucking out stalls that I'd almost been to distracted and tired to finish. Frying up some eggs after, it occurred to me that I hadn't eaten or drunk anything in over a week. Weird, but normal too if you were me. Again, food was good, and when I had Thanksgiving or something big like that with mom having cooked? Yeah, I ate a lot of that.

But I was just normal here and everyone needed water in the desert. There had to be supplies. I guess Jor-El helped rationalize creating this place by giving people enough to survive, if they scrounged for it. The odds, especially considering the other inmates were violent psychopaths, sucked. They still existed, though, and that technically made exile here not murder. Jor-El was above that, but I wasn't sure eternal exile to a desert of murderers and worse was actually better.

The heat continued to blaze on as I walked, and I was dripping sweat, my t-shirt almost suffocating my body. I stumbled, groaned as the sand covered my arms, and struggled back up. The wind was howling, which made me nervous. It was hard to see in the sand that whipped up and if I couldn't hear much at all, less considering my usual hearing, then that was worse. I was a sitting duck.

After what felt like forever and my legs barely wanting to work, I did find a group of caves. I got a second wind, sprinting to them, hoping I'd get to the portal and be home in no time. I was panting by the time I got inside the first one, and I really hadn't gotten how sick my teammates were or how much they ached during football practice. Kansas in the summer was hot and if this was anyhwhere close to that feeling of exhaustion and dehydration, then, yeah, I was a crappy actor. There's no way I'd ever come close to faking tired either.

The cave was cold at least and a small stream flowed through it. I knew it was a terrible idea to drink the water, who knew what lived in it. The first time I'd ever been here, I came back with a cold that left my powers fizzling out and me sneezing barn doors to the county line. That would probably give me space dysentery.

Perfect.

Ignoring it and telling my throat to just drop it, I started hunting for the portal. Frustrated when it wasn't in this cave, I searched the next. And the next. Then more.

There were seven caves in this group and the most any of them held was the river I was desperate to drink out of by now, no matter how suicidal. My heart sank, and I pushed away my own panic. I'd figure this out. I'd found it before, although, never alone. But I'd never get anything done if I panicked. At least for right now everyone I cared about was safe. It wasn't as bad as last time, terrified the world would end before I got back to fight Zod. 

Exhausted from the stress of my fight with Chloe, my actual battle with Davis, and hours after hours of walking, I sank to the ground in the cave with the stream. The water, for what it was worth, was clear and its sound was so tempting. 

"I can't go home if I can't walk," I said, just something to break up the monotony of the gurgling stream. "God, don't make me sick."

The water was cool and no worse than the swimming hole I'd swum in as a kid in the back forty. It didn't mean much. It's not like I could taste bacteria, even with my abilities. Actually, for what it's worth, while I have a lot better hearing and eyesight, my taste seems probably pretty the same. At least, it never seemed to get to absurd levels like when I was in high school, not at all like the migraines with my superhearing.

Smell, uh.

That's something else.

Look, a lot of people need to bathe better, that's all I'm saying.

I sipped long and hard, taking advantage of the rest I needed, even if I still wished there were fish or crabs or something edible in the water too. Not that I had a way to make a fire. I'd never been a boy scout, no matter what Oliver found funny, and I'd not been big on camping. I hated just the fishing trips with dad as a kid. And, let's face it, when you could set things on fire by just looking at them by fifteen, having matches or lighters on you seemed sort of useless.

I wished I'd taken up smoking now.

Shivering a little as my skin cooled, I curled up as best I could and tried to sleep. Who knew how much farther I had to go to find the actual portal or, worse, who I'd find along the way.  
**

It wasn't a who that found me.

It was a what.

A giant, freaking what.

The thing that woke me was the hot, heavy breath on my cheek. That and slobber landing on my neck. I opened my eyes and tried to jump up, terrified that the Beast had found me after all. I'd be stupid to think Zod's creation would stop hunting for "Kal-El" so easily. For what it was worth, the thing before me wasn't the Beast. It reminded me of what might happen if you crosssed a grizzly bear and an alligator. It had a massive build with thick shaggy fur that was bright orange. Its massive paws with claws the size of Exacto knife blades, and one set were digging into my left shoulder, keeping me pinned. The snout it had was long, like a crocodile or barracuda and it hung open. 

Shit.

I tried to buck it off of me, putting all the strength I did have into it. Mercifully, its grip slipped for just an instant, I took that time to roll out from under it and start running. Of course of all the caves I'd found, I'd picked the occupied one. I guess the monster muppet liked cool cave water too.

Perfect.

The bastard was fast, too. Not like I would normally be, not like a blur, but it had long strides and was catching up to me, no matter how hard I was sprinting for the mouth of the cave. It slammed into my back before long, which sent me flying. I don't think that was its intention. It probably had been hoping to make a full pounce and hold me down again for a final bite. I took the pathetica advantage I had and rushed to the rocks near me. I picked up as many as I could hold and started chucking them at it.

The first throw struck the thing in one red compound eye. It hissed and something thick and black started to pour from its face.

And dad hadn't wanted me to play.

The other shots, while still good, never managed the damage of the first surprise. I hit its snout a few times, but that must have been a thick skin because it never flinched at that. I tried for the other eye but the creature was smart enough now to duck to deflect it or bat at my best shot with his paws. I launched the last one in my palm and started looking at my feet for more.

I was running out.

I grabbed the last one I could manage to lift and hurled it for one more desperate shot at its functioning right eye.

The creature flicked out a forked tongue and just leapt over the damn thing and landed on me again. 

Desperate, I tried to struggle in its grasp, but its grip was tighter now and its head held back. It had been unaware of what I could do twice. It wasn't going to make a third mistake. The thing hissed like a cat and then bit my left hand. Needle teeth dug into the flesh, lacerating it and I screamed.

The monster dropped it and flicked it's tongue again.

My stomach felt heavy and cold.

We'd had barn cats since I was a kid. I hadn't been allowed to pet them until I was at least seven, long story but basically why you'd think I couldn't. I'd watched them a lot, though. Some of my earliest memories, back from when even, I think, English was still fuzzy for me, were of watching them play with their kills.

This creature was going to enjoy this, stretch it out. Maybe it didn't see a lot of fun around here. 

That reinvigorated me. I kept struggling, ignoring the way my hand burned and ached, and worked as hard as I could to keep my neck out of the thing's snapping jaws. It was coming for my right arm now, and I wondered if this time it would take a chunk.

I closed my eyes but kept struggling. I really didn't want to see my hand taken off. That didn't happen, though. Instead, suddenly the monster screamed and scurried off me. I didn't waste my moment. Pushing myself up with my good hand, I turned and started running for the opening. It didn't confuse me at all to see a woman standing there, dressed in what reminded me a bit of buckskin and with a bow before her. She was firing arrows off with a speed and skill that would make even Oliver jealous.

As I watched, she landed three arrows in the monster's back before taking out its good eye.

After that, it was short work for her to run up to it and slit its throat with a long machete-like blade she carried. She turned to me after the thing died, her left arm still covered in black blood from where she'd finished it off. She was tall, easily as tall as Lois if not a bit taller than that. Her hair was long and straight black like Lana's before she'd given it the world's dumbest haircut before coming back to Smallville this year, but her complexion was very pale and her eyes an unnatural blue.

They glowed almost...no, exactly the way that Aethyr and Nam-Ek's had when I'd encountered them.

Huh, I never understood why some of the Kryptonians did that but Raya and Kara and I, among others, never did.

Glaring back at her, I tried to cross my arms over my chest, but hissed at the pain in my lacerated hand when it touched my arm. Letting them drop back to my sides, I just shook my head. "Let me guess, Kryptonian, right?"

She smirked and put her weapon back in its sheath at her thigh. I looked away politely. Did I ever mention that it's now more odd for me not to have my eyes itch and burn when I see an objectively attractive woman than it was for them to be just normal? Yeah, I really don't get my powers much either.

"Kal-El, you're not someone I'd expect to see here."

"Does everyone know me?"

"You'd be a fool not to. Maybe you've heard this before, you look exactly like your father."

"Oh, believe me, I know," I replied, swallowing heavily. "He sentence you here?"

"Oh Jor-El was most efficient," she said, taking a few steps closer to her. I didn't back up, wouldn't cede ground, but I did wish I had a weapon. "He liked to give out the sentences in person for every one of us who were sent to the Zone. It was his baby, after all."

"I'm aware, believe me."

"You're too young to be him, but I know time moves weirdly here. What, did you grow up and anger daddy?"

"Huh?"

"Maybe you're a criminal? Maybe you're actually interesting."

Oh, she didn't know. How could she? Could have been in here for half a century, the way time worked here. She'd been sent here long before Krypton had exploded. Hell, probably years before I'd even been born.

"You don't know, do you?"  
"What?"

"There is no Krypton. It blew up. Zod ruined it."  
**

"You're going to get hungry," she said, handing me a hunk of the creature that she'd cooked over a fire.

She carried a pack with her, hand sewn from the same not-quite-leather of her outfit. I'd give Dara credit, she was as prepared as I was outclassed. She'd had flint and used some spare rags to start a fire, cleaned part of the corpse, and prepared food. It smelled awful, but I also hadn't eaten in a long time and was beyond exhausted.

Reluctantly, I bit into it and ignored the rubbery bitter taste in my mouth. It was still better than octopus the time Chloe had convinced me to try sushi, and I'm supposed to be the weird one. "Ugh, I cannot wait to get out of here."

"No one gets out. Those are the rules of the Zone."

"I'll figure something out," I replied, skating around the truth of the portal. 

She quirked her head at me and her scrutiny was intense, easily matched Tess levels. Not Lex, he had had his own category for that, was his Olympic caliber skill. Still, this wasn't a dumb woman either. "Then it's true, isn't it?"

"That I'll find what I need, somehow, yeah."

Dara snorted. She'd been nice enough to share the "food" with me and to not kill me. That put her above all other Kryptonian criminals I'd ever met. It didn't mean I wanted her to know there was an escape hatch out there to open, if you had me or my blood with you.

"I heard some say that about three years ago some of us escaped and that Faora had too. I was glad for that. Even with no body, Zod's wife was always a bitch and a pain. She really enjoyed tearing through other people, just zooming right into them."

I shuddered. The Zone was a place where even the phantoms packed a wallop, could fly into you and disable you. I'd felt it myself.

"See, the PZ has its ways."

"The few who saw Faora escape last time, well, they'd said it was El blood that Jor-El's bitch niece did it."

"Her name is Kara, and she's my cousin for one. For a second, never heard of that, must have been another way she left."

"You, Kal-El, are a terrible liar. It's true, isn't it? That El blood," she said, eying my left hand. The wound had stopped bleeding but was still crusted over in my blood's dried remains. 

"No."

She shrugged. "Well, fine then. It's a shame, I know where the portal is, that crest is ugly and hard to miss."

The version the portal was built from was the same that had been on Kara's bracelet or my old crystal before Faora ruined it. For what it was worth, that one I liked. The figure-8 like one that had been on one of the stones that had made the Fortress? That one I hated. It was hard to look at anything that had been burned into you like an animal and not get angry at the sight of it.

"You've seen it?"

No, I wasn't being too eager. I was just tired, sore, mauled and worried. I didn't need to be there right now, not if it meant a criminal I'd never met came with me.

"Hmm, so we have an impasse. You have something I need, as I assume I can't just kill you and drain your blood. It'd be foolish if Jor-El had designed it to react to dead blood. Your father was an asshole, but he wasn't an idiot."

"He's not my...I mean he is, technically, but I was adopted."

"Yes, because Krypton's gone, Zod destroyed it, but not before you were sent away as a baby to some primitive planet and ended up here anyway even though you won't elaborate on that. Makes perfect sense."

I sighed and set my food, such as it was down. "I'm sorry. I know it wasn't likely you were ever getting out of here anyway, and, not to be mean, but if you're like everyone else I've ever met here then maybe that's for the best. Still, there's no Krypton to go back to now."

"The war was bad and the crust did shift, but there was no way it was the end."

"To be honest, depending on how many of the criminals here are actually from Krypton originally---"

"Not as many as you'd think."

"Oh."

"Yeah, well you, me, my cousin Kara, and whoever is left in the Zone are all that's left of Krypton."

"So getting thrown in here on trumped up charges did save my life, unreal," she replied, leaning against the wall. 

"Trumped up?" I asked, curious. "Look, I get all of this second hand from this Martian I know and my cousin, but..."

"Red-eyes are ugly bastards, aren't they?"

"I wouldn't know. J'onn can't shift right now, and he never showed me before. He can be very serious, but he's nice to me too and tries really hard. Hell, he's saved my life a couple times now. Still, I got the impression from him and Kara that if you were sent to the Zone, you earned it."

"Well, what would you know then? Kara's an 'El' and J'onn worked for your father. Why would they ever see anything but perfection in him?"

"My uncle and father didn't exactly get along," I conceded, figuring it was far too complicated to explain about my actual dad and have her believe me. Apparently, Kryptonians hadn't visited Earth in a very long time, except Lara, before I was sent. Most didn't think the powers were a trade-off for being with 'primitives.' God, a lot of the time, I really believed, me and Kara aside, that if Kryptonians were that snotty and full of themselves, then the universe was better off without them. "If you think Kara was gonna be nice about Jor-El or have rose-colored opinions of him, there's no way that's true."

"Whatever. In the last days, not that I knew they were, the Council was very busy with the war and with the planet's instability."

"I can imagine," I drawled. That wasn't completely untrue. Mom said I'd had nightmares a lot as a kid and would wake up screaming about everything on fire and earthquakes. I guess for a while part of me had remembered something at least. "So what does that have to do with your so-called innocence?"

"Wow, you really are Jor-El's son."

"No, I'm really not," I said, my tone terse.

I was the last person on Earth, much to the AI's frustration, to rule anything with strength. He'd been helpful to me when I'd needed to stop Brainiac with Chloe, had even taken her memories at my request to give her a normal life. At least this year, he hadn't branded me or brainwashed me or murdered people I cared about...so tha was possibly a sign our relationship was improving.

"Then prove it. Hear me out. He'd just be a pompous judgemental ass."

"Well, I listen."

No, I don't care what Lex or Tess would tell you. They're evil and run or did run a corporation that abducts mutants and makes secret super soldiers. They had their chances and blew them.

"Then, there were bigger worries for the Council to handle. The common crimes didn't seem as big a problem when there was genocide so the law enforcement that was there was overworked and stretched too thin. People started being put in prison and even in the Zone who weren't guilty of either the crimes they committed or, frankly, of crimes that warranted it. I was a thief, sure. I specialized in corporate espionage. If one tech company or branch of the Kandorian government had break throughs other competitors or city-state's wanted, then I was your best bet."

"Then you admit you're a thief."

"Yes, but I was never violent, never hurt anyone. You have to admit, whether it saved my life or not, that being banished to the Phantom Zone, an eternal hell, wasn't the right punishment for stealing a few data chip secrets for the highest bidder."

"Jor-El wasn't like that. I don't think he'd go over the top on you if nothing was wrong."

She laughed long and hard, her hair falling into her face. "Really, I don't know much about you, and maybe you love your pet humans very much."

"They're not pets."

"They're not us, either, Kal-El. They're lacking."

"And I didn't miss this, not at all. I've never met a Kryptonian, not even Kara, who wasn't over impresse with how amazing we were. Well, we're not around anymore so we must have had some flaws."

"Maybe, but we are better than the monkeys on Earth. I've heard a few are fun for a bit of sex, maybe, and the powers were a perk if I've heard right."  
"You didn't."

Her eyes glittered, and I shifted nervously. 

"You really aren't a criminal. I don't know how you got sucked in here, what bogus 'family heirloom' you touched, but you're the worst liar I've ever met. It's true too, what they say about the yellow sun. Even if you weren't a shit liar, I'd know by looking at you. You're hardly prepared for a place like this."

"I---"

"And you're hopeless. Who doesn't carry some kind of weapon on them? Especially on Earth."

"Well we can't all be criminals or violent."

"Right, not even a knife in case. Yeah, powers and a portal. Look, I know where the portal is. I'll show you if you let me come with you to Earth."

I frowned back at her and eased myself as best I could to the floor. It was time to sleep. "I can't do that. The portal rumor isn't true."  
"No," she snapped, lying down on the other side of the bonfire and facing away from me. "You're lying. You might love your humans but you wouldn't so badly if whatever you knew of Jor-El you actually trusted. So you know he was as corrupt as I do. I don't deserve to rot here."

I closed my eyes and tried to focus on my breathing, on getting rest since I'd have to start out early to find my escape. The AI had abused me for five years, and I'd always hoped it was messed up and the actual man had been better. Maybe I was wrong.

But whatever I was, I couldn't let Dara out.  
**

It was so hot when I woke up.  
It was so unbearably hot and that didn't feel like the Zone as I knew it. It wasn't comfortable, but it wasn't scorching like I felt now. The closest I'd ever felt like this was with the mold spores in sophomore year. Blinking awake, I tried to sit up but started coughing. Ugh, my chest ached and each breath was labored, like breathing through water. My head swum and I laid down again. If I couldn't even sit up, my walking out of here wasn't very likely either.

"You look like immortal hell."

I groaned. Dara was rapidly starting to tie with Lois as one of the most annoying women I knew. No, sratch that, one of the most annoying people I knew, period.

"Thanks," I croaked out, and then grimaced. It hurt to talk.

How did humans deal with this kind of thing every so often? It sucked.

"No, you look really bad, Kal-El. I want out, that's true, but if you don't have me help you then you don't have long."

"It's a fever. I tend to get colds in the Zone. It's not a death sentence."

She snorted and gestured to my left hand. 

Confused, I looked down and winced. It was swollen and red, and the skin closest to the bite marks was oozing pus. "Oh shit." I'd been too tired last night to clean the wound after dinner, not that I knew if the water was actually sanitary. For a while, I ignored Dara as I forced myself to crawl---standing without being dizzy was a pipe dream--- and dunked my hand in the water. The old, crusted blood sloughed off.

Frustrated and desperate to protect my hand, I took off my shirt, which was dirty but at least dry, and wrapped it around my wound. It wasn't a great idea, but it was better than getting sand particles in it as I walked. I leaned against the rock wall nearest me and forced myself off, leaning against it till the vertigo fled.

When I looked back toward her, I noticed Dara lick her lips and eye my chest. "Well, that's unexpected. I guess doing chores or whatever you do on Earth must keep you in very fine condition."

"Not interested," I replied bluntly. "I don't need your help."

With that I pushed off from the wall and made it about six steps before the dizziness overpowered me and I fell to one knee.

Dara said nothing but walked over to me and leaned down. She draped one arm over her shoulder and I let her, curious to see where this was going. 

"First, you will be. You can't tell me you've never wanted to with one of your own, unless you and your cousin follow decidedly old ways."

"No," I said, gritting my teeth at such a thought. "Never, and it's none of your business."

"Oh, I've got the time to wear you down," she replied, chuckling. "Besides, your hand really is seriously infected. You can see the way it weeps for yourself. If you don't get out of here and very soon, you'll be dead. So spiting me isn't worth the price now is it?"

"You swear you're just a thief?"

She smiled back at me, and I didn't feel that much better. Chloe and Tess both had an expression like that, a Mona Lisa grin that usually meant they'd come up with an idiotic plan and couldn't be trusted. For Tess, it was her current default expression and Chloe'd used it repeatedly at The Torch to get me to agree to stupid schemes.

"I do and I am, but even if I weren't, Kal-El, I'm the only chance you've got."

I didn't say anything after that, just leaned on her and made slow, pathetic steps toward our goal. It took forever to get out of the valley with these caves and hours upon hours of Dara and I both dragging me until we came to a single, huge cave whose top rose high against the horizon like a spire. By the time she eased me through the doorway and to the wonderful, comforting sight of the portal, I was panting and dehydrated, only really half-awake.

She set me down gently by the pillar it was built into, and, as if it knew me, it started to glow and pulsate. It unnerved me to realize the blue glow of the crest had found a rhythm in sync with my heartbeat.

"Your turn," she said, eying me and the portal both hungrily.

"I...the last two times, this ended badly. Phantoms got out and you still aren't---"

"I held up my end. Don't kid yourself. If I want to, weak as you are? I'll knock you out and cut open your palm myself. We're here now and I'm leaving the Zone, with or without you."

"I..."

"Undo the shirt," she said, gesturing toward the sand encrusted bundle over my left hand.

I did and flinched at how much more swollen my hand was now. I couldn't even bend my fingers. 

"You want to lose it? Get sepsis?"

"No," I said, hoping despite logic that opening the portal wouldn't be a mistake. I was sick and she wasn't wrong, if I stayed here, I'd be dead in a few days at best. I wasn't willing to do that. I could recatch phantoms later. Worry about Dara if she were a liar.

I couldn't do that if I were dead in a wasteland.

Standing up, I shuffled over to the portal and held out my hand for her, palm up. "Do it."

She took her blade and dug into my flesh, the second the first drops touched my family crest, the light flared white and we were gone, back to Earth, to my home, and I hoped I hadn't unleashed anything as bad as Bizarro or The Beast as I did it.


	3. Chapter 3 - Evasion

I'd made deals before with LuthorCorp representatives.

Not as much with Lex, at least nothing I thought was shady. Lionel needed to be brought to justice, and I think all three of us---Clark included---realized that someone who murdered their own parents needed to pay for it. Again, Oliver, the legal way. You can't just go around blowing people up. I mean, you can, but that definitely makes you just as bad as Lionel and Lex.

The last time I'd made a true deal with a LuthorCorp scion, it was back after everything had happened with Clark and Lana in the loft. I was young and petty and stupid, and I folded bad to everything Lionel was offering me. I'm still ashamed of it, and that's a big reason I sit on so many stories. Don't get me wrong, I've died for Clark, even if it was only eighteen hours. I was willing to run away with a monster. Still, every time I was ever tempted to write about things like the Green Arrow and what I knew, I thought back to how much I hated myself after the Lionel deal and how I never want to be that greedy or underhanded again.

I've made a ton of mistakes in the five years since, but betraying my friends and allies wouldn't be one of them ever again.

Still, sitting there in Tess's office in The Daily Planet, I couldn't help the flashbacks to my biggest mistake, at least the biggest one I'd made until I harbored Davis. It felt so similar. She even had that smug look on her face that Lionel had worn, that gloat that screamed "I've won."

Clark would kill me when he got back, but he'd be back. That was what I had to keep focusing on.

"So," she said, sitting down at her desk and offering me a glass of water. I declined; who knew what she put in it. "Here we are."

"You could act less happy about all of this."

Tess shrugged and pulled the glass back towards her. "Look, it's like what I told Clark a couple weeks ago and even before that with the plane crash. It's not like I didn't know about Veritas. Lionel's journals allowed for that much as well as Lex's own records in his last year in Smallville. It's also not as if Clark's been discreet."

I frowned back at her. "Did you bug the basement?"

"No, but I can do the math. Big emergencies happen and he's conveniently gone until they're over. Jimmy Olsen had a theory going too, even if he couldn't prove it. I'm not stupid, Chloe."

"But you never bugged anything."

"After I found out about Lex using me as his eyes and ears without my permission, I'd hardly do that to someone else. I just wanted you or Clark to come to me."

"Because, what, you want him to be a savior or something?"

"Because, only a complete idiot like your cousin wouldn't put the pieces together and figure out what he can do. I didn't want to force the proof out of anyone. Trust only works if you offer the olive branch and wait."

"I don't know how much I can believe you."

She shrugged and drummed long nails on the desk top. "Clark hasn't reported to work for a month. I had to fire him two weeks ago, which we both know isn't like him. If he could be here, he would be."

"True."

"He hasn't been visiting his mom in D.C. There'd at least be a few small bits in the Post about that, a few pics of him at fundraisers especially with her immigration work."

"Maybe."

"You wouldn't be here if you had any other option, so spill, Chloe. I can't help you if I have no idea what I'm up against."

I sighed and paused for a minute, remembering clearly when Clark had told me everything in the arctic. I promised him then that I understood how loose lips sunk ships. 

"I do have other appointments."

"Not like this. I...fine, I said almost as much on the phone. Clark's the Traveler Veritas was looking for. He was sent away from the planet he was born on, Krypton, because they had a war there and they ended up destroying himself. The Kents found him and reared him. Hell, they didn't even tell him about any of it until Lex hit him with his Porsche freshman year."

Tess leaned across her desk and focused her sharp attention on me. I figured that was as close as I'd get to her tells. Lex had trained her well before he'd been lost in the arctic and then ill. 

"Thank you. That helps fill in the blanks. Lionel had some facts, but he didn't include the name or the fact it was completely gone. So Kara too?"

"That's a bit more complicated. Stasis and malfunctioning ships, but yeah, she's biologically his cousin. This is going to sound nuts."

"Nothing does anymore."

"But she's off looking for any possible remains of the planet or surviving colonies. She's not available because she's off-world."

Tess's eyes glittered at that. "So she can fly? Can Clark?"

"He wishes he could," I replied, shaking my head despite the seriousness of the situation. "He's crap at it. Kara tried to teach him, and she couldn't do anything about it."

"See then he needs help. Encouragement."

I bristled at that. Tess had a spotty record at best, and was at best stained grey if not a full out black hat. Encouragement was my department, even if I'd been distracted with my infection, memory loss, and then Davis's bullshit. I'd fallen down on my job this year, but I was trying to make up for it the only way I knew how.

"Mrs. Kent and I do the best we can. I guess Lionel and Lana did too before they left. I can explain the little details later."

"is that your way of diverting from the full disclosure. Hoping that I'll take the barest tidbits and let it lie?"

Actually, I hoped that to an extent. I wasn't so desperate that I'd gone crazy or naive. There was no way I'd ever explain about the caves or about the Fortress. Tess could never know it existed. Hell, with the way it collapsed on Lex and had tried to freeze me to death, Jor-El wasn't exactly fond of humans anyway. Even if Tess found it on her own some day, I doubted it would do anything more than try and kill her.

Small consolations.

"No, I just feel there are some things that are more relevant than others right now. This is the important part and why I was hoping you might have artifacts left over from Lex or geniuses on your payroll."

"Because?"

"Because Clark's biological father created this prison dimension called the Phantom Zone. Clark had a way to access it with a crystal he took with him," I was willing to hedge that much. "So he has the only way out, but I need to help him. I need to find a way in and he doesn't have any other crystals or artifacts left in his possessions that can open it again."

"Prison dimension?"

"I guess his father thought exile to a desert wasteland was better than the death penalty. Personally, I think that's debatable. I just have tried all my resources and research for a month, and I've gotten nothing."

"Well Clark's, obviously, extraordinary. He should figure his own way out. There's hardly anything out there as strong."

"Usually, sure, but the Zone takes his powers away. He's mortal there and the longer he stays, the better his chances run of bumping into prisoners with an axe to grind against his birth father and are more than happy to take it out on him."

"How would they know?"

"They always seem to. He had a run in with the Zone twice before, and it never goes well. Prisoners escape. It's why I'm worried he won't even try to leave. The aliens there are the worst things you can imagine from all over the universe. His screwed up sense of honor might just leave him there."

"That's a waste," she said, disdain clear in her voice.

I nodded. "Now you're seeing it my way."  
**

Five months.

Four months of working with Tess and dodging her incessant questions. There were things I was never going to be dumb enough to explain, like the Fortress or his weaknesses. I don't know if Tess would believe me anyway about magic, but she surely had more than enough access to different types of Kryptonite. I had no doubt that Lex had at least the red and green in his possession, possibly black from earlier experiments.

No, she got what I gave her, and I hoped her own curiosity never put together the other holes in the story, about times when Clark seemed able to be injured.

Still, while I thought that four months of working with her technology and also of pouring through Lex and Lionel's records would help, I'd been wrong. We were no closer to narrowing in on any way to get into the Zone than I'd been the first day yelling at J'onn. 

Why did Clark have to be so damn stubborn? All he had to do was get to the portal and open it. I knew that time moved differently there, but this was too long. If he had decided to be a full martyr like Kara, then he'd have a lot of explaining to do with me and Mrs. Kent, when he returned.

I wouldn't let my mind dwell beyond that.

I wouldn't let myself assume that the Beast had found him or some other prisoner and made short work of him. That wasn't possible. Clark was stronger and more resourceful than that, even without his powers. 

He'd come back to me. It was what he did.

My cell rang while I was working on some of my case files. Tess was slaving away on the problem this afternoon. I'd swing by LuthorCorp today at five to stare at useless printouts. I wish that whatever bits of knowledge had been left to me by Brainiac that they'd help. It had the first time, but I had no idea how to open anything, especially without any crystals to do it.

I sighed when I read the caller I.D.

Mrs. Kent

Perfect.

"Hi, Mrs. Kent," I said, feeling like a jerk for having lied to her for four months. She didn't know I'd gone to Tess, and I didn't want her to know that either. "How are you?"

The voice at the other end of the line was hesitant and haggard. "Long days. I almost have enough votes for everything to pass, but it's been an uphill battle. Besides, I'm not sleeping well."

"I can imagine."

"Are you sleeping, Chloe? I know you've been trying to work with J'onn to figure something out, but I know you also tend to run on coffee and the occasional muffin if no one looks after you."

Translation: Clark looked after me as much as I looked after him.

"I'm fine."

"And the last meal you had?"

"I think I had a nutrigrain bar for lunch?"

"You should visit me more. I know a certain speedster who'd be happy to get you out here."

"Bart?"

"Yeah, he visits weekly. I think he feels bad for me...and loves pie." There was a small bit of relief there, a bit of cheekiness that I never heard from her in other calls. Mrs. Kent had always been good at taking in orphans, hadn't she? "Come out this weekend. You can't work forever to solve this problem, not 24/7. Everyone has to crash some time."

"I can crash when he's home. You never know what evil will hit Metropolis next, and the Zone's the worst. I can't leave him."

"I know, but you can't help if you burn yourself out. You're only human now with Brainiac out of you."

"He's counting on me, and I let him down with all the Beast stuff."

"No, you didn't. You tried to protect him. Maybe you didn't do it the right way, but I've been there. Some days I think things would have gone better for him if we'd eased him into his heritage, told him before he had such a dramatic example. I don't know, but I do know what it's like to protect him so hard it backfires, believe me."

I laughed, and it was a shrill, bitter sound. "Backfire" was an understatement.

"Chloe?"

"I'm fine. I'll come out soon, I promise. I just need a bit more time."

"Alright but you know I'll check in tomorrow."

"I wouldn't expect anything less, but I have to go right now."

"Chloe---"

I clicked my phone off. Mrs. Kent's tone had changed lately. It was still sad, still labored, but it was resigned too as if Clark would come back or he wouldn't. If I listened to her too long, I might lose what resolve I had left. I wouldn't allow that so it was better to sometimes let my phone ring and pretend that I was busy with clients.

Sighing, I started organizing my files back into the heinous pink file cabinets that Lana'd picked out. Where anyone could even get that, I'd never know. My phone rang again, and I flinched. I didn't need a motherly lecture from Clark's mom, not now.

"Mrs. Kent, really, I'm fine."

"Chloe, I found something, and it's not what you think," Tess said, her tone terse. "Get to the penthouse and I'll show you what I have."

It was times like this I wish I had Clark and Bart's speed.  
**

"Craters?" I asked, looking at the readouts.

Tess nodded. "I cross referenced. It's like the same indentations that happened around the world after Dark Thursday. You said that's when Clark was sucked in the first time."

"Yeah, and the craters each had a different phantom in them and the one in Smallville was Clark."

"We have five. There's one in the Outback, one in England near Cardiff, one in Tanzania, one in northern Canada and the final one's in Peru, outside of Lake Titicaca."

I closed my eyes and chased the fear and nausea away. Clark was back, and I was glad, but it meant we had Zoners again to hunt down. Considering the mess they'd made all over, especially Bizarro, that would be a dangerous set of criminals to catch. He'd beat himself up over it too, considering that was what Clark was best at.

By far.

"So is there a way to tell which one is Clark?"

Tess started pouring over her stacks of paper readouts. "The signals are all the same and only happened within the last hour. My satellites went nuts processing them. Your guess is as good as mine. Was anything different about where he landed post Dark Thursday?"

"Not that I know of, and---"

My phone rang and this time it belted out the chorus to "Here I Come to Save the Day."

Tess smirked at my choice of ring tone. "Mighty Mouse? So tongue-in-cheek, Chloe."

I narrowed my eyes at her as I clicked on my phone. "God, you're late!"

"I'm glad you can mock my punctuality," he said, and I tried to ignore how badly he was wheezing. His words were labored and hsi voice sounded almost thick and gurgly, like he was fighting off congestion. Stupid fucking Phantom Zone. it always messed with him. "Uh, Chloe, can you talk to Oliver. I might need a ride home."

"Powers out?"

"Yeah, I think my cold's not cooperating. So, how do you feel about coming to South America?"  
**


	4. Exposure

When I woke up after the portal spit me back out, I was expecting to see the farm land or possibly Metropolis. The first two times I'd gone and come back, I'd come home or about close enough. I always assumed the Phantom Zone would do that again a third time.

Sitting up, finding myself on a craggy beach wasn't what I expected to see. Groaning, I tried to push myself to my feet and then cursed when my left hand wouldn't support my weight. It burned to even touch it to the sand and, while it didn't feel the way Kryptonite did, it still hurt. Looking down, I forced myself to keep my breath steady. My hand looked terrible, still crusted in dried blood, swollen so much that my fingers looked more like bratwursts, and it smelled awful. Desperate, I forced myself up using only my right hand and started running.

I got about ten feet before I doubled over and coughed up clumps of greenish mucus from my lungs. It shouldn't be that surprising. When I Brainiac sent me there, I'd come back with the worst cold of my life---fun fact, only time I'd ever had problems with sneezing---and now my immunity must still be suffering. If my hand was still a terrible mess, then it shouldn't be surprising that my lungs were fucked up too.

I looked down and took stock of what I did have.

Basically that was boots, jeans---no shirt as that had been used to wrap my hand and must have stayed in the Zone---and, after digging through my pocket, about thirty dollars and twenty-five cents.

"Goddamn it!" I shouted, going through my four jeans pockets as if it wasn't already obvious my phone wasn't there.

I usually kept it in my jacket pocket. Since I'd left that in the Fortress after ambushing Davis with the Black Kryptonite, that meant I didn't have it either. Besides, I clearly wasn't anywhere near the Arctic if the clear waters and small boats off the horizon were any clue. That meant, as shitty as I felt, I'd have to walk to find a phone or computer or something to get in touch with Chloe.

Chloe was the person to call.

I was still incredibly pissed with her and confused. She'd hidden a serial killer, lied to my face, and then pulled Kryptonite on me. I think I could almost understand what she'd done, maybe. Despite logic and what Oliver had told me, I wanted to believe that Chloe really, truly wanted to spare me from being exiled to the Zone or from having to send a partially innocent person to it. If she'd only done that in hopes of having some fling on the road with Davis, well...

It made me want to puke.

Still, I couldn't call Oliver since he was someone I couldn't really trust after he'd killed Lex. I could call Mom, but I didn't want her to see me first. If she saw my hand, it would freak her out, and I just had to get some medicine or something. Chloe had a clinic, and she'd at least understand me not wanting to scare Mom. Of course, I was probably reaching pretty bad since human medicine didn't usually work on me. I figure that was a metabolism thing more than an alien DNA thing, but wasn't sure. I actually, know basically nothing about how I work. I mean, I know I'm kind of, sort of, photosynthetic. I still eat, sometimes, but I get most of my powers from yellow radiation.

How it does that?

Your guess is as good as mine.

So, still, there was a chance that my immunity and metabolism were readjusting to normal sunlight and being out of the Zone and Chloe could give me some human antibiotics and all would be well.

That sounded reasonable, right?

Shut up.

You tell your mom that your hand looks like a pitbull's chew toy and smells like a sewer and is turning not just yellow but clearly black.

That's what I thought.

Sighing, and feeling awkward to be half-dressed, I started down the beach. Eventually, the desolation of the quite shore gave way to a small village of maybe a couple dozen houses, made from baked bricks with metal corrugated roofs. The signs were all in Spanish, and I wanted to bang my head against a wall.

First, I might have taken French in high school.

Okay, not might have, did. Chloe wanted me to take Spanish because a good journalist would be prepared to speak to any subject and more people spoke Spanish now by far in the United States than French. Pete wanted me to take it because there was Friday taco day. Lana took French, though, so I'd signed up for it and spent the next four years struggling not to suck at it. I don't know. Call it an alien thing, but French never rolled off my tongue worth a damn, and it made everything actually so much more awkward in senior year when we had to do dialogues and work in class and all I could do was sit there and try not to think about her and my football coach having sex.

Okay, not having sex, maybe.

Still, I really wish I'd taken Spanish. I didn't read any, of course, and I barely spoke it. I tried to pick a few things up from Javier that time I'd been helping him with the Moleman Farmer problem. (Chloe's old mutation had a terrible side effect, but she kind of lucked out. At least she'd never been part bug, wolf, or mole.)

My life really did suck a lot. I spoke and read Kryptonian, which the AI had done to me way back at the caves. I think, though, it had done a few more things to me even in the few minutes of "training" it'd tried to start with me at the Arctic. There were a few other alien languages that I think I could manage, I'm sure Martian if J'onn had ever wanted to try, and, randomly, some Russian and Arabic.

But no Spanish.

Maybe the Kryptonian race didn't actually plan for all contingencies.

Pulling my hand to my chest and hoping it wasn't that noticeable (sure), I walked into the first place that at least seemed possible. It had a ton of advertisements on its side with neon lettering. I wasn't a genius with languages, but I knew what "telefono" probably meant. Stepping into the store was actually a bit hard. I had to duck my head and noticed wherever we were, I was significantly taller than everyone.

Great so I could stand out more than just being half-naked and bleeding.

"Uh, English?" I asked, frowning down at the man before me. He had a sky blue soccer jersey on and, again, was short, even shorter than Pete had been with very dark, almost adobe-colored skin. "I really need a phone?"

He stood up fast when he noticed my hand and started speaking in something rapid fire that wasn't like anything Javier had ever said.

I flailed and coughed a little before trying again, "Telefono? Um, problema? Andale, andale, arriba?"

That last one was from an old Speedy Gonzalez cartoon. So sue me.

The man gestured to my hand and pointed to the door and I noticed how red his face was growing. Whatever he said, I didn't really need the translation. It was clearly get the Hell out.

Coughing again and, God, was my chest starting to hurt, I held up my hand. I didn't want to freak people out, but I think he might not throw me out if he understood how really sick I was. Maybe. "Please, telefono, um, what's that word, um like ayuda right?"

He frowned and took a few steps back, keeping his eyes planted on my left hand. The little man the gazed around the cramped space, which, now that I noticed had a few telephones as well as about eight desktops that Chloe would have made fun of back in our first year at The Torch. No one was here but the two of us.

Sighing, he turned his head behind the curtain in back of him and said something terse and fast.

I sighed with relief when a guy maybe about Bart's age stepped out and looked me over. "English?"

"A little," he said. "Father only speaks Quecha. You need hospital?"

"No, no hospital. Um, telefono?" With my good hand, I pulled out the thirty dollars or so I did have. "It's American, sorry."

The kid's eyes glittered. "Perfecto, I show."

Huh, well at least something translated.  
**

The family that owned the internet cafe was actually very nice. The dad wasn't happy with my infection, not that sepsis spread that way, but his son had taken me upstairs to the family's living room and let me sit. He'd served me tea and some soup made of peanuts which was a lot better than it sounds, and then I sat there, mostly dozing until a familiar, soft hand was on my forehead.

Somehow, I felt we'd been here before, like Chloe'd touched me like this when I'd been completely out of it with my fever sophomore year. I know she'd written me a letter---that had really pissed Jimmy off this year---but I didn't realize that she'd touched me too. Maybe I was imagining, wishful thinking for something that might not have even happened. Still, I sighed, and enjoyed the moment, pretending I was still asleep. When I woke up, we'd have to talk, and she'd have to explain what the Hell she was thinking and I was scared the answer was that she was in love with Davis.

"Clark?"

Knowing I couldn't delay it any longer, I opened my eyes and smiled back at her. "Hey, how are you?"

Chloe handed me clean jeans, a blue tee, and my favorite jacket along with various other things. "I figured you didn't want Phantom Zone gunk all over you anymore. Good call, you're giving a free show, Clark."

Her tone was light, breezy, but her eyes were shiny with unshed tears and she was staring at my hand the entire time, worrying her bottom lip.

She was as scared over it as I was.

"Thanks," I said, hissing when I sat up. She winced and that made me feel even worse. "I had a really crappy time."

She eyed my hand. "Do I want to know?"

"Apparently there are big, scary muppets that live there and then tried to eat me. It's bad enough just being psychopaths but even the scattered wild life had it in for me."

Chloe sighed and turned her back to me, and I appreciated the discretion. Once, when we'd been about thirteen and she'd barely moved to town, she'd walked in on me changing for the swimming hole. It had sucked, but that was a long time ago and things had changed since then. Anyway, considering how badly my entire left arm was hurting, I gave up on changing jeans. These would do until I went to talk to Jor-El. I struggled for a few minutes before I tapped her shoulder and held the blue t-shirt back out to her.

"If I hold my arms out as straight as I can, would you slip that on, and my jacket please?"

She smiled and it was that pitying look she got that I pretty much hated. It made her seem like my mom and not my friend, and I really didn't need that right now. "No problem, but you'll have to stay on the couch."

"You know, it's not my fault everyone is short."

She grinned, this time it was a genuine expression. "Everyone is just normal. I really like Peru, I feel normal. That said, you couldn't have picked Rio? It's like their March here, and I'm freezing!"

For the first time, I noticed the ski jacket and blushed. "Next time, I'll ask the Zone to send me to Hawaii."

"That's all I ask," she said as she helped me finish with clothes. "Great, now you won't look like a complete moron getting on the jet. Not that I don't think it gives some people a thrill."

"You don't have to do that," I said, my tone even more tired than I felt if that was possible.

"Do what?" she asked, also offering me a bottled water. Good call, I'd been taking my chances with drinking anyway from the Zone.

"Make jokes, be completely sarcastic, pretend that everything's fine and it's like any other save on any other week. Two days ago you were going to run off with Davis and I just...don't act like we're not going to talk about it."

She stilled and stopped looking me in the face. Great, now I'd made her feel like dirt. Of course, she'd been the one pulling Kryptonite out on me. "I know, but can we just get you a good bill of health from Jor-El and an estimation on when your cold is going to be over. You sound awful."

"I feel awful," I said, putting my right hand on her shoulder. "Chloe, I did miss you and I was worried. I appreciate you and Ollie came for me, and we'll figure everything else out. We always do."

"We haven't done a very good job of it, really, since Lex fired me and Brainiac infected me and Lana. If you don't...if we don't stay friends, I understand. I did what I thought would keep you safe, and I don't regret that."

"Or what would leave you with Davis," I muttered, wincing when she spun around glared at me. I was not invulnerable, actually weak and sick, and maybe it wasn't the best time to piss Chloe off.

"Davis is in jail, awaiting trial for the serial killings he voluntarily did to feed the Beast. I could care less. I haven't visited him in five months even though he still gets word to me that he wants me to see him. I don't care about Davis, I never did. It was all Brainiac in my head and then trying to keep him from hurting people."

"That's a likely story. I see the way you look at each other and, wait?" I yelped. "You mean five months? I was gone two days!"

"Zone time moves differently. It's been five months of Hell. I didn't make one bit of progress in finding you from my end, and of course you just pop out in the Andes," she finished.

I really looked at her then. In my own pain and exhaustion, I hadn't taken her at more than face value. Her suit was rumpled, her hair was greasy and pulled up randomly, and she had huge black circles under her eyes. Hell, judging by the way her clothes hung off her, I bet she hadn't eaten anything in months, not more than coffee and maybe some muffins. Chloe had this tendency to never eat if I didn't make her. More than that, she also wouldn't sleep or take her mind of stories or cases.

"You haven't visited him, have you?"

"No, I'm not a liar about everything," she said, tone quiet. "I did what I thought was right. I never said it was smart or that it worked, but you're not dead so maybe it wasn't the worst attempt."

"I wasn't going to die. Well, sometimes I do, but I always get better," I tried to play that off. She'd found me impaled or shot more than her fair share of times, and I also didn't like to think too hard on maybe what Cassandra and Jordan said was true and I couldn't. "Chloe, you're right, we'll talk about all that happened after. We aren't communicating the way we should and that isn't okay, but you're also right and I want to feel better and be okay and check in with mom before we start fighting."

"Yeah," she said, and she slipped her fingers through mine on my right hand. I frowned down at her and she shrugged. I took it as a gesture of comfort and nothing more. Maybe she wasn't in love with Davis, but I still feel she had been, and that things between them meant more than she wanted them to. "Let's just get to the caves and Jor-El from there."

"Yeah, you have my key still?" Maybe it was petty, but I could only be so mature about everything all at once.

"Yes, when Tess drops us off..."

I dropped her hand instantly. "Excuse me?"

"I wouldn't call Oliver. He hates me, and he's a murderer. Besides, Tess was helping me try and find you. She had all of her resources on it."

For the first time since my fever started, I felt cold. "Tess? Tess who was handpicked by Lex? Tess who runs LuthorCorp? That Tess? The one who's creepy obsessed with me, which seems to be a 'running LuthorCorp' requirement, that Tess?"

"Clark---"

"No. Is this some plan you have to create an alliance with everyone who's not me? I mean, Davis and now Tess? What is wrong with you?"

She hunched her shoulders and that shocked me. Chloe'd been up to yelling at me at first; Hell, most of the times we clashed, she did it very loudly like over me stealing her patient records. Maybe the five months had mellowed her.

I was hoping that was the option.

She'd already been so depressed around the time of her birthday, just nothing like the Chloe I knew. Of course, maybe I didn't know her so well anymore.

"J'onn didn't know how to help you. I didn't know. There was nothing in Swann's journals. The League disbanded."

"It what?"

"It did, that's what happens when you blow people up. Other guys? They don't want to follow you that much."

"I..."

"So Metropolis was defenseless, your mom and I were freaking out, and I know how dangerous the Zone is. Was I supposed to leave you?"

"Depends," I said. "How much does Tess know? Did I get back from one prison to end up in another?"

"Clark she's not going to experiment on you. I told her your were the Traveler, which she assumed from Lex's journals and Lionel's as well. I told her some things about Krypton and the Zone. I'm not crazy or desperate enough to tell her your weaknesses or most of the back story. I told her what I had to, but I kept it as little detail as possible."

"You told her. Chloe, I trusted you more than anyone to keep my secret and you sold me over to Tess."

She sighed again and started to the door. This really wasn't the place for any of this. "I was trying to save your life."

"You used to be better at it."  
**


	5. Loss

  
Here's this secret about Clark, and he'd never believe you if you tell him. I've never bothered, but it's still true. He thinks when he stands up tall, which he rarely does, and glowers down at you with his arms crossed over his chest that it's intimidating.  
  
It's not.  
  
To me, it's always made him look vaguely constipated.  
  
Maybe to the criminals who run into the Blur and get a lecture it can be scary. I've known him since his tripping every time Lana was around phase, and I just struggle not to laugh. That said, even though he wasn't powered currently, I felt almost as if the back of my head was burning from his gaze, but that had more to do that, while his "I'm disappointed in you" look wasn't intimidating, it wasn't ever leveled at me.  
  
Correction.  
  
It hadn't been one he'd given me until everything had imploded so hard with Davis.  
  
Now, I wondered if that would be his default expression when he dealt with me, both because of my mistakes over the Beast and now, possibly, with Tess. I knew Clark would always come to me. His mom lived in D.C. now, Kara was off looking for Kandor, and the League was disbanded and Lana was God knew where. He had no one else to bounce thoughts off of, to be his hacker in a pinch. That would never change because they worked great together,  _normally_ , and neither of us would spite Metropolis or the world over our personal bullshit. Still, the thought of him permanently looking at me with distrust and anger.  
  
I couldn't bear it.  
  
I'd find a way to make it right.  
  
After all, I could tell myself a million times that everything was fine as long as we kept saving the world together and I had him in my life in some capacity. That wasn't true. I'd long ago accepted that Clark wasn't in love with me, and I was okay with that on most days. It didn't matter because this year with both Davis and Jimmy had proven to me that, no matter what, I was always going to be in love with him, to need to protect him, to be his friend if that's all I could get from him. I wouldn't let my mistakes relegate us to angry coworkers at best.  
  
No freaking way.  
  
Still, I wasn't sure what to say as we walked onto the tarmac by and waited at the steps of the LuthorCorp Jet. We couldn't speak honestly because both of us were mad but he didn't need that stress in his condition, not at least until we were back from the Fortress. Usually, Clark wasn't wrong, I went for snark to diffuse tension. He'd already shot that down. That left me eyeing his hand and grimacing.  
  
It looked terrible. We were a psychological clinic, and I'd met and worked with patients who were suffering depression or breakdowns. Technically, we had medical facilities too in case someone was suffering a huge side effect to their abilities or had been injured or, as did happen, had accidentally hurt a family member and wanted discreet help. It wasn't the ER at Met Gen, though, and I hardly had an M.D. Still, I didn't think all the pus or the blackening of the skin around the bite was a good sign.  
  
"It takes about nine hours to get back to Kansas," I said, wishing Tess would finish whatever it was she was doing up there and open the doors. It's not like Clark or I had luggage. "There wasn't anything really in the village, that I could tell, that sold first aid supplies."  
  
"I didn't see anything either," he admitted, his tone tired but not as angry. That was a start. "It'll be okay. Maybe Tess has some bandages. The amount of times she gets a concussion...she should."  
  
"Well, at least you have a Fortress that can replace memories, get rid of evil AIs, and probably heal you up in a hurry," I added, patting his right shoulder. "I can't wait to get all this past us, yeesh."  
  
"Yeah," he said, trailing off a little and then glaring up at the open bay door.   
  
Tess stood there in a blue silk blouse and black pencil skirt, her hair swept up in a bun, and commanding the runway with all the authority being in charge of LuthorCorp afforded her. She beamed at Clark, and I looked at my purse. Great, she was going to lord the whole mess over both of us.  
  
Stupid desperation, stupid stubborn Clark, stupid Phantom Zone.  
  
"Clark, a pleasure to be able to help you."

He clenched his jaw and walked up the stairs, brushing past her. I trotted after him, giving my own Sullivan evil eye at Tess. She could be more diplomatic about this. Tess smirked back at me and shut the door.  
  
Clark sat by the window and looked back out of it. He was back to slouching, and I knew he was trying to avoid Tess's stares. I understood. He was like me, back when I'd had a power, and my kids. It sucked when people knew. I mean, for what it was worth, Jimmy had found my power cool and Clark hated that it had killed me, but he'd never made me feel crappy about it either. I'd never had the guts to tell Lois or my dad. It's just when people knew what you could do and what you weren't, they stared at you. With Tess, it was with that odd mix of almost-worship and scientific scrutiny. Clark's good hand gripped the arm tightly and I bet that it would have crunched under the onslaught if he were at one hundred percent.  
  
"Uh," I said, trying to get any equilibrium at all. "Do you need help with your seat belt?"  
  
"Oh I'd love to offer," Tess purred.  
  
I bet she would. Tess hadn't made it much of a secret with Clark since the plane accident that her interest in his (at the time) assumed powers wasn't just because she thought he could be a savior. Clearly, she was nursing a massive crush.  
  
First, she could join the club.  
  
Second, I wondered, not for the first time, if Tess wasn't another one of Lex's many cloning experiments, just an aspect of himself made female. Hell, that or one of Lionel's many peccadilloes (see one Lucas Luthor).   
  
Clark blushed and squirmed a bit in his seat. That was the class nerd part of him that, as much as he'd chased after Lana, loved Alicia, and flirted with my cousin---yeah, I'd noticed---wasn't actually all the comfortable around women. He was the only guy I legitimately knew who not only had more superpowers than I could count but who literally could quit the Planet tomorrow and be on a catwalk by Friday and he didn't even get it. Oh he had a swelled head about some things, could be a stubborn ass often, but he never realized how attractive he actually was or how powerful, not really.  
  
I took pity on him and snapped it fast, keeping my eyes on my hands and the buckle only. "Great, got it. Tess," I said, keeping my tone measured. "Do you have some Bactine? Maybe some alcohol and some bandages, something, uh, chomped on him."  
  
She nodded and after noticing his hand, her smile faded. After take off, Tess rushed off and returned with a complete first aid kit. "Clark, can you give me your hand."

He looked back at her and furrowed his brow. "I don't know. Are you actually going to clean it or maybe save some samples for later?"  
  
Tess shook her head and pulled out the iodine and gauze. "I'm going to clean the wound. I don't want to go into how I know a lot about first aid, but I do, and you know I do. Just help me out. That doesn't...it's necrotic."

  
Clark winced but that word got to him. Holding out his left arm, he winced occasionally when she touched his skin with the ointment. "Thank you. I appreciate a ride home. I appreciate that you're actually really good at this," he said, as Tess finished cleaning and bandaged him in double time. "If I end up in Scion, I'm going to be a lot more pissed off than I am now."  
  
"And I've hinted more than once before it even got this far that I don't have any interest in that. You couldn't help the world in cage, could you? That's never interested me. It might have very clearly been a fantasy of Lionel, if his journals are any indication---"  
  
Clark stilled and pulled his arm back as best he could to his chest now that it was wrapped. For her part, Tess returned to her seat across the aisle, and I just left my hand over his right one, figuring his need to keep his panic down. The end of his relationship with Lionel had been terrible, mine too for that matter. I don't understand even now why Lionel had Pierce abduct Clark and almost kill him in a Kryptonite cage. Maybe that was his own desires finally bucking off Jor-El's programming or maybe it was just part of the Luthorian parenting of "hurting you to make you stronger."   
  
I didn't really care.  
  
He'd taken Clark, and, while it was wrong what Lex had done, both men were dead and the world was a better place for it.  
  
Still, Tess hadn't lived it, and she didn't get how scared that had made him. For the two weeks after, even if he'd been busy with Kara or the farm, he'd been so withdrawn. I had barely been able to get him on the phone. I didn't even want to know what kind of nightmares that time probably still caused.  
  
"That wasn't funny," I replied.  
  
Tess nodded. "I'm sorry." Her tone said otherwise. "I just meant that I don't want to hurt you at all. I said I wanted to help, that I thought you could be amazing, and I meant it. I won't even say anything on the rest of the way to the States. You'll come to me in time."

Clark sighed and looked back out the window. "I doubt that."  
**  
  
"Hey, so do you think there are default settings for the Fortress?" I asked as I slipped the key into the altar in the caves.  
  
Clark's right hand tense and I could tell he wanted his property back. Still, he was so tired, he was having hard enough time staying steady. In the blackness that had only been relegated ten hours ago to his knuckles had spread over most of his hand and was racing for his wrist. Of course, even the Kryptonian (maybe?) fauna could spread infection faster than a speeding bullet. Figured.  
  
"How so?" he wheezed as the scenery melted around us and the crystalline spires of the Fortress reached up to replace cave walls.  
  
Being just human, I stumbled, dizzied by the quick scenery change. Years of habit left Clark catching and steadying me with his right hand. Feelings flared up fast, and I shoved the memories that were threatening to well up from Dark Thursday back in their box. That time in our life was long past, much as I wished it weren't. Still, there was no safer place in the world than with Clark and in his arms.  
  
That was undeniable.  
  
"I mean," I said, stepping back and pulling my parka more tightly around myself (I was the only girl I knew who had hers unpacked at all times in case Arctic intervention was needed). "You can't set an ambient air temperature? Make it better for mere mortals?"  
  
"It's a Fortress, not a house. It's not like it has a thermostat," he groaned, but he winked at me as he said it, the first bit of good humor I'd seen from him all day and it was encouraging.  
  
"Sure and---"  
  
 _Chloe Sull-I-Van, Kal-El, you are both back._  
  
I loathed Jor-El. I'd met him twice before. He hadn't actually spoken when I'd come last time. The first time, he'd almost frozen me to death out of spite. The second, I'd been able to talk him into saving Kara's memories and, with that, Clark's life. I'd only been able to do it by being more honest with the AI than I had been with Clark, by telling it that I loved him. I did, and I rationalized it then by telling myself I hadn't had time to say "like a brother." I know now that's bullshit. I loved Clark, period.   
  
God, Jor-El hadn't said anything had he?  
  
Wait, no, probably not. I couldn't see him and Clark sitting down for gossip. If any part of the AI wasn't psychotic and evil---I wasn't convinced that was the case no matter what it had done for me---it still had screwed itself out of a real relationship with Clark the minute it had killed Mr. Kent.  
  
Still, Jor-El was awful, and even if it helped occasionally, most of the prices it exacted were far too high. The fact that communicating with it happened with a mix of howling wind and its voice digging deep into my bones and brain just made it worse.  
  
Clark coughed and then kept coughing. He doubled over and it took him a few minutes to recover his composure. "Jor-El, I'm back from the Phantom Zone."  
  
"The portal serves its uses but if you've let any criminals out, my son, then you have to collect them."  
  
I gulped, glad Clark didn't have his hearing then. "We'll look for any if they come."  
  
 _Sull-I-Van_ _, you are no longer welcome here. You pleased me twice by saving my son here, both with fine and with your declaration---_  
  
Confused, Clark eyed me, and I rushed forward, deciding to interrupt the AI was my best bet. "Jor-El, I'm sorry. I can explain."  
  
 _Then I restore your health or at least try before the Legion completely fixed the situation_.

I snorted. Glad the AI thought my memory loss and almost death was a situation. I loved Clark, I did, and I got along okay with Kara, but in general Kryptonians were stuck up assholes, and I wasn't sure the universe really missed them.   
  
"I know---"  
  
 _But you betrayed my son and allied yourself with Doomsday. Do not come back here, or I will freeze you as I once did my own son._  
  
I looked down at the snow and nodded. "I understand but if Clark's ever sick and needs your help again and can't come for you himself, I will. Freeze me forever, I don't care, as long as I can help him."  
  
 _You have an interesting definition, human, of what you think help really is_.  
  
"I messed up."  
  
 _Understatement._  
  
"Jor-El, please," Clark said, swaying a bit, and I reached up to steady him, not that if he fell I could do fuck all to stop two hundred plus pounds of crashing ex-quarterback. "I'm not feeling well."   
  
Clark held up his left arm, which he'd unbandaged for easy access before leaving the Kawatche Caves to give Jor-El the best access to understand what was happening. "Something bit me in the Zone. It's obviously infected."  
  
 _Sull-I-Van, step back, please_.  
  
"It's not a trick, is it?"  
  
 _No, I want Kal-El healthy overall. He cannot complete his destiny to rule without a healthy body._  
  
"Yes, exactly what I long for," he deadpanned before coughing again.   
  
Stepping back, I winced at the beam of light that shot from the Fortress's roof and that same glowing column enveloped Clark that I'd first seen when I'd stumbled into this mess. The scan or whatever it was only lasted a few minutes, but I was relieved all the same when it was over. I was scared always with Jor-El that whatever he did might last years, as with his attempt to freeze Clark last year.  
  
 _My son, you have a cold. This is a flu that was common on Krypton. In a couple weeks, it will run its course. The fever will spike and the accompanying hallucinations will be problematic, but in two Earth weeks, you'll be healthy and your powers restored._  
  
"Oh, okay, that's not so bad. I mean the Beast is gone and Metropolis made do for five months. I'm sure it'll be okay for two more weeks. I don't supposed human medicines will help, even if my powers are out?"  
  
 _No, but I have been told human chicken soup soothes the soul._  
  
I frowned. Was the AI trying to be funny? And since when did it know about human anything.  
  
Clark coughed and leaned against the table in the Fortress's center. "Jor-El visited Earth in the fifties, but I can deal with fever and hallucinations. Uh, I've had both before."  
  
"And his hand?" I said, gesturing to something I desperately hoped Jor-El could fix. It was so black now from the wrist down that even if he could be treated with human medicine, there wasn't anything a hospital could have done for him short of amputation to stop the infection's spread. "What bit him?"  
  
 _A Var'nal, actually a native species of Krypton. They're notoriously poisonous to us, the toxins they carry kill flesh and continue to spread quickly. The fact you're alive at all after two days is actually quite miraculous_.

The AI was oddly thrilled by this. I wasn't sure why.  
  
"You can fix it, though?" Clark asked, and he was quieter; I wondered how tired he was getting, how much the fever and sepsis were overtaking him. "I mean you can set back time that one time and raise the dead and all sorts of stuff. You just zap this better, right?"  
  
The Fortress paused and the wind howled more loudly around us.  
  
I didn't like that. It wasn't like Jor-El to hesitate; it talked almost exclusively in insufferable proclamations and orders.  
  
"Jor-El?" Clark asked, and the wheezing was becoming so much worse. He was at the limits of what he could do without more rest. The AI stayed silent and Clark sighed and slumped his shoulders. "Father," he looked away from me then I knew what it cost him to try sucking up to the AI. "You have to help me."  
  
"Please, Jor-El," I added, and I'd tell him everything I loved about Clark since eighth grade in embarrassing detail if he'd just do anything to fix this.  
  
 _Kal-El, Sull-I-Van_ ,  _even with the yellow sun, even if you were healthy, the poison of the Var-nal is fatal and unstoppable. The one blessing is it is contained so far to your hand only. Amputation is the only option._  
  
"What?" Clark asked. "You can't!"  
  
 _I cannot help you. There is no medicine for it or treatment even here. Either you allow me to amputate or you die._  
  
"Jor-El, please, you have to think of something----"  
  
The wind howled violently and my teeth chattered.   
  
 _Sull-I-Van, you have no place here. You sacrificed that when you brought Zod's creation here. I am telling you the truth. I do not want to do it. It would maim my son and, to be honest, a maimed heir cannot fulfill his proper destiny._  
  
Clark blinked. "What?"  
  
 _I will save your life and I will release you from your destiny. You can rule nothing properly while handicapped. It is a dishonor to the House. You need never come back should you prefer not to._  
  
"I never wanted to 'rule' anything," he spat. "Is this a trick?"  
  
The AI "spoke" again and almost sounded mournful. It is not. I had such great hopes for you, pity.  
  
There was a flash of light, something that burned hot and red, that forced me to slam my eyes shut. When I opened them again, we were back in the caves, and Clark, weaving unsteadily on his feet was holding the stump of his left arm to his chest.  
  
I forced back my own urge to cry, and tried not to pity him. I was terrible at hiding my real thoughts from him on some things, but he needed me to be strong and keep him moving, at least till we got him rest and regrouped.  
  
Sidling up next to him, I let him put his right arm around me as I started heading for my car. He was heavy and it took a long time to make it up the path, time that seemed to drag on worse when the only noise to distract us was his labored, gurgling breaths. I didn't say anything even as I opened the door for him.  
  
It shocked me he was still coherent enough to speak. At first, he was so quiet, that I missed it.  
  
"What?"  
  
"You were right, Chlo. I...Oliver's an asshole and I was stubborn and maybe it wasn't a smart plan, but, you were right. I, let's go to the farm."

I nodded and fought back tears as I rushed to my side of the car. I took a few steadying breaths out of his field of view and eased myself into the drivers' seat.   
  
"No, you're wrong."  
  
"About you? Probably not?" he said, trying and failing to actually smile.  
  
"No, about the farm. We're going there, but, be honest, we're really going home."


	6. Nightmares and Dreamscapes

I didn't say anything on the drive home. Chloe surprised me a bit by not saying much either. She just turned the radio to some alternative station and kept her concentration on the road. That was unusual for her. This was a woman who could say two hundred words just ordering a black coffee at The Talon. 

Maybe I'd been too hard on her when she'd found me in Peru. 

Besides, I could complain all I wanted about Tess knowing, and I still wasn't sold it was a safe idea, even if she hadn't shoved me in a cage right away, but if Chloe hadn't been able to get to me so fast, I might have lost a lot more than just my hand. 

My hand.

I couldn't look at it, just had taken off my jacket to cover where it had been. It didn't hurt, but I wasn't sure that would stay that way. I mean, humans had problems with pain in things that had been cut off right? I think I'd seen that once on TV, something on like the Discovery Channel? I wasn't sure. Honestly, since I don't get permanently sick and injured, okay, hadn't before, I didn't pay much attention to things that happened to other people. I've heard of certain things, like dysentery or chicken pox or pneumonia, but I'd never had them or lived through them. It just was this foreign concept of "That must suck" the way I figured most people in Kansas felt about like the Bubonic Plague. 

I wished I'd paid a little more attention.

But, no, it was covered now. Not painful and not black anymore as Jor-El had been able to take it just above the wrist, but I couldn't look at it either. I noticed that despite her focus on the highway, Chloe occasionally glanced my way and down at my jacket bunched on my lap. I don't think she thought I noticed since I was looking out my window, but she wasn't as subtle about it as she believed she was either.

It was a lot to take in, and that was an understatement. I mean, it already hurt to breathe and I wasn't thrilled at all that I'd be powerless, feverish and generally out of it for two weeks. The world and city would manage, like I said, but it didn't mean it didn't hurt to breathe and I didn't feel like everything was burning hot. It was great Jor-El said that would pass, but could he have possibly had some Kryptonian medicine or fixer upper for my problem? That would have been nice. For some all powerful computer/archive, it rarely helped me out.

Funny how it could pull out mind wipes and possess people when it needed to threaten me, but the best it had come up with this time was amputation and a "wait and see."

I'd almost believe this was some other lesson it was trying to teach me, some other "You didn't listen so suffer" bullshit things it assumed was parenting. Maybe it had been on Krypton. I thought of Dara, and I hoped wherever she was she wasn't violent, hadn't lied to me, and was just trying to adjust to Earth. I'd have to find her, but I couldn't right now, not until I had my powers back. I couldn't see myself doing more than passing out for a long time, actually, after how terrible the last few days (my time) had been. Still, she had a point. If Jor-El had been sending just thieves to the Zone, which really did feel like Hell and a twenty percent chance at best of not being killed by monsters or psychopaths, then maybe the real version had been an uncompromising asshole too.

Or maybe Krypton was nuts. Kara's father, clone or not, had hurt me and turned on her. My birth father sent the ship with me and it branded me on command. Maybe the whole planet came from the Lionel Luthor school of parenting. That made me feel worse.

However, the AI had always been desperate for me to start training, and I almost would have gone two years ago before Kara showed up. Not now. I thought that what I was doing as the Blur and with Justice when it existed was the best I could do for the world. I wasn't convinced that if I came here, the AI wouldn't make me Kal-El again, wouldn't take away all my free choice. Jor-El or the Fortress, whatever the difference was, had always been adamant that I'd come to it some day. If there was anything it could have done to save my hand, I think it would have done it. It seemed...if a machine can seem anything...like it was disappointed I was maimed.

I had no interest in being some alien dictator, no thanks, but it felt weird too for whatever destiny I had to be back completely in my own hands, ugh, hand and to not have to worry about what the AI was planning in the shadows. Don't get me wrong, I'd hated everything about this since I was fifteen and my ship was telling me to "rule them with strength," but it was also odd being sort of like a free agent.

Like if I screwed up my life more than the usual it was all on me and not on the AI or alien duties.

I wasn't sure if I liked having any reason to fail, any scapegoat taken away. It made life scarier than even the loss of a hand did.

"Hey," Chloe said, patting my shoulder. "We're here. Do you need help getting up the stairs? I don't think I can because you're huge, but I was hoping you're not so feverish you're dizzy. I mean, you can always take the sofa?"

I snapped out of everything and shook my head. 

Turning back to her, I tried to give her my biggest smile. She was worrying her bottom lip and her eyes were huge, frightened. I was trying to keep her from being so upset, but I didn't think I was going to have any luck with that.

"Chlo, I can manage."

"Can you shower? I mean, your clothes were mostly clean but you are pretty messed up from the Zone and Tess cleaned the wound before but you might need to wash off after two days in a desert and a day wandering around Peru. Is that...are you too tired for that too?"

My shoulders sagged a bit. I'm not being immodest when I say this. I'm probably the strongest being on the planet. It's a scary, overwhelming thing, but I'm pretty sure even when J'onn has his powers that I could overpower him. I know I'm stronger than Kara, and both of them are either weakened or not here. Most of the time, it scares the shit out of me. Because the only things keeping me from just doing whatever I wanted, really, are how mom and dad raised me and, often, Chloe calling me on my crap. I try and be a good guy, but I know, deep down, it would be easy to have whatever I wanted.

Still, even if being so powerful mostly made me scared that I'd abuse it some day, it also made me pretty confident and self reliant. I was the guy who saved other people, not the one who was having so much trouble breathing that he might just pass out in a shower.

Not that I thought I would, just that I was tired and everything burned.

"I think I can."

She smirked. "Good because I could totally offer to help."

I rolled my eyes but actually smiled genuinely. "So you've decided to channel your inner Lois to make me feel better?"

As much as Chloe and I had relied on each other in the past, I knew there were things she'd distinctly never offer in all seriousness. I was pretty sure this was one of those things, just too awkward.

"Well if she were here, well, she doesn't get you're the Blur and stuff, but she'd be all 'Get with it, Smallville' and slug you on the shoulder."

"I don't think I'm looking for the Lois method of compassion. She has too much of the General in her attitude I bet. Just 'stop your whining' type."

 

"I think you're allowed to be frustrated, Clark. I just thought if I could make you laugh, I dunno, you'd feel better even if it's stupid." She said, gesturing to where my stump was still hidden by my jacket. "I know it can't." She reached out then and squeezed the hand I had left. "I'll take care of you. Just so you know, whatever you need."

I nodded and squeezed her hand back. Tess scared me, and the stuff with Davis left me confused and very jealous, no matter what she called it, but I didn't have the energy or the desire to be mad at Chloe. I'd spent three days, most of them in Hell, trying to get back to her. Yeah, we'd also had a shitty year, but I'd come close to losing her twice, first with Brainiac eating through her mind, and then the Legion wanting to murder her for "the greater good." Some good that would be. My world without Chloe Sullivan would be unbearable.

We just had to relearn how to work better together.

I'd hidden things from her, and I bet that if Jor-El had fully restored her memories that Brainiac might not have taken her over completely, and she'd sheltered Davis. Considering me and the Beast going to the Phantom Zone had maimed me, I wasn't sure what a full out fight, something that could have been possible before, would have left me. I can understand why she'd been so scared. 

I always thought of myself as invulnerable, and mostly I am. The stump where my left hand should have been said otherwise.

"Then I need to apologize," I said. "I haven't been grateful enough. Tess can be scary, but if Oliver wasn't speaking to you---"

"No one. Bart says he won't even return his or Victor's calls."

"Wow," I replied, and that worried me a bit too. Oliver had already murdered someone, and it worried me how far he could fall. One problem at a time, though. I needed my health intact first before worrying about anything else. "Exactly, but you came and this sucks," I said, holding up my left arm. "It does, but I'd have been dead if I'd waited any longer. I owe you that. I can't understand what was going on with Davis---"

"I know," she said, her tone hollow. 

"But," I said, stroking her cheek and, yeah, it occurred to me I'd never have done this with like Pete or Bart, "I trust you. I think you meant well and you weren't wrong. This whole thing cost me a lot, and it might have killed me without your help. I guess we'll never know."

"And I'm glad the Beast is gone. You have no idea how much. I mean it, whatever I can do, Clark, for the next two weeks, you have me."

"What about after?" I asked, easing myself out of the passenger side. It always felt like having to unfold me. Chloe favored smaller cars which, okay, good for gas mileage, also were not made for tall guys. Today was one of those days I could get cramps or that pins and needles thing. I wasn't amused. "Will you dump me back on my mom?"

She hopped out and I wrapped my right arm around her shoulder. Maybe I needed a little support. It definitely made getting up the stairs easier. "Of course not. I just...you know what I mean. I figure you'll be pretty out of it soon if what Jor-El said about the fever dreams tracks. I'll do whatever you need, okay. I'm so pathetic. I get that, but every hero needs a sidekick, right?"

I grinned and, okay I definitely wouldn't do this with like Bart, kissed the top of her head. "Partner, that's the right word. Completely a partner."  
**

The showering part hadn't been hard. I was tired and hot and a bit light-headed, but I wasn't about to topple over either. Besides, Chloe wasn't wrong, after the crap I'd gone through in the Phantom Zone, being actually clean felt nice. No, the problem came afterwards.

She'd been nice enough to leave pajama pants and a t-shirt outside the door, and I'd scooped them up with my good hand. Then I'd realized that the shirt was complicated but something Chloe could help me with. Pants, however, for both our sakes and to prevent embarrassment, that I had to figure out on my own.

It took a lot of maneuvering, not going to paint a picture, and I almost fell like six times, but I managed.

I walked into my room, expecting to see Chloe, but frowned. That room was empty. I perked up my hearing and grimaced when I realized it was out. Sorry, it's all so reflexive. It's something I expect to be able to do so not having it for three days was like if you just suddenly went deaf. Still, I could hear as well as an average person (which, not that great) and noticed there were foot steps coming from mom's room.

Confused, I walked in there, t-shirt in my remaining hand, and quirked my head at the scene.

Chloe'd changed the sheets for me and also brought up some toast and juice and milk. When I stepped in she swallowed hard. Interesting.

"Oh, so, some of it worked out?"

"Yeah, not the best, not gonna lie, going to have to figure that out, but I mostly got it. Uh, the shirt's harder?"

She rolled her eyes and pointed to the bed. "Martha's is bigger and you'll thank me later for having the space when the dreams hit. Anyway, sit down, Sasquatch. There's no way I can reach up like six feet to help you that way."

I grinned and sat down. "It's not my fault you're short."

"Maybe your planet was weird. Maybe everyone was freakishly tall and too good looking. Some sinister alien invasion technique." Her tone was light as she helped shove the shirt over my head. It was a bit rough and I figured she was trying to get through the awkward as fast as possible. 

"So you think I'm attractive?"

Chloe rolled her eyes. "I think Kara is a beauty pageant winner and even your evil robots had nice cheekbones. You manage."

"Ouch, hit me where I live, Chlo."

"Yeah, you're real egotistical," she snarked and we fell back into an easier rhythm than we'd had in while. "Get some food. You'll feel some better and I wish medicine worked on you. You're so hot, I keep going 'Tylenol, get the fever down.' Maybe ice packs? I'll need to make a list of something to improvise around traveler considerations."

I nodded and laid down, humoring Chloe by drinking some juice, but I wasn't all that hungry. I guess that happens when you're feverish as Hell and wheezing was the only way you could breathe.

She frowned back at me. "No food, food? Toast isn't that taxing!"

"You're not my mom."

"No, but I'll answer to her eventually. Maybe I'll get some chicken soup for tomorrow."

"You're such a mom, Chloe. When did that happen?"

"Well I counsel and you're a twenty-four seven job, Clark," she said, taking the juice back from me. She stood up and then turned off my lamp. "Get sleep, it'll get better."  
**

I was in The Talon. That was weird. I'd been asleep in my room, that I knew. Now I was outside of Chloe's apartment, standing on that spiral staircase. Reaching up, I tried to knock on the door with my left hand and winced when I realized it wasn't there. Embarrassed, I pulled my arm back and shoved my jacket over it so that it wouldn't as noticeable. Then I knocked with my right. 

Chloe didn't answer by the door slid open anyway.

Not locked.

Confused about how I'd gotten here, I stepped through the door and wished I hadn't. Chloe was in bed.

With Davis.

I stood there, frozen like an idiot deer or something, and all I could see was her on top of him, moaning, and things from Chloe I thought I'd never see and then she turned to me, finally realizing I was in the room and just smiled at me, something feral and unlike any look Chloe had ever had.

She nudged Davis and both laughed back at me, smirking back at where my hand should have been.

And there I stood, unable to focus on anything but calling her name.


	7. Chapter 7 -  We All Fall Down

**Chapter Seven - We All Fall Down**  
  
It would have felt beyond weird curling up in Clark's regular bed. First, I knew for a fact he'd shared that with Lana about a year ago, which, to him, still felt like four or five months if not sooner. Second, it wasn't a place I'd ever crashed before. Unfortunately, as charming as the Kent farm house was, it was small and only had two bedrooms. That left me taking the couch, the same way Clark had when Lois first lived on the farm.   
  
Clark was a nicer person than I was. The couch was not that comfortable and that's saying it nicely. It was probably older than we were and I think a spring dug into my back all night. Of course, Clark's invulnerable...no, not invulnerable...God, his hand. Sorry, I mean Clark doesn't feel sore. I was mortal again and I didn't have that luxury. Also, I don't care how little cramps he got or how unlikely he was to get pins and needles or whatever, this couch was not that freaking long. Maybe Lois owed the Kents a fruit basket. They'd been super nice to house her for like six months.  
  
Of course, my cousin had a way of growing on people so who even knows.  
  
To be fair, it wasn't like I was going to get much sleep. Things were better in two ways. First, I had him home. I hadn't slept in months because I was terrified he'd been killed in the Zone. Yes, he was hurt and yes, he was going to have to deal with this flu for a couple weeks. The amputation was far more worrying that a temporary cold, although I wasn't looking forward to a delusional Clark. We'd played that came before with disastrous results and hospital visits for Lana and Lex. I really hoped we'd be able to keep him calmer as the hallucinatory fever worked its way through his system. Second, he was being nice to me. He was still clearly scared about Tess, had said as much, but he was trying and I was so relieved when he apologized tonight that I'd almost burst out in tears.  
  
I was so full of shit when it came to him, and he was either so dense or just played that way to avoid things. I could tell myself a million times over that we could just Scooby together, that I'd be his hacker and tech girl no matter what, and it wouldn't matter if he were mad at me. At the end of the day, I knew that was beyond crap. So having him thank me for trying, for saving what parts of him I could. It was the absolution I'd needed so badly, maybe even since my haziest memories of Sebastian Kane and what Brainiac had enabled me to do, whether I was even sure I'd wanted that or not.  
  
Still, what the Hell was I gonna do? Jor-El hadn't officially cut Clark off. I mean, the key still seemed to react to the portal, but he'd released Clark from his destiny. Frankly, that relieved me. Jor-El's lists of crimes started with, as Clark tells it, branding him like cattle and working all the way up to murdering Clark's actual father. Without the psychotic AI in our lives, throwing out edicts and "teaching" Clark, things would run more smoothly. Yes, a couple times it had helped, as with the dagger for Martha or restoring Kara, even trying to stop Brainiac eating through my mind. But it was unpredictable as Hell. It was a dangerous, erratic machine and the wrath it spread out wasn't worth the Deux ex Machina---literally---most of the time.  
  
But Clark was hurt. Again, fevers faded. God did we know that very, very well. He was still going to stay gifted, so to speak, but we had an adjustment period from Hell to go through. I'd have to create a paper trail for a "farm accident" for him, at least he had a perfect cover there. I'd have to explain it to Martha. She'd want to come home for this. It was far from an election year for her, and she would want to come home for this. There were things I couldn't help with, things she'd done for Clark last when he'd probably been too little to understand Earth customs. I mean, yeah, I loved Clark but neither of us were comfortable with me helping him if he needed it with showers or dressing. There was friendship and then things that were so embarrassing that even with our relationship, we wouldn't be able to look each other in the face.  
  
My palms grew sweaty and my throat clenched.  
  
I'd promised.  
  
Years ago, when the Angel of Vengeance first appeared, Martha had come to me and thanked me for being in on the secret, for helping her weather such a burden after her husband's death.   
  
Several weeks after her move to D.C. and my first resurrection, she'd flown me out, herself, to the capital and without Clark's knowledge. There she'd expressed her worries about leaving Clark alone, not that he was three still, but he tended to get himself way over his head. Considering since she'd left for D.C., Clark had been frozen by Jor-El, almost wiped from existence by Brainiac and time travel, rendered powerless and almost a slave by Lex, and faced off against a Beast from Zod's worst imaginings...well, I can see how she had a point. We'd mapped out a plan and she'd left me entrusted with the person most precious in the world to her, and I'd promised with my love and adoration obviously no secret to her, no matter how hard I tried to hide it, that I'd protect him with my life.  
  
Now I had to tell her that he was alive but not whole and recovery might be a long, hard process.  
  
No.  
  
Scratch that.  
  
It  _w_ _ould_ be.  
  
Clark made for the worst patient I'd ever met. He'd been impossible to keep on bed rest during his sneezing fit, and, God, had he bitched and moaned his first week mortal after I found out his secret. Someone had never explained the need for constant hydration while doing chores in June, nor what sunscreen was for. He'd been peeling all week but almost passed out from heat stroke his second day helping rebuild his home. I was not looking forward to the "I can do it" stubborness that was clearly learned from his dad, great at Mr. Kent had been.  
  
Hmmm, maybe that could be Martha's problem.  
  
I just had to keep him well-rested till the fever ended and work with Tess where I could to track the other four meteor impacts, find out where the escaped Zoners were and try and contain them with  her tech or her access to other meteor mutants. Not all were 33.1 captives. I understood that. Tess wasn't Lex. Lex stole. Tess had mostly recruited because some, like Bette, could be wooed with promises of money and luxury. I couldn't quite understand that, but if we could take care of this, that would be great. At his best, the Zoners before had almost killed him. Without J'onn, that spine cruncher in Seattle would have. Bizarro was beyond difficult, and that vine lady had essentially crucified him.   
  
I just...  
  
..too much and I wish the League were back and real. I knew in Central City that Bart and Victor were doing what the could but everyone else was off the map, and I'd still rather work with Tess than ever deal with Oliver. He murdered and accused me of being no better.  
  
Everything in my body told me he was beyond dangerous, that there was a loose canon who knew Clark and me too well and might be a liability.  
  
One thing at a time.  
  
Curling back on my side, I worked toward trying to relax. Counting sheep had failed so far, but just concentrating on the relief that Clark was home and that we could manage everything else, that helped. I was almost asleep, feeling that sensation of falling down deep, when Clark screamed.  
  
I ran so fast that you'd have thought I'd had super speed.  
  
When I got there, he was tossing and turning in the bed, screaming my name. It wasn't sexual, the distress was evident on his face and the way he screamed. God, what the Hell was was he dreaming? Reaching over, I tapped his shoulders. When he stayed out of it, I upped my tactic to shaking him awake.  
  
"Clark! Clark! It's okay, I'm here."  
  
He finally blinked awake and surprised both of us, I think, by sweeping me up in a hug. I relaxed into that embrace. I can't remember the last time he'd held me like this. After my exorcism maybe? I had held him after Lana left but it was me comforting him, and not the other way around. It felt so safe here, even if it felt different, off because of where one hand should have been, gripping the small of my back.  
  
I pulled back, my heart hammering, and I was glad he couldn't hear it currently.  
  
Reaching up, I touched his forehead. "You're really hot. I'm getting so many ice packs when I go to the city tomorrow and cleaning out your freezer. We'll have to break the fever the old-fashioned way."  
  
Clark looked at me, his eyes glazed over. "I...Chloe, I had the worst nightmare."  
  
"I guess it was a 'and you were there and you were there' moment?"  
  
He nodded and reached out to stroke my hair back. I know damn well that's not something he does with Lois, let alone a guy friend. I never read much into it, no matter how much I loved him. I was permanently stuck as "just Chloe" and, most days, I could bear that. It only pained me the way he flinched he'd reached out first with his left arm and had to compensate quickly. I smiled as brightly as I could for him. No need to set off a mope.  
  
"Yeah, and I was so scared I'd lost you."

  
"Right here, Clark, and I'm not going to run anywhere, promise."  
  
"I...alright, but you'll stay? In case I have another nightmare."  
  
I frowned. "There's no chair here."  
  
He ducked his head, long bangs falling into his eyes. Huh, interesting.  
  
"You said it was a large enough bed. Mom and dad shared it and he was as tall as I am."  
  
Not nearly as broad, but I didn't think that would win my argument. I was so confused. I know he wanted me to stay the same way that he'd have asked Martha to stay with him after a nightmare. This was not the consideration Lana got, not even that look between Lois and him that I mostly remembered from my wedding or even that look from him when I wore her face. It was brotherly from his end and it cut fresh, as always, but I nodded and still wearing just sweats, nothing weird, slid into bed beside him. I turned my back to him, even stuck a pillow between us, to give him what space I could.  
  
It wasn't much.  
  
Clark really is a huge guy.  
  
It was how I slipped off to sleep, and if someone reached out to stroke my hair a bit, well, it didn't mean anything, did it.  
**  
  
"Rise and shine, Superboy," I chimed, shoving the tray in front of him.   
  
Clark eyed the burned waffles and oatmeal skeptically, one eyebrow arched eye. "Chlo?"  
  
"I am not as bad as I was two years ago. Uh, Jimmy liked to sign up for cooking classes." He tended to cancel on about half of them, but I learned to cook basic stuff, not burn everything or mix in salt on accident for sugar. Hell, I made some mean chocolate chip cookies too. "Anyway, the tradition has to be burned. That's what dad gave me when mom left and when he announced we were moving to a town famous for a crap factory."  
  
Clark laughed.  "I don't know if I'll like them."  
  
"Hence the large bowl of oatmeal. It might be easier for your throat and to eat anyway with a stuffy nose."  
  
"Stuffy everything, " he replied, coughing and he sounded like a total mess.  
  
I nodded and set everything down on the night stand to his right. Before he could say anything, I rushed down the hall and returned with his rolling desk chair. I sat down then, across from him, and picked up my coffee and a burned waffle in the other hand to start. Clark was frowning back at me, lips pursed, and I had the oddest feeling he was pouting, as if he were angry that I hadn't cuddled back into bed with him, but that was sort of nuts.  
  
He'd gotten through the night, no need to embarrass us both, right?  
  
Clark shrugged and picked up a waffle with his good (only) hand. "When in Rome, right?" He chomped through half of if before grimacing. Narrowing my eyes at him, I shook my head. "Are you serious, Chlo?"  
  
"Swallow at least one. It's good luck, like a fortune cookie."

He shrugged and finished it with all the enthusiasm he reserved for peas. "Yuck, your taste buds are definitely weirder than mine and I'm from Krypton."

"Sure, play the alien card. You just don't get burned waffles."

He laughed and moved onto some apple juice. "You have that right."  
  
We bantered back and forth like that for a few minutes, falling into that pattern and ease we'd had since we were kids. It was nice. Sighing, I picked at my second waffles until I broached the question bugging me since early this morning.  
  
"Do you know what about me you dreamed?"  
  
He shook his head a bit too emphatically. "Just this sense I lost you. It's so hard to explain."  
  
"Alright, and I'll never be going anywhere. This is like with the splinter from Fine. You have to remember that the things you dream or see, they're not true."  
  
I reached out and squeezed his hand. "This is real. I'm here and I'm calling Martha. Your mom will be here tomorrow or in two days, latest."  
  
"Mom's going to freak out!" he said, holding up his left arm.   
  
"So you were what? Not going to tell her and then where super baggy sleeves for Thanksgiving? Clark, have some logic."  
  
"I just never wanted to hurt her."  
  
"Your mom's awesome," I said, even if I felt the exact same way. "She's been tough about all your issues since before we met. I'll brace her. Besides, let's be honest, it's hard for you to get dressed and other stuff so you need a mom for that. Unless you really want me to help."  
  
"No!" he shouted, then blushed. "I...uh, you're not like a sister, Chlo."

I frowned and quirked my head at him. Curious but too hopeful about his meaning. "Exactly, I'll buffer with Martha. I've got to go to ISIS. I apologize. There are some case files I'll need to bring home for the week, and ice packs and a vaporizer, oooh extra salt."  
  
"What's a vaporizer?" he asked, falling into another coughing fit.   
  
Pressing my hands to his shoulders, I applied pressure until he gave up and lay back down. Cool. He humored me a lot even now. I mean he had over a foot on me and like a hundred pounds. Still, it was nice he was at least listening to me and my rest advice so far. "You, my friend, have so much to learn about being sick. I got this. I have to go to Metropolis be back in maybe five or six hours. I'll do my best but my car doesn't come with superspeed, not if I want to avoid points on my license."  
  
Clark nodded. "Thanks, and you said five hours?"  
  
"Yeah or six, why?"  
  
"That sounds perfect."  
**  
  
"Yeah, Lo, it's nice that he's back from D.C. Do you want me to send Clark to Star City so that he can adjust your cable?" I asked, my cousin on my cell. It was nice to have something good to share with her. I missed her, but she was doing well at  _The Register_  without an editor vindictively killing her articles, and she loved Oliver, the part of him he let her see. "I mean, what's life without a free repairman?"  
  
She laughed. "Cuz, we have satellite. Hell, Ollie has his own theater and advanced access to movies. It's pretty awesome. Miss you though. You work too hard at ISIS. You have to see me soon. Screw Thanksgiving. Come at Halloween. Bring Smallville, I'm even going to be generous."  
  
"I dunno, Lo," I hedged. Ollie was the last person I wanted to see.  
  
"Look, you, me, a ton of slasher movies and then I'll be your wing woman in a pub crawl. I'll be a frisky kitty and we'll dress you up as one of those beer wenches. You're blonde. It'll so work. You need to work harder on forgetting that tool Jimmy plan."

"Jimmy isn't the worst---" I said, but I didn't understand why. Jimmy had made his opinions of me well known with Facebook messages and theft. All I was trying to do was keep Davis from killing people. Of course, Jimmy had been insufferably needy and maybe I'd just wanted to be normal too badly, and been too out of it with Brainiac pulling my strings. "Okay he sucked."  
  
"See that's progress. I knew you could do it, cuz. Look, now that I'm getting some nightly, my goal is to get you some too. No more crazy stalkers, no more idiot photogs, and no more boring farm boys too obsessed with Lana," she said, her voice a bit forced.  
  
Of course Lois was still miffed over Clark going back to Lana default. How cute. She could join the club. Lord knew I was the charter member.  
  
"Maybe."  
  
"Oh, I can find you tall, dark, handsome and into you."  
  
I laughed, genuinely this time. "Alright, I'll be your test case. You figure that out and you can go into matchmaking, get a lot more than you do now for reporting. Back up for when papers fold."  
  
"Not likely," she said. "Ollie bought me the paper in July. I'd be the last fired."  
  
I resisted my urge to groan. I loved Lois but she had no idea how to deal with certain things, like why mixing business and personal with editors and paper owners was bad. I appreciated her spunk and her big heart, but one day it was gonna get her in trouble. Maybe even with too aggressive billionaires.  
  
"Chlo?"  
  
"Lo, I'm thrilled for you."  
  
"Well, come on out. That bitch Tess is as bad as Lex ever was. Wouldn't know a decent story if it bit her on the ass. Let's be the two musketeers again. Ollie will let you back in a heartbeat."  
  
"Kind of doubt that and there were three musketeers."  
  
"Same dif. Love you, talk tomorrow?"  
  
"Always."  
  
"Oh, and tell Smallville glad he's back in Kansas, even if he had some weird quarter life crisis and ended up leaving the DP. He's not a bad guy but he is so freaking weird."  
  
Chloe laughed. "That, Lois, really is an uncontested fact."  
  
No sooner had I hung up than Tess sauntered through the door like she owned the place. She didn't, but it wasn't lost on me that Lex's money, post-embezzlement, had set us up and she often poached the kids I couldn't save for the group Clark had once mockingly called "Injustice."  
  
"Chloe, how is he?"  
  
"Tess, we saw you yesterday. Just because you know and because I was desperate doesn't mean we're going to have team meetings. Do you get that."  
  
"So just like Lex then? You use me for my resources, and then kick me out. Chloe, what will it take to make you trust me? Is going to Peru on a dime not enough, maybe even helping save Clark's hand."  
  
I shuddered and she fixed that intense gaze on me again. "It had to be amputated."  
  
"What hospital would you take him to?"  
  
"I didn't do it myself, but I don't have to tell you those things. The cold will pass, and his powers will be back in about thirteen days or so. The infection's from the Phantom Zone, some very venomous Kryptonian creature."  
  
"And it couldn't be stopped."

"It was lose the hand or lose his life."  
  
"Fuck," Tess swore. "If he needs anything, I can provide the best therapists for recovery."  
  
"Tess, please, I'll talk with you this week. We'll figure out where you fit with me and Clark, and, well, how much we really trust you. If Martha wants to take your offer, she will. Is that okay?"  
  
"I know but I hate that there are caveats on your trust. That's beneath me."  
  
I sighed and leaned back in my chair. "I've been protecting him for four years. I've seen Lionel, Lex, Brainac, Zod, and this Beast all toy with him, among others. I know he's usually superstrong, but he's not that bright about keeping himself out of trouble. It takes a long time to trust people and even Lionel and Lex both shivved him in the end. You have to understand our history with LuthorCorp heads is shitty, to say the least."  
  
"Lex was an abusive manipulative asshole who learned from the master."  
  
"I hope you really believe that," I said, running a hand through my hair. "I...well, I already told Martha. She's making arrangements and will be in Smallville in two days. You can come by the farm this weekend. Talk Martha into whatever you think you can wrangle," I grinned genuinely. "Besides, she's way more protective of Clark than I am. She'll like you less."  
  
"You, Sullivan, are a bitch," Tess smirked. "I like that."  
  
"Yeah, sometimes I think Clark has a type, somehow," I breezed. "Anyway if that's all?"  
  
Tess nodded and then her phone rang. She held up her hand and shrugged. "I have to take this."  
  
"Uh, great, my oficina is su oficina," I replied, wondering when my demeanor went from bulldog reporter to walking doormat. My life needed serious freaking adjustments.  
  
"Mercer here. What? Are you sure, Otis? Alright, we'll be there." She shut off her phone and any humor at all was gone from her voice. "Chloe, get your shit. Clark's made it to Metropolis and how he drove I can't even guess."  
  
"What? You have a tail on us?"  
  
"No, I have an assistant who looks for weird inconsistencies. Clark Kent being admitted to Met Gen after passing out at the local penitentiary? Yeah that would be a big ding. Unless you want doctors to examine him who aren't even mine?"  
  
Was that a pout?  
  
"Alright," I replied, forcing my fear down. I could worry later. Right now I could kill Clark for doing whatever the fuck he thought he was doing.  
  
If he thought that muppet from the Phantom Zone was harsh, then he'd forgotten how pissed off I could get.


	8. The Root of the Problem

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay.

Driving one handed is hard.

To be honest, I was lucky I'd left the truck parked in a way that all I had to do was start it and drive forward, any type of three point turns or reverse would have been impossible. It was a blessing there were old routes, stuff my dad had shown me on runs to the city as a kid, were straight shots and old and rambling. The highway would have been impossible too.

Where I was going was on the edge of the city and I could manage, mostly.

I might have, just a little, possibly scraped some paint on the side door pulling up to the holding facility for the M.P.D., but hI was able to maneuver into one open slot, something straight by the building's side. Yeah ninety degree anything wouldn't have done me a damn bit of good either. 

I...being an alien was hard and awful and even when I'd just been a weird kid, my powers had made me feel isolated and like the world's champion freak. Most days, I still felt this way, no matter what good I could do as The Blur or how I'd worked to save the world. Still, even if my powers were often burdens, the speed was amazing. I loved running, always had, and if I could ever figure it out would have loved flying too. Kara had never shut up about that one. It definitely beat two hours struggling to keep a truck going straight all while listening to staticy AM radio and forcing back the fever.

Not that I could.

But I had somewhere to be and only five or so hours to do it. After that, Chloe would be hovering over me and soon followed by Mom. I'd be under twenty-four hour surveillance. So even if the fever was burning through me and I think I almost passed out a few times at the wheel, I forced myself to stay together, to get where I had to go.

I looked like shit, sweaty and with glassy eyes. I probably smelled awful too. Even if I'd showered before, I was just covered all over again in grime and other things from night sweats. Of course, being a senator's son had advantages. I rarely relied on that, but I no longer had a press pass to get me access to things. I'd have to settle for my I.D. and my mom's position.

It was enough to sit me in a room, waiting at one end before the plate glass, before Davis Bloome was marched in. I had five minutes and guards would be watching in the corner. I couldn't say anything obvious about what was really between us, what we were or, I guess, in Davis's case had been. That was all I needed. I cared about Chloe, a lot. I wasn't sure where we were right now or if all my anger could end or ever would, but she'd been right about going to Tess about how dangerous also the Phantom Zone was for me. She'd done the wrong things for the right reasons and we could bridge that. I'd work hard to do that, damn it.

But she'd hidden Davis for at least a month in her apartment building.

Lied to my face for thirty days about it, and Oliver had said...

Sure, Chloe claimed she hadn't seen Davis since the night I'd disappeared to the Zone, but she'd said a lot of things. They weren't always true. God, had they before our confrontation...would she go that far?

Did she really love him and was just lying about it, even to herself.

I had to give Davis this much credit, when he was marched in, ankles and hands cuffed in an intricate configuration, he was able to hide his shock at seeing me. While his eyes widened, he played everything down. Of course, we were aliens, right? We'd seen the impossible more than once. The fact I was back was far from the worst surprised he'd ever had, not when he'd been chained to Doomsday for his whole life.

"Clark?"

I nodded and then doubled over, a coughing fit moving through me. When I pulled my tissue away, I tried to ignore things laced just a bit with blood. "Yeah, long time no see."

The guards took their positions in the corners, each training what I assumed were guns with rubber rioter bullets aimed on him. No specifics, but what I wanted wasn't about aliens or Krypton or intrigue. It was more normal than that.

"I...you're gone!"

"I come back a lot," I said, coughing again and Davis eyed me, finally notcing that when I brought a Kleenex to my face that I only had one hand left to steady it with.

"It went that well wherever you went?"

"Worse," I said, narrowing my eyes at him. "Chloe found me. I got out, but she came to where the, uh, crossover left me." I held up my left arm, my gaze pointed and hard. "She's helping me. She always helps me."

"She was going to run with me. I don't care what she said after or the fact she keeps avoiding me. She and I...we were made to be together."

"That's literal, you know," I huffed. "That problem she had last winter made her feel that way."

Davis smirked and his speech grew to a rapid-fire pace. "You don't really believe that. If you thought Chloe loved you better, Clark, the last place you'd be sick as a dog is in here with me. She said something? Is she coming to visit?"

"Dream on."

"What we have is special, Clark. You can't begin to understand."

"Did you sleep together?" I don't talk fast, not like Chloe would or he is. My volume was and I could see the guards inching a bit towards me even across the glass. "Did you?"

The idea was in my head so fast that I didn't even know why I did it. I could blame the paranoia of the fever, the illness, but it wasn't just that. This thing, this murderer, was talking about Chloe like she was his and she damn well wasn't.

The dream wasn't real, couldn't be.

She'd never do that to me.

Davis grinned and then he laughed, long and hard. "If I said no, would you really believe it? You're not a lie detector so how would you really know." He gestured toward my ears, and I got the implication. He could tell I wasn't powered, that I couldn't use my senses to see if his heart was racing or smell sweat beading over him if he were lying. "I was in her home an awful long time."

I flung myself at the window then, that glass barrier between us, but was on my knees before I knew it. The guards hadn't even done anything to me, even if they were rushing in to drag me off. It was the vertigo. Everything was spinning so fast and as Davis laughed on the other side, I fell forward and vomitted.

Burned waffles and oatmeal and bile and God knew what else spilling everywhere.

"Chloe doesn't love you," I hissed before the guards were dragging me back.

Davis shrugged and his smirk was as satisfied as any look I'd ever seen on Lex. "Does she love you?"

I didn't have an answer for that and couldn't respond anyway, not as the fever burned hotter and I passed out.  
**

The dream was different this time.

I wasn't at The Talon, and I was grateful for that. I couldn't stand it if I had to watch Chloe and Davis...I know it all sounds nuts. My whole life, most of the time, I've been obsessed with Lana. For a while, a few times, I thought we'd have a happy ending, especially when she was as strong as I was. I could ignore her stealing from LuthorCorp and fro a few of those amazing days, chase back the memories of just how scared and I were before we knew her plans for the suit.

Almost.

But things were so different now. Maybe it had started with Dark Thursday as annoying as Jimmy Olsen had been and only been turned up more by watching herr die and come back, pulling her out of morgue drawers, seeing her blank expression match mine like she'd never met me. It felt so wrong seeing her marry someone else, not that it had lasted. It had felt worse when she'd handed me Kryptonite and not even known what it did, like everything almost that was Chloe was just gone. I'd done that to protect her.

That went well.

Then she was back, even if the Legion had wanted her dead. I thought maybe, I don't know, after things were changing again with Jimmy gone basically and Lana who knew where. Things felt like after Dark Thursday just a little, even with Lois so interested in my alter ego. But she ruined that. Or I did or Davis. Or all of it.

Things maybe I'd ignored since freaking middle school were bubbling over, made so much worse by seeing her as someone else's bride and then those sparks I'd noticed with Davis before we'd realized what a psychopath he was.

I just...what if everything we'd done, and all the back and forth, what if all of it over nine years was all it was ever going to be? What if we'd missed our chance.

No, I knew where I was as I blinked around. I was in her office at ISIS. She was holding her letter, that letter. I can't believe she'd never told me about it, after so many years. It was sad and sweet and flattering and she always swept things away, damn it. Why did she do that? After the first kiss, the first dance, the end of the goddamn world? When this had actually happened, she'd folded it up, talked about it like it was nothing and went on about wedding plans.

And I'd let her.

Some hero I was.

I couldn't even try for anything different with my friend, ever take that final step...

This time, I handed her back the letter, noticing that even in my dreams my right hand was all I had. The flu was pretty all-inclusive. 

"It was nice, Chlo. You could have told me earlier."

She looked up at me and I flinched. Her eyes weren't her normal ones, they were completely black, soulless. When she spoke, her words came out wrong, shorter, angrier. I could almost picture Milton Fine in her place.

"Why? Forget Lana. Not that she wasn't part of it. I mean why does it matter? I was young and stupid, but I know better now."

I reached out to cup her cheek but she stepped back from me. Frustrated, I let my right arm drop. "We could try...don't marry Jimmy. Just don't. He's not for you. Believe me I know."

Black, hateful eyes regarded me and she laughed haughtily. "Are you?"

"I'm better than Davis, than Jimmy. Why couldn't I be the one?"

She shrugged and licked her lips and looked me over as she almost never had. Maybe once on the parasite, but she hadn't been any more in control of herself than I was under Red K. "You're not human."

I breathed deeply and tried to remember how to speak. This was Brainiac right? This was that fucking machine play with me, ruining my life like it always did. Chloe would never think that. "I...Jimmy's a drug addict and he's going to say the worst things, humiliate you. Don't let him."

"Davis---"

"Isn't any more human than I am."

"Isn't he now? What about even Bart or Victor? They're different," she said, starting to circle me. "But they're from here, we have at least chromosomes in common."

"I..." I started and reached out for her again, blushing red, when I realized I'd tried with my stump to restrain her. 

She laughed and ran her hands over it, those same black eyes so cold as they had been in the Fortress. "Did you ever think Clark, that the reason I never really pushed, that it had more to do with you than with Kyla or Alicia, than because of Lana...Lois."

"I don't care about Lois like that. I...maybe once, but you were already gone."

"Or maybe," she said, purring and reaching down close to my crotch. I moved out of her way, lettingher stalk me into a filing cabinet. I wasn't sure how much of this was her or the fever or Brainiac's style or all some mix that didn't even matter anymore. "Maybe, I'm not just a superfuck like Lana." She shrugged, and stood up on her tip toes to whisper next to me. "But seriously, you ever think that I just want someone normal and not a thing like you."

"No the letter---"

"I was fifteen. What the Hell did I know?"

"But Davis and---"

"Repeat much?" she purred and she was leaning so close into me and things were getting harder in more ways than one. Chloe laughed again, cruel and cold. "You're maimed and jobless and nothing like me. So why the Hell would I want you?"

"Because we're best friends?"

She pulled back and turned her back to me. "Doesn't feel like it, not since I got fired. Maybe I'm tired of alien bullshit, ever think of that?" Besides, she finished, eyeing me over her shoulder, "Everyone gets tired eventually. Even your mom left and your cousin. You think I don't come with an expiration date too?"

I didn't have anything to say to that.  
**

I blinked awake at Luthor Mansion. Every instinct I ever had screamed for me to stand up and run. I made it as far as sitting up before I was too dizzy to think and fell back onto the pillow. Ugh, normally I could take down Zod or meteor mutants. Today, I couldn't deal with a damn cold.

Okay, a space cold, but still I was so pathetic.

"Great," I groaned, my voice so hoarse and foreign-sounding. "I'm thrilled Tess knows about me now."

The doors opened shortly after that and that's when I got really scared. Not because as I first thought it was scientists with scalpels, anxious to cut into me. Nope, that would be easy. Instead it was the three women I had left in my life---such as they are. I mean, my life had collapsed on itself while I was gone. No job, no League, friends or maybe just acquaintances like Lois and Jimmy spread all over. All I had left was my mom who was never in the state, Chloe who confused me constantly now, and Tess who was still probably as evil as Lex or Lionel had ever been. That was it.

And all three of them were storming in here, heels clicking, and glaring at me.

I wished a lot I'd had my powers right then.

Especially with Mom; she's intense.

"Clark, do you want to tell any of us at all what you were doing at the jail?"

I looked down at my lap and kept my focus there, on the blanket once I realized that my amputation was visible to Mom. I couldn't watch her face, see the pity in her eyes that Chloe'd been terrible at hiding the last twelve hours. Not from Mom too.

"Nothing."

"Clark Jerome Kent," Mom started, her tone as stern as any time she'd caught me maybe, okay, a lot staring too often through my telescope at Lana's porch as a kid. "Answer us."

I looked up and couldn't read her expression, not exactly. It was a mix of so many things and I wasn't sure if anger or fear was winning out. "I wanted to see Davis Bloome one last time. The Beast...all of it got me into this mess. I wanted closure."

Chloe flinched but didn't look way from me and Mom just shook her head. Of the three of them, Tess was most composed but she also had the least personal interest in this. In me. It was Tess who actually even answered. "Do you know how much money I had to throw at Met Gen's way---they'll have a new wing next summer---to get the doctor's to hand me all your blood draws and let me take you here?"

I gulped. "Did they see anything?"

"No," she said, crossing her arms over her chest. "I got to that in time. You're too valuable to this planet to end up in a lab. I've said that, Clark. Don't make it easy for someone to find you. I'd like to have a slush fund left at least by the end of the month."

"I...thank you, Tess," I said, dropping my eyes back to my lap. "I wasn't thinking, I get that."

"No," she continued. "You damn well weren't. You have no right to go off to Metropolis sick and not telling us. What if you'd had a car crash? Passed out at the wheel? You're mortal right now!"

Confused I looked up at her. Tess was seething, her shoulders shaking and her teeth clenched. Mom shook her at all of this. Huh, so Tess could go from reasonable to zealot in three seconds. That was not promising. 

"Clark, baby, Tess means you scared us and if we didn't have the right resources---"

"A cage again," I said and Mom frowned. I shrugged back. She could assume I meant Summerholt, and I'd let her. Neither Kara or I had wanted to talk about Pierce and Lionel's Green K cage. Everyone involved with that was dead now anyway. "I'm sorry. I just needed to talk to him."

"Why?" Mom prodded, and she came to stand in front of Tess, maybe working to diffuse the other woman's rage. I wasn't sure. Mom tended to lead everything, regardless, though. It was just her nature. "What could you want with him?"

I frowned between her and Chloe who was toward the back of everything, chewing on her lower lip. "Chloe explained about the Beast, that Doomsday experiment of Zod's. Davis was part of it."

"The monster that stole Chloe at her wedding. Yes, I know everything, even you haven't worked hard to keep me in the loop."

You barely call.

I wanted to say that, but then I'd have to admit I rarely called her either.

What had happened to us? To my family? Why hadn't I noticed it or stopped it?

"I just needed to make sure the Beast was fully gone from him, that he wasn't still, um, dangerous." I was a terrible liar, always had been. Mom was frowning and Tess threw up her hands, storming out of the room before I continued. 

Great, as rational as Lex. This would end well.

"Clark, he wasn't. If he were, then he could escape. What's the real reason?" Mom said. Right, law school training."

I couldn't help it. I just glanced at Chloe for help, for her turn to take over the explanations. She was usually great at it. It confused me she had been the quietest one here so far. "Chlo, you know I had to check. I lost five months of my life and my hand because of Davis and The Beast. Please."

She sighed. "I can understand...Martha, can we have a minute?"

I arched an eyebrow at her, not sure when she'd dropped the Mrs. Kent instead. Probably happened when I got stuck in a desert wasteland. That would make sense. 

Mom nodded and stepped forward long enough to kiss my forehead. "We're going to talk. I am taking sabbatical---don't even argue---and I'll help with your..." she trailed off then and her eyes watered a bit but she didn't cry. Mom was too strong for that. "Convalescing. Chloe and I are both going to help as best we can. Everything else, we'll figure out, sweetheart, but don't you ever do anything that stupid again or you'll find out I'm much scarier than The Beast."

As shitty as I felt, I had to grin a little at that. "I believe it."

Mom smiled and reached down to squeeze my hand, faltering when she grabbed for my left one, well, what should have been that one before settling on my right. "I'd listen to the three of us. We mean business."

"Definitely," Chloe chimed in as Mom gave a final squeeze and left. I noticed as Mom did it, that she made a wide circle around Chloe, eyed her carefully on her way out. Maybe I wasn't the only one who'd had a crap day.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked.

She shook her head and sat down in a chair next to me right side. Reaching out, she touched the back of her hand to my forehead. "God, you're scalding." Chloe pulled out her cell and just glared at me. "Tess can you order more ice packs. The fever's hitting hard. Thanks."

"You don't have to be Mom."

Chloe rolled her eyes and settled in her seat. "Someone needs to watch you. You make the dumbest choices, Clark. Why would you even go there?"

Sighing, I forced myself to look her in the eye. At least now, unlike my nightmare, they were their usual sunny green. Concerned, not hateful. It was something at least. "You know why."

"I never slept with Davis. I don't care about him. He tried to kiss me after you disappeared and I kneed him in the dick and let Tess have him. I'd never care about anyone who can literally murder a field of people. Do you get that?"

"I want to, but you lied. We're supposed to be able to tell each other everything and this year you kept lying---about how badly Brainiac was hurting you, about being in contact with Lana, and then Davis. You lied about how upset you were."

"About the DP? Brainiac was driving a lot. If I was oddly happy to be a counselor or whatever, I think it was part of Brainiac's plan to keep us separated."

"No, not that," I said. "That much I knew was Brainiac's spin. I should have known you weren't a counselor, that this doesn't make you happy."

She snorted. "LuthorCorp owns the Planet and Grant's hires made it a tabloid and Tess hasn't and won't fix it, not if it would report real news on her company. There's no paper to go back to. I was going to try and be Watchtower full time, phase out of ISIS, but then Oliver went nuts. All I have is the pointless struggle to keep meteor mutants from going nuts and hurting people. Without a League or you, I had to try and stop more crime somehow. That's at least what I do!"

She was breathing heavily when she finished and I stroked her hair back from her face. This was more honest than we'd been with each other in a long time. 

"Then maybe you should move after I'm better, find a town with a real paper. Isn't Lois---"

"In Star City and I hate Ollie and we don't do well competing as cousins. But I'd never leave Metropolis. I...maybe when you're back as The Blur, maybe then I can see if The Journal has a slot. I think Tess can lift any last taint from Lex's ban. Who cares what a dead man wanted anyway you know?"

"Tess isn't...I was scared when I woke up she'd taken me for herself."

Chloe blanched. "That sounds bad."

I blushed. "Not, you know, okay not sexual...but Luthor Mansion and a heart monitor hooked up to me," I said, pointing to the wires trailing off my chest. "You don't have to stay."

Chloe stood up and her lip trembled. "You don't want me here? We talked. I thought it was getting better. We're friends and we fight side by side, okay, I mainly hack but we do good work. Do you want me in Gotham or Central City? Are you that paranoid that you'd believe any lie Davis told you and not believe me when I'm telling you, promising you on Lois's life, that I didn't have sex with him?"

I whistled. Lois was all of Chloe's blood family left in the world who spoke to her. She considered that bond sacred, even with their ups and downs. "Okay, I believe you."

"Now, after pulling off an insane stunt and almost getting caught. I...when else did I lie?"

"About Jimmy. Lois told me about the Facebook messages, the nasty cyberstalking stuff, the stealing. Why wouldn't you tell me?"

"Because it was embarassing! I am so tired of being 'just Chloe' and Jimmy was supposed to be safe and love me back."

"Chloe, I---"

She shook her head and started to pace. "We're friends and that's good, Clark. I mean, right now we're rocky, but we're friends and we work hard together, save the world. It matters to me and just having you in my life for silly stuff---when we ever have time again---that's good too. But Jimmy, even if Brainiac helped with some pushing, he was supposed to be this oasis."

I snorted. There was no way Jimmy Olsen ever would have been that, at least not with a plastic ring and after the Black Creek sell out act. "He's not. He hurt you and you could have leaned on me too."

"You were busy. Lana had come back and been infected and then Linda Lake's crap...besides, maybe it's all I deserve. Like I said, 'Chloe Sullivan, also ran.'"

"Chlo, please," I said, not sure how to continue. I wanted to tell her about Dark Thursday and Spring Formal, about how it killed me to walk her down the aisle into another man's arms and how I wish I had heat vision active right now to scorch Jimmy's hair after he hurt her, teach that weasel manners. I wanted to beg her to give me a real chance, just once, but I kept flashing back to images of her and Davis fucking from my nightmares, of Brainiac's black eyes and her chilling laugh.

Of the pain of her pulling out Kryptonite, on me.

I couldn't talk. Just gaped stupidly up at her, wishing she'd understand.

"Why?"

It was allI could get out.

"Because he's normal, Clark, and for about two years I was anything but. I was raising the dead and reciting rapid fire facts about Almerac and bleeding from my damn nose! It was nice at first, with him calling me 'his girl' and 'bright eyes' and having a place without my powers or intergalactic intrigue. I just wanted something for me."

My throat hurt more than it had even with the fever. "Normal, right? That's a good goal to want, Chloe. You're not a mutant anymore, and you're not controlled by Brainiac. There's no League, you said it yourself. If you want to...please go to Coast City or wherever and be the reporter you're supposed to be. Find a good guy."

Chloe stilled then. "You're here."

I laughed but I shouldn't have. It turned into a coughing fit and she was there, rubbing my back and it was like with Mom, and I hated that, wanted her to be more but she couldn't. She'd been paroled from being a freak, something I'd never get, and she could get her life back on track after my secret had ruined it over and over. Months ago, I'd been determined to let her go. I could do that.

Normal.

Normal was good for her; she said it herself.

It was what she wanted more than anything.

"Clark, relax. The Metropolis Journal's a good paper, better than the DP now, and maybe Bart and Victor will at least come here. Maybe even Dinah and Andrea Rojas. We could rebuild some. My life's here and with you."

I held up my left arm. "I'm not going back to patroling, Chlo. You have to know that. I'll get as good as I ever will be and go to Washington. I can't run a farm like this, can't fight crime. I...it's for the best."

"The Blur's a hero!"

"The Blur's gone," I said, leaning back against the pillows. "Don't get buried down with me. I'm the one who's fucked up, not you, not anymore. So just have something better."

She frowned and sat back in her chair. Chloe pulled out a paperback from her purse and surprised me a little by not even answering me back, not directly. Instead, she started reading, "You don't know about me without you have read a book by the name of The Adventures of Tom Sawyer; but that ain't no matter."

"Huck Finn?"

"Yeah, get some rest, wait out the dreams...just don't make any decisions until you're better."

"I'm not going to be better."

She rolled her eyes, pure undiluted high school Chloe peeking out from all our tension. "Please, have you met me? I always fix you up. We'll figure this out. We've sucked at it lately, granted, but the Beast is gone and healing can start, okay? You're alive, I'm alive, and the world's turning. That's a start, isn't it?"

"Maybe."

"Damn right it is," she commanded, looking back down at the pages. "I can fix anything, Clark, I swear."

I nodded and offered her my best smile, then settled back into my mattress. The fever was raging through me and sweat trickling down my back. Hopefully, the staff would bring more ice soon. Everything just burned. But it made me tired, gave me an excuse to nod off to Huck's adventures.

Kept me from having to answer.

After all, how could Chloe fix a problem for me when I was the problem?


	9. Facade

Tess went ahead to talk, okay, she was definitely working on bribing whichever hospital staff needed to be persuaded to release Clark to her private doctors before samples were taken. I wasn't sure if while he was sick and powerless that he would register with irregular DNA or something obviously Kryptonian. With our collective luck, he would, and we'd have worked so hard to save Clark's life just to land him in Department of Domestic Security captivity or worse. To be fair, I wasn't worried about that. Luthor money spoke volumes and moved mountains. I'd experienced that advantage more than once in my life. If Tess wanted Clark in her care, I was certain she'd be able to get it in the hour.

If some samples had already been taken, well, I had a speedster from Central City on speed dial who could handle their theft and destruction if it came to it.

So while Tess was on collecting Clark duty, I had the far more tricky and risky duty of explaining everything to Martha. I wasn't sure I was going to survive that. It was difficult to find a spare room to lead the senator too, but we managed, and I struggled to find the right words as she glared back at me.

"Clark's home," I offered, leaning against an exam table.

She nodded and inched closer to me. "Why is he in a hospital?"

"Apparently, even though I was only gone a couple hours and he knew I'd be back before lunch or so, he decided to go on a covert mission and passed out."

"Why did he pass out?"

I sighed and started fidgeting with the hem of my blouse. It was too hard to be under that intense gaze for long. "He caught a fever from the Phantom Zone and it's causing blackouts and now nightmares and hallucinations. We went to the Fortress and Jor-El says in under two weeks it'll clear and he'll have his powers back."

"And he needed to be at the jail because?"

I blushed and barely knew how to continue. When I did speak again, my voice was little more than a whisper. "Davis Bloome is there. I don't know why Clark would go since The Beast is long gone and not part of Davis. He's normal and about to go away for a long time if, after a trial, the state of Kansas doesn't just fry him."

Martha whistled sharply, and I noticed her voice wavering more than she probably realized. "Is this about you? About your relationship with Davis?"

I dropped my hands to my sides and looked her in the eyes. "Yes, I think that's probable. I...we didn't have a relationship, I swear. That thing was Kryptonite resistant and sent here by Zod to rip Clark to shreds. I was doing anything I could think of, almost, to placate Davis in order to stop the Beast and save Clark's life. I won't bury him; I can't."

"That I understand," Martha said slowly. "That still doesn't clarify how far you went."

"Not that far, no."

And I didn't know what would have happened if we'd gone on the run and more than an embrace was needed to stop him, if it ever had to be fully intimate. I'd never have to know but, frankly, I'd do anything short of murder to guarantee I'd never see Clark's torso strung up like that in reality. So, yes, I probably would have slept with Davis, just not out of attraction.

Only fear.

I wasn't sure if Martha would ever believe that so dancing around was better.

"I see."

"I honestly didn't know. I was only going to Metropolis long enough to get my files. I'm taking off for his recovery."

"I'll call something in to my office as well."

My shoulders slumped. I wasn't sure if that was just her protective streak or also a sign that she didn't trust me. After I added one more reveal, she probably wouldn't.

"His recovery is going to last far longer than two weeks, I think. It wasn't just a cold that...something got to him in the Phantom Zone."

Martha crossed the distance between us and had both hands on my shoulders. "What happened?"

"I would have called you from ISIS before I left town. I just needed to get a few things done. Clark and I...we weren't hiding it. He's only been back about sixteen hours. It's just something bit him and his left hand got sepsis. Even Jor-El couldn't fix it since the contamination was so vehement."

Her fingers dug deeper into me and I flinched. "How bad is his hand?"

"Jor-El had to amputate it." Her hands fell from me immediately and she staggered back. I let her, not sure if she wanted my touch right then, if she just needed to collect herself. "Clark's still mostly dealing with the fever but it's going to be uphill for him to learn to do things one handed. We'll need you badly because I can do some things, but I can't help with uh, well, shower things."

Martha nodded and her chin wibbled just a little. She didn't cry, and I didn't expect to see that from her. "Is this a trick? Did Jor-El just do it for spite?"

"I doubt it. He seemed disappointed. 'Maimed' as the AI put it means that Clark is released from his destiny." I shrugged and wished I could have a few minutes alone just to scream. "That's the only silver lining. The Fortress has been nothing but Hell since it was built. That away from Clark means less branding, freezing, brainwashing and God knows what other punishments."

"But his hand?"

"We'll figure it out," I said, forcing it like a mantra. "It's what we always do."

If only I believed it.  
**

After Clark passed out from my reading of Huckleberry Finn, I trudged to Tess's office. It was odd to be there. She hadn't bothered to redecorate even after Lex's death. It still felt like his place, and the last time I'd been there, Simone had almost caused a world of trouble for all of us. I'd been here a few times during my junior year, plotting foolishly with him against Lionel, neither of us really understanding the cost of such a battle. It ruined my relationship with my father, almost cost me my life and did set me into debt for college until I could patch enough scholarships together sophomore year. Lex? Well he'd only have to give up the little things.

Like his sanity after electroshock.

Being on Luthor territory never left me comfortable, and seeing the way Martha and Tess glared at each other over the CEO's desk made me even more twitchy. That old saw about redheads and tempers was running through my mind.

"Ladies," I said, sitting down on the leather sofa by the fire place. "I think we have some tension here."

Martha turned to me, her hands clenched tightly at her sides. "I was focusing on getting Clark home and safe, but we have to talk. I don't remember giving my permission for the head of LuthorCorp to know everything about my son, Chloe."

I swallowed and wished that it was easier to do. "I didn't have a choice. He was gone, Martha. No one could find him and we had to get him out of the Zone. It didn't work, and we weren't fast enough but we've all seen by now how fatal that place is to him. I couldn't leave him. Metropolis needs him."

I needed him, but I couldn't breathe that to them. It was too incriminating.

Martha's eyes narrowed into slits and her speech was rapid fire and forceful. "You told the person Lex put in charge of all of his experiments. Are you insane?"

"I was desperate. It's different."

"Besides," Tess purred and it would help a Hell of a lot if she weren't gloating about everything. "I don't work for Lex anymore. I might have his company but he's dead as is Lionel. That bastard put cameras in my eyes and used me. I have no interest in using anyone that way."

That should have made us both feel better, but the flaring of her nostrils and flecks of spit coming from her as she finished that last line in an almost-shout wasn't helping. Tess had faced even a hint of frustration with Clark in the other room and she'd gone nuts. Granted, the scion recovered quickly, but Tess's veneer may yet be as thin as Lex's.

"Then we have common ground," I hedged, not believing that either. I didn't trust Tess any farther than I could throw her, which, since I'd never been a field member of the League wasn't very far at all. "Tess did help me collect Clark from Peru when he was zapped back here and that speed with her jet saved Clark's whole arm if not his life, and now she's made sure Met Gen doesn't ask the wrong questions."

Martha turned and glared up at Tess. "It doesn't mean I approve. I can't make you forget, but I am not giving you free access to my son. If you think he's going to sit down when he's not so sick and talk about his heritage or powers or work with you, then you are sorely mistaken. If anything even comes close to happening to him because of you---"

Tess nodded and walked back from around her desk. "Kal-El has an amazing destiny ahead of him, even if he is injured. There's so much he could save, so much good for the environment. People would actually listen to someone like him!"

"What? He'll go public? Make press conferences?" Martha said. "You know that can never happen, what people would do. What Lex and Lionel have both actually done. He's not a tool or a toy or a I don't know what!"

I gulped. I had seen Lionel's fervent passion in the Planet basement and now Tess's own obsession growing. Did they see a god useful for their own taking? Lionel definitely had, but was Tess that insane, that polluted by his journals? Had I bet wrong for his sake?

"I don't think that, just that Kal-El has always been reactionary if my experiences or Lex and Lionel's journals are any indication. He needs to do more."

"Right now, he needs to recover as far away from crazy CEOs and possible traitors as he can. As soon as he feel he can be moved, we're taking him to the farm." Martha had said all of that leveling her gaze solely at Tess, but I wondered if she meant the second barb for me too.

I'd been the one to harbor Davis no matter how dumb that plan had been and also gone to Tess. Did either of them think I was trustworthy still? After the last couple talks with Clark, as depressed as he was, as scared as he must have been to confront Davis himself, well, I didn't sense anger radiating off him. Martha? She was a different story. I had a feeling if she could cut me out of Clark's life altogether she would starting right now.

That hurt.

After Mr. Kent's death and her trust in me to protect him after her move to D.C., I thought I could never knock Martha off my team.

I'd been wrong.

"I can help. I have so many resources. I can help him learn to recover, the best specialists in the country allowed to only work with physical therapy, nothing about blood draws, nothing like that at all." Tess's eyes gleamed again and I wondered what the cost of refusing her outright, denying her even a chance to consult could be for all of us.

But, damn it, he'd been trapped in Hell. What choices had I really even had, especially with J'onn with all his experience even giving up on Clark?

"I'm not interested. Luthors and their chosen right-hand men and women are filth."

Tess snorted. "Lionel wasn't, not according to a lot of pictures his last year or so alive. You were on his arm often at fundraisers and balls, Mrs. Kent."

"And Lex was a violent, psychotic thug who almost killed my son and was this close to making him a puppet. I might have found common ground with Lionel for reasons you can't begin to comprehend."

God, if only Martha knew about the Kryptonite cage the week before Lionel's defenestration...

"But you, Tess, are always going to be Lex's hand-picked, his lap dog and trained by him. No, you have no place in Clark's life because I'll never allow it." Martha turned and brushed past me, shaking her head as she did so. "I'm sorry I've allowed so much lately that I can't even say."

She was gone before either Tess or I had a comeback. The redhead just shrugged at me. "She'll come around. I have resources."

"I don't know if I can be between you, the Kents on one side and whatever your game is. Martha and Clark dictate what Clark will or won't do. Tess, I appreciate what you did but---"

"And there were five craters, Chloe. Clark's one of five escapees. What will the others do? Faora tore up Metropolis. That Phantom tore hearts out of dozens of people according to Lionel, all while wearing Clark's face. That's just the beginning. Clark might not need me, even if he's a fool to believe that much, but you do. Clarks' in no shape to fight those prisoners but the second he hears about them, he'll blur out and try, soon as he has his powers and a clue."

I stood and nodded. "I know. I have to convince him not to."

"Like you convinced him to stay put today sick as a dog?" Tess laughed and sidled over to the wet bar. Some things never changed in Luthor Mansion after all. Pouring a decanter, she took a long slow sip. "Admit it, you can't afford to let some criminal from Krypton or worse tear him apart any more than I can."

"You aren't exactly powered, Tess."

"But I have a team. People like Bette Sans Soucci and others. We can go after them. Your pattern analyses, my team? What do you say? It'll keep him safe."

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. "I'm so very tired of deals. The costs keep mounting up and I'd like a piece of my soul left when this is all over."

She shrugged and drained her drink. "Which would you really rather? His life, such as it is, or your soul? The things you did for Davis already tells me so much on that score."

"I...in two weeks, when he's better. Martha and I are going to have to really work with him, watch him as the paranoia makes him deteriorate."

"After?"

I closed my eyes and pushed memories of Lionel and that damn deal in this same office away. "You know what I'll do."

"Good," she said, her grin wide and feral. "I was counting on it."

I just bet she was.  
**

My room was two down the hall from Clark's. Martha had the room closest for obvious reasons. It was only ten p.m., but I felt like I hadn't slept in months. Perhaps I hadn't. First the fear Davis would escape from The Talon, the Beast storming loose, and tear Clark apart. Then the long months of searching and worrying that Clark had died in the Zone. Even last night, as badly as I'd wanted to sleep, I'd been interrupted by Clark's nightmares. I figured that was going to become a pattern so the sooner I conked out, the better. Martha and I were going to have to be on calming him duty. I did not want Tess involved in that, in something so intimate.

Doubtless, Martha wouldn't want that either.

I had my shrug off and was about to take off the shirt underneath when a low whistle made me turn. In the corner of my room, hidden in the shadows was a familiar speedster about my size.

"Bart!" I shouted, grabbing for my sweater and shoving it back on. "That's so many steps beyond inappropriate. Also super stalkery of you."

Bart snorted, and blurred up to hug me. My nerves were frayed enough that I accepted it. It wasn't like with Clark. When Clark, well, when he was healthy and he hugged you, it was so enveloping like he'd take on the whole world for you. Be honest. He usually could. With Bart, who was no taller than I was when I was in heels, it felt like commiseration and, okay, also he ended up pinching my ass.

That's why I broke off a few seconds faster than our normal.

"You're killing me here, Chloelicious!" he said, and while his grin was its usual cocky and horny norm, his tone was tired. He was putting on an act for me the same way I tried to be super peppy for Clark.

I smiled and squeezed his hand, letting him know it was appreciated. "Sorry, as long as you promise you're not trying to catch more of a glimpse than you should."

Bart pulled his hand back and shrugged. "I still think the best powers are wasted on Stretch. If I had X-ray vision..."

"You'd never get anything done. There's such a thing as overload, Bart."

He waggled his eyebrows and leaned against my bed. "There might be but it's so awesome. Speaking of everyone's favorite Justice Bro---"

"I don't know if that's exactly true," I hedged, blushing.

"Let's see, he's saved me, Victor and A.C. from experiments at least once and never blew someone to bits. I guess Canary's more neutral on him, but nope definitely my fave!"

"Aren't I?" I asked, mock pouting.

"Oh you're a special subset, Watchtower. My point is that J'onn got a text from you when you were about to leave for Peru, and let me and Vic know in Central City what was what. No way I'm not coming here once I figured everything out to see how he is."

"So you heard Clark was home and decided on Luthor Mansion?"

"Vic hacked some Met Gen records and we backtracked. He sends his thoughts too, you know. He's watching the city for the night. If he wants to come out later, I'll let him for a few days. I'm awesome at superheroing!"

"Solo? Isn't that how 'Impulse' got his name? I think you need a buddy to make sure you don't get in massive trouble."

Bart smirked. "You offering, chica?"

"Not now, but pencil me in for about 2015."

He nodded and crossed his arms over his chest. "Banter aside---not that we don't excel at it----but how is he really?"

Shaking my head, I sat down at the spare desk in the room. "He's strung out with a fever that's robbed his powers. Our source on this sort of thing says that's temporary for about twelve more days. Then he...something in the place he was sucked into bit him."

"And broke its teeth, right? I've seen Stretch take freaking bullets!"

"Not where he was. It's designed specifically so people like him won't have powers. I..." my breath hitched and I forced myself not to lose composure with Bart. It was nice to unload, but I didn't want to tempt him to stay in town. It wasn't worth looking weak to what was left of my team, if that was what Victor and Bart wanted to still be. "He lost his hand."

Bart blinked as if I were speaking Kryptonian, not that anyone but Dinah and Ollie knew what Clark was or wasn't. If I'd had my way they'd never have hacked Lana's records and found out about Clark to begin with. It had clearly driven Oliver nuts. "What?"

"He had to have his left hand amputated to stop the blood poisoning. He's going to be out of it for a while."

"How long is 'a while,' don't bullshit. I can always tell Chloerita."

Bart wasn't stupid. He had world champion ADHD, but he wasn't dumb. "He said he's done with hero stuff, period. I'm not going to believe that yet, but this is going to be a long fall for sure."

"Do you want me and Victor to really visit? Guy time?"

I swallowed hard. "After the fever. He's really confused right now about what's real and what isn't."

See me and Davis being in love for example.

"But we can do the cheer up, Patch Adams thing. I promise. It's only fair."

"Not a lot of that going around lately."

"How are you holding up?"

I snorted. "If that's a come on so you can offer to 'hold me up,' I'm just not in the mood."

Bart sped over to me and shook his head. I was amused there was a rose in his hand as he passed it over to me. "No, and watch the thorns. You just look like death warmed over, chica, like you went three rounds with Cue Ball."

"I have interacted a lot with Tess. She's barely better. I'm fine. Clark's here, not trapped in some alternate dimension---do not ask---and that's all that matters. I can do anything as long as he's here and safe."

"Relax too. You might be Watchtower, but you won't do anyone any good, whatever's left, if you work till you pass the Hell out. Besides, the circles under your eyes make you less hot."

Rolling my eyes, I set the rose on the desk and barely missed the thorn stabbing me. Clark would have known I'm a tulip girl. "You were being so nice till then."

"That's me just being Impulse. You need that. Vic and I...call us. We can help, and I'm sure J'onn wants to too. A.C.'s off, like, getting his inner zen on with fish, figuring out all this Atlantean stuff. Dinah and Oliver who even knows or cares. I don't deal with murdering douchemasters. Big policy."

Frowning, I lowered my voice too before replying. "Wait what? Dinah's in Star City?"

"Probably? She and Oliver clicked a lot. I don't know if he's tapping that."

"Wow Bart, real delicate there."

"I mean, she doesn't mind the fact he upped League policy to killing is sometimes justified. I assume she's still doing spying and assignments for him. I...just Stretch and you both have friends, don't forget that."

I nodded and it was getting harder and harder not to cry. "I'll try; I promise."

He grinned and patted my shoulder. "Also should you like to see what The Fastest Man Alive can do with his---"

"No and you just went into creepy again."

"It's a fine line I wrestle," he chirped, grinning in a way that would have pissed off my dad back when he still cared about me. "I'm serious, don't bottle it all. You won't help Stretch worth a damn if you break down too."

"I can't worry him."

 

"Then worry me or Vic or J'onn or your cousin. That girl with the nice rack."

"Bart! Cold showers yeesh."

"My point is you need to let it out too. You're not a robot, Chloelicious."

"I have to...if I let any cracks at all happen, then I can't save him."

"And if you go all 'strong silent type' and crumble? Who will help him?"

I sighed and gave Bart one more hug for the road. I hoped that would distract him at least a little from the fact I had no answer for that.


	10. If you love something...

I was getting scared to close my eyes.

I tried hard to stay awake as Chloe read Huckleberry Finn to me. Of course, I was so tired from driving to Metropolis and so hot. Even after Tess brought Chloe a tub full of ice packs, even after Chlo had packed them around me, all I could feel was the burning all over me. It reminded me of the time back in sophomore year that meteor freaks had locked me in a furnace or rushing through that burning mill to save Lana years ago. You add in Chloe’s silky alto, and I was out no matter how hard I resisted.

I’d have had better luck going head to head with Zod than keeping up.

Not even sure I remembered when I passed out, maybe around chapter three. It wasn’t hard to realize I was dreaming, but the damn fever dreams didn’t care if I was lucid of them or not. I couldn’t make them stop or change the world around me. All the fever dreams let me do was be aware, but the scenery felt as real, the pain it brought up was as bad as it ever had been.

Oddly, the scared me too.

Jor-El built the Zone, engineered everything in it. Had he picked a monster that would specifically torture prisoners like this? Dara said in the final days he’d started throwing in people who weren’t really the most dangerous in the galaxy. Of course, Dara was a thief and a prisoner at the very least. She’d admitted that to me. Could I even trust her? Still, it made sense in a way. If you were going to send people to a prison, why not work on their minds too? Try and make them feel guilt and atone as well?

Maybe I was only suffering because my so-called father had made a plan decades ago.

Story of my life.

Still, even knowing this was at least my third dream, even trying to tell myself these things never actually happened, I couldn’t keep the adrenaline or whatever I had that was close enough from pouring into me. I couldn’t stop feeling so frustrated. I knew where I was now----the penthouse I’d managed to buy with money I’d stolen from banks and, sometimes, off Edge’s thugs. But like the last two things, this had happened.

I was lying in bed, the silk sheets coming up to my waist. Closing my eyes, I reached down and ran my hand over the scar there. It was puffy and I hissed when I did it. Sore and painful like it was all summer in Metropolis. Of course. That mark was something I hated, that even with the Red K I’d hidden from everyone else. I’d done a lot of things with women that summer, gone close but never slept with them. Those I’d take back to my apartment, well, I’d still not gotten but so far. Lana really was my first and maybe she’d always be my only. I wasn’t sure anymore.

But I always wore a shirt, never let them see my scar.

How alien I was.

I opened my eyes when a third hand, much smaller, joined mine. Looking to my left, I figured it would be Lana, at least at first. By now, I should have figured out the theme of my dreams. I know I’m slow sometimes or at least Chlo would tease me about that while I was on the trail of things at The Torch. But couldn’t I catch a damn break too? I had at least twelve more days of this crap and I couldn’t keep having her reject me. She’d done as much in person too, talked about how badly she needed normal.

The one thing I clearly wasn’t.

“Chloe?”

She nodded and looked up at me with hungry eyes. They had the faintest hint of red or something else to them, maybe the poison was mixing up memories or letting me confuse parasites and Red K and everything else together. “I don’t know why I didn’t try that earlier. All summer coming to try and beg you home and I could have begged for other things.”  
“I…you need to go home.” I stood up as fast as I could, not bothering to cover anything up. It was a dream and even if it weren’t, well, I couldn’t lie around the scar on my chest. In a blur, I had clothes on, even an extra leather jacket zipped up to put two layers between me and her.

Chloe snorted and sat up in bed. I looked away from her chest. That would just distract me. “Is this a post-fuck guilt trip over Lana?”

“No, I…you saw too much.” She snickered and pointed to the ceiling. The plaster was sprinkling down a little and the ceiling scorched. Oh, that was just embarrassing. “Oh.”

She shrugged. “I think I started having my confirmations validated when everyone at Atlantis was telling me about how you threw guys thirty feet in bar fights and you could afford this place. Granted, I was thinking mutant but alien actually makes a Hell of a lot more sense.”

“Don’t.”

“What?” she asked, standing up and making a motion toward my bathroom. I doubted she really wanted to shower. She mostly just stood there, completely naked. “Do you want to talk that much?”

“You always want to talk,” he countered. “What even is this?”

“My secret identity? I don’t know, Kal, why don’t you lay it out for me. Sometimes I just get tired. I got tired of being second to Lana so I talked with Lionel. I didn’t intend to tell him anything, still don’t.”

“Don’t you dare!”

“Exactly, but there’s no need. Here it’s just you and me, well, Kal and me. One day, when you get the bad boy thing done, you’ll take off that ring and go crying to your parents and the small town princess. Tell them you didn’t mean to do this.” She turned back to me and jutted out one hip. “I get it. I’m never going to have you any other way and I’m not that noble. As long as this lasts, this is what we have.”

“You think I don’t love you?”

“I know you don’t. You might have bedded half of the blondes in town before I got to town, but they’re blondes, dispensable, like me. When you’re ready to be a full-time martyr again, you’ll beg me never to tell Lana so she still thinks you’re the perfect boy next door.” Chloe sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. It didn’t tame it at all, just made the spikey bits flare out more. “And I’m pathetic enough I’ll keep my mouth shut.”

I stepped closer to her at first then just blurred in front of her like when she tried to back away. “I’m serious. You think I can’t or I wouldn’t ever?”

“You took the ring off,” she said, flatly. “The scar was burning again. I…the real version’s harder to deal with. Kal doesn’t have guilt or complexes, doesn’t even try and pretend it’s more than you having a break down. I can deal with that. I can’t with you, Clark.”

I frowned and ran my hand over my left ring finger. It was naked and I wondered where the Red K ring was. That was awful. Even now, after all the trouble it had caused so many times, I craved it. It felt so good not to care.

Far too good.

“I do love you. I mean…not now but I will.”

She snorted. “You probably don’t even love Lana, you know? You want normal and she’s the crown jewel in that. You  
can only love yourself.”

“Not true.”

“Completely true. It’s always about you, always about what matters to you. We’re not all from Krypton, but we all have our own pains but you never notice them.”

“Chlo?” I asked, reaching out and cupping her cheek. To my shock she slid away and slapped my hand. “God you shouldn’t do that, what if you broke your hand?”

“Look, once I loved you, but be honest this is how I got to the Planet, making deals. I always make them over you. You think I won’t keep doing it? How much I really owe to Tess?”

I blinked and then we weren’t in the Metropolis penthouse at all. We were both clothed---Chloe in all black and that was not really a shock---but this was the Chloe I knew now, the one with the business suit clinging to her body, with curves gone due to stress and hectic days. With those black eyes again.

Leaning against a stupid pink file cabinet, I crossed my arms over my chest. “You’re Chloiac, not even that. This is all in my head.”

“Maybe,” she said, that same odd rhythm accenting her speech.

“Definitely. It’s all the poison.”

She nodded. “But all I say is what you think. You want Red K not to feel but it makes you honest. Your friends, me really, we think you don’t see things. You do. If the poison is working through your mind, it’s just letting me say what you think.”  
She was sidling up to me again and, God help me, I was weak and I let her. She smelled even like Chloe, like strawberries and mint toothepaste. It was the closest to Chloe I’d probably ever get. Even if everything with Davis…out of her own mouth she wanted a normal oasis, someone who could give her more than I could. That was something I could never do, even if I never fought again because of my hand. I couldn’t give her a normal life. Couldn’t guarantee other criminals or aliens wouldn’t keep tracking me down, couldn’t guarantee other crazy billionaires wouldn’t fixate on me.

Couldn’t make love to her.

I couldn’t, not with powers. I’d kill her.

She deserved better than a maimed alien and celibacy, even if she ever thought of me like that again or at all.

This version laughed, the black eyes reflective and cold. “You’d be almost worth the death, the crunch or the frying to cinders, almost.”

“I’d never hurt Chloe.”

Chloiac, whatever this was, laughed again and it made me shudder. She was reaching down again, just trailing her nails over my stomach through my t-shirt and, God, I was so predictable because I was letting her.

“She’d hurt you. How many times has she done it now? Three, isn’t it? Lionel and Davis and Tess, all deals with the villains. Do you think she’ll ever stop? That she has no real use for you anymore?”

“Get out of my head. You’re not real!”

I pushed her…it, sending it flying into the wall, satisfied when she crunched the plaster. “I’m not doing this again.”  
She rushed back at me and the hit stung, as badly as they had in the Fortress. The desk in the office folded to bits under me. “Eleven more days of this. You’ve always been crazy, Clark, just barely holding it all together. So much angst and fear and paranoia. How far do you think the fever can exploit it? That I can? After all, Chloe’s far from your only sore point.”

“I---” and I was surprised to be wheezing.

Frowning, I looked down at my side and I was bleeding. Everything was different and confused. I wasn’t in the office or the penthouse or anywhere. Just darkness, lying alone and coughing up blood. It was like the day of the missile silo all over again. The voice speaking now wasn’t Chloe’s or that weird mix-up with Brainiac that liked to taunt me so much. It was Jor-El’s.

The kind of booming voice that went deep into my bones and my soul.  
You’re released.

I coughed and tried to speak but all that came out was more of this horrible gurgle and more blood. God, how much did I have? Hadn’t I coughed up enough by now?

Useless, broken. My son, if you’d ever just listened to me. Would you be here if you’d taken training?

No but Chloe would have frozen to death. I couldn’t let anyone die, let alone my best friend. That wasn’t what I did.

You’ll die alone. I tried to warn you about that with Doomsday, but you’ll still die alone. Perhaps it was destined, to end out in the dark like the rest of us.

I wanted to scream, to crawl away, to try and even stop up the wound but the pain burned. It was too hard. I couldn’t  
even roll over, nothing at all. Coughing again, I got one sentence out:

“They love me.”

My mom and Chloe, they’d mess up, but they’d save me over and over again if they could. So what if mom left to D.C. on like five minutes notice and Chloe was pulling away all the time. They’d find me or save me or make me useful. They could be trusted; they were the way I knew humans could be trusted, what kept me from falling for Kryptonian bullshit.  
Jor-El responded and his words weren’t gleeful or even haughty. They seemed almost sad, but who could really tell with a machine:

It won’t be enough.

That was the last thing he said, and then my blood started pouring out more violently as I screamed and screamed.  
**  
I was disappointed when it was my mom and not Chloe comforting me when I woke up. She stayed standing at the side of my bed, waiting for me to calm down. That was force of habit. I’d had terrible nightmares as a kid, and before she’d perfected this method of making sure I really was awake, I’d flailed out and crunched her shoulder. After that, it was a rule that she’d wait at the threshold and make sure I was coherent and wouldn’t lash out and hurt her. I didn’t mind, even though right now I couldn’t hurt anyone, well more than an average 6’3 guy. It was just how we’d always been. It was by far one of the least weird things about me.

“Mom? I’m fine, promise.”

She nodded and crossed the room to sit by my bedside. It was weird to have to squint to see her and after so many years not to be able to hear her heart beating either. It would all feel much more real once my powers came back, but right now it made everything feel more hopeless.

Mom reached up and stroked my bangs back from my forehead and I felt about three, but I really liked it so I wasn’t going to complain. “God you’re still so hot. I’ll get some ice packs soon. These are basically melted.”

I sighed and reached down to hand her the ones on my left side. The stump where my hand should be brushed against the bags and I cursed when I realized what I’d tried to do. Looking back up at my mom, I shook my head.

“I’m sorry. I can’t do it. Can you help?”

Mom looked up at me and I’ll give her credit that she kept from crying. “I’ll get them.” She finished collecting them all very quickly and set them in her lap. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“They’re stupid. I should know better every time I pass out that it’s going to be like that. I even half remember it’s the fever, but I can’t stop…it always scares me.”

Her hand was over mine, well, the one I had left. “Honey, it’ll be less scary if you share. Obviously you had one about Chloe and Davis, about them doing things.”

“And I drove to the prison and made a mess that Tess covered up.”

“We’ll get there about the Luthors or, well, their proxy. Can you share? Is it that intimate?”

I blushed and was glad it was dark, even as I felt the heat of the blood rushing through my cheeks. Technically one of the dreams had featured a very naked Chloe and obvious sex before it had started. That wasn’t completely what I could share but maybe I didn’t have to explain that part of it, not exactly.

“Everyone leaves.”

Mom blinked. “I’m right here.”

“You live in Washington, D.C. You had to take off time just to do this.”

“You can be anywhere you need to be in thirty seconds. You’re the one who was so proud of me, who told me to take the job. I don’t understand.”

“I feel like we never see each other. I think it’s my fault. I had Lana and Kara to worry about and then everything with Chloe’s wedding and Brainiac and then Davis. Everything just turned into this huge mess but now everyone’s gone. When you left there were so many people in my life, even people who didn’t know but still saw me, like Lois and Jimmy. I had a job and everything at least busy.”

“Maybe too busy for your old mom?”

“I dreamed about the day I got shot, back in college when I didn’t have my powers back yet. Just about bleeding out alone and then the nightmares I had as a kid. I don’t even know. My other parents sent me away and that scared me for a long time.”

She nodded and stroked my hair again. I settled into the motion. “I can come home.”

“Then I’d be selfish. I just stopped talking to you, and then you stopped talking back.”

“Maybe, at least not as much as I should have. I would have known what a mess you and Chloe were making.”  
“Chloe didn’t exactly----“

“She kept what did you call it? Doomsday? She kept that monster in a place you visited every day. I trusted her more than anyone, even with Lana back when I thought you two could make a go of it, even Lionel.”

I shuddered. Lionel had put me in a cage and turned the lights on kill. I don’t know how he thought that would protect me from Veritas or from Patricia Swann, but all it felt like to me was just another trap. If he’d lived much longer after that, well, he knew where we stood. He was everything my father ever said he was.

I didn’t know if it was worth telling Mom this. It wasn’t even about sparing her feelings. If she was going to judge my friends and allies, then she had a right to know that she had terrible taste and had basically helped me march into a trap. It was more that I was tired of fighting. Tess, Chloe, Mom. All of it was tied down in fights (or in Tess’s case insanity) and things we should have said. I felt things were better with Chlo at least, believed finally she hadn’t slept with Davis. It wasn’t her fault she wanted a normal life. She’d been waging this war with me for four years and it had almost killed her and cost her a job and a marriage. Mom, though…I’d barely seen her in two years. I wanted to start all of this healing with us actually healing. Pulling out old hurts and truths about dead men wouldn’t do anything but make it worse.

“Chloe’s my best friend; she meant well.”

“She’s got us staying the night in Luthor Mansion.”

“Lionel and Lex died, Mom. Tess…is super creepy, believe me. I just, you and she are all I have and I need you both. I lo…” I stopped then and set my arms in my lap. I moved my right away from my stump fast, the raw and scarred skin there a shock to my other arm. So rough and ruined. “Nevermind.”

“Lana left only eight months ago, which to you was so much less.”

“I know. I didn’t say anything. Just that I need you and Chloe, that’s all.”

Mom shook her head. “You never figured out anything fast enough.”

“It doesn’t matter. Even if Brainiac was messing with her mind, she said she did love Jimmy or, I don’t know, maybe the idea of him, of something normal.” I laughed and it was like a broken bark instead of something smooth and normal. Holding up my arms, I sighed. “That’s definitely something I’m never going to be.”

“A lot of people are sick or hurt, Clark. Your dad learned to live a couple good years with heart issues. People adjust.”

“Then even when I retire from being The Blur, I’d still be an alien and people like Brainiac and Zod would gun for me. Besides you hate her.”

“I’m mad, Clark. I might learn to trust her again.”

“Good because she’s still my best friend. I can have that at least before I go to D.C. and Chloe gets the sense to get herself to Central City with Victor and Bart or somewhere with a real paper again.”

Mom smiled and I hated her just a little for that and stood up. “It’s good to let her go, Clark. She’s not for you and the trouble she brings---“

“Isn’t even close to an alien supercomputer eating into her brain or a giant monster going crazy at her wedding and killing her friends and getting her husband in the ICU. I ruined her more than she ever could have with me.”

She pursed her lips and held the ice packs close to her chest. Mom didn’t think I could tell she was staring at my stump, but I could still see things even in the dark and without power. I could see things very well.

“I’m not sure of that yet, sweetheart, but letting her go? That really is the best thing you can do for her.”

Then why did it feel like Kryptonite burning through me to even think about it?


	11. Standoff

"So this morning it's Cocoa Puffs?" Clark asked, and he offered me a smile that I was sure I didn't deserve but I loved seeing anyway.

I hadn't seen him smile like that almost since before his dad died. A few times, maybe that day at Crater Lake, and maybe when he'd first sprung me and hugged me at Black Creek. If I were honest, I wasn't sure when I'd smiled either. I had pictures of the wedding ceremony and that girl was smiling all over, all the time. Maybe I'd have that if I had stayed memory free and The Beast hadn't come for me. Maybe forgetting Smallville and being normal would have done that for me. Some small part of me wondered if just moving and letting all this go, all these wars and intrigue die, would help me too. There was no Lex left to stop, and Tess was probably no better, but she'd never held me or my mother hostage either.

Sighing, I looked back at Clark filling what must have been half the bowl with chocolate-y goodness. It must be nice not to have to worry about diabetes or cavities. Bastard. He was gobbling it all up and after three days back home and the fever working Hell into his mind at night, I was surprised for the peppiness. Still, even if it were tempting to run at least once Tess and I contained the other escapees, I couldn't. Not when being here meant I could still see that smile.

Hell, once in a while, I even got it directed at me.

Smoking cool.

"Alright, so who are you and what have you done with Clark Kent?"

He glared at me and put his spoon down. "You know, considering all the mindwhammies we go through and the phantom, that's not actually all that funny."

I sighed and pulled out some Special K for me. No one needed that much sugar for breakfast anyway. "You're about half way through the fever. So I guess it's a good sign your appetite is back. You're not coughing up a lung as much."

"I still feel really hot and my throat's scratchy. I feel like I've drunk so much tea I should be like honorary British by now. Does that really help?"

I laughed and ate a spoonful. "It's what we mere mortals have. You just seem less mopey. I was worried, at night...you seem so out of it."

Clark nodded and started moving his milk around a bit with his spoon but didn't eat again. "At least I only spent a night at the mansion. I...the dreams are awful, and I hate them. I think it's worse knowing they're going to come and even if I know they're dreams I can't fight them off. Maybe I just feel good knowing I'm halfway done and even if I have seven more days of this crap, give or take, at least it's actually the downhill."

I nodded and patted his shoulder. "Last night, sort of glad I got to you first."

He snorted. "You and Mom take shifts on me. I'm not three."

"You're sick as a dog and high strung, give us that much," I said. "Martha had two nights ago and she needed to get some things from her constituent office in Topeka anyway early this morning. I just mean that I'm sorry you dreamed about your dad. I don't think it'd be good for her to have heard all the details."

Clark shuddered and little and pushed his bowl away. Milk sloshed over the sides and splattered the island's top. "It's funny."

"You didn't look like you were laughing."

"Last night? God no. I just, on the Silver K, I was pretty out of my mind as well."

"Oh, I remember."

"Last time I went nuts, I saw him and it wasn't real either, but I dreamed or hallucinated, whatever, that he called me 'the thing we found in the cornfield.' This time I just...I could have been smarter the night of the election. Figured out a way to save everybody."

"And in the dream from last night you still didn't save him?"

Clark nodded. "It was worse, and I couldn't...not with Mom down the hall...but it wasn't a heart attack that time. That time Jor-El just summoned him to the Fortress, teleported us both there from the damn party at The Talon and then vaporized him. All the prices he always wants." His breath hitched and I looked away, allowing him to pretend it was a cough or part of the cold. Clark was rarely comfortable being so honest, maybe a problem with our relationship for a couple years now. We always wanted to be so in control or each other. "If they'd never found me..."

"You played that game last year too and we all see what kind of Apocalypse that got us into."

"Then I guess the fever's just all these things I could have done differently, all the things that keep me up nights in IMAX."

I smiled as best I could and scooped up both our bowls to place into the sink. "Then why the goofy smile and the chocolate?"

He sat up straighter and brought his right hand to his chest. "I do not have a goofy smile."

"Puleaze, Superboy, your teeth are crooked. It's completely goofy."

"I guess because the congestion doesn't suck so hard or I'm stir crazy or, I don't know, Mom won't be back till tonight so we can hang out."

"I hang out with you every day and we have watched so much boring guy TV, I'm going to start vetoing."

"Jimmy liked Bass fishing. I have some great Sharks games on tape. It's different."

I shook my head and was pleased with myself that after about six months and the Hell of just getting Clark back that even mentioning Jimmy didn't really faze me. It was like thinking back on Justin Gaines, someone who'd hurt me but I was long past. That was something.

"I don't want to watch anymore football or Bruce Willis movies. I veto, like I said."

"I want to go out."

Maybe I let the bowls clatter too much. I was just glad none broke. "Where? You still have a 102 degree fever, you're whoozy as hell, and you sound like your swallowed a cheese grater. Do you think you should be anywhere that's not under ice packs and with extra chicken soup."

Clark frowned. "Does that do more than tea?"

"I've heard certain proteins in it and...that's not the point. If we go hang out at The Talon or the feed store---"

"I am not that boring."

"Oh you are. You're sick and I cannot take you out. Martha would kill me."

"I'm not three, like I said, and I'll tell her it was my choice. I might be sick, and I might not have my powers, but I'm still bigger than you." He stood up to emphasize his point and it might possibly have been impressive if not for two things. First, he was wobbling a bit on his feet. Second, I'd been bossing him around for basically a decade. He didn't faze me before or after the powers stuff. 

Shaking my head, I planted my right hand, palm up on his chest. "Clark, the porch, that's it. You soak up some sun since I guess you can still do some of that."

"Wow, how gracious, mom."

I blanched at that. I didn't want to feel like that. I...maybe family was the best term we had for each other. God knew I was closer to him than I was anyone else, as many bumps and bruises as our relationship had had lately. I was speaking to Lois about twice a week via calls but she kept needling me to visit and being near Oliver Queen, let alone at his estate was the last thing I wanted. It was becoming a point of contention between us. Dad...well, he didn't exactly call me, now did he? Still, I wasn't his mom or his sister, not really. Once I'd dreamed so hard about so much more. When I thought I'd been spending my life on the run with Davis, the thought of never seeing Clark again at all...

...my own nightmares of him ripped to shred by The Beast and the psychopath lashed to it.

I wanted to be something far more than friends with Clark or siblings (ugh) and I'd lied and shoved and dated and technically been married but never outrun that real, true wish. I'd never be what I wanted, but I was glad he didn't hate me for what had happened. That was all I could ask.

More than I should have.

"Well that is more than the sofa," he wheedled and his breath was warm on my cheeks.

I gulped, realizing where my hand was, how despite all his sickness and travels in the Zone he felt as solid and so warm beneath my palm. Clark seemed to notice to and he reached up to place his hand over mine. He backed away as if he'd been scalded when he realized he'd done it with his left arm and his stump had grazed my hand.

"Oh God, that's so...I'm sorry, Chlo."

I smiled so hard I thought my face would crack open. Trying to keep Clark centered usually ended up making me the cheerleader. I'd practice smiles over the years than a model onThe Price is Right. "It's fine. At least get a blanket."

"It's September and warm, right? Indian summer?"

"Get a blanket in case you get chills; fevers are paradoxes like that. You pass out or start acting weird or just the fever spikes---"

"And we'll walk a whole ten feet back to the couch, Chlo, I got it," he replied, his words clipped. Clark backed away from me and was already out of the kitchen before I could stop him.  
**

It occurred to me, as we sat on the porch swing with his right arm over my shoulders and my head on his chest that we didn't exactly look platonic. I know he'd never sit with Pete or Bart like this. Hell, I'd never sit with Bart like this. Mostly because it would turn into a grope fest with the fastest hands alive. Still, this was how we were, even if other people might assume things that weren't true.

Much to my sophomore year self's disappointment.

"So what are you going to do?" Clark asked.

We'd been quiet, mostly just rocking there, enjoying the warmth of the morning and me occasionally forcing him to sip more tea as if it were a miracle cure for everything. Sure, genius move, Sullivan. A little Chamomille could grow hands back right. I think his question was the first thing either of us had said in almost a half hour.

I blinked and glanced up at him before settling my head back on his chest. I'll also give Clark this, Jimmy and I had never literally felt this well. Maybe it was because he was so huge next to me, but I liked basically being able to fold up into him. "What am I going to do about what?"

"You never got to finish school after the Black Creek stuff. You had a few more night classes at Met U to go."

"You're one to talk."

"I barely got started, and that's not what I meant. I was talking about you. You clearly hate it at ISIS. They have a good staff. You don't have to counsel."

"And if I don't, what do those kids do? I don't like it, no. It's not reporting, of course it's not. Clark, there's no League anymore. The best I hear is that in New York, J'onn still does what he can as a human for the force. Bart and Victor take care of Central City as a duo. If you're really going to move to Washington, D.C.---"

"I am."

"You have like seven superpowers. You're invulnerable or will be in seven days and can still crush coal into diamonds in your right hand. Or flash fry things or blow a tornado. Not fly, but you're stunted so we get that."

"Kara's just better at some things. She has two hands. If she ever gets back looking for Kandor, then she can have Metrpolis."

"Well, girls rule," I drawled. "Clark, you can still be The Blur. You've been too sick to really work on rehab therapy or doing things. Martha's obviously a God send. I could never, uh."

I let that lie. There were some places in our friendship, neither of us were going to go, and I didn't need to help him dress. That was too damn much.

Not that I'd mind, exactly, but that's not my point.

"Yeah, but I'm tired. Jor-El said I was done, released. Brainiac is gone, Zod's gone. Lionel and Lex. Yeah, other shit might happen but if Oliver wants to do things his way so badly, then he has the resources, let him take whatever crime pops up. I'm just tired."

"Because you got injured? People get hurt. Hero business is dangerous, but you're still the most powerful being on Earth with J'onn hurt worse and Kara gone. You could do so much!" I was shouting, I knew that. I was also glaring up at him and now doing that hands on my hips, determined thing that usually did sway him. "People need you!"

"I got dragged to the Zone and lost part of me, almost died, and did lose almost six months of my life. What if I'd taken longer? What if I'd come back twenty years later? I'm all Mom has left and I'm just tired, Chlo. You don't know how much. I'm not saying if something from Krypton didn't come looking for me or threaten to hurt innocent people because of me or anger at Jor-El, I wouldn't work to stop it. Of course, I'm not an asshole."

"Sure looks like it. You ask about me and what I'm doing? I'm trying to keep mutants from breaking bad and hurting people. If there's no one to contain them later, I'm trying to stop them before it happens, give them the support you gave me."

"You can't heal someone to death, Chloe. You were never dangerous."

"I meant on Veritas mostly. I had a power for about a week that ruined some people's lives and you stood by me and brought me back. Clark, I work at ISIS because I can't do fancy stuff. I could never kick ass. I can hack and if Vic and Bart ever come back, I'd help them in a heartbeat sure. But---"

"But what?"

"I can't be like you, the hero on the front lines doing the amazing. But I can try and be for these kids who you were for me, someone who believed in them. I...they're like me or my mom, like we are deep down. I mean, my DNA's still fried."

"But your powers are gone. You could do better, be who you want. Go to Chicago or L.A. or wherever, be at a paper again and finish college. Have a life."

"My life is whatever helps people," I said, ignoring the fact that in the abstract it sounded nice, not being scared all the time, not almost dying or losing wars. I could almost get used to not having frequent flyer miles at Met Gen. "I have to pick up slack anyway."

Clark squinted down at me, a pout that really made him look constipated and not at all as cute as his smile. Sort of the anti-smile. "Slack?"

 

"You run. God, I care about you and I respect you, but things get tough and you run."

"Really? You were going to---"

"Keep a giant monster from murdering you permanently. That's different. This is like when you ran to Metropolis or the summer you were brainwashed by Jor-El and came back weird, where Lois talked about meeting yo and she didn't even get what was going on. You get scared about things and you run so hard. Like I said, last year you almost let Brainiac erase you. If you need out, then I can't bless that, but I can understand it for a while. If there's no Blur to save Metropolis, then I have to do my best."

Clark frowned at me and I wasn't sure why what I was saying was so hard to understand. Metropolis was my home and I might wish my life were different but things were still like I meant back when Brainiac had been eating through my mind. I still liked helping people, saving the city and the world. If he was going to rest or even quit, then I had to try harder to balance it all out. 

"You can't just give up what you actually want now that Brainiac and Doomsday are gone. You were going to be star reporter at the Daily Planet."

"Tess made it LuthorCorp's personal propaganda rag, and some day, but if you're retired I'm working."

He snorted and leaned back against the swing. "You're blackmailing me to keep being The Blur?"

"It's not a threat and it's not about you. It's about me and what I have to do to feel I'm doing the right thing. I'm new at counseling and I suck and I still have clients who get sick all the time. Since you've been gone, I've had three I had to turn over the Belle Reve or Arkham in Gotham because they hurt people. But no one else is even going to try. You say 'mutant' or 'meta' or explain it's related to all the trouble in Smallville, and they just throw away the key." I stopped and shook my head, trying to keep my voice level. "It could have been me, Clark. What if the Veritas hadn't hurt? What if I'd just gone nuts and started extorting people's secrets left and right? Or, okay, what if the rocks did to me what they did do to my mom and I could control hundreds of other infected people? I get how scared they are. I can't seem to fix it yet, but I at least get it. Who else can?"

Clark quirked his head at me and frowned. It was then I noticed the beads of sweat pouring down his face. We needed to go in soon, get more ice packs on him. More also of that chicken soup he wasn't amused by either. "I can."

I frowned and wrinkled my nose back at him. I couldn't understand where he was going now, that back and forth in our relationship working all over again. "What?"

"I was scared for so long about what I'd be, if I'd end up like Jor-El wanted or even looking human or get too tempted at first with Fine. I just...I know what it's like to be scared of your abilities, to think you could be a monster."

I sighed and hugged him. "No dreams like that, right?"

"Not yet, hopefully not period," he said. "I just mean, maybe we can...I just lost so much, Chloe, doing all of this. Jor-El let me go and I never thought that would happen. I want to be quiet for at least a while, but maybe I don't have to be all alone in D.C. just being a bum at Mom's house."

"I'm intrigued," I said, interested in where he was headed with this. "So, what does that mean?"

"I can't be open. I mean, I can do something if I have mask---"

"Wait like a ski mask for a bank robbery?"

"No, done with that."

I swallowed hard. "Right that summer, my bad. I'm just confused. What do you mean?"

 

"Make me a promise, you finish the last few night classes at Met U. Mom is a national senator, she can fix or address any problems they have with your offenses. Get back in part to Chloe Sullivan, journalist, and I'll help you with your kids."

"Come and tell stories? You hated that idea."

"You know I can't show my face. If it's as dumb as a ski mask or a voice modulator and hoodie, great. When I'm better, I do need some rest with mom, some distance."

"From me," I added and my throat was so dry.

"Not the way you think," he hedged.

I nodded and stood up. "You're too warm, you need to get more ice packs on you."

"Chloe, I just...distance is good for us."

"Like the five months you weren't here? Like the last year or so that we weren't really communicating?"

"Because, Chlo, mangled DNA or not, you're better than this. You're normal and you can be who you want and how you want, and one day you'll get the right staff trained at ISIS or the right mix of health metas and normal humans there and then you won't have to try and be the only counselor who's lived it. I...I'll go to D.C. and then I'll come back a couple times a week to talk to your kids."

"Will you see me?" I asked and I was croaking all of this out worse than Clark was coughing.

"We'll be the ones doing Cumbaya with your kids, so of course," he said standing up and leaning on me as I helped half-drag him back to his bedroom. 

"No, I mean me. Like just watch stupid action movies at the farm or hang out at that awful Chinese buffet off fifth by The Planet or if I have a lead on a criminal that I need help with. Will we be us?"

"Let's not think about that part, Chlo. Give me a week to stop hallucinating and having nightmares, then a few months to figure out how to do things one-handed. Then we'll see if I'm an even shittier counselor, part time, than you are."

"I'm pretty bad," I said, laughing, trying anything to keep myself from crying. Things couldn't change again, not now that he was back. I hadn't really thought everything was so serious.

"I've had the Chloe Sullivan 'Dear Abby' more than anyone, and I know it works."

"Yeah because you've been nuts and torched buildings or killed people or become a shadow monster, Clark."

He coughed and wheezed a bit up the stairs but not nearly as badly as he had before. "In Metropolis, when I drugged myself on the Red K. I mean Lana tracked me down and Dad did drag me home, but you started all of it. Dad did the most, but you did start me realizing all my rationalizations were crap. I was being a coward."

"So couch surfing with Martha in D.C. isn't?"

"It's being retired," he corrected, holding up his left arm. "I have a purple heart now. I can use some time off. If I never go back, could you really blame me?"

"No comment until you get better."

"So it's like that."

If he really did leave me to go thousands of miles away, I definitely would feel it was.


	12. Florence Nightengale

"Sweetheart, you can't stay up all night," Mom said as she set a glass of milk on my table.

Shrugging, I reached for my t-shirt and started fumbling with it. Getting dressed sucked. It's not something I'd ever really thought about before, although Mom says it took me a while to understand about them. Obviously, it's not like Kryptonians were nudists. I think it was more it's not like I had to wear anything for a long time in space...and these are the weird thoughts that sound like I'm crazy if I think on them too hard.

I mean, I know it happened. I have the Fortress to prove it. It's just if I ever told someone, I'd be in Belle Reve so fast or in a straight jacket.

Still, maybe you've broken an arm before or sprained your wrist? Yeah, I didn't realize how much I even used my left hand until I couldn't. Still, even if Mom was here to help me "adjust," I needed to learn faster or figure it out on my own too. She had something important to do and taking care of me anymore wasn't supposed to be it. All this resolve was great until I was fumbling to get my head through the bottom of my tee-shirt with the right one already tangled up over my arm.

Something tore and I wanted to scream. I probably would have cursed but Mom was there and it seemed too weird to do that.

Mom took the ripped tee from me and helped me with a different shirt. I kept looking down at the quilt and not really making eye contact with her. Did I ever mention I blush a lot? Because I do. It really annoys me, not that I'm a good liar anyway. It's just I can rarely hide anything from my family and that's frustrating.

Sighing, Mom patted my shoulder once I was dressed. "You do know that men as large as you and your father breaks things even without the strength, right honey?"

Nodding, I leaned against the wall at the head of my bed. All the lights were on in my room. By now, I might have five days to go, but the dreams were wrecking me. I tried...I wanted Chloe to stay as long as she could. I couldn't give her normal or something safe like maybe the idea of Jimmy could have or some nice, regular guy would some day. Still, if I wasn't a zombie for her or nutty, at least I could give her normal hangouts. So, during the day, I enjoyed the fact that with my powers out I could actually get sugar rushes and caffeine highs.

Again, anything to stay awake.

At night, though, I wanted to keep from falling asleep. It wasn't just Chloiac or that weird vision of Chloe infected with the evil black eyes that haunted me. Oh no, my brain had turned to other things with the fever. I saw Dad a lot too.

Last night I dreamed about the little brother I never had, the baby Mom lost. I...it was going to be a surprise, you know? I never felt comfortable X-raying Mom anyway and I'm crap at anatomy. Dad knew, but Mom and I didn't.

I guess I still wouldn't if I hadn't cleaned out one of the closets and found a tiny Sharks jersey and a blue teddy bear Dad must have bought early.

I...sleep was my enemy. I'd read that humans can go for almost three days without it. I could work hard and give myself maybe a couple days away from them. It was just too much. When you'd made as many mistakes as I had, you had plenty for guilt to pick through.

Mom, apparently, wasn't for that plan. "Clark Jerome Kent, you drink this and you actually try and get sleep. Last night you were up until three."

"Well, I don't have anywhere I have to go and I can be bored on the couch at one as well as I can at eight a.m."

"You still have a raging fever and sleep's good for you."

"Not if every time you close your eyes you have a nightmare," I replied, handing her the milk. "I can't sleep. I just...I'm tired of dreaming. Don't make me."

Mom swallowed hard. She wasn't crying. Mom didn't do that much, but she sometimes had a wavery voice or her eyes would water, but not quite tear. The point is, I can still see her tells. I'm not an idiot and I know Mom sure isn't. Still, I don't think she really thought taking me home all the way through. I mean, I'm sure she knew I'd have "special needs," but I don't think killer interplanetary intrigue and evil, murdering spaceships was on her mind.

She'd seen me hurt more than most parents had with their kids, even if I was suppposed to be invulnerable.

"You'll feel better when the fever's over. None of that...what you see isn't real."

"What I did was."

She frowned and set the glass on the table again. As if I was going to drink anything that would make me more tired. "Your father?"

"Sometimes," I said, not sure if I should admit that. Mom and I should have talked more about what happened with Jor-El on the night of the election, how I messed up. I guess it was all inevitable once Dad got my powers and his heart was so stressed. No matter which person fate chose the second time, I think that damage had been done when I ran away to Metropolis. "I just...it's other things too."

I wasn't as smooth as I thought. When was I? I definitely must have glanced at her stomach for too long.

Mom's gentle smile wavered for just a minute and she put one hand over her abdomen. "You didn't kill the baby or your father."

"Jor-El did. Sure, right, whatever."

"Clark, it's not 'whatever.' You were sixteen. You're a lot older now. Would you really expect a kid to have a clue how to stop something like that. One of Chloe's kids? Or what about Bart Allen, he's a bit younger than you?"

"Bart's so immature that he's about kindergarten," I joked. "I could have been smarter and I wasn't."

I cost you everything.

If I had any actual courage, I'd have said that, just finally cleared the air about why I worked so hard to avoid her. I honestly have no idea how she can look at me and not hate me. If she hadn't taken me home, I really think things would have been better. I know what the AI showed me two years ago, but the world just ended, nuclear war because of Brainiac and a different Kara. Until then, though, Kent Farm was better, happier. Dad and Mom were alive and happy and a normal kid.

Besides, who can even trust anything Jor-El makes.

I just wish I could...what's the point of having a time crystal if it only gives you one shot? Why wasn't there more than one? If I could just stop the ship or something. Just been better.

"You were young and Jor-El's awful and evil and abusive even now."

I shrugged and held up my stump. "It did save my life from blood poisoning so that's something. If I'm so defective now, God, it could have decided to 'put me out of my misery.' Honestly, with Jor-El? I never put anything past him."

"True, but I'm not sad the Fortress is out of our lives."

"Oh me neither, but I can't keep seeing old ghosts, Mom. I have worked really hard not to think about them. I mean, I think about Dad all the time. I can't live here and not think about him, but I try hard not to think about at why he died. This isn't helping that. It's also...I think too much about Chloe, I guess."

"Not Lana?"

I shrugged. "She's gone, and I guess it is weird I haven't dreamed about her once. I don't know. It's not even that she's literally poisonous to me. It's just the Lana I knew and liked has been gone a long time. Living on the farm was such an act when she was doing all this crazy lab crap behind my back and then she went and became some weird vigilante act. Uh, don't get me wrong, some things were nice to have back---"

"Ahem."

I blushed and sped through that part. "But I don't miss her after so long. All I thought about in the Zone was getting home to Chloe, just like last time, and, well, Metropolis in case something else attacks it. Then I do get home and she's talking about normal guys and...sleeping sucks. I can't keep closing my eyes and seeing her or Dad or you crying over the baby. I do everything wrong."

"Again, I think there's a planet saved a few times over that might argue with that."

"And Brainiac only fucks with---"

"Clark!"

I shrugged again and turned on my television. Cable might keep me up. Maybe there was a marathon of something loud enough to keep me from sleeping. "Don't let me fall asleep, okay?"

Mom shook her head and sat back in her chair. "I'll sit with you all night if it makes you better but, you're sick as a dog, and eventually you're going to crash out no matter how much Coke you drank."

"Well it was only eight..."

"No, Clark. You need rest to fight this fever off. If you run yourself down it might last longer and you can't possibly want that."

That did it. I grabbed the milk and drank it quick. "God no."

"Good," she said, patting my hand. "I'll be here all night. I promise." Hell, she surprised me by pulling out my old Elmer Fudd nightlight and plugging it in. "I've gotten you through nightmares before haven't I?"

"Always."  
****

Mom passed out eventually. I'd managed to outlast her. Honestly, I wasn't sure I would. Everything felt like it was burning, even with the ice packs she brought and the fans she had on me. Besides, she probably had her share of late nights in Congress now. Still, I'd kept my attention focused intently on some SportsCenter stuff and looked over to find her asleep. Sighing, I stood up and spread the old afghan my grandma had knitted for my dad over her. Granted, it was a bit more like throwing it, but I made do, even managed to pull it up towards her chin with my right hand.

She murmured just a bit and curled up in the rocker.

Sitting back down, I flipped the channels until I hit MTV again and tried to concentrate on whatever reality crap was there. It was that or cucpake baking on the food channel. There wasn't much else at two a.m. to try and keep me distracted. At least The Real World was more interesting than an ab roller commercial. Besides me, Mom had started snoring softly and I was definitely going to crash out hard soon enough. 

And dream.

That's when Chloe surprised me by walking into the room. She must be even more worked up and anxious than I was. Still in her jeans and sweatshirt, she tip toed quietly around Mom and sat down on the far side of the bed. Okay, not that far. I only had a double for what it was worth. But she was sitting next to me now. 

"It's late," I hissed, turning off the TV. "Is something wrong? Did something happen?"

She shook her head. "I had some figures I had to go over first. A few medical tests some of my kids didn't do so well on."  
"How?"

"A couple don't have stable mutations. It's hard to tell where it's shifting to. The Shadow kid when he started therapy couldn't do that, not completely. Sometimes---"

"You wish the shower had never happened?" I asked, my throat tight. Even if I wasn't really congested anymore, it was getting harder to breather.  
Those huge green eyes of hers looked back into mine. Chloe was a great liar. She'd saved my ass with a quick story more times than even I could count. Somehow, though, that didn't really work on me. I saw through her, saw sometimes even the things she was hiding from herself. Now she was staring back at me and worrying her bottom lip before she continued.

"I wish the rocks hadn't come or that Zod and Brainiac hadn't been psychopaths. That's different." She reached up and hugged me and I grabbed her back with one arm, feeling stupid and incomplete when I let my other one stay at my side. If she noticed that, she didn't say anything. Chloe pulled back and leaned against my wall. "I'm glad you're here. My life would have sucked without you."  
"So you wouldn't have been on the FBI most wanted with terrorist charged, had stroke-like incidences, and an annullment by 21?"

"I wouldn't have saved the world, kicked a ton of ass, and had probably the best friend ever. I think that's worth it."

"I'll believe that later," I said.  
She grinned back at me and her eyes seemed almost to twinkle mischieviously. "I can wait you out. You're worth it."  
"Thanks, uh, I think. We can't talk too much. I think Mom might wake up eventually."  
Chloe cast a glance toward mom who was curled up into a ball by now. She really was small. I forgot that sometimes. Mom and Chloe both had so much toughness and energy; it seemed they almost stood close to me. Or, okay, at least they could run over or cow me. I wished I could protect both of them better.

"She seems pretty out."

"Maybe, but---" I said and then I froze. Chloe was straddling over me, and I had no idea what was going on. I hadn't fallen asleep. I'd been watching everything and I hadn't conked out.

Had I?

"Uh, Chlo?" I asked and no, my voice did not break thanks for asking. I might have coughed a little though. "Chloe did you get into some Gatorade again?"

She grinned and as if that was an invitation, took off her sweatshirt. I looked away and was glad I didn't have my powers then or I might have fried her right there. It didn't mean she could continue like this. Sitting up as best I could, I grabbed at her shoulders. My right hand restrained her easily enough but I swallowed hard when my stump was left resting on her collar bone. 

"Chloe, please. This is a terrible idea."

She nodded and slipped off my lap. Shoving her sweatshirt back on, she stared at me but was still pouting a little, her lip stuck out in a way that, okay, wasn't uninviting. I'd give her that. "Clark, I'll wait. I've done it for a long time. I said that right?"

"I can't."

Something changed then and her expression went from smiling and interested to a cutting frown that I hadn't seen on her since we'd argued over my stealing her records. "I was afraid of that too."

"Look, let's just slow this down---" I started, standing up and then falling to the floor. The same sensation was swallowing me up, that burning in my bones and skin, the dizziness and agony that came from my blood literally boiling. "Chloe?"

It came out as a croak, and I was lucky to manage that with the size of the Kryptonite she had pulled out of a box hidden in her sweatshirt's pocket.

"I told you to work with me here, Clark," she answered and, damn it, I hadn't realized I was dreaming.

God it burned. I just had to wake up. I just had to do anything. Chloe was pushing the rock closer to me, holding it against my chest and I felt my heart shudder and stop. Again, not any metaphor, I couldn't have that rock so close to me. It was killing me.

Chloe was killing me.

I closed my eyes and struggled, trying to push her off of me, my stump and right hand both digging into her shoulders. "Please stop."

"Clark?" Chloe called and her voice was sweet again, and I couldn't understand these sudden 180s. Chloe wasn't like that, not normally. Okay, she'd been able to channel her inner bitch hard in high school but she hadn't been that moody on me in about five years. "Clark!" she called and her fingers were under my chin. "You have to look up. What's going on?"

I looked back at her again and was beyond confused. She was still sitting next to me on the bed and Mom was now hovering over the other side of the bed, the aghan she'd been covered in forgotten on the floor. "Chloe? Where's the Kryptonite?"

She leaned closer to me and I scooted away from her so quickly (well for a human) that I almost fell of the other side and into my mom. "Clark, I don't understand. We were talking about my caseload and you just freaked out. You don't remember that?"

"I don't...No. That's not true. You came here and it was like on the Gatorade and your were crawling all over me and then when I didn't...when I couldn't" I was fumbling hard and I knew it. Mom was watching all of this and I had no idea how to explain it. It was awkward enough I'd apparently started hallucinating too. Worse that it was about sexual stuff with Chloe and now she knew.

Chloe blushed and stood up, all while holding up her hands. She even took off her sweatshirt and instead of the thin tank top I'd imagined, she was just wearing a red turtle neck. "Clark, I don't have anything. There's no meteor rock."

"Mom, Chlo, I saw it!" And I was yelling and not sure who I was convincing. Even I was realizing what I'd seen couldn't be possible. She hadn't had time to stash in back in a lead case. But I felt fine. 

It hadn't ever been there, just all in my head.

"Oh God, I'm so sorry, Chlo. I didn't mean to hurt you."

Chloe rolled her eyes. "You didn't. You just scared us. It was the weirdest thing. You zoned out and then started pushing at me and screaming. I thought there really was Kryptonite around with how pained you looked but your veins were normal."

"God, Jor-El goes all out when he punishes. Dara was right."

Mom frowned but didn't question me about that. Instead she collected up my ice packs. "You're flushed and," she added touching my forehead. "Just like I thought, another spike. I'll get the fresh ones and be right back. Chloe, watch him."

I think her tone implied, "If you even could."

Right, Mom and Chloe weren't back to getting along yet. No, that's not what I meant. Mom was mad at Chloe, and Chloe was trying so hard to please again. One thing at a time, and I had to get past these nightmares first. No, scratch that. No my mind was going to play with me any time it felt like.

Kryptonite optional.

Chloe sat down in the rocker once Mom was gone and shook her head. "I'm sorry I didn't figure it out sooner or snap you out faster."

"Sometimes even you can't save me." I'd said it as a joke but she ended up staring far too long at my stump before either of us said anything. I spoke first. "Four days, right? I can only go so insane in ninety-six more hours, you know. I don't have my powers but maybe you and Mom should restrain me somehow? I'm pretty big and I could hurt both of you if I thrash too much."

"I'm not setting up some kind of cuffs like in a mental ward. That's..."

Like your mom or you with Gretchen.

"I'm asking you to get some, in case. I'm a big guy. Even if I can't shred steel...I did a lot to hurt Lana and Lex and even my mom on the silver K. I need some peace of mind."

She smiled but it didn't meet her eyes. Chloe was too good at taking care of me sometimes, had her own look of pity reserved just for me that I was growing to hate. "I'll get them but I'm not attaching them to anything until I'm sure it's necessary."

"Fine," I said, reaching out and squeezing her shoulder with my hand. "I never mean to scare you or Mom."

"Scared for. It's completely different," she noted. "Four more days of this Hell and we're done. Now, who the Hell is Dara and what did she know about Jor-El that a fever helps prove?"

"You heard that huh?"

"Oh you bet we both did. Did you make felon friends in The Zone?"

"Look, Chlo," I started and then I groaned again and grabbed my wrist, pulling my left arm close to me. "God, that hurts."

Chloe was up instantly, standing in front of me and putting both hands on the side of my face. "Clark, stay with me. Don't start hallucinating about Kryptonite again."

I shook my head. "No I only see you in front of me, no meteor rocks. I just, ugh!" I shouted pulling my arm as tightly to me as I could as if that would stop the burning and cramps from eating into my hand.

The hand that wasn't there.

"It's cramping so bad, Chlo."

She blinked and looked down at my stump and then nodded. "Close your eyes."

"What if I pass out?"

"You think you will with cramps?"

Another wracked through my left arm and it felt like my fingers were curling in on each other, but they couldn't because they were fucking gone. "Christ, no."

"Then," she said, grabbing my right hand in hers. "Close your eyes and take a deep breath. I need you to imagine your, um, your old hand. You need to think about your fingers, about unfurling them."

My eyelids were slammed shut. Her idea didn't make much sense but the pain, while not Kryptonite bad, was intense enough that I was wiling to try anything. "Okay."

In, out.  
If I were normal for me, I'd be focusing on her heartbeat or Mom's to center me, keep my pacing going. Now I just focused on her breath, the rhythm we both fell into. Doing as she ordered, I imagined my old hand and the fingers releasing from a fist. After a long time and so much pain, the cramps finally stopped.

I opened my eyes and squeezed her hand back. "Thanks. Where did you even learn that?"

"Google," she said. "Hello, have you met me?"

"Maybe," I said, smiling just a little before falling back onto my pillows. Dreams or not, hallucinations or not, I was just too tired to carry on. Just four days left. I would manage it. I had no choice. "Thank you. My hero."

"Right, that won't get you out of explaining Dara some time, Clark. But get rest. Martha and I will be right here, promise."

And I fell to sleep knowing that she'd keep that, just like she almost always did.


	13. Promises, promises

"You look like shit," Tess said, handing me a coffee and for one of the first times in my life I almost wanted to beg her to "Irish" it up for me.

I wasn't like that. It had been Jimmy's father's vice and apparently something Jimmy was prone to too, if his prescription pill issues weren't a tip off. Drinking a good stiff Scotch was never beyond a Luthor and, even if she was just the replacement underling, Tess sometimes guzzled more than she should have. Of course, just because Lex and Lionel were both long gone didn't mean that the mansion wasn't constantly broken into by mutants and aliens. That lack of security might drive anyone to drink.

Sipping the dark amber liquid, I tried to remember the little things like my name and what year it was. Four days to go. That's all we had to do. Not that Clark's recovery was going to be easy after the fever, not by a long shot, but he'd be rested and have his powers back. Even if he was so damn stubborn about retiring and moving away, as dumb as that was and as much as I had to make him see however he was now that Metropolis still needed the Blur. That I needed the Blur.

Oh screw it, that I needed him.

Still Clark wasn't sleeping and, as of this morning, we could add actively hallucinating. If he wasn't sleeping, then Martha and I weren't sleeping. Frankly, we probably had it worse than Clark in a way. Eventually, he'd pass out, but we'd worry and talk over everything with each other. It was gnawing at both of us in different ways. I think for me, it was more that I didn't know how to make it better. I wasn't an idiot. Of course some of his dreams had to be about me, about mistakes we'd made this year as friends, and at least at first about me and Davis. Everything when he'd passed out at the jail and his own admissions told me as much. I figured they'd continued like that along with dreams about his family, maybe about Lana and her conversion into walking Kryptonite.

All of it.

We were twenty-three years old and we had more mistakes piled between us than people who'd lived several life times.

At least my mind wasn't playing that over mine for me on a Technicolor loop, at least not yet.

For me, though, how could I ever really make him better no many how many smiles I offered or terrible movies I watched with him, when part of the problem had to be me? Of what I'd done? For Martha, I think it was all frustration and anger boiling through her. Part of me wanted to shake her, to remind her that she'd left and barely been back here in two years and what did she honestly think was going to happen? Part of me wanted her to look at me like she had in the Planet's basement after we'd all run into the Angel of Vengeance. I wished she could respect me again, trust me.

But I'd lost that on my own.

I was just damn glad and lucky that Clark still trusted me through some miracle. God, he must really want to be around me to even offer mentoring incognito at ISIS. But that bond, that almost-mom I'd had in Martha Kent was gone, and that burned too. I wasn't even sure she was wrong. Clark's stubborness to save everyone would have landed him dead by The Beast's talons, I was sure of that, but my plan had left him maimed and depressed. Neither had worked the way we'd wanted. I couldn't even blame the loss of my and Martha's closeness on redheads and tempers or her Momma Bear instincts. I'd lied, betrayed, fucked the Hell up.

And now Clark wanted me to cuff him up, tie him to the bed the way the doctors had when Gretchen had slit into my wrists. The way sometimes Mom had been at Fairview when she visited, if she'd had a bad night. Those days her eyes were glassy from thorazine and she barely even blinked. I didn't care if he was still a huge guy with a bunch of strength from that, how could he even ask me to keep him like that?

"Sullivan, hey, Earth to Sullivan," Tess said, arching an eyebrow at me. "The coffee's well done by the chef, but it's not a zone out experience."

"I'm sorry."

She let out a low whistle. "It really must be bad. You're here at Castle Evil after storming out of here with Clark as soon as you could, blowing me off for over a week on the weird craters, and now you're being actually polite."

 

I snorted. "I'm too tired to fight today. That's not being nice, it's just giving in."

"To Team Luthor?"

"He's not in a lab...yet, and he wasn't exposed at Met Gen. Martha's more mad than I am."

"Obviously."

"But it doesn't mean I trust you as much as you want me to. I just don't have anywhere else to go," I laughed bitterly and drank my coffee. "Don't take it completely personally. Clark...I think he only ever told me everything because I got dragged to where his ship's intelligence lives. Honestly, from things he's said over the years, his damn martyr complex, I think if he could go back and try lying his ass off to me---like that would work---he would."

"The Kents and their secrets have driven saner CEOs to ruin."

I shook my head. "I don't think Lex was ever glued together right, if you want to know the truth. Sometimes, good alliances come from trusting others even if you didn't have a choice to start. I'm hoping I'm right about you and that your shows of good will so far are genuine...if you spend years doing this, playing by their rules---"

"They still might kick you out?"

"Clark wouldn't do that to me, even now," I said, wondering if it was just the coffee bitter on my tongue. "It's just for someone so supposedly invulnerable, those of us who do know, spend a lot of time stopping him from getting himself killed or exposed to the wrong people. It's draining."

"I'm not the wrong people."

"And I'm thinking back to Linda Lake and an accident this year," I admitted. Tess didn't need to know more than that or that there'd once been a Legion ring. I wasn't sure Clark had destroyed it like he promised. The temptation...I wasn't sure I would have in his place. "I'm tired, Tess. I spent five months terrified he was dead in that Hell hole and now about two weeks trying to keep him safe from himself and his paranoia."

"The fever. I could help contain him. I could have my doctors here trying to get any medical options that might break it, something better than ice and hope."

"I'm not saying you couldn't, maybe. That was Clark and Martha's choice to make. You starting to respect that would help."

"How is he?" she asked, sighing herself, and sitting down on the corner of her desk. 

"Hallucinating during the day, thrashed pretty hard last night, for a human, I mean. I...Tess, can you get me medical supplies."

"Will tranquilizers even work?"

"Not those," I said, setting down my mug. "We've tried aspirin and like Nyquil in case it would help. His powers are out but he doesn't react to medicine the way we do. You can't give him anything to make the visions stop or help him sleep, no."

"So what do you mean," she asked, teasing the words out, as if they'd answer the question themselves if she just said them slowly enough. Her eyes widened then and she swore. "Restraints. I'd normally make a line about never figured you for kink, Sullivan but---"

Shuddering, I took in a long breath. "Something like a hospital would have, maybe a jacket? It's not like his mom's bed or his has rails."

"I could order a hospital bed. It'd be at the farm in an hour."

"Must be nice to have more money than the GDP," I replied, pushing the bangs out of my face. I'd let my hair get long again, like before my wedding. Taking care of myself, something as trivial as a hair cut just hadn't seemed important. "Then they'd know. I...there's no way I'm going to use something on him but if having a straight jacket in his room makes him feel better that we could restrain him, so be it."

Tess nodded and pressed her intercom, barking out the order to her assistant. I knew it'd be in my hands by the time I left the manor. It was that connection, that ability to get things done, that had seduced with Lionel in the first place, made me think his computers and money were the easy way out. Here it was just about trying to save Clark but I knew now that noble goals like that led to me almost on the run and bodies in dumpsters, to nightmares of my own even if they weren't as dramatic as Clark's. But if it was for him, well, eventually I'd settle that tab.

"Now, Chloe, about the craters. We have four others to worry about. The one in Cardiff has been moving towards London and the incidences there include livestock and also human victim mutilations, spines torn out..."  
***

Martha greeted me when I came home.

Okay, so maybe greeted was a kinder word for it. She looked at the jacket and, for just a minute, her resolve faltered, her posture was looser and when she spoke her words started out shakey. "He asked you too?"

I nodded and tucked the damn jacket under my arm. "One thing about running a clinic, you can always find something medical. Martha, I would never actually use it. If having it on his desk calms him down, fine. I'm not binding him like that."

"I just wish this would finish."

I nodded and started up the stairs, figuring he was still in his room. "You have to get things from Topeka?"

"Yes, but I was waiting till you were back."

"Tag team," I said, smiling. That souded familiar. "Martha, about everything---"

She nodded and grabbed her purse, her composure regained as she surged to the door. "Later, take care of him and we'll talk eventually."

God, now I knew how Tess felt, but I'd been Clark's best friend for a decade and in on his secret for almost half of that. I wasn't some stranger who had to prove herself. I had given everything, lost everything and maybe it never would be good enough for Martha.

"Sure, finish up at your office, and I'll watch him tonight, okay?"

"I hope so and, Chloe, if he really asks or if you do get hurt...I'd understand about the you know," she said gesturing to the jacket.

I shuddered; she'd never been in a psych ward before. She'd never say that if she'd woken up strapped a bed, unable to sit up on her own.

Instead, I kept my fake smile plastered on my face, all the things we wouldn't or couldn't say piling up between us. "Whatever he needs."

And wasn't that a mantra? Look at all it had brought the three of us now.  
***

I stayed at the threshold of his room for a while, the jacket shoved behind my back. Clark was watching something mostly loud from the Cartoon Network, but his eyes were half-shut. I didn't think he was fighting the need to sleep very well. 

"Hey, I got something."

Clark perked up and turned the volume down. "I've seen the Road Runner before, you don't have to hesitate."

I laughed. "Are you five? Did I miss a Bugs Bunny marathon? Hell, Marvin the Martian would be pretty accurate."

He grinned. "Dad liked the Merry Melodies stuff. I've always like Foghorn Leghorn best."

"You would. You can take a boy off the farm, maybe, but---"

"Chickens can be fun," he said, watching me as I set the jacket by his desktop. "I really appreciate that Chlo. If I get too violent or something I do scares you, I understand. The fever's really working through me and I asked."

I sat down beside him on the bed and tried not to notice him putting a pillow on his lap. The dreams must have been screwing with him pretty hard still to ever think of me...just maybe it was better if I sat somewhere else. I'd have made it to the rocking chair, but Clark put his hand on my forearm, stilling me.

"You can stay."

"How high are you?" I joked. "You still see me, right? It's Chloe, just in my jeans and t-shirt. You're not seeing me Brainiac'ed out or something?"

"No."

I bit my lip and wasn't sure this was the best question to ask. "You don't see Lana or even Lois right?"

"No, just you in what you left for ISIS in. So I think I'm not hallucinating."

"And I can take the chair, it's fine," I said, standing to go.

Clark squeezed my arm. "No it's fine. The bed's not huge but it's fine. So we can watch movies, I was feeling good enough to set up my DVD player, and I promise I'll even throw in one of mom's. She's not a big chick flick person but she has some older stuff, some Cary Grant?"

"I do like His Girl Friday," I added. "Sure, but chairs are good."

He shook his head and put one of the two pillows he had left behind him between us. "We've had movie marathons since we were thirteen. It's fine."

"Except the Will Smith one. I guess your parents must have really flipped with me bringing Independence Day and Men in Black here."

Clark shrugged and leaned against the wall. "It's not like I knew then, just that I was weird."

I snorted and pushed my bangs back behind my ear. "You were not that secretive. I didn't think Krypton, exactly, but I always thought...you were part of why I started researching Smallville so hard. There was no way you had a library book from Connecticut, the one I needed that had been out of print for fifteen years, just in your loft. There was a breeze and then you were back!" I laughed and little and squeezed his hand back. "I don't know why you did that. I assume you never told your parents about your stunt. Why even bother?"

Clark frowned back at me, brows knit in concentration, that same look he used to study the always broken tractor he was fixing. "I don't understand."

"Me, you just met me. I was some girl from nowhere, just breezed right in talking about newspapers no less and how I wanted to be a reporter."

"You still should be one."

"Sure, but you know what I mean," I said, changing the conversation. I wanted back, sure, but I wanted my city safe more. And if Clark wasn't sticking around to do it, I'd have to try my best. "I was basically proclaiming that if I found something weird I'd try and publish on it. It was stupid of you."

"You were nice and I liked you."

I chuckled. "Not the way you liked certain girls next door. Seriously, that telescope thing Clark? Creepy."

"I never did that! It's just, only Pete ever talked to me and I think we got to be friends at first cause his dad and mine were. I know it was a set up and the principal made me, but it was nice. You're nice. Clearly, it worked out," he said, smiling and my stomach flip-flopped. How could he always make me fifteen again?

"Still too risky," I noted. "I hate the restraint thing. I'm sure we'll get through the next 80 plus hours and it'll be fine."

"They're awful, I know," Clark said. "I know the Phantom put it in my head, but back when I thought I was going crazy over there, I had that. They put me in it after I escaped."

I grinned. "You must have been resourceful to do that without your powers. I don't think the Phantom bargained for that."

"You got me out. I mean, I figured out the how out the building and then you showed up as the back up."

"Then the phantom was an idiot to put me there. Even without powers, we'd escape, not that Shelby doesn't complete the trio approach."

Clark stilled and looked down at the blanket. "I never told you this because there wasn't a point, especially as scared as you were before about your powers, but I knew you because you'd been an 'inmate' too and released. You were as crazy as I was."

"Except it was a trick and you do have powers," I said, voice shaking. Mom was ruined by the shower. She could be normal, take therapy from Oliver but she'd refused to. If she was ever capable of controling mutants and coherent enough for someone to use her...they'd have a damn army and Mom knew that. It didn't mean that I still had mangled DNA, that I still couldn't one day go crazy even if my powers had been cut off by Brainiac. "Thank you for waiting to tell me. I'll be fine. I don't heal anymore."

Clark nodded and slung his right arm aroud me in a half-hug. "I know and that's the only reason. I know how scary it is, what you went through after Gretchen. Besides, that's what bomb squads are for, right?" He turned to me then and everything was heavy, so silent, like before on Dark Thursday or in the Fortress before he left. "You should come to D.C. I...maybe?"

Swallowing was hard, like my throat was coated with glass. "A week ago you were agreeing I needed to just get out to New York or L.A., some place with a big paper and far from you. My life's here with keeping Metropolis safe. I can't...just don't go then. That's all."

Clark surprised me then by kissing my cheek and I assumed he was hallucinating again, that somewhere he'd slipped and it was Dark Thursday again in his head, but, then, I'd kissed first there like always, hadn't I? "I can't always be selfless. You should go, run as far as you can from me, Chlo. If things were different, I'd beg you harder to come with me to Mom's place. I always want what I can't have."

He leaned back again and I was up so fast, even Bart would be jealous.

"Let me just put on more Speedy or Bugs and get popcorn. Hell, go through your closet and find a film I won't hate." Fumbling to get the TV on, I was glad to have Sylvester's speech impediment taking up the quiet between us. "Buttery goodness coming right up."

Clark frowned but nodded. "I'm sorry, I---"

"Forty hours. It's okay. It'll all be fine again, I promise," I said, surging down the stairs. It was easy enough to shove a bag into the microwave and wait for it. While I was counting down, I pulled out my cell and called a familiar speedster. "Bart, hey."

"Chloelicious? Should I just make this an in-person?"

"I hope you don't, not today," I said. "Clark's up to hallucinating. He isn't strong but he could hurt someone on accident. I, we had to get restraint stuff in case."

"Shit, chica. Shouldn't Vic and I come out there anyway?"

I swallowed and thought about how tired Martha looked, the limp hair and bloodshot eyes. I thought about how zoned out I'd been trying to plot strategy for following the UK Phantom too. "Please. He's mostly stable, and we just watch movies at the farm. If you and Vic could come out, it'd be a great help."

"Dumping Stretch-sitting on us?"

I chuckled. "No, I'll be there too so I can hang out with my favorite League member."

"Oh I knew it---"

"Victor does understand tech like no one else, gets my references."

Bart growled on the other end. "You will be the mother of my little speedsters, admit defeat now Chloe."

"That's so not romantic," I chirped and the rhythm was easy and predictable, something my sanity could cling to. "Anyway, movies. I'm not a Stallone and random stuff exploding fan."

"Girls, pfft."

"So come out. I...things are too confusing without other people on the farm, that's all."

"Seriously, do you need to talk about it? I'd even conference call with Vic on this or you can always call J'onn to come down from New York too. We'll get in the car and be there first thing tomorrow."

"Don't rush for me."

"I'd be there now if you didn't want both of us."

"It's fine. I don't matter and, one sec, I need to get the popcorn out," I said, grabbing a bowl and then the bag from the microwave. Holding it by one corner and setting my cell down, I tore open the bag. Instantly, I regretted that. Hissing as the built in steam burned my hand, I dropped the bag and cursed. Behind me, Bart was screaming on the other end of the phone, his voice tinny over the cell:

"Chloerita? Are you okay! Come on! Damn it, that's it!"

I was grabbing a cloth for my hand and about to rush to the fridge for ice when Bart blurred into existence next to me. "I told you---"

"Shit, that looks bad. Do you need to go to the ER or something?"

"I'll get some ice or ointment. No problem," I said, breathing heavily. It wasn't dire but the skin of my palm was going to blister and be a mess for a few days, definitely. There I was dodging Bart's attempts to look more closely and grabbing for the door handle when the glow started. "God no."

It was the same as everything before Brainiac, the light sweeping from my palm, first rose and then gold, and now the heady feeling of dizziness and almost floating spreading through my head and my stomach. I stumbled and Bart steadied me, his jaw open wide as he watched the glow grow so bright we both squinted and then, when it was gone, my hand was normal and pink.

As if it had never been touched.

"Stretch said you had a power, had sort of joined our side, but he never said what, that it was yours to tell. Now, it's not as cool as running but damn that was awesome!"

I nodded and looked to my side, at least flattered a little he didn't think my healing was any odder than I found his speed. "It was gone. I...during the Black Creek stuff I was hurt." Only a small lie. "I know. I tried to heal Clark when he got shot and I couldn't."

Bart slipped away from me. "Well if you need to be 'normal' that much, Chloe, screw you and not the way I'd prefer."

I shook my head. "No it's not about you guys. This is from the Kr...meteor rocks. I don't want to end up in Belle Reve. I thought if I couldn't use my power anymore, if it was drained, that'd be a ton less likely." Swallowing hard, I bent down to start fixing the popcorn that had fallen to the floor.

There was a blur of red and it was all cleaned. Bart was kneeling down next to me and he wrapped his hand around my wrist. "You're not going to go nuts. I'd never let it happen. Clark and J'onn and Victor too. We'd find a way to fix it. You trust us, right? We're not what we were, but we love Watchtower. We'd fix it."

"You can't fix DNA. Apparently even accidents and science can't make it stop," I said, breathing raggedly. "God, Bart you have to go before Clark figures this out. You can't tell him."

"Yeah right because just waiting around in case you go nuts is a great idea. He needs to know."

"No, he doesn't. I'll talk to ISIS. I'll figure it out on my own. Until then, I just won't use it." Again, hedging. I'd never go to any doctor with this, even my own team. I didn't want anyone to know; I didn't want to know it, even now. "Please, if you really care you'll help me hide this."

Bart stood up and shook his head. "Trust me, after the strike, I tried to hide what happened from my parents. You've seen Clark try and be Joe Average in high school. It never really works, especially when people really know us. Chloe, we can fix this."

"No one can. I've worked longer at ISIS than anyone, even Lana. Some mutants are stable and some aren't and the ones who aren't, eventually it's just too much like my mom." I slammed my mouth shut and just looked back at him with wide eyes. I didn't know what else to say but I'd never meant to say that much.

"Chloe?"

"Please bring Vic tomorrow. Clark's lost his hand and he's so sick, so wrecked by all the visions. He doesn't need to worry about me. Besides, he's made it pretty clear. No matter what else, after he gets used to his situation, he's gone to Washington and I'm not."

"More of that self-sacrificing bullshit you caught from Stretch. We need to work this, fix it."

I laughed and it was raw and broken. "Radiation from galaxies away changed everything I am the day of the shower, and I don't think anyone can fix that."

"Chloe, just listen. We can---"

I pulled another bag out of the pantry to heat up. Clark must have passed out or all the commotion would have gotten him moving down here, even without the superhearing bonus. It's not like Bart and I had been quiet. 

"We can't because I'm not fixable and if Clark knew...you just don't understand."

Bart sighed. "You think I'm dumb and that you've kept Vic so far away from this he doesn't have questions either."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

He leaned against the island and crossed his arms over his chest. "Oliver found something when he came here. I don't know what it was and I don't give a shit. A.C.'s a fish and Vic's a can opener and I don't care what Clark is or why he has about seventeen superpowers and no one else does. But Oliver did. So if you think that you have to work so hard to protect his secret from us too, that's nuts. Stretch would agree if we can actually help save you."

"Clark can't know," I said, trying to calm myself so I could go back to everything. "He can't know because he'll blame himself."

"For a meteor shower, yeah right!"

"Yes, exactly," I said, grabbing a bowl and putting the bag in it. Clark and I would have to wait for it to cool. After all, he was obviously asleep anyway.

"Chloe?"

"Bart come back with Victor. I love Clark, okay? I love him so much that I'm never going to let him know my mutation is worse because he'll feel like he did it, and it's not his fault what his planet did, okay? If I..." my voice wavered and I had to wait to finish. "He didn't do it, that's all he needs to remember. Always."

With that, I went back up the stairs to help him weather his nightmares even as mine were just beginning.


	14. Chapter 14 - Restraint

Chlo looked beautiful in her wedding dress.

That seemed like it should have been obvious. Of course, she had this weird bow on it, but she wore it so well. It made the lump in my throat well up. More than anything, I wanted to tell her that I loved her, that she didn’t have to marry Jimmy, that we could be happy instead. It was stupid. I’d wiped her memory of my secret less than a week ago. While my best friend was still smart and funny and everything I loved about her, she wasn’t my Chloe anymore.

If she ever had been.

It was worse than I thought, what I’d done. I knew it was the right choice, the best way to protect her from my secrets and problems. It had almost ruined her, led Brainiac to erase her completely. She’d lost the Planet because of me. Hell, she’d lost so much because of me, and I knew I was a huge block in the way between her and Jimmy.

She deserved more.

So I had to smile as she started blankly up at me, and I had to force myself to realize that she didn’t remember our closest moments or the best parts of our long relationship. She was still my friend, but the countless times she’d saved me, really kept me safe, were just gone. Blank. I had to believe this was better for her because it was killing me.

“I should follow Lois,” she said, tucking the dried blossom from Homecoming in her bouquet. “I’m really touched, Clark. I didn’t think you remembered the not-a-date we had.”

It took everything I had to keep the smile on my face. She was blowing it off then as if it had never mattered, that the closest we ever really got to being a couple never mattered. Of course, Dark Thursday was no longer in her head. I only had myself to blame for that.

I reached out and grabbed her arm. “Chlo, I’m really happy for you.”  
She nodded, her grin wide and sparkling. I hadn’t seen her smile like that in a very long time, maybe high school. Again, if I could give her this, if she could smile like this every day and not have to worry about her powers or mine, then it didn’t matter what I wanted.

“Thanks, Clark, but I have a million things to do and about an hour left to do them. You should get your tux on. I can’t walk down the aisle by myself,” she punctuated that by leaning up to kiss my cheek. I bent my knees a little to help her; there’d always been such a difference in our sizes, after all.

She shocked me then by actually kissing my lips. I should have pulled away right then, been the better man, but I was fucking tired of that, of trying to be someone I wasn’t. Chloe, free of any burdens, had decided to kiss me. I promised not to stop another wedding or steal another bride. I never promised to keep her from doing the same.

When she finally pulled back, I was half out of it with my eyes still closed and a goofy grin on my face. When I finally did open my eyes, I regretted it. There was nothing before me but the cold, black eyes of Brainiac.

“What?”

She was fast, maybe faster than me now, and her hand was around my throat then, squeezing the life out of me. “You’re so simple, Kal-El. Do you really think she loves you?”

“No,” I gasped, not able to get everything out of me.

“She doesn’t,” Brainiac said. Its voice cool and detached, the rhythm all wrong and nothing like my Chloe’s, not truly. “She thought you were a curiosity. That’s all she thought. Now you’re just someone from high school. She doesn’t care, won’t about a thing like you.”

And then she kept squeezing.  
**  
I blinked awake and lunged out instantly to grab Chloiac. She was by my bed. Had to be. At first I reached with my left hand and wanted to scream when I couldn’t grab her. I was fast though, had the upper hand now, and soon my right hand, instead, was around her neck.

“You have to get out of her!”

Chloe’s eyes were wide and green before me. I didn’t care about whatever trick Brainiac was playing. I was tired of it haunting me, playing with my mind. I wasn’t going to let it keep doing it. It wasn’t going to make a fool of me, throw everything in my damn face.

“Clark!” she shouted, and I noticed the popcorn bowl she’d been holding had fallen to the floor. Everything was scattered everywhere. “You have to stop.”

“No, you’re a trick,” I said, feeling her skin cool and smooth under my fingers.  
“Stop it!”

There was a hard slam into me, and I fell to the floor. Blinking up, I frowned at  
Bart. “Huh? What?”

Bart stayed where he was but held his hands up for me. “Stretch, you were hallucinating again. Do you get that? I’m here, Chloe’s really here, and there’s no Brainiac. There’s nothing else here. You don’t get to touch her again, okay?”

“She…no, her eyes were black.”

Chloe was crying now and I could already see the bruises welling up on her neck. “Clark, you were seeing things again. We only have a few more days. I…God, do you want the jacket? Tess got me one.”

I swallowed and tried to remember what had happened. Chloe and I were going to watch Looney Tunes, right? Then she’d been gone and there’d been her wedding to Jimmy. Wait, no, that hadn’t been right. That was over a year ago and now Jimmy lived in Central City and was working for a different paper. I’d been in the Zone and time had moved on. I looked down at my left arm and the stump there.

Yeah, time had definitely passed.

Chloe swallowed and she was crying still. I’d rarely felt more like shit in my life. “I…Bart, look after him,” she said, gesturing to her throat, as she rushed out of the room.

I sighed and walked back to the bed. Bart was eyeing my closely. “I don’t have my powers right now.”

“Look, Stretch, you’re still like a bazillion feet tall and a former quarterback. Just as you are, you did a number on Chloelicious. I’m fast but I’m not bigger than you or even close. Pardon me if I give you a few minutes to stop being cuckoo for cocoa puffs.”

“Thanks, that makes me feel better.”

“Look, Chloerita is a tough chick. You can’t stop Luthors and run with the Justice Brothers if you’re not.”

“No.”

“She’ll be okay. Uh, she just had to get some composure.”

I set my head in my hand. “I know that. God, I never meant to scare her.”

“Dude? Compared to Old Baldie? There’s no way you did. She’ll recover.”

“I’m sorry I’m nuts right now.”

“Chloe explained it’s just a fever right? It burns out of you and the psychosis stuff too.”

I looked up from my palm. “Yeah, I…you and she should get the jacket for me. I don’t trust myself. If you weren’t here, well, Chloe’s not powered anymore and she never really had an active ability. I won’t hurt her or Mom. I know I asked for this, and it’s okay if she does it, okay?”

Bart ran out of the room and was back. My perception never really changes when I’m sick, you know? Everything seems slower or easier to perceive, even when I’m not powered. My brain is just different. It makes me a great speed reader and mathematician too. When he jogged back in (well to me), he was carrying the jacket.

“Stretch, let me do it. We’ll just explain it to Chloe when she’s back. I don’t think she or Mrs. K should be the ones to put it on.”

I nodded and held out my arms. It took a bit for Bart to figure out how to get it over my ruined stump but we managed. We were already back to watching the cartoon network again when Chloe came back in. She had a scarf of my mom’s, this sort of fancy silk one and not a winter one, around her neck. I knew she’d done it to hide the bruises, and I felt a billion times worse than before.

“Hey,” I said, frowning back at her. “I’m so sorry. You don’t even know how much.”

Chloe narrowed her eyes at my strait jacket and glared back at Bart. “We were not going to go that far. I know Tess got it for me, I know you asked, but I can’t.”

“I can,” I said. “I already hurt you. If Bart hadn’t been here, it would have been worse. I won’t be able to sleep period if I thought I could hurt you or Mom. Chlo, I know what I’m asking for, believe me.”

“Chloelicious, he has a point. He really could have hurt you today.”

She shook her head and jutted her chin out. Great, she was hitting her stubborn peak. Like I could deal with that in the middle of a raging fever. “Clark wouldn’t have. You just needed to give me more time,, Bart. I just…I didn’t want to do this.”

“You didn’t. Bart and I did,” I countered. “Look, the popcorn is kind of out.”

“I’ll clean it,” Bart said, and, despite everything, I grinned at the awe on Chloe’s face when the room was clean again before her. For her, it was almost like a magic trick. “So, are we going to watch Speedy Gonzalez or not?”  
**  
“So, uh,” I fumbled. “Bart’s staying over?”

“Yeah, and Victor’s coming from Central City. He can’t get here faster than a speeding bullet.”

“So, you’ve been talking to the guys?”

She nodded and sat down in a chair by my bed. Chloe place the bag of ice under my neck and smiled sadly back at me. “They’re all that’s left. A.C. and Dinah, I can’t find, and John’s around but no powers. Oliver’s a mess and a murderer. The boys do what they can as a duo there, but I just wanted to hear a friendly voice to deal with everything. Bart’s a good friend.”

I blushed at that. I wonder if he and Chloe would ever be anything more. He wasn’t normal, but he wasn’t an alien either. They’d always gotten along, had fun mocking each other. Hell, both were motor mouths whether that was Chloe’s power or not. Still, it was good someone was still out there with the good fight. I wasn’t going to be.

“You’re burning up. I am so sick of human medicine not working on any of this,” she said, pulling her hand back from my forehead.

“I only have a few more days.”

“I hate seeing you like this. It’s not fair. It’s like when Gretchen took me over or like my mom, Clark. You shouldn’t have to be like that.”

I sighed. Soon when I did that, it would be able to rustle curtains. Right now, except for being crazy, I was at least normal. Ugh, minus my fucking hand. But I wasn’t full of all my usual power, and for a bit that was a relief. “I won’t hurt you again.”

She sighed and pulled my bangs back from my face. “I don’t care. I know you didn’t mean it.”

I nodded toward the scarf. “I was really out of it, Chlo. I don’t know why you trust me more than I trust me.”

“Because you save the day. It’s what you do. I just hack things or, well, steal keys to fortresses and fuck everything up.”

“You never…why did you do that? You’re the only person who knows where the key is except my mom. Even J’onn and Kara don’t, if she were around I mean. I just…I trusted you more than anyone and, while I’m glad the Beast is gone and Davis is in jail. Hell, I’m glad not to be living in the Zone forever, I don’t know why you couldn’t just tell me the plan.”

“The plan was for me to run with Davis, Clark. That was all there was to it. I could keep him from killing. I was going to do that, serve a sentence like that.”

“Why?”

She shook her head. “I can’t.”

“No, I deserve to know. I am learning to trust you all over again, and I care about you so much it’s confusing me. I know it’s best to just clear the fuck out of here to D.C. and let you have a real life now that you’re normal.”

Chloe shook a little at that and I wished I could have squeezed her shoulder, patted her hand, or anything else then. “I am, but that doesn’t mean these things stop, that I have to fight less. Besides, I had this dream.”

“I can understand those. It’s all I fucking have these days.”

“No, it felt like more than that. It was almost like a premonition. I mean Davis survived a bath in Kryptonite that would have killed you. He was back like it didn’t even matter. I saw him…he brought me you.”

I blushed. “Uh, was this a sex dream.”

Despite everything else she just rolled her eyes. “No, be serious.”

“I am, the whole thing sounded weird!”

“He brought me your torso, you idiot. I saw you torn to pieces and the Beast had pretty much kicked your ass at my wedding. Why would I think it would be any different?”

“Chloe---“

“No, I can live in a world where you’re in it and we don’t talk.”

“Yeah, right.”

“I’d be willing to take that chance,” she corrected, still stroking my hair. “But I wasn’t willing to risk letting you die. I need you, Clark.”

“To save the world, not like I can anymore.”

“No, I need you, you moron. I wish you could stay. I mean, I’m grateful you’ll let me help you rehab and you’ll talk to my kids, but I wish…you, Bart, Victor and I? We could be a team again.”

I snorted and leaned down on my pillow. “I don’t think there’s room on the roster for maimed aliens, anymore. I just don’t.”

Chloe rolled her eyes again---one day they were freaking going to fall right out, I’m telling you---and pulled out Huck Finn again. “No moping. I forgive you for being messed up today and so confused. It’s the fever, not you.”

“I’d never.”

“I know you’d never,” she agreed. “And maybe one day you can understand how I couldn’t see you in pieces.”

“I couldn’t stand if you died either, even if you used to specialize in that.”  
I’d meant it as a bit of a joke, a call back to a power she no longer had. Chloe’s eyes watered up again and she swiped at her eyes a few times before she got to reading again.


	15. Secrets

"So, do you want to explain how everything got so nuts?" Victor said as he sat down at the chair in front of my desk.

I sighed and leaned against the table, my hands playing with the decorative marble balls at it. Victor had always been one of the calmest members of the League. He didn't have A.C.'s mellow surfer vibe but he lacked Bart's, ahem, impulsivity or Oliver's darker side. So sometimes it was even harder to talk to him. It was just him trying to suss things out because he'd just do it rationally. When I said things out loud, lately, my own rationalizations for things seemed terrible and hollow. Yesterday with Clark, when I'd had to confess everything about my nightmares with Davis and him...God, Clark, in pieces...it had been almost too much to bear. There should have been a better solution. His idea to go to the Phantom Zone had almost killed him and, if Clark had his way, would permanently leave him as a civilian. Not that he hadn't earned it, but still. My idea probably wouldn't have lasted either. It wasn't like whatever influence or attraction or God knew what that Brainiac had instilled in me to calm the Beast would have lasted indefinitely. 

Even Davis had noticed that much.

Even then, I wasn't sure how far I could have gone to keep the Beast calm. Would I have slept with Davis? 

I'm not sure I wanted to know the answer, and was glad it hadn't come to that. However, it still didn't mean that I didn't love Clark and anything had to be better than his death, even this. I just wish I'd found a smarter way to stop everything at the Fortress, any other way.

"Watchtower? You sort of zoned out there," Victor said.

I shook my head and held up my hands, palms up. "Just Chloe. I don't know if I still deserve a codename."

"I'm trying to understand what's going on here, Chloe," Victor said, brown eyes sincere and calm as he regarded me. "Bart calls me up from Clark's house and tells me and I quote 'Stretch is an alien, he's gone postal, and Chloelicious can't handle it.' So I'm out here as soon as I can, driving from Central City, so you need to help me out here in order to undersatnd things."

"Bart's apparently terrible with back story."  
"He sounded wrecked and that guy's never tired. So, seriously, what's up and can we start with Clark?"

"Don't we always," I said, my voice quiet. "Clark's not human."

Victor chuckled at that. "Not one to judge, Chloe. I'm not either."

I shrugged and lifted my right hand. I'd had some marginal control over my ability before. I'd healed Jimmy and Lex, used it a few times for paper cuts or other things on myself, but it had been almost a year since I'd had it. Some things were harder to remember. After a few minutes of concentration, that same golden glow spread over my palm. I hated that. Sure, it had saved Clark and Lois's lives, but it meant I could die again, that maybe next time it would finally stick. It meant that my mother's madness might infect me too. Now, it was probably more likely with an active power. I'd already lost my mind with Brainiac. If anything like that ever started again because of my own mangled DNA...

...no good would come of that thought.

"Whoa. Bart also mentioned you'd had an upgrade."

"I've been struggling with my mutation for a couple years, but it shorted out a while ago. I thought it'd never come back. I don't even know how it did," I admitted. "It's back now."

"So you're a night light?"

"I don't know why the lightshow is there," I admitted, feeling self concious even with a fellow freak of a sort in the room with me. "I heal."  
"So you can't be hurt?"

"Oh I can get hurt, and I can feel it," I said, thinking back to Brainiac's initial attack. It would have left me as badly off as Lana if my power hadn't mixed oddly with it. "But I can heal myself or others. Lois was stabbed once and she was dead. I found her maybe a few hours later and I saved her life."

Victor blinked back at me, and I wasn't sure what he was going to say next. I don't know how to explain anything. I know that A.C.'s literally a merman, related to a whole other civilization from the sea. Victor's got more hardware in him than ten Best Buys and Clark's unique except for Kara. Still, now that it's back, I feel like I'm a bigger freak than anybody else. It could be because waking up in morgue drawers is beyond traumatic or it could be that, frankly, with as much as Clark could and can still do, nothing is quite as surreal as literally being able to give life to people.

It makes me something else, and I'm not quite sure what that is yet.

"You can raise the dead?"

"Well, the power just came back and I haven't tested. It might not be that strong anymore. I know it healed me and the bruises Clark gave me yesterday are already gone," I said, gesturing to my throat. "Bart startled me in the kitchen and I got burned. I healed and bam! Fine again. So I know it's back. I don't know if I'm as strong as I was."

"So Clark's first contact and you're Jesus?"

I rolled my eyes. "I was hoping you'd be a little less dramatic, Vic. I can heal, and I'm a metahuman like my kids here or like Bart, even if he's not because of meteor rocks, and, yeah, Clark and his cousin Kara were both born on a planet called Krypton. He's been here since he was three though, so it's not like he remembers anything. I...he never wanted to tell anyone. Then he was gone and Oliver and Dinah tried to help and found things in ISIS's computers. Ollie didn't take it well."

Victor snorted. "Oliver murdered someone and convinced Dinah that wholesale murder was okay and they're off God knows where. Clark could have told us. Must be easier in some ways, you know?"

I arched an eyebrow back at him. "To be an intergalactic traveler?"  
"Really?"

"It's what he likes," I said, sighing. I've lived my life for so long trying to do what Clark likes that I can barely remember myself some days. "I'm not sure which is easier, you know? Kara's off on a mission of her own so he's literally the only person like him on the planet. At the same time, having been normal and remembering what it's like not to be nervous or have to hide..."

"...to not lie to everyone or have relationships crumble because you're a freak? Yeah, maybe we're all just messed up," he finished.

"I'm sorry Catherine didn't work out."

"I'd say I'm sorry for the same thing with you and that photographer guy, but I don't think you felt about him the way I felt about Catherine."

"Definitely not. I don't think we'd have gotten that far to the aisle if a lot of my life hadn't been in free fall. The point is everything's complicated. Clark got injured and contaminated by a fever due to alien bullshit, and he's okay, but he's hallucinating pretty badly all the time now. Bart has an eye on him while Mrs. Kent's finishing taking leave in Topeka. He doesn't have his powers right now but he's a big guy."

"Yeah, we played Smallville in football once. He's huge."

"Yes," I said, swallowing. "So he can do some damage. I really don't mind what happened. Even if I couldn't heal, I don't think Clark would have gone too far."

"Like dead far Chloe?"

"I don't know. I just...we had to put him in a strait jacket okay? Bart did it as his request. I wouldn't ever do that to anyone," I finish. I know my words are coming out too fast, too angry. I keep thinking of what it was like to have one over my own arms---Gretchen the ghost's fault or not---and then to see my mother's permanently blank expression. "I hate to see him like this, and he's hurt too."

"Bart mentioned the hand thing. I was hoping I'd misheard."

I shook my head. "The Justice Bros were a good idea in theory. I thought we had something when we broke Bart out and stopped some of Lex's massive 33.1 research, but then it's not what I thought at all. Maybe I should have seen how violent Lex was then, maybe I should have gotten it sooner. Maybe I should have known that Oliver wasn't well. I don't know. I'm glad you and Bart take care of Central City, and I'll always help in a tech way and, well, if Bart gets hurt." I frowned then. "I don't know if I can help you."

"I'm good, as long as I have someone else with some tech knowledge if need be," he said, breaking out into a wide, genuine grin. "But?"

"Maybe what we tried to build was never meant to last. Dinah and Ollie were too dark, too corruptable, you know? I hate that Clark's going to quit, but I almost can't blame him. He can do so much even with one hand."

"No kidding."

"I just feel like there was this chance where we could have really made a difference, kept the whole damn world safe and we failed."

"Can I say," he added, leaning back in his chair. "That we still appreciate you're there, Chloe. One day maybe other people will come around or new people."

"We won't be what we could be or should be."

He nodded and stood up. "You mean that Clark won't."

"I did it wrong. I tried so hard to save him from that monster literally tied to The Cornfield Killer and I couldn't do it."

"He just says he'll retire, not that he's done it, and I'm sorry he's hurt. I just...whatever you and Clark need. He saved me from being a LuthorCorp lab rat. I owe him."

I smiled and blinked back the tears threatening to well up in my eyes. "He did that for all of us. You, me and Bart wouldn't have any life at all without him. I'm glad, though. Even before everything, he was so isolated, not enough guy friends. It'll be good. Besides---" I was stopped mid-sentence when Tess strode into my office.

Shit.

"Chloe, I have some more readouts. I think we have something serious mobilizing in London, and Victor Stone, how interesting."

Vic took a few steps back to the window and eyed Tess warily. "Who are you?"

"Tess Mercer, current acting head of LuthorCorp, and I've been through our files extensively. I would have looked you up myself for my special team, except I know you were so loyal to Oliver."

Victor's eyes darkened and he clenched his jaw. "Excuse me?"

"Tess," I cut in, my tone like ice. "I can discuss things with you in private."

The other woman grinned and I think she does this on purpose, loves to lord her power over me. She's every inch the Luthor Lex prepared her to be, whether he intended for her to have his company or not. "Now, Chloe, you've been holding out on things with even your friends? That seems unfair. I know you don't want Clark dealing with the Phantom Zone escapees on his own, and I agree. He's not up to it."

"Whoa, escapees? Deals with LuthorCorp? Chloe, can you explain anything?"

I sighed and looked down at my hands. I was back in the same place I'd been before, back in the Fortress. Before, I was trying to explain to Clark why I was so-called siding with Davis. Now, I had to look at someone I'd gone into fights with, been in battle beside essentially, and explain why I was working with the company that had turned him into something else. I don't know why I'm the one who always does this, makes the deals and stains her soul. I should learn but Clark couldn't take on a kitten right now and the criminals from the Zone were going to kill a lot of people if Tess's team and I didn't stop it.

I didn't want that to happen, so the enemy of my enemies...

"The alien 'bullshit' that Clark got wrapped up in involved a prison dimension. When he got back out, he accidentally let others out with him. Unlike Clark, they're not good guys, and they're hurting people."

"So that's good enough reason to work for LuthorCorp?"

"Victor, they have people with powers too and not ones who have been abducted."

Tess smirked. "I happen to pay people like Bette Sans Soucci extremely well. They're more than happy to help me with my side projects in exchange for penthouses and discretionary funds."

"So giving them money makes it okay to have them at beck-and-call like pet dogs," Victor pointed out, his voice low.

Tess's grin widened. "What exactly did you call your team for Oliver? He bankrolled you all the same way I bankroll my team. You had housing and budgets because of Queen Industries money. So why is this different?"  
"It's different," Victor countered. "LuthorCorp spent years collecting people and incarcerating them. They experimented on us. You're telling me now it's all hugs and puppies?"

"Like Oliver didn't have a physician for you or test all of your capacities."  
"With consent."

"I do that now. I'm not Lex. My team works with me and I take good care of them. Lex Luthor is dead and has been for close to a year. We're a different animal, and my team has a job to do. You and Bart Allen, right? You two are more than welcome to join up. We can always use your talents, especially Bart's speed now that Clark's so hell bent on retiring."

"Chloe," Victor said, glaring back at me. "You can't be serious. She was Lex's stooge. You really think that she's going to really play fair with everyone? Does Clark know?"

"Of course not. He's thinking of retiring and he's sick, but if he knew he'd let aliens out to hurt people, then he'd be in London as soon as he could and getting himself killed. You know?"

"So cuddling up with Evil, Jr. is a good idea."

I sighed and threw my hands up over my head. "I know that Clark can't handle it but someone has to. Tess has the money, devices and a team with people like Bette who can literally blow things up with a touch. I think it's worth a shot. I can't let him get hurt."

Vic's eyes narrowed. "I'm going to get my car and head to Smallville, but you know we'll be talking about this later, Chloe. You might mean well, but you keep making the same mistakes." He turned to Tess and shook his head. "I believe no matter what that you can't be trusted. LuthorCorp's rotten. It was when Lionel ran it, was when Lex ran it and I don't doubt it is with you."  
"Like I said," Tess replied. "The only difference now is that my team exists and is functional and Oliver's gone with the wind."  
"Well Oliver made a ton of mistakes too and maybe this is just the way it always ends," Vic said before storming out. 

I flinched at the strength with which he slammed my door. It made the wood splinter and now we'd have to replace it. Perfect.

Tess shook her head and sat down at my actual desk. God, I didn't trust her, could barely stand her, but my argument wasn't wrong. She had the resources, and she had a vested interest---as weird as her messiah fetish for Clark was----in keeping Clark safe. I could workk with that, and once the Zoners were rounded up again, then we'd be alright. I'd severe ties for a second time with a Luthor or their proxy and be done with it.

Of course if Victor responded that positively to everything, then Clark was going to go postal. He just could never know. 

Maybe some day I wouldn't have to keep making these terrible deals to protect him.

"You could have waited. I know my secretary would have said I was in the meeting. You just love lording things over me."

She nodded. "I don't like being the dirty little secret either for you or the Kents. Lex let himself get used. I'm not letting that happen to me, not anymore. So if you're going to use my money, my tech, my satellites, and my damn team, then you're going to introduce me to your friends."

"Bart and Victor would rather set themselves on fire than work for LuthorCorp."

"That's a shame and it's short sighted. You have to admit, so far, I'm better than Oliver and Lex. I haven't murdered anyone."

"They set very, very low standards," I countered. "Look, I'll get to the satellite readouts tonight and then I'll get on helping plan what the team will do with this one."

"It's ripping out spines."

I closed my eyes and cursed again. Clark didn't handle this before. J'onn had saved his ass in the Pacific Northwest, so it wouldn't even matter if he were at top capacity. There was no way he could stop it solo, not with J'onn mortal. "I know this one or we've dealt with an escapee like it before. I just need to check up on Clark and I'll call you from The Talon. We can get the team prepped and off by tomorrow, alright?"

"That's better, Chloe. I want what you want. The world needs a team to keep it safe and, ideally, Clark should lead it. God knows Oliver never should have. When he's ready and over his 'poor me' phase with his hand, my team will be waiting."

"Clark wouldn't work for you either."

Tess nodded and stood up. I'm not especially tall, just average height and Tess was much closer to Lois's height and in heels she towered over me by a biht. "You will. If you do it long enough, I think you'll drag him with you."  
I laughed, and the bitterness in it was becoming a standard feature. "He's going to D.C. in a few weeks when he's more comfortable with his hand, I'm sure of it. Tess, just let's get this done and until then?"

"Yes?"

"Stay the Hell out of my office."  
**

"You seem stressed," Clark said. 

I wanted to laugh at such a stupid statement. I was a meteor freak fully again, Tess was breathing down my neck, I had Victor and Bart scowling at me constantly at dinner, an alien ripping out spines near Picadilly Circus, and a best friend that had to stay bound because he was rarely lucid. Bart explained this morning while I was in Metropolis was especially bad and Clark had yelled at him for almost an hour, thinking he was Lex.

Perfect.

I sighed and slipped out of my heels and sat next to his bed. "It'll be better in two days, that's all."

He frowned thoughtfully at that and moved his arms under the jacket. "I know, you're not the only one waiting for things to get better. I think I scared Bart a lot."  
"Nah, he'll be fine. You're sort of, uh, tied up at the moment, and he knows you don't mean it."

Clark nodded. "Yeah, I think I thought it was back around Lana's wedding time. It was weird."

"But it's better, and, trust me, if I thought I could see Lex again and give him a piece of my mind, then I would," I replied. "It's just been a long day. I had a lot of stuff to coordinate with ISIS too."

"It's more than that," he said softly and he was staring intently at me. I knew that look. He'd always been able to see right through me in some ways. Granted, that never meant he'd been able to figure out how I felt about him, how much I cared for him, but it did mean that he usually saw through me on any lie that didn't involve my feelings or the relationship we'd never quite managed to have. "Did something happen? Vic seemed kind of pissed when he got here, and you look like you've been through World War III."

I sighed and gave him what I could. "Tess came by."

"She's so desperate to get me to work with her, huh?" he asked. "I don't know why anyone would want me, period. I'mmaimed."

"We'll work on that after the fever," I countered. "And I know, Luthor creepiness. I think Vic was just mad she poked her head in."

"Sorry about everything."

"I'm the one who called Tess in to help me find you to start. It was my brilliant idea."

"People are always after me, and they always will be. Tess won't cool on me, but I assume she'll get the messagewhen I'm in another time zone."

"Won't we all?" I said, reaching over and squeezing his shoulder. "Two days and we got this, everything will make sense again."

"Hope so. I'm just sorry Tess is making trouble."

"She's not, just nosy," I countered, standing up and heading for the door. "Get some rest, Clark. I'll send Vic up in a bit to take his turn watching you and your mom should be back from Topeka soon. We're all here for you."

"Means a lot, Chlo. I missed you so much in the Zone. I mean, I also was freaked out and running for my life, but I'm glad I found a way out."

"With that help you mentioned?"

"Yeah, and I have no idea what happened to Dara. Maybe no one else got out this time, you know? Maybe it isn't like Faora or before with the Zoners."

I forced my smile to stay in place. "Maybe not." God I was so glad then he couldn't hear my heartbeat as he normally could. "Hang in there."  
**

I was out in the loft. I didn't usually do that, but I needed some space to think and, besides, there were things there I loved. Currently, I had the yearbook open on my lap and was reading over it. It feels so stupid. Five years ago, I knew who I was and what I wanted. I was going to be a star reporter for the Daily Planet. Now the Planet was a corrupted mouth piece for LuthorCorp, I worked helping mentor the meteor infected, and I had my own looming madness and abilities to worry about. I know between Lionel and the freaks in high school, life wasn't easy, but I couldn't remember how it had become such a clusterfuck, as if I was losing myself completely.

Looking down at me and Clark smiling together, it was as if there were promise and hope. How were we supposed to know that in six months from then, his dad would be dead or so much worse was ahead of us. 

I just had no idea where I was going, but I figured Tess already knew and was herding me there.

"What happened to me?"

"Good question, Chloe," Victor said and I noticed him come up the stairs alone.

"You and Bart switched off?" I asked.

"Yeah, Clark's actually asleep. It's fitful and I feel bad for the guy because it looks intense, but he's resting. Chloe, we need to talk about today."

"Did you tell Clark?"

"You know I didn't or he'd have freaked out with you. Bart, sure, but I can't understand this. It's LuthorCorp."

I sighed and shoved the yearbook under a pillow. I didn't want anyone to know I'd been so maudlin and mopey. "There are some of the worst criminals in twenty-eight galaxies loose and J'onn's got no powers and neither does Clark currently. What was I going to do? Just let it happen? Have a ton of people die and let Clark realize it and feel guilty?"

"No, but you could tell me and Bart. We're still part of your team."

"Maybe, but this one literally rips out people's spines. Clark couldn't handle it, and I'm not sure you two together could."

"Why is it so easy for you?" he asked, and he frowned back at me. Again, it was why I kind of resented Victor. He always was calm. If things were getting heated or felt that way, it was because I was freaking out, because I wasn't even buying my own excuses.

"Easy? It's impossible. Clark's hurt and quitting and I could go catatonic at any minute like my mom and aliens are tearing up major cities. It's completely awful."

"No, easy to go stone-faced and shut people out. You and Clark hid your, uh, upgrade from us and I'm not one to judge but you had a whole group of freaks you could have taken comfort from too, Chloe. Then you get out of jail and go back to life as if everything's fine and try not to worry anyone about how you actually feel. It's okay to be upset. Hell, it's okay to lean on your friends. You don't have to close yourself off or make deals with the bad guys."

"I was trying," I said, setting my head in my hands. "I don't want LuthorCorp in my life. I don't want anything with to do with Tess. I just want my life to be what it used to be, but it's not going back that way."

"I know that feeling and not because of the accident or Catherine. It's like all three of us are just in a holding pattern. We needed that team and that mission and now we don't know how to do it anymore."

"Central City's crime statistics make every other city jealous."

"That's not what I mean. I...we won't tell Clark because both of us, even Bart, can see how that can only lead to him running off half-cocked and getting killed." He sighed and squeezed my hand across the steamer trunk. "You have to start coming to us, though, trusting us too. We're all that's left and you don't have to protect Clark or the whole freaking world on your own."

I wish I could believe that, that I could let myself trust anyone.


	16. Perchance to Dream

I was sick of eating pizza.  
  
That didn't seem like something that should be human (or Kryptonianly) possible. Pizza was a food group and, sure, I'm usually a single guy alone on a farm so the local joint new his address by heart. However, with my hand so messed up and my health so fragile, I'd either been slurping soup out of mugs or eating finger foods like chicken nuggets or pizza. Tonight was no different. After a horrible morning with more visions of my sophomore year, of being shut out of Mom's hospital room on a loop, my fever had gone down again. It was enough for Mom to risk letting me out of the jacket. With Victor and Bart both there and my strength still out, it was safe. If I started to get really out of it, the bros could restrain him until the jacket could be put back on.  
  
Still, even if it was Cinelli's best with extra meat, I wasn't necessarily feeling it.  
  
Bart and Victor were my friends, had my back in some tough fights, but having my left arm dangling at my side while I fumbled with my remaining hand to eat (at least I'd always been a rightie) made me feel awkward. It just made it so much more obvious why they weren't doing something that required utensils.  
  
Bart was talking up a storm, giving them all the situation in Central City and Victor helped by adding in his thoughts. Chloe was subdued and that worried me an awful lot. She'd seemed so down when she came home two days ago from Metropolis, and I wasn't sure why. It wasn't helping that now that with Mom was home, there was an obvious cold war between her and Chloe. At best, Mom glared at Chlo constantly; at worst, I could feel the tension radiating between both of them.  
  
"You know," I said, setting down my slice and picking at the pepperoni. "I'm really excited for when my powers come back. I mean, not that I'm planning to use them, but I just can't wait to stop hallucinating all the time. I try and remember what being sick is like in between, but it never really prepares me for how badly it sucks."  
  
Mom stilled but smiled back at me. I could tell it was the type of placating ones she gave me when my powers acted up or new ones came online. It was hard. She wanted me to retire, and I agreed mostly. I'd feel bad abandoning the fight to Victor, Bart, and Chloe, but a maimed alien wasn't going to do anyone any good. Jor-El certainly didn't think so. After all, wasn't I released from my destiny?  
  
"Sweetheart, no one likes being sick. Besides, this is a Hell of an infection. We usually don't have fevers we can't break and hallucinations either. You've handled it very well."  
  
Bart nodded. "Stretch, I'd have been climbing the walls by now. You have what? Six hours. At least that'll be something."  
  
Chloe at least stopped her thousand yard stare at her wine glass long enough to nod. She still had the scarf around her neck and it made me feel like shit. I hated that I'd hurt her, bruised her enough even with regular human levels of strength. I'd never usually do that to Chlo. Even with our ups and downs, she was my best friend and her quick thinking---no matter how scary it was---with Tess had saved my life.  
  
"And then you can get physical therapy and maybe think about if retirement is  too soon."  
  
Victor and Bart both offered me eager smiles, and I knew my fellow Justice Bros (A.C.'s term actually) missed me too.

Mom just pursed her lips and glared back at Chlo. "I really don't think Clark has to feel pressured to go on a crusade, Chloe."  
  
"I didn't say that," Chloe defended. "It's just we don't know what'll happen once the fever's gone and there's a chance to just get better and focus on that."  
  
I sighed. I understood why Chloe was taking my eventual move to D.C. so hard. We'd been inseparable since we were thirteen. On the other hand, it wasn't like I wasn't a blur in away to talk to her kids or to just say hi over coffee. I just couldn't fight anymore. It had cost me too much, and if Jor-El said I was done, then, deep down, I wanted to enjoy retirement. Maybe I'd like being a mostly normal guy. It had to be easier than stopping dictators and psycho robots.  
  
Didn't it?  
  
"Chlo, Mom, it's okay. I'm glad you're all here just to help me get back in the swing of things," I added, bringing up my left arm and setting the stump on the edge of the table. Bart flinched but I had to give Victor credit for not even batting an eye. "I think we all can agree I have a lot to adjust to."

"If you hadn't been backed into going into the Phantom Zone in the first place..."  
  
"That was my choice. I...Hell, it was the one thing that Davis and I agreed on. The Beast had to be detained, and Chloe couldn't be the one to do it."  
  
Mom nodded. "Tess called my office yesterday. She's emailed a list of physical therapists on LuthorCorp's dime. I said we'd handle it ourselves," she turned her head to Chloe. "I think we have far too many people involved in things already and I don't trust someone hand trained by Lex, not one damn bit."  
  
Chloe swallowed. "Maybe we can talk about this in your office, Mrs. Kent."  
  
Bart and Victor eyed each other and then both seemed to decide their plates were the most interesting things ever invented. That's how hard they were staring.  
  
Mom shook her head. "I don't think we need too. I'm still fending off Tess because you said too much, and Clark's given enough. Justice is disbanded and there's no need to drag him into anything."  
  
Chloe nodded and pushed her plate aside. "I understand. I...I apologize but I have to get some air." She was away from the table so fast that she almost could have made Bart jealous.  
  
Sighing, I set my napkin down and pushed in my chair. "Mom? Is this okay?"  
  
"Take your plate to the sink," she said.  
  
I nodded and did as she asked before rushing out after her.  
**  
  
I found Chloe standing at the loft's window, looking out on the fields below. It wasn't like I'd ever been stealthy and I was sure she could hear my boots clunking up the wooden stairs. Still, she kept her gaze focused out to the night and waited until I was standing next to her before she spoke.  
  
"I'm sorry. I'll get Tess to knock stuff off. She has her own messiah fetish for you, and she needs to know that's not going to happen. I'm trying to come to terms with everything myself."  
  
I sighed and started to run my hand through my hair but grimaced when I used my stump first. Ugh, the last thing I wanted to do. I was just glad she was still paying attention to the view and not me when I did it. I didn't think I'd ever get used to what was left of me now; it was all too embarassing. I was supposed to be the strongest guy on the planet, especially with J'onn mortal and I literally had to get my mom to help me put on my clothes in the morning.  
  
"What with?" I asked, quietly, setting down my left arm.  
  
"Everything. I know this isn't your fight anymore. I get you've made that clear. We've just been in this together for over four years, more if you count I was helping you even though you didn't know I knew you were special."  
  
"True."  
  
"It'll just be so hard to keep fighting the good fight without you by my side. Hell, I'm just the side kick, and I don't even...my power is so shitty."  
  
"Was," I corrected. "And you saved my life and Lois's. I don't think it was anything but phenomenal, Chlo. You could give freaking do-overs. Everything I could do and still can when my fever is over, none of that compares to literally giving life. You're amazing."  
  
The awe was plain in my voice, and I wished she could really appreciate it. Chloe always thought of herself as the tech girl or the sidekick. Oliver had called her as much more than once, but she was more than that. She was kind of like the superhero's superhero, even if the last time out hadn't gone so well.  
  
She sighed and finally looked at me. Hell, she shocked the Hell out of me by taking my left arm---my stump really---between her hands. Her touch was soft and gentle and, as fucked up as it was, even without my powers my eyes itched.  
  
Yeah, I know I'm a freak.  
  
"I can't be what you used to be. Victor and Bart and I can try, but we're not good enough."  
  
I barked out a laugh and looked down at her hands over where mine should have been. "Neither am I. Chlo, I'll visit. Like I said, I'll help you with your kids as long as I cover my identity. We can still have coffee and stuff. It'll just be better this way. I'm all Mom has now, and I almost died. I don't want to do that again, not ever."  
  
She nodded and tears were running down her face then, and I felt like shit. "It won't be the same. You'll visit, but eventually that will get old and we'll see each other less and less. It was hard connecting at all this year, even with Brainiac's bullshit, and we were a few city blocks over. Clark, it's so stupid. I was willing to go on the lam forever and never see you, and then I had six months to be afraid I'd never see you period. It's like something got saved only to be snatched away again."  
  
"Chlo, I..."  
  
Then it hit me then. She'd been my first kiss, back in this loft over a decade ago now. I could still remember how soft her lips felt then as well as how much her tongue teased me in the Daily Planet basement. She'd been a huge motivation to get back home in the Zone all three times. I needed her.  
  
Mom was right, though, I'd just be holding her back. It wasn't fair.  
  
I think I surprised both of us then when I leaned down and kissed her. If I was eventually going to be in another time zone permanently, if we were going to lose this closeness, I wanted one last reminder of Chloe, wanted to feel her one last time. I was letting her have the life she wanted, even though all I wanted her by my side.  
  
Chloe melted into the embrace instantly, her tongue playing with mine, her hands raking over my hair with a fierce excitement. When we finally did pull back, I was panting.  
  
So was she.  
  
Tears were still streaking down her cheeks, and I couldn't figure out what I'd done so wrong.   
  
"Chlo?" I asked, stroking her cheek. "Are you okay?"  
  
She shook her head and backed away, slapping at my hand as she did it. "You have to stop, Clark."  
  
"I don't understand."  
  
"Well I don't either. If you're letting me go, you have to do it, all the way. I can't be yoyo'ed back and forth by you anymore. I can't have you kiss me one minute and take off for the East Coast the next. I...what do you want?"  
  
I closed my eyes and gripped the sill tightly. For a few more hours, I could actually put my strength into it. Usually, if I'd held on this hard, the wood would be nothing but sawdust.   
  
"I want you, but you deserve better, Chlo. I'm a damn dead end. My stupid alien bullshit got you fired and tortured by the government and almost ate through your brain. It had that monster sniffing you out and almost left you on the run forever. In a few hours, I won't even fit with anyone ever again, like I couldn't with Lana. You're normal, and one day you'll go home to The Planet, have the job you're supposed to, and find a guy who can give you a family and a real life."  
  
She laughed.  
  
That much shocked me until I realized how broken and scared she sounded.  
  
Turning around I frowned down at her. "Chlo?"  
  
She swiped at her eyes and shook her head. "I could have a good life with you."

"Not one where you're safe, not one where you're happy. Chloe, I haven't seen you really smile since before Tobias told you you were infected. We both got paroled. I don't have a destiny anymore and you're just a normal girl. I love you, but I love you enough to let you go."  
  
She blinked back at me. "What?"  
  
I sighed and clung to the sill with my right hand like a lifeline. "You heard me. I'm sorry it took me nine years to figure it out, but I have to let you go. I love you, but I'm toxic too. I've beaten you down too much, almost gotten you killed. I refuse to do that anymore. I...I'm selfish."  
  
"I'll say."  
  
"No," I countered, turning back one last time and stroking her hair with my good (only) hand. "I wanted something to remember you by. In a few years, you'll forget about me."  
  
She snorted. "Not fucking likely."  
  
"Then you'll find a normal guy who treats you really well, not a jerk like Jimmy or an idiot like me. You'll have the picket fence and all the stuff at least one of us should have."  
  
"I want it with you."  
  
I swallowed hard and shook my head. "You can't have it. Even odds are some random alien bullshit will still track me down even if Jor-El could give a shit about me. I'm not letting you get in the crossfire next time, and I'm not binding you to me. Christ, Chlo, we're not even the same species. We even tried anything and I could crush you or set you on fire or freeze you and forget about kids."  
  
"The Kawatche---"  
  
"Are probably wrong," I countered. I was too old to believe in legends anymore, no matter how comforting they'd been when I was still a kid. "You deserve better so please take it."  
  
She sighed and hugged me tight and I let her, wishing things could be different. For about the billionth time in my life, I wished I was different.  
  
Normal.  
  
But I never got to be that, did I?  
  
"Clark, let's just do the rehab and see how you like working with my kids, okay? I don't...let me make my own choices."  
  
"You make terrible ones. I'm a terrible one." After all, wasn't that why I'd wiped her mind of my secret in the first place. It had been a disastrous decision, but I'd done it anyway. She had to let me go before I got her killed. I could never live with myself if I did.  
  
"You're the only one, oh fearsome intergalactic traveler."  
  
I pulled back and chuckled. "No, I'm not. I...get some sleep, Chlo. Maybe you're right and things will be better in the morning."  
  
"Will you stay?"  
  
"Never."  
  
"Then," she sniffed, heading for the stairs. "They won't be."  
**  
  
"I've been waiting," Chloe said.  
  
I blinked down at her, waiting for me in the bed at The Talon. She wasn't wearing anything and the bright orange comforter was around her waist. I licked my lips and felt my eyes burn at the sight of her round, full breasts. Pete had called it "Chloevage" once upon a time as a joke. I'd always been fond of it. Lana was so slim, all angles, but Chloe was soft, always a handful literally. I'd had many fond memories of the afternoon I was on red K and she was on the parasite. I wish it had stayed that way, wished so many things.  
  
"Chloe, I said I was going home," I started, raising my arms as I talked and confused when I saw both hands were as they should be. "How?"  
  
"I guess your healing really does a number when it's back online, Clark."  
  
I swallowed hard. That would explain the fierce heat in my eyeballs. I wondered if they were glowing amber to her. As searing as they felt, I bet they were. "I can't. I'll kill you."  
  
"I trust you."  
  
"You shouldn't. I bruised you just as a guy, and I'm a fucking lot more than that. I'm..." I stopped then. Chloe had known I was an alien for a long time. It felt like she'd always known, even if that wasn't true. Still, it felt like life hadn't quite been real before she became my partner.  
  
Fuck you, Oliver; she was never just a sidekick.  
  
But I couldn't say the word out loud. It made it too real, here in the bedroom, made it too obvious what I'd never be.  
  
"So?" she said, laying back and the blanket fell lower. A few dark curls at the top of her thighs greeted me.   
  
Right, bleach blonde.  
  
Licking my lips and trying to make my vision normal, I started to pace. "Chloe, I can't have sex. You know I can't."  
  
"You can. I have faith in you. Please, Clark. Don't you want me?" she purred.  
  
"Of course I do. I've wanted you for a long time, been so jealous of Jimmy and Davis all damn year. I just couldn't live with myself if something happened."  
  
"It won't. You love me, don't you?"  
  
"More than anyone."  
  
She grinned, green eyes sparkling with unwavering faith. "Then make love to me, Clark."  
  
Origins aside, I'm still just a guy, and it had been a long time since I'd had sex. I was weak like that, and I desperately wanted to feel her, all of her, to be that close to Chloe. Steeling myself, I slipped into bed with her. My eyes were burning too hard by then, no longer just a littler warmer than the air around them. I clamped them shut and already hated myself for not being able to do everything the normal way.  
  
Still, I managed, kissing my way down the skin of her collarbone, to her breasts, licking and playing with each nipple. She writhed under me and gave mostly incoherent moans. That surprised me a little. Chloe talked all the time. I assumed she was no different in bed.  
  
She startled me by reaching up and stroking my hair back from my bangs. "I wish I could see you."

I shook my head. "Can't. The heat vision...I'm so sorry."  
  
She kissed my neck and dragged her nails over my back. Chloe had no hope of leaving even a mark there, but she seemed to be giving it a genuine effort. "It's okay, I understand. Need you inside of me."  
  
I laughed. "There's one good thing about me then."  
  
It was like I could make her sick and, consdering how different we were, about zero chance I could get her pregnant. It took a bit of fumbling and I'm sure my cheeks were bright pink by now. It wasn't smooth like I'm sure a real guy would be. I just couldn't open my eyes.  
  
Couldn't.  
  
Eventually, I found everything correctly, lined it up by feel. Sliding in was slow at first, and it took a bit of time to ease into her, but it was worth it. The heat of her, the feel of her tight around me. I started to rock then and was slow and slight with my movement. I had to be careful. I couldn't afford to crush her.  
  
Dear God, please.  
  
She wrapped her legs around me and rocked with me, her voice calm and kind. "It's okay. We're okay."  
  
Eventually, I found a rhythm. It was a fraction of what I could do, not even a portion of how hard I could have pounded but it worked. She was shivering under me, and I felt her walls closing in around me, so warm and ready. Chloe came first, screaming my name and then I did, but it wasn't how I wanted.  
  
I mean, not the right way.  
  
I came into her but the feeling was so intense, the orgasm so swift and powerful through me that I couldn't keep my eyes shut. They were open before I realized what I was doing.

Then there were the screams.  
  
I closed my eyes fast after that, but it was too late. I eased out of her as fast as I could and opened my eyes once I was sure they were no longer warm. Looking down, I wanted to vomit. She'd been burned alive, and now wasn't even breathing.  
  
All because of me.  
***  
  
I woke up screaming and with Victor Stone holding me down.  
  
"Chloe!"  
  
Bart appeared in front of me and held up his hands. "Stretch, it's okay. She's coming. She and Martha are slower, you know? We heard you screaming and Victor found you thrashing, had to hold you down."  
  
"What?" I asked, looking around, noticing that my sofa was ruined, one of the arms smashed to nothing. My steamer trunk had a few prominent dents in it from where I'd kicked it.  
  
"Clark-man," Bart continued, frowning an awful lot. "Welcome back to the land of the superpowered."  
  
"Yeah," Victor said, helping me up. "I think it's safe to say your fever finally broke."  
  
I sighed at the mess I'd made thrashing around in my nightmare. I'd eventually fallen off the couch to the floor and, even there, there were huge chunks taken out of the floor boards. "Jesus."  
  
"Clark?" Mom called, rushing up the stairs. "Are you okay?"  
  
"Yeah, what's going on?" Chloe echoed.   
  
Both of them froze when they saw the mess I'd made; both of them knew exactly what it meant as well as I did.  
  
Chloe offered me one of the saddest smiles I'd ever seen. "At least you're back, right?"  
  
I nodded and worked hard to swallow down my bile. Chloe was alive, awake. It had all been just the last throes of my nightmares. Except they were true. If I ever...if we ever, then it wouldn't just be a bad dream.  
  
I'd kill her.  
  
"I...yeah, Mom I have to get to my room. I'm sorry," I fumbled.  
  
It was easy to blur back to my bedroom, as if I hadn't spent almost two and a half weeks mortal. My powers, after all, were very much like riding a bicycle. Still, I wished my hearing hadn't come back full force, that I couldn't hear Chloe crying on Bart's shoulder even as Victor and Mom came back here to see me.  
  
It's for the best, Chlo, you'll see...

 


	17. Mystery Player in Town

**Mystery Player in Town**

“So it’s another Thursday night, isn’t it?” Bart asked, holding out his arm and letting me ease into his embrace.

I glared at him even as I wiped at my eyes. “I’m trusting you not to come onto me or something similar while I’m here.”

Bart smirked. “I’m going to be a cool guy here and not play the field or anything. Besides, you’re too wrecked for anything,” he said, gesturing at the mangled wood that had once been floor boards.

I nodded and let my head loll back. “I know Victor and Mrs. Kent have their hands full back in the house, but I should probably go check on him.”

Bart frowned and looked at me. “I think it might be a bit more complicated than that, Chloelicious.”

I barked out some bitter laughter. “Clark’s just finished with the worst fever in history, there’s an alien criminal tearing up London, and LuthorCorp is as interested in us as ever.”

“Yeah, Vic mentioned that,” Bart said, stilling. “Tess seems like she’s as big a bitch as Lex ever was a bastard.”

“I think it’s the requirement for running LuthorCorp, but why do you think it’s complicated?”

“Uh, well, Vic was already heading out here to check on things when Clark started thrashing, but I think that I might have heard the end piece of all of this.”

“Bart you’re not exactly painting an expert picture here.”

He blushed and that threw me. Bart wasn’t lewd per se, but he was spirited. There wasn’t much that actually shocked him. “I think Stretch was dreaming about you.”

“Well, duh,” I said. “He’s been really upset over everything that happened with Davis and all the stuff with Brainiac in my head. I get that.”

“No, I mean it didn’t sound like that kind of dream?”

I frowned because there was no way that was what Bart was saying. Clark had been feverish lately, very out of it, and he’d lashed out and accidentally strangled me a couple days ago. He was definitely sending me a ton of mixed signals---I blame his damn martyr complex---but there was no way he’d… _I_ wasn’t Lana.

“What kind of dream did it sound like?”

Bart rolled his eyes. “Well part of it definitely sounded like something I can’t tell Mrs. K about. It might be better if you just give Stretch some space. You might be the last person he wants to see right now.”

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. It was getting too long. I really needed to cut it down to a bob at the very least. I’d just never preferred long. “I just don’t understand some days how to fix anything.”

“Maybe not by cuddling up to Lady Luthor.”

“Yeah, do you think we have the capacity to take on a monster from another galaxy that rips out people’s spines right now? Because I don’t.”

Bart took his arm back and held up his hands, palms up. “Look, I’m on your side, Chloerita. I think that if Clark even heard about that shit, he’d be over in London right now getting his spine twisted into a pretzel. However, I think all three of us know that the sooner we’re not near LuthorCorp or owe the Luthors anything, the better. Go talk to Tess, collect your monsters, and then tell her to screw off. Last time I got lazy around LuthorCorp, I was going to be run to death in a cage.”

I shivered and burrowed into him a bit. One thing I liked about Bart and Victor was that neither of them were exceptionally tall. Sure, they were bigger than I was (not saying much) but they weren’t like staring up at tree trunks either. _Thank you, Clark_. “I know. I’m in that club. Lex has had me to play with three times, and once that was for over three weeks. He’s gone, and Tess says she’s paying people.”

“Sure, sounds legit.”

“Look ‘the enemy of my enemy is my friend’ here. We pool resources and then us---what’s left of Justice---goes back to working against Tess’s team.”

“That’s a good plan. So, I can run to Mexico and get some tacos. I might have noticed that someone didn’t eat any dinner.”

“I haven’t felt hungry since Clark went away.” He frowned and eyed me, letting his gaze linger longer than was technically polite over my chest. I reached out and slapped his shoulder. “Bart!”

He snorted. “I’m just appraising things.”

“That sounds awful.”

“My point is that you should eat more. You’re going to be all skin and bones, and, you know what?”

“You like staring at my breasts?”

“Well, naturally, but if you don’t eat, you don’t have any energy and without that you can’t take care of Clark period.”

“So me having fresh tacos is really for the good of human kind then.”

He grinned. “And it makes for a nice view.”

“Bart!”

**

“You’re up early.” Clark said, as he sipped some milk. I noted it wasn’t direct from the bottle and figured Mrs. Kent was still on the premises or Clark would have risked it.

I grabbed my chest and shook my head. “I didn’t expect you to be at the kitchen table at seven a.m. You have been ridiculously sick so if you still wanted to sleep, no one’s going to blame you for doing it.”

He nodded and took another sip. When Clark spoke again, he was staring hard at the papers and lists on the refrigerator. I doubted they were _that_ interesting. “I couldn’t sleep. I mean, I’ve been having all these hallucinations anyway and it wasn’t like after the last one, I felt like sleeping again.”

Sighing, I ran a hand through my bangs one more time. I really needed to grab some coffee too before I drove the long hours into the city. Tess wanted me to confab on how to stop that monster in London after all. You know, just the usual day if you were me. “Can I ask what was so bad that even after two weeks of crappy dreams, you won’t even sleep?”

Clark frowned but still didn’t look me in the eyes. It reinforced Bart’s theory that he’d been having Skinemax type dreams about me. The idea was beyond nuts. Even with the full court press Clark was giving me, he’d never really thought of me like that. I just couldn’t believe that was a possibility.

“Clark?”

“Nothing…okay, not nothing, but I just can’t, Chlo. I guess the best I could say is that I’m glad I’m going to D.C. soon.”

“Still nursing that theory that I’d be better off without you?”

That actually got his attention. Clark finally looked back at me and his eyes flared red just a little. Hmm, I’d struck a nerve. Interesting. “It’s the best thing I could do.”

“Normal life, yadda yadda. Picket fence, gotcha. Normal guy,” I said, putting a hand to my mouth and feigning a yawn. “If I wanted a normal guy, Clark, then I’d have worked harder to keep Jimmy in my life, even with his drug problem. I would have given a crap. The truth is I was never that normal.”

“You were eccentric but you’re human now and mostly except for a couple years with an active meteor power. You just…” he sighed and clenched his right hand into a fist at his side. “ _I_ won’t be responsible for killing you.”

“Way to be a drama queen, Clark. I know you’re not going to do that.”

“How could you? I don’t even know it. Look, I’m going to miss you but I’m doing this all for your own good.”

I rolled my eyes and poured a travel mug full of the saving grace that was black coffee. “It’s what you _think_ is best for me, but you’re not listening to what _I’d_ prefer worth a damn. I like the danger.”

“You don’t like being in a lab. No one likes that.”

“I’m in Justice. We all take our turns. You’ve been in one more than once after all.”

He shivered. “Thanks Lionel. My point is, oh Hell, I don’t know what it is anymore. I just don’t want to sleep anymore.”

“You should sleep at least a little, even if you probably don’t need it. I’m here,” I said, walking over and putting a hand on his shoulder. “I’m here and I’m healthy.” _Mostly_. “Everything else we can always figure out.”

He snorted and looked back to the refrigerator door. “Unless you just want to strap whatever is left of our Blue K supply on me, then I doubt it.”

Pulling my hand back, I went back to the island and grabbed my laptop case. “You definitely need a nap. You’re too damn cranky. We’re not irradiating you. That’s a pointless and dangerous idea.”

“Then I’m not staying. Chloe, your power when you had it couldn’t hurt anyone but yourself. It sucked the price you paid, but, at the same time, it wasn’t something you had to concentrate on all the time to make sure people didn’t get crunched or burned to death.”

“True, but you go around every day and don’t hurt anyone.”

“That’s…some situations I don’t practice all the time.”

Despite everything I had to snicker. “Well I hope not.”

“You know what I mean,” he said, and his voice was rising in tone. I was going to have to back off or his shouting was going to wake up everyone else as well. “There’s nothing else like that. People, uh, get excited.”

Clark was blushing so badly that I almost felt sorry for him, but if he was going to cut me out of his life except for mainly business interactions, then he needed to say it out loud, really see how stupid it all sounded. Besides, I was far from normal and the 2.5 kids route with some average guy wasn’t happening for me either.

“I know, and you’ll be in D.C. soon but I’m here, and I’m alive. You didn’t hurt me and it was all what the fever made you see. It wasn’t real.”

He surprised me by standing up and walking over to me. Reaching up, his hand trace my cheek. “It _felt_ like it. I care about you enough not to parboil you.”

I blanched at that image and his hand dropped. Sighing, I reached over and squeezed it again. “You wouldn’t. Now go back to bed before your mom chews you out too.”

“I have way too many bossy women in my life.”

I chuckled. “You’re just noticing that? That’s cute,” I finished as I rushed out to my Yaris.

**

I hated going to _The Daily Planet_. It was marginally easier to be there now than it had been last year. When I would duck in to go with Lois to lunch, it made my heart break. The Planet was the only place I’d ever wanted to work. I still felt that way, although I wouldn’t ever write for a paper that was basically a LuthorCorp mouth piece. It was biased enough with Tess as editor that I had no interest in working there even if she bribed me to get to Clark by shoving me under the Tiffanies. But the paper of record for kings and prime ministers? The real DP that would rise again once the Luthor taint was out of it?

Yes, God yes.

It was the only thing I’d ever wanted. It’d made me foolish and greedy. After all, I’d basically sold my soul to Lionel to get a column back in high school. Maybe it was a cosmic balance that Lionel had muscled me in and, once upon a time, Lex had shoved me back out. Always led back to Clark. Still, last year, it had taken everything I had to go to the basement and smile for Clark and Lois and pretend it didn’t eat into my soul to see them both working at the job I’d loved. Lois was at the _Register_ now, and she never listened. People still were critical of her relationship with Grant and the favoritism he’d shown her. Now she was dating Oliver Queen and the star reporter for the paper he owned.

So, yes, when I didn’t have to see Clark at my old desk and Lois getting special treatment and interview favoritism, at least being here was bearable. Though, to be honest, the last time I’d been here had been when I’d been wearing my cousin’s face. Clark had looked at me then and I still had no idea why he’d never pursued Lois more. She was his type in a way---long dark hair and alliterative L initials after all.

It wasn’t ever me.

Still, one day the Planet would be a real paper again and, one day, Justice would have handle on what it was and how it could survive with just the three of us and occasional leads from J’onn’s cop work. Right now, I had a duty to protect Metropolis however I could, especially by stopping the infected from going bad in the first place. I’d be home, but not for a while to come.

I had to hold onto that.

I wish Tess would finish with whatever other meeting she had. I get that being a CEO and editor was a ridiculous busy schedule (and it probably didn’t even cover all the evil and illicit genetic research she was in charge of), but we all had things to get done today and London wasn’t getting any safer on its own.

My cheeks flushed as I thought about Clark. Our conversation this morning had basically confirmed all of Bart’s suspicions. He’d dreamed of us, _like that_ , and obviously in the dream he’d either crushed me or set me on fire or both. Granted, it was a terrifying thought for him and I understood that. On the other hand, what a way to go. It’s just…if he could get over his own stupid need to be normal and have a regular life that he’d decided to sublimate onto me, then things might actually get better. Not that with all the evil fighting we did and mutants and alien bullshit there wasn’t also time for more normal things. Sure, the closest to dates we ever got was take out over a police blotter, but it didn’t really matter as long as it was just us side by side. Besides, somehow, some way, Clark had to be compatible with humans. After all, the Phantom could do it. I’d heard things about Kara and Jimmy in Coast City. It was all in Clark’s damn head.

The idea of one day, maybe a decade down the line (after the Pulitzer, of course), having a family still at Kent Farm, a little boy of my own with dark hair and wide, green eyes.

Of course I’d like that.

“Ahem, Chloe,” Tess said, as she opened the door. “Would you like to come in now?”

I showed her my own tight smile and stood up. Tess was completely business this morning in a suit that probably cost about three times what mine did and her hair swept up in a tight ballet-style bun. When she was composed like that, you could almost be fooled into thinking she was sane and reasonable, even if she were neither of those things. There was still this glint in her eye when she lionized Clark that scared me. Outside of LuthorCorp or its experiments, Tess Mercer was an obsessed eco-warrior and she wanted a messiah.

I didn’t think I was like that.

Clark wasn’t a god or a savior, he was just Clark. Yes, he could do more if he actually stayed at Justice than the other three of us and J’onn combined, but he wasn’t someone’s on call what exactly? Eco terrorism project? I wasn’t sure, but it was still something I had to remind myself. No matter how calm and collected Tess seemed, there was something about her that felt off, deeply cracked beneath the surface.

“So, I have more satellite readouts from where it must have traveled from Cardiff and J’onn talked to me on the cell this morning from New York. He gave me the details on how you can get this spine puller under control.”

Tess shrugged and leaned against her desk. “That would have been great.”

I blinked. She had to be kidding with the “would have been.” London was still standing. I had Google enough to know that much. There’d been a rash of strange ER visits and gruesome crime, but London wasn’t a crater or something. “I don’t understand.”

“I don’t either, unless you risked sending Clark and exed me out.”

“No, Clark didn’t even get his powers back until late last night, around midnight, and then Martha put him on bed rest because his last nightmare really threw him.”

Tess arched an eyebrow back at me. “Care to share with the rest of the class.”

I forced myself to remain calm and level. The last thing I wanted was for Tess to know how intimate a dream Clark had been having to set him off. That really was none of her business, and it was embarrassing for _both_ of us. “He didn’t tell me.”

That much was true. He didn’t say in so many words exactly how he, uh, killed me in the dream.

“Pity, so you’re sure he didn’t hear about it himself and go off and handle it this morning?”

“No, he got his ass kicked last time he even tried to stop an alien like that. J’onn had to step in before his spine was snapped. One-handed? No way Clark would have succeeded in stopping it.”

It didn’t mean that had he known, he wouldn’t have tried. It just mean that he wouldn’t have had a hope in settling London down, and we’d already be hearing about the senior state senator from Kansas’s son being in a hospital in Merry Ole.

“You really expect me to believe that? What did you send the cyborg and the speedster to double team?”

“Tess, I thought everything was still unfurling there, trust me or I wouldn’t have driven here for three hours. Think about that. Also, not everyone is looking to screw you over or ex you out.”

“I doubt that. I’m sure you’re all chafing under the leash with LuthorCorp.”

She had me there.

“I made a promise to help work with your team to stop the Phantom Zone escapees. Until the Zoners---”

“Really?”

“It works and it’s pithy,” I defended. “The point is I want to work with your team here because those aliens can’t be allowed to ruin shit, no matter what our relationship is.”

“Agreed, so then if your friends, including Clark, didn’t do it? Who could have? Are you sure that J’onn of yours can’t use his powers anymore?”

“Nope, he’s as mortal as I am.”

Tess narrowed her eyes at me. “Shame whatever happened to you neutralized that. The ramifications of your ability…if you could synthesize it.”

I stood back up and glared back at her. “I spent three separate times as a guest of 33.1 and its bullshit. It really won’t make me happy to talk about it with you, ever. The point is if your team didn’t and me and my friends did it, then there’s an independent party in all of this.”  


“Then what do you make of this?” Tess asked, handing me a picture.

It was a scorched field, maybe a moor or something and whoever had stopped the spine ripper had lured it far, far away from any English cities to do it. There was a crater there and I assumed that Tess’s clean up team had taken whatever alien monster was left in it. It was dead; let her cut into it to her heart’s content, especially if it distracted her from Clark. However, next to it was a very familiar pattern burned into the grass. The symbol for Clark’s “house,” his family crest. It was the older version, the one on one of the stones that made up his fortress.

But if Kara were back from Kandor, she’d have just come to the farm.

There was no way this was her work because she’d have come straight home to warn him.

“I don’t know what this is,” I said.

“I think you might. It’s Kawatche, isn’t it?”

“Yes, and it shares some commonalities with different Guatemalan and ancient Chinese dialects.”

“It’s from The Traveler’s people. So what does it say, Chloe?”

I shrugged, feigning indifference. “I can’t read it. Clark can read this stuff, but I don’t know much about the language. All I know is I’ve seen it before on the cave walls, sure.”

“Would Clark know it? Should I bring this to the farm?”

I shook my head and held out my hand. “I’ll check his steamer trunk and compare. He has a few concordances himself from Dr. Swan that he inherited. It’s not something he should know because I don’t want him out there, not yet.”

“Chloe, there’s another traveler running around now, isn’t there? That burning pattern, that’s like the aliens from the ship and what they could do with their eyes. What Lionel’s journals claim Clark can do.”

I wanted to kill Lionel. Lex had beaten me to it, but it didn’t make the feeling any less fierce as it consumed me. Lionel never should have kept journals and Lex and by proxy Tess had no right to get their hands on such a thing. Besides, the way it looked to me, Lionel had only been lying in wait. He must have shaken off whatever oracle training that Jor-El left him with and spent a very long time plotting to have Clark caught and tortured like an animal.

As wrong as it was, I bet it felt amazing when Lex shoved the old bastard down forty stories.

“Yes, so we clearly have not just monsters or different aliens but someone like Clark out there. We’ll work on it. Let me skim Swan’s stuff and I’ll let you know what I do.”

 _I just am not telling you about The House of El_ _stuff_.

Clearly what the other Kryptonian left was a calling card. If it wasn’t Kara, and I felt strongly it wasn’t, then it had to be another one who was actively looking for and calling Clark out. Perfect. Because that always ended so well and in peace and friendship. It would have been nice if Clark and Kara weren’t the only survivors of Krypton who were also sane. Seriously, between Zod’s people and evil clone uncles, I was not digging most of Kryptonian life.

“Sure Chloe, but don’t use me.”

“I’m not. I’m just saying that I can’t read this stuff and Clark can’t be told so we’ll figure it out. Start another pattern analysis and we’ll see where else we have problems. There were five craters and Clark and this traveler are two of them. So we have at least two more aliens out there somewhere. We need to stop them.”

“At least we agree on something,” Tess lamented before sitting down at her desk and taking a call.

**

I wanted to check in on Clark again when I got to the farm. I knew he’d let it slip in the middle of his fever about a Dara, a woman who was there and helped him find the portal home. He said he wasn’t sure if she’d escaped. It was logical that she knew about him, and that she knew he was Jor-El’s son. After all, the portal only opened for his bloodline. So if she were on Earth, she’d definitely know who to call out.

However, when I got there, all I found was Mrs. Kent sitting at the old oak table going over some bill drafts.

“So,” I said, setting my laptop case down and slipping my jacket off. “The farm’s super quiet. That must mean Bart’s not here.”

Despite all the tension between us, Mrs. Kent laughed. “That’s unfair.”

“Bart’s loud.”

“So are certain Sullivans under the right circumstances,” she corrected. “The boys took Clark to The Talon for dinner or, I assume, mainly brownies, but the same idea.”

“Good, he hasn’t been off the farm in two weeks and was, uh, delayed before then. It’ll do him good to be out and about, maybe help with the moping,” I said, heading to the fridge and pouring myself some orange juice.

“I think I owe you an apology,” she said, setting down her papers.

I almost dropped the juice bottle in my shock. “What? I’m confused.”

Tired blue eyes met mine. “I’m mad at you because I’m where you’re headed.”

“You’ve made stupid deals with a serial killer and the scion of LuthorCorp?”

“I’ve stained my soul for Clark. I…have you heard of Checkmate.”

I whistled. Meteor rock and alien conspiracies weren’t my only passion. I was a hacker bar none by this point in my life and there were a few things that we all passed around among us as the big time conspiracies. There was the Illuminati crap, but Checkmate was the blackest of black ops for the government. They did things the CIA wouldn’t even touch.

“Yeah, they’re so hardcore I doubted they existed,” I said as I came to stand at the island.

Mrs. Kent sighed. “They exist. They’re led nominally by a woman named Amanda Waller, but she answers to me. She doesn’t know she answers to ‘Martha Kent’ specifically, but she knows that a senator with the codename on all the correspondences of ‘Red Queen’ is the person who gives her the orders.”

“Mrs. Kent… _Martha_ ,” I said. “They kill people.”

“I don’t order that,” she said. “Waller has her own discretion but anything paranormal or possibly extraterrestrial goes to me first. It’s a way for me to know exactly what the government does or doesn’t know about Clark.”

I blinked. I wasn’t processing this. Martha Kent was everyone’s mom, totally June Cleaver. She baked muffins for the Talon and knitted afghans. She didn’t run a secret government organization notorious for not even giving their captives a first chance, let alone a second.

“No, that doesn’t make any sense.”

“Clark’s taking bigger risks or, at least, he used to. The Red and Blue Blur was being too public, and I needed to hide him better. I was able to weasel my way onto that committee and I protect him by allowing awful things to go on, Chloe.”

“He’d be furious.” Was the first sentence out of my mouth. I was able to clamp down the other automatic response of “what would his dad think?”

“Yes, just like he was mad at you over Tess and Davis. I don’t know what else to do for him. I’m glad he’s retiring and part of that is for selfish reasons. I ran from Metropolis and the law in order to have a good, simple life, and I can’t have that when Clark’s this visible, when he needs someone pulling strings to keep him safe. I…he can’t do everything necessary because of how much power he has. I can.”

“So you make the bargains and hope you have some of your soul or honor left when they’re done,” I echoed, my voice about as hollow as her own.

She nodded. “Please don’t tell him. Hell, it was Lionel who even introduced me to the chairman of Checkmate, got me interested in them before he died.”

“Figures,” I said. “Martha, he was a terrible person.”

“I know before he started working with Jor-El.”

“No, I mean the week before he died he had Clark abducted and shoved in a Kryptonite cage for ‘his own good’ or to basically keep him away from Patricia Swan who clearly died by Lionel’s own hand. We all know how much he loves explosions---see the Queens or what he tried to do to me and my dad.”

Martha blinked back at me and I hated to see her face crumple like that. She was supposed to be stronger than I, to have all the answers and maternal grace. Right now, she seemed about as lost as I was, and that was terrifying. “No, he wouldn’t. He protected Clark so many times, like from the D.D.S.”

“I don’t know what went on in his damn brain, but we were all fools to think that Jor-El, of all things, could temper him. What Lex did was wrong and he should have stood trial for it, but no one misses Lionel Luthor, at least not around this farm.”

“I’m so tired of getting things wrong. I turned to Lionel after Jonathan died because I thought he could help me take care of Clark and he does that?”

“It’s okay,” I said, biting my lower lip. “Clark’s okay.”

Granted, he’d had horrific nightmares for a few weeks after and it had taken both Kara and I working with him to get him to sleep through the night again, as well as three nightlights in his room, but he was much better now. At least in our fucked up lives, more horror could displace the last batch.

“I’m so tired of compromising who I want to be for what keeps him safe. If I’m mad at you, Chloe, it’s because I was hoping you could do better. He needs someone, and he always will and I won’t be it forever. It’ll have to be you for a while and then he’ll have to think harder about whom to trust if he lives that long.”

“Yeah.”

“I wished you weren’t making the same mistakes I’ve been making. After all, how can we be his compass if everything we do is so damn murky?”

I set my glass down and walked over to her, letting her rest her head on my shoulder and hugging her close. Neither of us had any answers anymore, and the more we tried to protect Clark, the worse we made it, not just for him but for ourselves as well.

Maybe the world with it.

“Maybe Clark has to be his own from now on,” I said. “All I want is to get away from Tess and never make deals again. You could talk to Clark about discretion and at least maybe stop having to be Waller’s puppet master.”

“I hope so. I…a few months ago, I bought a gun.”

I frowned. “I don’t understand.”

“Neither do I. I just felt I needed it, that I might need to _persuade_ people. Once I had it, I just turned around and gave it to my father as a Christmas present. I don’t know who I am anymore.”

I sighed and stroked her back. “Martha, I know exactly how you feel.”

 

 


	18. Man of Leisure

**Seventeen - Man of Leisure**  
  
"And that's how I stopped a bank robbery solo. I mean, Victor totally would have had my back but they were using these massive magnets to get through the damn vault door so it would have fried his circuitry. Point is? We have Central City tied up in a bow, Clark-man," Bart said as he inhaled his third panini.  
  
I swear Bart eats so much that even I have no idea where he puts it. It's obvious that the type of energy we both need for our powers to work is pretty massive. However, since I see him blur the way humans see me do it, I had no idea how fast he was but pretty damn fast. Basically, if he was awake, Bart was eating.  
  
For myself, I'd had a sandwich of my own and was working through a couple of brownies. Victor was nodding patiently and letting Bart relive the tales of his own awesomeness. I had the feeling that there was usually  _a lot_  more of Cyborg in these events than Bart was letting on. Vic was a good guy, and didn't want the credit as long as the saves were made. Still, I'd be amused by the differences in their stories. Bart was, well, maybe just a little full of himself.  
  
It's not like he was  _that_ fast.  
  
Hell, when Kara flies she blurs off a ton. If I could ever figure that power out, I bet I'd outlap him again. Not that I needed to hone anything. Retirement was looming soon, just needed to get through a bit of physical therapy and then I'd be on the East Coast and away from meteor mutant and LuthorCorp craziness.  
  
"So, that's good. Do you ever get a kiss on the cheek for your troubles, Bart?"  
  
Vic rolled his eyes. "Don't encourage him. The last thing we need is to end up with restraining orders for him hitting on the girls he saves."  
  
"I would not do that," Bart said, shoving in another bite of his sandwich. Then he frowned. "Okay, there have been a few lovely damsels I might have kissed before running off, but, first, it's the perks of the job."  
  
I laughed. "No, I don't think it is."  
  
"Nope, not something I've been collecting on either," Victor agreed.  
  
"Well  _I'm_  not someone with a stick up their ass," Bart countered. "My point is that my heart belongs to a certain former reporter and the hottest senorita in the city."  
  
I blushed and slipped my left arm under the table. Everything just felt so visible and exposed if I didn't. "You should, you know," I said, trying to keep my voice light. "Chloe doesn't mind you have powers at all, and you guys seem to have the same sense of humor."  
  
Vic and Bart exchanged a look and I couldn't quite figure out what I'd done.   
  
I sighed and regretted that. A breeze was stirred up by that and hopefully no one noticed if some of the menu cards on the tables blew off. I needed to remember not to relax too much. Mostly, just like the summer I'd been mortal or my time last year at the Russian work camp, once I was powered, it was sort of automatic. I, uh, might have underestimated the stupid breath. Jeez, I barely used that one anyway.  
  
"I'm just saying, Jimmy ended up being a real dick and Davis was panting after her and was a psycho. She could use a real hero and a change of pace. Uh, though since it is Chloe and Lois trained her well, I wouldn't get grabby if you want to keep your arm in one piece."  
  
"Might serve him right," Vic said, taking a sip of his mocha.  
  
"True, but she'd be perfect to be the mother of a bunch of little speedsters. She thinks faster than I run."  
  
"Naturally, she  _is_ Chloe after all."  
  
"Believe me, Stretch, I'd love to ask her out, but she'd just say no."

"Well if you gave her time to get over her post marriage and post being stalked by a crazy monster blues, then I'm sure she would."  
  
Bart rolled his eyes and chomped down on  _my_  second brownie. What a dick. "You have to be willfully blind, right? I mean, I know you have better senses than Shelby but you're really that stupid?"  
  
"I don't get it. Chloe's single, you're single, and you're both trying to keep some form of Justice afloat, sounds like a great idea to me."  
  
"It would be, don't get me wrong, if she wasn't caught up on you. Personally, I don't see the draw. I mean you can have the Fastest Man Alive---"  
  
"Sure," Victor joked. "Sounds like a perfect thing in all situations."  
  
"Not like that! But I mean that you can have that or a little green man, not that you're little."  
  
I blinked, not sure that I'd heard Bart right. "Huh?"  
  
"Chloe's only into you, Clark," Victor clarified. "Also we know and it's cool. If you're okay with a guy supercharged by lightening and me being part can opener, then we're both cool with you being an alien," Victor said, lowering his voice on the last part so that no one overheard.  
  
"What? Wait, did Chloe tell you guys?"  
  
"We were super confused about what the Hell was going on and what could make you sick so she clarified a lot."  
  
"Chloe shouldn't have done that," I said, crossing my arms over my chest then dropping them when I felt even dumber with my stump on display. "Look, Oliver found out about it by finding my records through Lana's computers at ISIS. I didn't tell you guys because it's dangerous. It makes people like Lex and Lionel Luthor hunt me down, gets you poisoned like with Chloe."  
  
"Huh?" Vic asked, blinking back at me.  
  
"When she was so out of it this fall around her wedding? That was all because of an infection of a very different kind from my home planet. The point is that it's too dangerous for people to know."  
  
"Since we're basically terrorists and superheroes with our own powers people want to exploit, you know that we're always in trouble," Vic said.  
  
"Duh, Stretch, besides if you're embarrassed cause  you're E.T., don't be. Be honest, it's better than being part dolphin," Bart added.  
  
I snickered a little. "A.C. was a nice guy. I hope he's happy doing whatever it is with the other Atlanteans. I'm just saying that it's hard when people know, and I think it made Oliver not trust me as much."  
  
"Clearly, Oliver wasn't playing with a full deck and if Canary is still his on-call superpowered assistant, maybe she's not either," Victor said. "The point is that we're fine with it and if you need to like resucitate geraniums or have some weird worm guy coffee fetish, we're there for you."  
  
"I am not...uh, this is how I look. There's no like scales or stalk eyes or green skin, I promise."  
  
Bart frowned. "Oh, so that's actually a let down, dude."

"How so?"  
  
"It means there was a planet of guys no human could compete with. Yeesh, and your cousin---I saw pictures on your mantle---she was smoking hot too!"  
  
"I'll give your planet that, Clark," Victor added.  
  
"Anyway," I said, trying to keep the conversation on track about Chloe. "Bart, I don't understand why you can't date her. She's always enjoyed you."  
  
"Because, again, she's completely in love with you, Stretch," Bart said and he was moping a little with his eyes downcast and his hair in his face.  
  
"Oh, well, I'm moving and she's still going to want...she's crazy enough to stay in this fight. It'll work better if she's with someone who is also on the front lines."  
  
"You know," Vic said. "Catherine and I might not have worked out, but I wasn't throwing her at other guys. Way I heard it, you literally walked her down the aisle to Jimmy Olsen and now want to make a love connection between Watchtower and Impulse. Clark, there's being noble and then there's being a complete dumbass."  
  
"I'm not," I said, my tone clipped. I had to blink a few times to keep my heat vision back in my annoyance. "My point is that I'm a civilian now and she's going to insist on all this crazy crusade crap even though she's human."  
  
Vic and Bart did that weird double take at each other, and there were definitely things the rest of the League (such as it was) was keeping from me.  
  
"Like that's so great," Bart said. "Not that I'd hold it against Chloelicious. Her superpower is being freaking awesome, but normal's overrated."  
  
"Not always," I said, glancing back at Victor. "You have to be on my side. I mean, why didn't you and Catherine work out even after she knew?"  
  
He sighed and sipped his coffee. "Compatibility is a bitch, man."  
  
"Exactly and you know me. I'm way stronger than you ever were." I'm not bragging when I say this. I mean, I can make coal into diamonds in under thirty seconds and rip through nukes. It's just facts and when it comes to having a girl...to trying to really love her, then it's a disastrous combo. "And you know about my heat vision, seen it in action."

"Yeah, it's melted a few locks and saved our asses," Bart said. "So what?"  
  
I groaned and set my head in my right palm. "Let's just say it has certain triggers."  
  
"Wait so you set fires when you're horny?" Bart said.  
  
I felt a little better when Vic slapped him. "Jesus, Bart, it's called 'tact.' Look it up. I...oh."  
  
"Yeah, I'm too strong or I could burn her or maybe freeze her with my breath. I'm not really anymore compatible with humans than you are."  
  
"Sound a lot less," he said, his voice low and tone sincere. "Still, seems to me that's Chloe's choice if she wants to date a civilian with, uh, complications."  
  
"Look, Stretch, if I thought I had a shot, I wouldn't be pointing out the obvious to you," Bart said. "Chloerita is super bummed about you moving and leaving her and 'doing it for her own good' is so much bullshit. Frankly, I don't think she'd do well even if we  _both_ abandoned Central City and came here to work Justice from Metropolis. She needs you."

I frowned. "Do you know something that I don't?"  
  
"Just that she already has Tess breathing down her neck, thinks the crime rate in Metropolis is personally her fault somehow and a hospital's worth of psycho mutant teens to talk off ledges. You could use a best friend for that," Bart said, even if he wasn't quite meeting my gaze.  
  
"Don't leave, man."  
  
I sighed as I waved over the waitress, blushing when she noticed my left arm. I was probably not going to get used to those stares any time soon, let's just put it that way. "Can we get our check."  
  
She offered me a pained smile and lingered a little too long on my stump but then nodded. "Sure, of course."  
  
"Guys, it is what it is. I'm glad you're cool with me, and I know Chloe's really taking it hard, but she has Lois to talk to over the phone and she has you guys and I'm a blur in away. If things got dire, I can be here in under a minute."  
  
"It's not good enough," Bart said, standing up and storming off before I could answer him.  
**  
  
"Hey Mom," I said, as I walked into the living room. "Uh, Bart and Vic are back at the motel by Fordman's. They didn't want to overcrowd now that I'm lucid."  
  
Mom nodded and went back to knitting. That sort of surprised me. I hadn't seen her sew or doing anything with fabric period since she became a senator. "That's good. Chloe's upstairs already getting rest. I think the round trip to Metropolis wore her down."  
  
I nodded. Usually, I'd give her a ride on what she jokingly called "The Smallville Shuttle." It only took a few seconds for her and, frankly, I really enjoyed it too, just having a quiet moment to hold her. Okay, so I can admit now that maybe it wasn't just trying to help her save gas that motivated me.  
  
"Cool. Did you talk to Smallville Medical Center?"  
  
"Yes, and they coordinated everything via my federal benefits. We're going to meet the physical therapists and occupational therapists tomorrow and we'll work from there."  
  
I grimaced at that. Again, maybe part of it is the stubborness I learned from my dad and part of it was just how easy it is to take my strength for granted. Still, I might be able to tear through steel but right now I couldn't even button my shirt up by myself. Granted, I'd always been a big t-shirt guy, but it was so debasing to have mom have to help me shower and all this other stuff. It'd be good to learn how to for me all over again but also just so foreign. I'd never been this compromised before.  
  
"Uh, good," I said, reaching over and squeezing her shoulder. "I'm going to head up and get some good sleep then."

She paused and squeezed my good hand tightly. “Clark, Chloe and I were talking.”

I frowned but didn’t pull back from my mom. Frankly, I was expecting any talk that she and Chloe had to involve shouting. Mom had been super pissed at Chlo lately. I got it. I’m not excited that Tess knows all about me, even if Lionel---the bastard---had already left the journals to Tess. She would have known either way. However, I didn’t expect Mom and Chloe to have talked much at all.

“Okay, following.”

“Sit down, sweetheart.”

I grinned a little at that. While I wish I wasn’t an only child and I would have done anything to make it so my mom never lost the baby, that wasn’t how life worked out. That said, I definitely liked being an only child and having all of Mom’s attention focused on me. I might be twenty-three soon (as far as my parents could guess on my birth certificate), but I really liked being fussed over by my mom. I guess most guys might be embarrassed to have endearments, but I enjoyed it.

I obliged her and waited for whatever Mom had to say. I’d already agreed with her that it was best to leave Smallville behind, even if we were keeping the farm. It’s not like it had been a working farm in over eighteen months. But if she wanted me to go in with her on a bashing Chloe session, I wasn’t going to do that. “Did the talk go okay?”

“I think so. I apologized.”

“Huh?” That I had not been expecting.

She looked up at me and her eyes looked redder than they should have been. “Mom are you okay?”

Mom nodded and stroked my cheek. “I’ve been lying to you.”

“I don’t understand. Is this about what Gossip Gerty said? Lois mentioned once there was a rumor about you and Perry White but that’s pretty nuts.”

Mom flushed and I noticed her heart beat start racing. That was definitely not what I’d been hoping. “Not about that. I’ve been doing things that I probably shouldn’t have to keep you safe.”

“But you haven’t been here,” I said and I noticed my words came out more petty than I meant for them to. I’d missed Mom and I was so very proud of her and the work she was doing in Washington. Still, it felt like she’d abandoned me a little, like in the middle of Kara being thrown into my life and Brainiac hurting Lana and then Chloe, that I could have used her here. I hated feeling so cut off from her. “I mean…” I stammered, blushing. “It’s just that there was nothing I needed you to do.”

She sighed and looked at her hands, now both back on her lap. “Lionel introduced me to a senator who used to oversee a covert branch of the government called ‘Checkmate.’ It’s more aggressive than the CIA and they focus on preternatural threats, whether alien or metahuman.”

“Wait so you’re working with an alien hunting squad of the government?” My voice was now more shrill too. That made so little sense I wanted to vomit, even if it was something I didn’t normally do.

“Against them. They report to me but it’s discrete. They don’t know which senator I am, just my codename. I just work hard enough to make sure if they’re onto the Red and Blue Blur or clearly Kryptonian things that they’re rerouted.”

“I…so you have something stronger than the CIA under your thumb?”

She nodded. “It does horrible things, Clark. They’re wetworks.”

I whistled. I’d seen enough spy movies as a kid with Pete or Lex to know what that meant. “And you order them to do these things.”

“I don’t stop my second in command, Waller, from ordering it. So, yes, I allow it as long as I can keep heading them off at the pass for you.”

“I don’t want that. Mom, why would you even do that? If Dad were here---”

“But he’s not. It’s just the two of us. I’m glad you have Chloe but she’s just a kid like you. I’m supposed to be the adult it falls on and Lionel found me this opportunity and I had to take it.”

“Lionel,” I said, gritting my teeth and forcing my heat vision not to activate. The asshole had put me in a Kryptonite bath and then a cage. I had no love for him. Lex was wrong to murder him and he should have stood trial for his actions, but Lionel wasn’t the ally any of us thought he was.

“Chloe and I talked a long time. I’m going to resign from my position with Checkmate and now that you’re a civilian, I have less to worry about.”

“So you’re doing it because you can and not because being in charge of a wetworks team is wrong? Mom, Jesus!”

“No, I was tired. I felt it taking apart my soul day-by-day, Clark. I was doing things that I couldn’t stand either. I wasn’t who I was supposed to be, wasn’t the woman your father fell in love with.”

“So you and Chloe talked about that?”

She nodded. “I see myself in Chloe a lot.”

I blushed; that was slightly Freudian. “It’s not like you ever had a Wall of Weird, Mom.”

“No, but I was the outsider here for a long time, the out of place Metropolis girl. And, frankly, Chloe’s very smart.”

“No one ever thought you could get one over on Martha Kent,” I agreed, smiling despite the tension.

“True, but she can be ruthless. I’ve done things since I got to Washington that have stained my soul, let things happen I could have stopped. I don’t want Chloe to be like that, to keep making bargains and trades like that. We need to do better if we’re going to be your Jiminy Cricket.”

“Mom,” I objected placing my hand over hers. “I don’t need a conscience anymore. I’m grown and I like to think I’m out of my stealing fiancees phase and my tendency to beat people up like Titan. I just don’t want either of you to do things you regret, not for me. I’m not worth it.”

“You’d be worth a lot of things,” she said. “But I want to be more the woman who raised you and I know Chloe wants to be more like she was in high school. There’s no point in trying to save you, if it ruins us too.”

“Then don’t. That’s the beauty of me retiring anyway. I think the sooner we’re home in D.C., the less confusion.”

“Like over Chloe?”

“I’m not confused, Mom. I’m just disappointed. She’s going to keep heroing with Bart and Victor and I wish she wouldn’t, just would focus on her kids and then whatever else she wants. You’re not wrong, you know? She’s human and I’m not, and it’s better for both of us if we don’t try anything.”

Mom sighed and stroked my hair. After everything with Alicia, I knew she’d wanted someone who could fit with me. Chloe wasn’t like me---no one outside of Kara was and that was just gross---but she loved me. To be fair, Lana did too; she was just Kryptonite-laced now and, frankly, not the most stable or trustworthy person. Still, it was better this way and, not for the first time, I thought my birth parents were nuts for sending me to a place where I couldn’t really fit with anyone else.

“I know it’s hard. I can’t even imagine how much, but I’m proud of you for letting her go.”  


I forced myself to smile as I stood up and kiss her cheek. “Thanks Mom, let me get some rest. I feel like the techs tomorrow will kick my ass.”

“Clark Kent.”

“Butt,” I corrected as if I wasn’t a grown adult who formerly held down a steady job.

“That’s all I ask,” she said, winking at me.

And, for a moment, it was normal even if my mom had just revealed a dark side I wasn’t sure I could ever understand.

**

“Fuck!” I shouted, trying to get my hand to unclench.

I mean there wasn’t anything left to unclench. After all, my left hand wasn’t there. Still, I was closing my eyes and trying to envision it doing it, to trick my neurons (or whatever Kryptonians had) into releasing that clenched hand. Right now, the cramps were seizing up through the muscles and tendons that weren’t there and, yeah, it wasn’t as bad as Kryptonite, but it did suck.

I stopped myself just short of flailing. I really could not afford to replace my night stand.

Chloe was there then with an odd cardboard box in her hands. “Super Sidekick to the rescue.”

I rolled my eyes even as the pain continued to rack my hand and arm. “You’re a partner. You got promoted some time around when you kicked Brainiac’s ass.”

“In the Fortress? Cause all I did was get the Green K off of you.”

“No, last year or close enough. Whatever you did do, your powers back then? It made him weak, super weak and sweaty. It gave me an edge.”

She blanched then and I felt like crap. Of course the last thing Chloe would ever want to talk about again would be Brainiac and number two would be her meteor power. “Glad I could help. But you have to admit that ‘Super Sidekick’ has a ring to it.”

“It does,” I said before swearing again and accidentally punching a hole in my mattress.

“Wow, so it feels that good.”

I sighed. “Is Mom still asleep? I don’t want her to know.”

Chloe shook her head. “I had an idea I’m testing out but of course she knows. Don’t hide it. We’re here to help, you know?”

“I…I just don’t want you two to worry. I’m basically invulnerable again. My brain’s just freaking out.”

“It’s fine since we’d worry anyway,” she said, sitting down in the rocker by my bed. I resented that she didn’t just sit next to me on the mattress, but she did have a point about me sending her mixed signals and I’d be gone soon. “Feast your eyes on my genius, oh fearsome intergalactic traveler.”

“It’s a box with a mirror in it. Great. I mean not that we can’t all have a cardboard box with some mirrors lying parallel in it and what’s this again?”

“You put your right hand in. It’ll reflect, look like your left hand. You make the motion of opening the right hand and it helps send the visual cue back to your brain. I mean, I hope it will. I’m basing it off some research on human amputees.”

I laughed bitterly and banished the nightmares from last night from my brain. “I never work like anyone else.”

“Then at least see. The visualization helps sometimes, right?” she said, offering me one of those forced smiles of hers.

I sighed and focused on the mirror. It must have taken twenty minutes of doing the exercises, but, finally, the pain stopped. Smiling back up at her, I slipped my hand out of the box and squeezed hers. “Thank you.”

“All in a day’s work for Super---“

“Chloe,” I corrected, grinning more widely. “For Super Chloe.”

“Sure, that’s my name, don’t wear it out. Seriously, keep it. I’m sure your physical therapists will have other suggestions.”

“Ugh, they won’t need bloodwork will they?”

“Beauty of being a senator, no one questions things.”

“Huh?”  


“Your mom says you’re ‘Christian Scientists’ so you’ll do the rehab but no tests period. No one wants to make her mad so you shouldn’t have a problem,” Chloe added.

“Good, I…you and Mom don’t have to do awful things for me anymore. I don’t want you to ever do anything like hide Davis or try running off with a literal monster again. Please don’t keep hurting yourselves because of me.”

“Clark---“

“Promise me. Don’t do some _Gift of the Magi_ thing. Don’t just sacrifice everything because you care about me.”

“I love you,” she countered.

I sighed and looked away. “And you’re a great nurse.”

“Yeah, that’s what every girl wants to hear. Clark, we could talk about the kiss---“

“I’m going to D.C. in a month at most, and there’s nothing left to say.”

The door slammed extra hard, ringing in my ears after that, and I was sure she’d done that on purpose.

 _Smooth, Kent, real smooth_.

 

 


	19. Role Model

**Role Model**

“So tell me this is where the magic happens, Chloelicious?” Bart said, throwing himself on my bed.

I rolled my eyes and shooed him off, and ignored his fake pouting. At least I assumed it was fake pouting. Bart’s sweet and we banter, but he feels more like a little brother. After all, he’s a few years younger than either Clark or I. Besides, the idea of that bed being used for anything is a laugh. Jimmy and I used to, of course, but he’s been gone for seven months and before that said the worst things. They were never true, I’d never cheat on him with either Davis or Clark. I find it funny these rules never applied in reverse, to his wandering eye with Kara.

No, that bed is tainted, and maybe I should get a new one.

Feels like everything’s changed in the last year and a half. People I trusted have either left or betrayed me, and now just Clark remains, but he’ll be gone soon enough. I love Metropolis dearly. It’s my city. But I don’t relish living here alone and doing work I was never cut out for. I feel like I’m giving up so much to save her, but that there’s nothing left behind for me in return.

Victor shook his head and smacked the back of Bart’s. “Man, do you ever not act like a walking libido?”

“What would be the fun in that?”

As if to prove his point, he blurred away in a flash and there was a pinch on a certain birthmarked part of my body. Anyone else? I’d use the move Lois taught me in high school to make them sing castrati, even Clark. But with Bart, that’s how he is, and I roll with it because I need some jokes in my life.

Vic rolled his eyes and points to the kitchenette. “Bart, sit and be good. That’s what I need you to do for me.”

He smirked and, again that red streak, and he was sitting at the counter with his hands held high in the air. “I promise no more sampling Chloerita’s wares.”

Even I had to snort at that. “Nice try, Bart, but even you’re pushing it now. Anyway, I really am thankful you guys came out for his fever. I don’t think Martha or I could have done it without you. He got so out of it the last days,” my voice came out faster and more uneven than I wanted it to. I wasn’t going to break down or cry. I couldn’t afford to. Once Clark was gone, I could drown my sorrows or cry or anything else after days at ISIS but today was not that day. “Anything you ever need in Central City, even if Victor can out hack me, I’d help.”

Vic shook his head. “You’re not just hacking, Chloe. Sometimes it’s good to have another point of view and you’ve got a mean left hook and great taser skills. We can always use you at home. If the Big Apricot grows stale, you have a place with what’s left of Justice.”

I smiled, and it was genuine. There was at least one last place, even with Dad in London and everyone else spread between D.C. and Star City, where I’d have a home, and I appreciated that. Truly I did. “If I find a way to make sure Metropolis is safe from meteor mutant drama, you’ve got it.”

“Yeah, cause you can solve that all on your own, right,” Bart said. “That means we’ll never see you.”

“You will, but all our missions come first and, right now, that means we’re in separate cities.”

“And if you need help dealing with your powers?” Vic pressed.

I held up my palm and with a bit of concentration it glowed as brightly gold as it had when I’d healed Jimmy’s hand. “It’s like riding a damn bicycle, feels just like it did when I had it before I was in Black Creek.”

“If you need to have a club with us other freaks is more what we mean,” Bart corrected with his usual delicate touch. “You don’t have to go through this alone, never ever do.”

“I just don’t want to talk about it right now,” I said, keeping my chin held high. “It’s not about you guys. You’re the best, but if I talk about it, then it’s real.”

Bart sighed. “It is real, Chloe, and we don’t care. In fact, we both think it’s a damn upgrade. Welcome to the weird side.”

I smiled and hugged Victor and then, yes, accepted a side hug from Bart. I think he only restrained himself because Vic was glaring at him over the early, ahem, incident. “Thanks, but it’d be better if I wasn’t going to go nuts.”

“That’s never gonna happen. I’m going to protect the mother of my little speedsters with my life.”

I snorted and giggled again. “That’s a sweet offer, but I’m going to pass.”

“Not if I ask enough times---smart, cute, loves the weird, and has powers. I’m not finding a better deal.”

“And you’re not ever going to stop the hard sell,” Vic replied.  


I waved my hand. “Boys, boys, it’s fine. If I didn’t like it, then Bart would have had volts lancing through him by now.”

“Good point,” Victor conceded chuckling. Then he sobered. “We should talk about Tess and the aliens, about her whole damn team that’s basically the evil Justice League.”

“Oliver killed and we all helped blow a lot of shit up,” I said. “I’m not sure how noble we were either.”

“Maybe,” Bart said. “But nothing good ever came out of LuthorCorp. You get this crazy alien criminal mess straightened out. For both you and Stretch’s sake, I hope you get it done fast. That Mercer bitch? She seems just as crazy as anyone else who ran the company.”

“Agreed, I get a weird vibe from her, Chlo,” Vic added, his brow furrowed with fear. “Look after yourself and, you know, never be afraid to tell Clark the truth.”

“Huh?”

“You two. You have this thing going on.”

“No we don’t. I want him to stay and I’d love more. He knows that, and he still wants me to date a normal guy and be All American here without him. He’s trying to be noble and he’s just being a complete moron.”

“I’d still try. I did everything I could to convince Catherine to stay. It didn’t work but at least I know I tried.”

I sighed and hugged both boys one last time. Den mother to the superpowered, when the Hell did that become my life? “I wish it worked that way. It really did, now good luck and kick ass fighting crime in Central City. We’re all going to need it.”

**

“London’s clean and now there’s something that seems to be moving through Niagra Falls area in Canada. It’s been emitting an EMP, shorting out tech and electricity all over the area. My team’s already on it, but it seems to be abating, and who knows where it took off from,” Tess said, leaning back in her chair at Luthor Mansion.

I shuddered a little and tried to hide it. Being in this study always reminded me of Lionel, of selling Clark out. It didn’t help that Lex had been endlessly fascinated by my meteor powers and had captured me a hat trick of times. I was just so damn tired of Luthors and their proxies. Only being afraid of Clark dead and bloody kept me coming back to a rat like Tess.

“They’re fast. The aliens and criminals from the Phantom Zone were put there for a reason. They were dangerous as Hell and that’s how they ended up there. Not all are Kryptonian.”

“Like Clark?”

“Yes, and I’m afraid whoever cleaned up that mess in London.”

Tess’s eyes glittered with a maniacal gleam, and that made my heart race faster. “You mean whatever.”

“No, and if Clark…you know what. He and Martha will be gone soon enough and good for them. Clark’s many things---a good reporter, a great friend, and the best hero Metropolis ever saw---but he’s not a thing or even a pet messiah so you wanting him like a toy or possession?”

“Yes,” she asked, regarding me coolly.

“It’s never going to happen.”

“I never said that. I don’t want him in Scion or 33.1.”

“If only we’d all been so lucky over the years,” I said, my tone bitter.

“I’m just saying, Chloe, that I hope my team finds the other one first. The EMP blast controller is wreaking havoc, true, but there’s nothing as dangerous as the traveler and, frankly, maybe this one can be reasoned with when Clark can’t be persuaded.”

“He’d rather die than work for LuthorCorp so just get over it Tess. You have tons of information thanks to Lionel’s diaries and you have the truth. It’s more than Lex ever got in all his madness. So you work with me and we get this done. Got it?”

“Still, can you imagine what _both_ of them could do together? If Clark un-retired and this one was as amenable to helping the planet and others as he is? That kind of power in one place? We’d never have to worry about another Dark Thursday again or all that Davis and his beastly half could do.”

“They’re not tools. This other one could be as bad a criminal as anything in the Zone. I…you say you want us to treat you better than we treated Lex, but you’re doing the same things. You see Clark as both alien and as a means to an end, and that’s terrifying,” I said, standing up and gathering up my laptop case.

“He’s an alien, Chloe.”

I swallowed hard and nodded. “He’s a lot more than that.”

Usually, I’d launch into a point that was completely true about how Clark is the most human person I know. That’s true. He always had better human interest pieces than I did, and he always had so much hope, despite everything wanted to see the best in people. I’m a born cynic, goes with being a reporter. Still, I understand that Clark’s different from all of us. I’ve never cared, but I know he does. He’s made that abundantly clear, that it’s his powers standing between us now and irrational fears he’ll hurt me.

That he can’t be normal enough to give me a life.

Who ever said I wanted normal, especially when Jimmy Olsen was such a mistake?

“Anyway,” Tess said. “I’ll keep you appraised of what my team finds. If we find the Kryptonian, the EMP maker or whatever seems to be tearing up the Outback, we’ll call you in.”

“If you find the other traveler,” I asked, my voice like ice. “Would you really even tell me or will you just shove them in the same cage Lionel had for Clark?”

Tess gave me one of her Mona Lisa smiles. “I tell you as much as you tell me, Chloe, and that should comfort you. We have an open line of communication, don’t we?”

“Sure, of course.”

**

I watched.

That was actually fairly rare. Clark had super hearing and, while he never used it to spy on people and, yeah, often seemed to forget he even had that ability, but it had been getting hard to sneak up on him. Right now, though, he was concentrating hard on the activity with his mother. While I’d wished The Bros off and then met with Tess, he’d gone to Smallville Medical Center to start working with the therapists. Right now, he was work to put one of his standard flannel shirts on after laying it out on the mattress. He seemed to have gotten far at least. It was on and through both arms. He was just working on the buttons.

That part wasn’t going as well.

He was a few buttons down from the collar, where he was fumbling pretty hard with his right thumb and forefinger. No matter how hard he tried, they slipped off. Eventually, even I flinched when he tore a massive hole through his shirt.

“Damn it!” he swore. “That’s the third one.”

Martha frowned but recovered quickly. Helping him slip the shirt off (he had a t-shirt on underneath), she folded up the offending flannel menace. “I can sew those though, honey, and you just need some patience.”

“This sucks.”

“I know, and I’m sorry, but you’re not going to get anywhere frustrated. You have more considerations than other people.”

Clark threw up both his arms and sighed. “When don’t I? That’s all I ever have is ‘special considerations’ and I’m sick of it. It was hard enough just trying to do things, or else there wouldn’t be rehab at all, but I have to try to fumble through stuff and _not_ break it.”

“And you’ll learn. You did every time you had a growth spurt or when you waited out the solar flares. Honey, we’ll get this too.”

“Ugh, or you’ll just have to dress me like I’m four for the rest of my. I…Mom, I just need a minute,” he said and then there was a blur and he was gone.

To be honest, I didn’t miss his speed while it was out. Clark’s best tactic for ignoring things he didn’t want to hear and reality with it was storming off on conversations. Granted, lots of people did that. He just could do it so he’d be in Canada before you noticed he was gone. It was fucking awful.

Sighing, I slipped into Martha’s bedroom and crossed my arms over my chest. “Going that well, huh?”

“He’s tired. They did base line things with him today and there was a lot he couldn’t do. Clark’s not used to that, at least not in this way. He adjusts; he always does.”

“But not without usually a lot of pouting. I love Clark.”

Martha nodded. “I’m aware.”

“And that makes me feel so much better with the censure in your tone,” I said, my tone hard.

 Bart and Victor weren’t wrong. I was tired of apologizing for how I felt. I’d spent about a decade doing it. I’d died for him, gone to the ends of the Earth and begged the AI for his safety essentially, and almost spent my life on the lam with a damn monster. I didn’t know what else I needed to do to earn the vaunted admittance into his life. It wasn’t like he was disinterested. I couldn’t help but notice in the last two weeks or so that Martha had been pushing hard for Clark’s “go to D.C.” plan. Hell, it was probably truly hers. I just wasn’t sure why she was like that.

“It’s not censure, at least not the way you think,” Martha said, sitting down on the bed and, suddenly, she looked more tired and far older than I remembered.

“Then enlighten me because all Clark sends these days is mixed signals.”

“You know he can’t stay, Chloe, and you know he’s permanently off the roster. He stays here and you and, eventually, the boys will drag him into things he cannot do anymore. He lost a hand and almost died with a fever. Do you really want to bury him?”

“That’s the last thing I want, believe me. I traded 18 hours cold and dead for him.”

Martha nodded. “He told me about that. Thank you.”

“I appreciate that,” I said, even if it felt underwhelming as a response. “I just…am I not Lana enough for you?”

“No, I told you that you’re very much like me, whether that’s a good or bad thing, I can’t quite decide. I’ve done things I’m deeply ashamed of, things that now that Clark knows about, he can barely believe.”

“So you did tell him?”

“I’m done with Red Queen, but I didn’t want to hide it from him, no. I needed to clean break and a way to move on, be the mother I’m supposed to be.”

I nodded back and leaned a bit more against the threshold. “So why don’t you want us together?”

She sighed and ran a hand through greying hair. “Because you have a mission, Chloe, and you always have. You dragged him into hunting meteor mutants when he was a kid and you’ll drag him back into this fight, but, frankly, this is for your sake too.”

I arched an eyebrow at that. “Enlighten me.”

“I wanted nothing more than when Clark was growing up for him to be loved. I was heartbroken for him when Alicia turned out to be crazy and devastated over and over again with Lana’s drama.”  


“Weren’t we all? But I’m here and I couldn’t love him more if I tried, and I couldn’t literally give any more. I let an alien parasite eat through my mind for him, Martha. So why am I not good enough?”

She shook her head and let out a long sigh. “You have it reversed, Chloe.”

“Okay, now definitely color me confused.”

“Your sometimes murky moral compass, like mine, bothers me, because I’m still not sure which way either of us are going to go but this isn’t about that.”

“Then?”  


“Clark just can’t…you know the rest of these words. I know he confided in you a lot his freshman year of college, when he and Lana probably had their worst troubles. He can’t be with human girls, and it’d be sad and cruel to both of you to set that up. You’d get frustrated and he’d hate himself every day for not being what he thinks he should be and for dragging trouble your way.”

“I can’t argue with the trouble, just that I’m always in it either way. Martha, I could live my whole life and if I literally lived a middle school life where Clark and I only held hands and made out like sixth graders, I’m so pathetic that I wouldn’t care.” I laughed bitterly before continuing. “I’m pathetic and sad and stuck in a groove but I can’t change how I’m made and, by this point, I wouldn’t want to.”

“Clark wants to.” She said. “He’ll hate himself if he can’t be the man he thinks he should be. I just…things are less complicated if you don’t press, if you just accept that he’s gone and this is how it has to be.”

“Because you think it’s best.”

“Because what if he is right? What if one day you try something more…”

“Did I ever mention that I hate we’re even having this conversation. No offense, but it’s beyond awkward.”

“It is for _both_ of us,” she conceded. “But say you did just try and kiss and it escalated and he broke you, literally. What would you do then?”

I flinched. The truth was because my mutation was back and it made me extremely resilient to even death, that actually might not be a problem, but I didn’t want to have broken bones either---even if I figured Clark would never do that---and I didn’t want either he or Martha to know I was a freak again. I just couldn’t…he’d blame himself for that too.

“I don’t know.”

“You know what Clark would do?”

I swallowed. “The same thing he did when you lost the baby or his dad’s heart got so bad. He’d run.”

“Yes, and I don’t think he’d ever come back. So, no, Chloe, most of the time I like you a lot, even if you’re ruthless.”

I shrugged. “I earned that.”

“But I don’t think anything but pain can come from you two together so just drop it.”

“Fine, but can I go check on him. Odds are he’s in the loft anyway.”

“Please do. I don’t think he needs platitudes from me anyway.”  
**

“So, we have got to stop meeting like this,” I say, sitting next to him on the sofa. The sun was already setting and we were getting through into mid-October and soon the sun would be gone all the time. The fading orange light played across the planes of his face, his high cheekbones, and any person with eyeballs  will get easier. You would have to love him. He was too beautiful not to. I tamped down my inner immature self whom I called “sophomore year” and told her to shut up. “Do you want that old saw about ‘a journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step?’”

“Not really,” he said, setting his head in his good hand. “Qualified statement but I want to be normal again.”

“This is normal from now on,” I said, shrugging. “For a guy who woke up with random powers about once a year for half a decade, you sure don’t do change well.”

“You weren’t thrilled to be a mutant,” he chided.

Correction, I’m _still_ not happy about it.

“True, but it will get better because you’ll learn the tricks. You won’t get it right away. I mean, you’re still working on flight.”

“Yeah that makes me feel better. If this takes nine years, I’ll go nuts.”

I sighed and rubbed his shoulder. “It won’t. Your mom’s smart and you know I’m a genius?”  


“Ha.”

“But it got a kind of laugh,” I said, smiling. “Clark, you have a good team and it’ll get better. Hell, if you don’t like platitudes then just believe me because it was a lot worse. You were gone and then almost dying and now you’re here and this,” I said, gesturing to his hand. “Is nothing compared to Zod or Brainiac or the end of the damn world. So get a fucking grip.”

He blinked back at me, finally pulling up his head. “That’s a shit pep talk.”

“I didn’t say it was. You want to do everything by yourself, always have. It’s made being your partner very difficult and taxing. Well, you can’t do everything alone right now so just fucking deal with it. You’re twenty-two, not twelve.”

“Ouch.”

I snorted and hugged him over the shoulder. “You know you deserved that, admit it.”

“Maybe a little.”

“Oh, maybe a lot,” I countered. “Just give it a couple more weeks and then, oh mighty and heroic Red and Blue Blur, you owe my kids a visit and I have the best plan on that.”

**

Clark eyed her nervously in her office and adjusted the mask over his eyes. “Chlo,” he started and his voice came out distorted because of the modulator she’d had victor send them. Perfect. “I’m not sure this is the best idea.”

“Oh, this is a brilliant idea, Zorro, and don’t tell me that you don’t like getting dual use out of something and that you hate capes. You know you don’t.”

He blushed. Caught. “Yeah, and I’m glad we paired this with the Halloween day session since it makes it less weird, even if I have to do the hoodie thing later.”

“But?”

He shoved his stump in the pocket of his pants and let his cape fall over his left arm. “I don’t know…I passed by the meeting room and there’s ten kids there and I’ve never spoken in front of  a group and I’m not that good at talking.”

“That’s what I’m there for.”

He chuckled. “You said it, not me.”

“Clark, please. My kids spend all their time afraid they’ll end up in Belle Reve or Arkham. You can’t get this far and then back out cause of stage fright. What kind of Man of Steel are you?”

“I know but what if I disappoint them?”

“You’re the Red and Blue Blur and they’re super excited. There aren’t a lot of, uh, ‘special’ people who save the city.”

“Retired,” he countered.

“Clark, this is going to make their year, just do it. You don’t have to be eloquent, you just have to be you.”

“Well that’s a low bar,” he huffed. “Fine, but if I bomb, I warned you.”

I smiled broadly and kissed his cheek. I’d done that to thank him for the Christmas deliveries once. I still never understood why Clark let me boss him around. I mean, don’t get me wrong, all Sullivan-Lanes are hard to say no to. However, he was just this big guy and powerful to boot. There was something funny and oddly touching in the way he fell for me railroading him almost every time.

“Shall we, Blur?” I asked, crooking out my right elbow.

He blushed and gestured to me. “Uh, that’s not…wrong arm?”

I cursed and changed a bit so he could slip his right arm through my left elbow now. “Great, then show time!”

Technically, going to group therapy isn’t really that exciting. Half the kids were there anyway because the courts had referred them and the other half were there because their parents were desperate. Currently, I had a fire starter, a telekinetic who could only affect technology, a girl who traveled by turning into mist and a kid who had chameleon like powers (and I was literal, there was lizard in him the way Greg Arkin was part bug). The things that kid did with his tongue I’d banned on day one. Ugh.

Anyway, ten pairs of eyes all eyed us as we walked in. I gestured to the head of the table and let Clark sit down.

“So, Happy Halloween,” I said, and I always felt really dumb being here. I tried, but I was the last person on Earth to be some Mary Sunshine counselor. It’s just that no one else would even try. “There’s some candy and stuff for later, and I don’t want to take too much time but this is my friend, the Red and Blue Blur.”

“Who hasn’t been around in like seven months,” Charlie (chameleon kid) huffed. “How do we even know you’re the real deal?”

Clark rolled his eyes. There was a breeze and then in front of every single kid was a cheap statue of liberty statue with price tag still on it. “I just ran to New York and back five times before any of you noticed. Is that good enough?”

Every single kid’s mouth was open and I just burst out laughing. I wasn’t fazed by superspeed anymore, but it was impressive. Would have been better if all my damn napkins weren’t scattered all over the floor.

“Whoa,” said Sandra (she levitated). “That’s damn!”

“Language,” I said, taking a seat and smirking. “So who has questions?”

All ten hands were up and Clark went fire hydrant red under his mask. “Oh, okay, one at a time.”

Most of the session was pretty basic, questions about his powers, about what it was like to fight crime---not that he did anymore---and a bunch tried to get personal about his actual identity but he shut those down fast and he had to, we all understood that even if it made the kids whine. Toward the end, though, once they were through the flashy part, the kids got more serious.

Devon (my firestarter) really changed the tenor of everything. I had expected that. He was one of the few kids who cared about therapy and always was trying to work on control. He was nowhere near ready to go back to school after the explosion he’d caused in chemistry class, lacked control badly still, but he tried.

“So you’re really strong, right?”

Clark nodded. “I don’t have to show everything off, do I?”

Alexandra (mist girl) started to go intangible. “I’ll show you mine.”

“Guys, it’s not show and tell,” I replied. “Anyway, yeah the Blur’s pretty strong.”

Devon nodded. “Do you ever worry about hurting someone with your powers? Did you as a kid?”

Clark looked at me as he spoke, and I felt like it was only us in the room for a minute. “I never really hurt a h…person. Not too badly. When I was three, my parents tried to take me on a trip and I didn’t want to go so I cried and hugged my mom too hard, bruised her ribs. The worst thing I ever did was when I was six, one of the barn cats had kittens.”

“I don’t understand?” Sandra asked. “Kittens are the best.”

“I was really eager to grab one and it was so small, and I, well, I squished it,” he said, his gaze never wavering from mine.

I swallowed hard. He’d never told me that. I thought there was nothing left I didn’t know about Clark.

“My parents didn’t let me touch any of the animals where we lived for a year after that. We had livestock and they couldn’t afford to lose them to accidents. So, yes, I’ve hurt things. I’ve never meant to, not really,” he said, facing the kids again. “But it scares me all the time. If I killed someone because of my powers, I couldn’t live with myself.”

Devon sighed. “I get how you feel.”

“Did you ever want to just be normal?” Charlie asked, and he was clearly keyed up as he was a bright chartreuse all over.

Clark nodded. “Still do, actually. I could do things, and I loved helping Metropolis before I, uh, got sick,” he finished gesturing to his mangled arm. “I had certain responsibilities so I wouldn’t get rid of my powers if I could. It wouldn’t be right, but that’s how I feel, and there are a lot of factors in that, but every day, all the time, I wish I could be like everyone else, not have to hide.”

Maggie (the technopath) teared up a little. “Then what’s the point. We can’t get rid of what the stupid shower and rocks did to us, and we can’t really be honest with anyone.”

“I didn’t say that part,” Clark replied, calmly. He had this natural authority the kids just responded to, just like Maddie or Ryan had once upon a time. Hell, he was more patient with them than I was. “Chloe’s been my best friend since we were young, and she’s normal.”

I tried to keep my breathing normal. It was only recently a lie. I hadn’t let anyone outside of Bart and Victor know, which made me a huge hypocrite more than a good counselor.

“Yeah but---”

“I…it’s hard,” he said. “I won’t lie to you and I doubt that Chloe does either. But I have a good family and I have some awesome friends, some different and some not, and it’s okay. You don’t have to be alone.”

Maggie rubbed at her eyes. “Thanks.”

“Okay,” Chloe said. “I think we’re about ready for candy and cupcakes, etc., but The Red and Blue Blur said he’d come back---disguised so don’t even start with me---and is that okay?”

The kids all cheered and it was sweet. Clark never got to do stuff like this normally, to see how much his work had actually meant to Metropolis during his year on patrol.

“I guess that’s a yes, but we can do one more question.” I turned to him then and winked. “So, what’s your favorite save?”

He blinked, confused. “Huh?”

“You’ve saved hundreds of people from a ton of situations. What’s the favorite? Come on, there have to be hero highlights.”

“Chlo!”

“Don’t be modest now,” I said and my kids started cheering behind me. “Which was your favorite?”

He frowned and considered the question but it didn’t take him long to answer. “I…besides times when I, frankly, kept my family safe because it’s good to be able to give back to them after they protected me so long, well…”

“What?” I pressed, not about to let him slip out of this.

“I caught a car once in the basement of the Daily Planet and saved a particular reporter there. It was the best moment of my life,” he replied, honestly.

I forced myself to smile and then clapped once. “Okay, kids, snack time.”

**

“I think that you were a roaring success, Blur. Too bad about the secret identity bit because you could be a Hell of a motivational speaker.”

He rolled his eyes as he leaned back in my desk chair. He’d taken off the hat and blind fold but the stupid cape he still wore. “I barely made it through thirty minutes or whatever without sounding like an idiot.”

“No,” I corrected, sitting on the corner of my desk. “It made a big difference to them, and if you come back, I know they’d love that.”

“I made a promise, right? We’ll figure out the hoodie crap from now on. As long as I have myself hidden and the voice modulator,” he said, gesturing to the small metal box on the desk next to his hat. “It’s doable.”

“Thank you. I…Devon’s especially scared of hurting people. He’s a firestarter.”

Clark laughed and it was a cold, empty sound that broke my heart. “I can relate. That’s about the worst. I…my birth parents really were assholes.”

I blinked. Clark never talked about them. Not ever. He’d tried to, uh, release Lara once from Kara’s crystal but he didn’t talk about her, especially when Martha was around. He also had never been back to the Fortress after he’d been “released.” Still he just…that was a casual way to refer to them.

And I was pretty sure he loved Lara in his own way, not like his real mom, but still.

“I don’t follow.”

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “I know they saved my life, don’t get me wrong. I’m glad I’m here. That’s not B.S., and I’m glad I have you and Mom and even the Bros in my life. It’s just why send me here if I can’t really ever fit.”

“We fit fine,” I said. “Where would the Blur be without Watchtower?”

“We don’t fit the way I want,” he admitted and I noticed the slightly amber cast to his eyes, knew exactly what it meant. “I wish to God we did, Chloe, you don’t even know.”

“I might be getting an idea,” I said, thinking back to what he’d said at the meeting. “Did you mean it? That Dark Thursday was the best time of your life?”

“Not the chaos or the fight with Zod or the Zone, no, but that kiss? Yes. I’ve thought about it so many times since I got back, believe me.”

I nodded but stayed on my corner. I knew Clark. It was a miracle he was opening up to me this much, and if I pressed anymore by even coming closer, he’d be in Smallville before I could blink. “Is it funny?”

“I don’t think so. Who’s so strong they’re actually impotent,” he groused.

“Clark, don’t, okay. I wasn’t…it’s not what I was getting at.”

“Then?”

“That’s the last memory I lost. I forgot Lois’s name and my mom and everything about Jimmy. I forgot every save we made and Lana and Lex and everything in my damn world, but I remembered Dark Thursdays and I remembered you. That’s the best memory I have too, the one I protected the most. I guess I wish it meant more than it does.”

Clark surprised me by standing and coming over to cup my cheek. “It means everything, Chloe, and thank you for telling me that.”

“But?”

He dropped his hand and started to the door in normal speed. “If you ended up like that kitten? I’d never recover. I’m so sorry.”

There was a breeze and he was gone.

God, I hated his speed.

Sighing, I went to my computer lab and pulled out a bottle of Jack I had hidden there. I didn’t drink much but sometimes it stilled my nerves in a massive crisis. I’d had the bottle a year and used it twice, one of those times after my nightmare with Davis. Besides, with my powers back, the act was psychosomatic.

“Cheers,” I said, raising the class and taking a huge gulp.

My phone rang then and I laughed at the WhiteSnake ring tone I’d set aside for my cousin. I hadn’t talked to her in about a week. It would be good to hear a lighter, more relaxed voice.

“Hey, cuz, tell me how Star City is going.”

“Amazing. I’m interviewing the mayor tomorrow. Anyway, that’s not important.”

“What is?” I asked, tamping down my jealousy. It was all a life I no longer had.

“Party time! Oliver’s having a huge costume ball for Halloween on Saturday, and we already bought you a ticket. No excuses, you fly out tomorrow.”

“Huh?”

“You need to have a party and get laid if you can, Chlo, get all that Jimmy angst out of you. Come on, my treat. I haven’t even seen you in like eight months!”

“I can’t.”

“You can, you will, and no butts. You reporter to airport at 1100 tomorrow. That’s an order.”

She clicked off and I sighed, wishing sometimes that my Uncle Sam hadn’t trained her so damn well. It was hard to say no, but maybe I could at least grab my own date. I seemed to know a certain Zorro out there who could use a change of scene.


	20. Masquerade

**Chapter Twenty – Masquerade**

Lois’s smile fell when she arrived at the hotel lobby. We were staying in a place a few blocks from Queen Towers. Clark had his room and I had mine, obviously. However, he’d agreed to come after I gave him the patented Sullivan puppy dog eyes (they’d always conned extra coffee out of my dad in the mornings before middle school), and he caved. He even ran me here himself. Martha called Oliver, and that was a conversation I’d have loved to have heard, and explained the deal and then he’d made up some excuse about Martha updating the flight arrangements.

I think she was surprised to see both of us though in the lobby. Clark and I were just reading, although occasionally, he asked about my kids. I think he had even enjoyed himself the other day. Lord knows it was a first for me too. I mostly left sessions feeling drained, like I’d failed people. The few kids I’d seen in solo sessions since couldn’t say enough about The Blur. I think he’d really helped.  He was going to head back up to finish setting up our costumes after Lois and I did the girl thing for lunch.

Yes, _our_.

I asked him to be my plus one, and he’d made the stipulation that he’d only go if he could pick out our costumes. I agreed as long as it wasn’t Zorro again. I had no idea what he’d come up with but I was sure capes for at least him were involved. Clark had a one track mind.

Anyway, Lois was looking at both of us and, for a moment, there was this rigidity in her posture I hated. Weird with her and Oliver so happy in Star City, but it almost felt as if she were jealous. There wasn’t anything to be jealous of. Clark wouldn’t loosen on anything, and I was just the sidekick as I always was. Still, she recovered quickly enough and Clark, as inattentive as ever, didn’t even notice. He was surfing through something on his phone, and I wondered if that was related to the costume caper he was pulling soon.

“Ahem, Smallville,” Lois started. “When a lady walks into a room, you stand up.”

Clark smirked. “When a lady gets here, Lois, let me know.”  


“Oh, like I’m not telling that to Mrs. K,” she said as I stood and hugged her.

Clark finally obliged and shoved his phone back in his pocket. Standing, her shuffled over to both of us but tried to keep his left arm out of view. I thought Martha would have said something by now. I hadn’t told Lois about the injury, but I knew she still emailed Martha every so often. Surely she knew, right?

“Come on, it’s great to see you and all that awful plaid,” she said, throwing her arms around him.

Clark went stiff until my cousin pulled away. “Uh, Lois?”

She frowned when she pulled back and then noticed the way his left sleeve didn’t hang right. “Did I miss something?”

“When Clark was, uh, traveling, he had an accident. There was a faulty zip line,” I lied, having no idea where that whopper came from. “He got an infection and…”

Clark blushed and looked down at his boots. “It’s doing better. I’ve had some therapy for it, and I have to go. I’ve got to get the costume stuff ready.”

Lois rolled her eyes and then, being Lois, punched his shoulder.

_No, I had no idea how she did that without hurting her hand._

“Don’t sweat it, Smallville. Ollie’s excited to see you and there’s tons of food. Come eat the party out of house and home and try not to step on my cousin’s toes, okay?”

He nodded and smiled a little again. There had always been a rhythm between them, and I was glad Lois knew how to boss him around and be an older sister for him. At least, I read it that way now with her and Oliver an item and her back to mostly rolling her eyes and smacking him. Still, he could do that, could process Lois’s attitude.

The best thing she could do was treat him as she always had, and I appreciated that for his sake.

“Cool, I’ll be over at Ollie’s tonight and I’ll have everything. I promise, Chlo,” he said, as he turned and headed up the stairs.

Lois wrapped an arm around my shoulder. “Little cuz, you have _a lot_ of explaining to do.”

**

“So,” she said, shoving a huge slice of pizza in her face. “Martha said you were both coming out. She did not tell Ollie you two were a thing.”

I rolled my eyes. “We’re not a ‘thing,’ Lo.”

“Sure looked like it.”

“Are you jealous? I know that you were doing this sort of weird circling each other during his year at the DP.”

“Puh-leaze,” she said. “Oliver and I have reconciled and it’s so great here. Besides, the sex? Awesome!”

I gaped at her. I loved my cousin, I did, but she was beyond blunt and often said anything she wanted. I really didn’t need to think about her and Ollie in that way. Hell, I didn’t want to think about Oliver period. “Uh, that’s great.”

“Oh definitely. See, my bet is that Clark only dated Lana right? So a few times, missionary and lights off. I’m sure it’s a nice view and all but do you know the things Ollie can think up?”

“Great, then that’s great and please let’s never have this conversation again,” I replied, taking a quick guzzle of my drink.

“Exactly, but since when did you two?”

“We didn’t,” I clarified, again. “Clark’s moving to D.C. in a few weeks. He didn’t want to go back to the, uh, Planet after his injury.”

“But you’re here together and he’s getting you matching costumes and I assume there will be dancing or, well, the closest Clark equivalent and guard your feet.”’

I chuckled. Clark was pretty hopeless with that. I had a few tiny shreds of memory left from my eighteenth birthday and he’d been about the worst dancer I’d ever seen. “True, but it’s just a friend thing. It’s never been like that.”

“Uh-huh.”

“What now?”

“He came to another state, is getting you an outfit and you’re going to be a couple at the biggest ball in town. How is that not a date?”

I shrugged and sipped my Coke again. “It’s a goodbye. Trust me, Lois. I’ve tried. I’ve talked to him about it.”

“Go cuz!”

“But he just…he _can’t_.”

“He’s not still caught up on Lana and her millionth disappearing act is he? Because that’s beyond sad. He’s twenty-three and not five, and clearly she moved on.”

Technically she was poison to him. It wasn’t likely she’d ever be cured or come back, but part of me had to wonder if she did come what life would be like then. It was moot. As far as we knew, she was somewhere near Kenya and doing God knew what with phenomenal strength and speed.

“No, I, he doesn’t think we’re compatible,” I admitted. I let Lois read whatever she wanted into that. She could never know about Clark, and I promised him that, that no one would learn his secret because of me and I’d already fucked that up with Tess.

“He said that? And he’s not castrated because? Ooh, can I do it!”

I laughed and hugged my cousin. God, how I’d missed her. “No, it’s okay. We’ve been over it on a loop, and it’s really not his fault.”

“Yeah cause he shoots you down for the billionth time.”

“Don’t remind me.”

“And it’s not his fault.”

I sighed and kept my smile intact as best I could. Clark couldn’t help what he was, and he’d never asked to be that way. If he couldn’t get over his neuroses, then it was what it was. There was something to hold onto in that, if he were human, we’d actually finally have our shot. But I couldn’t contend with whatever his nightmares had done to him, couldn’t make him believe that he’d never hurt me. I _knew_ he wouldn’t, but I couldn’t claw through his phobias either.

Huh, who ever would have thought that Lana and I would share that in common too?

“Sounds like it. Why’d you even invite him? Waste of your time. You needed to come stag, and then I’d set you up with the current most eligible bachelor in the city. Bam, no more photography nerds or creepy EMTs or hopeless farmboys. You definitely need a real man.”

“Thanks, but I can live being single. Remarkably, I’ve done it before.”

And often as Lex Luthor had loved to remind me during his life.

“Still, you should move out here. I know you love Metropolis, but Ollie could have you at The Register in a heartbeat. You can’t be happy watching rugrats all day.”

“ISIS’s mission is important,” I said. “Besides, Oliver and I…we don’t get along anymore.”

“Can I ask why?”

Maybe because he blackmailed me? Or because he wrote me off as a criminal with Davis? How about where he murdered someone in cold blood? There were _a lot_ of reasons that I didn’t want to work for Oliver and the least of which had to do with my “no favors from billionaires” policy.

But, like with so much in my life, Lois didn’t know these things. Clark’s secrets and Justice’s were like huge walls between us and I missed how close we’d been before. “We had some disagreements over my work, basically. He said some horrible things, and it doesn’t matter. You love him and you’re happy, but I just can’t move here and I can’t take a favor to be back in journalism. I took one from Lionel once and when I go back, I want to do it on my own terms, that’s all.”

Lois sighed but then nodded. “You always have a slot. I miss you. You have to call more than once a week. You get way too busy with your kids.”

“You don’t even know the half of it.”

“Probably, but I’ve never been a fan of kiddos. So, Chloe, which terrible movie do you want to watch first---- _Point Break_ or _7even_?”

“The latter. Hello? Have you met me?”

**

“Hey,” Clark whined. “I thought this was nice.”

I burst out laughing again when I came into his room. He was already in his costume, and it was the funniest damn thing I’d ever seen. He’d somehow found a super high quality _Warrior Angel_ costume. It was skin tight, which, not going to lie, looked great on him. However, the sight of my best friend standing there in spandex with a long purple cape on was the stupidest thing ever. The only thing better would be if he’d put on a bald cap to make it 100% authentic.

“Are you serious?”

“I like capes.”

“Oh, we know.”

He frowned and gestured to the mask on his face. “Besides, it fits the masquerade theme.”  


“It’s just a costume ball,” I corrected. “You only had to go in for something Halloween like.”

“This has a cape,” he said again, as if talking to a slow child. “It’s awesome!”

I snickered and couldn’t resist. “Be honest, Blur, if you’d stayed in the game, you’d have graduate to a full cape number.”

He frowned a little. “You’ll never know, but, capes are really great.”

“So I’ve gathered.”

“Besides, doesn’t every _Warrior Angel_ need a Penelope?” He did that apparating trick of his again and, in his hands, was a beautiful blue sequin dress.

I whistled. I recognized the outfit. It had been from the movie that had filmed at his farm a couple years ago. “Did you ask Rachel for a favor?”

“I might have, and she was both happy to help and said when you’re back to reporting to call her and she’ll give you any exclusive you want.”

“Clark, that’s sweet but there’s no way she and I are the same size, get real.”

“Uh,” he said, blushing. “I already thought of that. Rachel got her stunt double’s stuff, it’s a size or two bigger.”

“Thanks, is that your way of saying I’m fat?”

“It’s my way of acknowledging you have a cute butt with a birthmark.”  


I snorted. “‘Oh, I never use my heat vision, Chloe.’ ‘Scout’s honor, Chlo.’ You are so full of crap, Clark.”

“Once, when I was on the parasite, but I have a photographic memory,” he said, winking. “Look, we only have a few more weeks together. Let’s just have fun, Chlo.”

“We could have more,” I said, simply, before grabbing the dress and heading to my room. Idly, as I dressed, I kind of hoped Clark would peek, even if there was a reason he’d had the most annoying code name at Justice. Jokes aside, he was probably the most honorable guy I’d ever met.

That said, I dressed facing my wall just in case. His choice if he didn’t want it.

**

“Well, side kick,” Oliver said as I stood out on the balcony overlooking the city. “What’s up?”

I sighed. Clark was filling up at the buffet. It was that superspeed metabolism thing, and I assumed a few more people had slowed his return since he had the best costume by far here. I’d had quite a few men eyeing me too, and asking for dances. I was beginning to suspect that Clark had regretted his choice since it was his suggestion we relax on the balcony and he’d get the snacks.

“Oliver,” I said curtly. “Nice tights.”

He shrugged and bowed a little. “King Arthur and Guinevere was Lois’s idea. I did the Robin Hood thing before. I’m not much of a tights guy. Clark seems to be enjoying the _Warrior Angel_ bit though.”

“Yeah, well it’s been super great catching up. Let’s do it in a decade,” I said, turning back to the skyline.

Oliver sidled up next to me and lowered his voice. “Things with the serial killer not work out?”

“No, I was never…everything I did at the Fortress with Davis and then turning him over to Tess after was for Clark.”

“You have a funny way of showing what’s ‘for Clark.’ You’re so fast to be high and mighty with me. Does he know about Sebastian Kane? You’re a killer just like I am, side kick, admit it?”

I swallowed and forced myself not to dwell in that memory, not to watch the light drain out of someone’s eyes or hear them scream in agony. Brainiac had been playing with me, stripping me by then and infesting me with powers I never had. It was him, wasn’t it?

“You know I was sick,” I said.

“Maybe, but maybe you’re just as bad as I am. Would Clark still be your friend then or would he be as hostile to you as he’s been to me all night.”

“You blew Lex Luthor to Hell,” I said, rounding on him. “I hated him more than anyone, but you blew someone up for something his _father_ did. We were supposed to be Justice, Ollie. We turn people over to the cops, and we’re not murderers?”

“Maybe you, Bart and Victor are just foolish. Idealists. Canary and I are getting a lot more done than ever.”

“If you drag Lois down into that, I’ll…”

“What? What would you do? She knows who I am and supports me, but there’s not a lot of need to get into the dirtier aspects with her. She’s not signing up to get an outfit, no.”

“I guess not. I just…I wanted you to be better. We had a real shot to be something, to save the world, and look at all of us now.”

Ollie nodded over to Clark who was struggling to carry things one handed to me. He had a plate piled high with cookies and pigs in blankets in a Jenga tower as well as his right arm wrapped around two flutes. “I see your point. Jesus, Chloe, how badly did you fuck up that he got chewed apart by wherever the Fortress sent him?”

I slapped him then, and the smack was satisfying, worth having every person in Star City high society stare at me. Clark was stomping over then by now, his head held high and his nostrils flaring. He had a few inches on Ollie and all the strength to boot. Oliver knew that and, maybe it was petty, but I hoped his heart was hammering over it.

Xenophobic asshole.

“Is there a problem, Oliver?” Clark asked, and I worked quietly to take the load from him.

He shrugged and rubbed his cheek. “Depends, Clark,” and then he lowered his voice. “How do you feel about murderers?”  


“I don’t talk to them, and I think we’re leaving.” Clark said, shoving the rest of his food at Oliver.

“I wasn’t talking about me,” he replied, glaring back at me. “You still pick your side kicks badly.”

“I pick my friends well,” Clark countered, taking me by the arm and leading me out. I’d have to text Lois my apologies later. I’d completely ruined our damn evening.

When we got back to the hotel, Clark followed me into my room. I sighed and sat down on the edge of my bed, already taking off the jewelry Rachel had loaned me and that, I’m sure, she only let out of her sight because she knew someone as gifted as Clark was watching them.

“I got all dressed up for nothing. I don’t think we made it more than twenty minutes,” I said, smiling a little when Clark sat down next to me.

“Uh, is this okay?”

“You’re the one who makes all the rules,” I reminded him.

“True,” he said, wrapping his right arm around me. “I never should have agreed to this. I know you and Oliver hate each other after Lex. It’s nice you tried to come for Lois’s sake, but I should have known he’d be petty. He said some awful things about you that whole year with Brainiac. I guess they were true though.”  


I swallowed hard. “That I’m a murderer because I can explain.”

Clark frowned. “Huh? No, I was going to say that after you sprung me from the Phantom Zone, he came and yelled at me. Said that you couldn’t deal with alien things and I was going to get you killed. I almost did so I can’t say he was wrong.”

“You didn’t. Brainiac and Davis were my choices. They weren’t smart ones, but they were mine. I’m just sorry turned out to completely lose it after he found about Veritas and Lionel.”

“About me,” Clark added.

“Yeah, but Oliver’s an ass so I’ll just have to agree to only visit Lois around the city and away from him, problem solved.”

“But you mentioned murder? You’re talking about Lex, right?”

I sighed and looked down at my hands. Over two years ago I’d deliberately used them to overload Sebastian Kane’s mind. Or Brainiac had or both? I wasn’t sure anymore and that terrified me. Was Martha right? Was I too ruthless to bet on?

“Chlo, you can talk to me,” he said.

“Do you remember the meteor mutant who could read everyone with a touch?”  


“That Kane guy, right?”

“I visited him at the hospital because he’d read you, Clark. I didn’t want you hurt and I touched him with everything in my head, everything from Brainiac, and it overloaded him even worse than what happened to Dr. Walden. He flatlined.”

“But Brainiac was in your head when you did it?”

“Yeah, but how do I know that wasn’t me too, Clark? I do a lot of things to protect you, and I remember it so clearly.”  


“And how many weeks was it before your mind went blank, Chlo?”

“I’d already forgotten Mom’s name by then, but that’s not the point. I mean, sure, I had half a Wall of Weird just to remember my life, but I killed someone. I used the power I had at the time and then someone just wasn’t there anymore.”

“Believe me,” he said. And then there was a breeze and he was back in just his jeans and red t-shirt. That was easier. It felt stupid to have such an intimate and terrible conversation with him still in that ridiculous outfit. “I know exactly what it’s like to have a power you can’t control and that can hurt people, but that wasn’t _you_. It was the evil space machine in your head.”

“How do you know?”

“Because you’re not like that. When I was going to that ring, when I killed Titan, you told me not to go and to stop taking things out on people.”

“True but Clark, I touched someone and they died.”

He sighed and kissed my temple, and I got so tired of blurred boundaries and always just stopping short of what we both wanted. “You know how I feel. Chloe, Brainiac used you and it’s okay. I’d never hold that against you. Without it in your head? No way that would have happened and Oliver’s an ass to even try claiming differently. We never knew him and he never knew either of us.”

“I guess, and why do I feel déjà vu where now Lois is off with the evil billionaire?”

“Maybe it’s because money makes you awful. Should we be worried for Bill Gates or the Wayne trustee, that Albert guy?”

“Alfred and they’re on their own.”

“Definitely,” Clark said. “We have more problems here than we can keep track of, but you’re not evil, and I only hate Ollie, not you.”

“Thanks,” I said, sniffing a little. “I feel dumb, letting him play like that. And we didn’t even get a dance. Feels like we never do. There was the tornado and then we took turns being possessed at prom and Jimmy butt in at the wedding I barely remember.”

“I was looking forward to it too,” he answered. Then he smiled and I felt a familiar breeze. When he was back, his old stereo from home was set up in the room on the spare table. “I don’t have Remy Zero or anything but it’ll do,” he said, pressing play.

I blinked at some old Sinatra tune. “Do I want to know?”

“Dad had mostly country stuff but a few of these too. It was kind of the classiest option I had,” he said, stretching out his arm and then cursing when it was his left. “You’d think I’d stop doing that.”

I smiled and took that arm, tracing a pattern up his shoulder until I let my hand rest there and brought my right one up his other side to match it. He wrapped his arms around my waist and we stood still at first. “It’s fine, and this is perfect.”

He nodded and held me tight, and we finally got the dance he’d been owing me since homecoming freshman year.

 

 

 

 


	21. Kleenex

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has some sexual content.

**Kleenex**

Chloe felt so soft and warm in my arms. We’d been swaying there for a while, just the two of us. I was pretty sure we’d gone through half of my dad’s old CD, and my eyes were starting to itch. I slammed them shut and wished for one more time that I was normal, that everything about me wasn’t so fucked up.

It never helped, and I never got to be like everyone else.

Hell, I couldn’t even hold her back the right way, not anymore.

“Clark?” she asked and her voice was so quiet and, well, timid. It wasn’t the Chloe I usually dealt with. She stampeded over me. This was so fragile, like everything the day she’d helped me look for my dad after the storm. If I did anything wrong, she’d run.

But I wasn’t sure what was right or wrong anymore.

I knew what felt good, and, God, did she.

“Yeah?”

She frowned and, reaching up, pushed my bangs back from my face. “You’re sweating. Are you okay?”

I blushed and wanted to scream. “It’s the, uh, heat vision. It’s not bad or anything, but my eyes are itchy and I guess I’m a little worked up. I promise I’m not about to singe you.”

She shook her head and smirked. I swear Chloe has no survival instincts. Now, she’s not as bad as Lois is, but she hears crazy stuff and charges right into it like it was Christmas. A Kryptonian just told her that their eyes were warming up to shoot fire, and she still completely trusted me to keep her safe. I mean, granted, right now I didn’t feel like I was going to do anything, just my eyes bothered me a little.

It was pretty standard. If you were me, that is.

“It’s fine. I…it’s getting late and we can stop.”

I nodded and dropped my arms, and I hated the loss of contact. “Maybe we should. Thanks for humoring me.”

“I think you’re the one who set it up,” she countered. “It was worth the wait, and I mean that.”

I grinned down at her and she looked amazing in the blue dress Rachel had loaned her. It hugged her body in ways that, okay, made my eyes burn, and I loved the way it dipped low on her breasts. I might have peeked, just a little, when she was dressing. That birthmark was still there, hadn’t even faded, and I loved that heart-shaped mark on her left cheek. I’d spent a lot of sophomore year recalling my day on the parasite.

If I’d…

We’d still be here, wouldn’t we?

I couldn’t and nothing was ever going to change that. Not even the fact that it was getting hard to make my feet start marching and for me to want to leave. Being noble was great in theory, but in practice I was just tired of being so lonely.

“Oh!” she said, scurrying away from me and breaking the spell. “I forgot the jewelry. You can take the diamond stuff back and I’ll give you the dress tomorrow. I’m kind of in it now.”

“I wouldn’t mind seeing you naked, again,” I said, and I hadn’t meant for it to come out. My words just escaped from me.

Oh crap.

Chloe didn’t scream or get upset. I kind of expected she would. Honestly, I’ve rarely ever abused my X-Ray vision. I’m not a pervert; frankly, I have a suspicion if, say, Bart had my power, he’d use it all the time. Still, she’d mentioned it before slinking off to change and it sounded like too good an idea to refuse.

So I definitely expected her to be mad.

Instead she smirked and my eyes itched even worse than before.

“I was hoping you would. This is so stupid,” she said, slipping out of her shoes and dress.

Now I looked down at the plain beige carpet. It wasn’t appropriate and Mom would have killed me. She agreed with me more than anyone that I couldn’t hurt Chloe. “Chlo---” I warned.

“I’ve got underwear on, Casanova,” she said.

I kept my eyes on the floor. I couldn’t look up. If I did, then I’d definitely never leave. “I…”

Soft hands were on my chin and she was trying to get me to look up. Good luck with that, she’d have better luck punching through granite herself. “No, we’re going to talk.”

“You’re going to talk to me in your underwear, and somehow, Chlo, that does _not_ sound like just talking.”

“No, I’ve been mean and kind and begged and understood and a million other things since you got back, but I’m putting this on the table.”

“And apparently just out there.”

“I will find some Kryptonite somewhere. I am sure Ollie has some.”

I snorted and glanced up at her. Then I had to blink an awful lot to keep my heat vision down. It was probably a sign of how hard up I was. After all, it had been about a year since I’d done anything. Chloe was in something plain cotton. Hell, something she’d gotten at the Wal-mart in Granville. We weren’t talking the naughtiest things of Victoria Secret here. Just white and cleanly cut, pretty much like the bra I’d spied her in when I’d saved her from Curtis Knox.

Her skin was pale and it amused me a little to see her scattering of moles up close. She had a couple placed haphazardly on her stomach and one on the top of her right breast, peeking out from the fabric of her bra.

I might have licked my lips a little.

Yeah, I know I’m pathetic, thanks.

“You wanted to talk, so talk,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest and glaring at her. “This isn’t funny.”  


“It’s not supposed to be!” she said, starting to pace. I noticed the way her underwear rode up over her ass and seeing a hint of that birthmark did not help my clarity at all.

“I know how this ends. We try and you end up fried, Chloe, and I’m not doing that, okay?”

“No, you saw what the fever made you see. That wasn’t real. None of that was real. You can control yourself in so many ways. Why is this different?”

“You know why.”

“Could it possibly be harder than disarming a nuclear bomb? I mean, come on, Clark!”

“I’m not killing you.”  


She rolled her eyes in pure Chloe fashion. “We’re talking about sex here. It’s not going to come to that because even if you don’t think you can, I trust you.”

“Then you’re wrong. Did you not hear what I told your kids? I crushed something to death.”

“You were six and not as practiced and it was a kitten. Do I look like a fucking kitten?”

“No, but I can make diamonds from coal now. I’m a hell of a lot stronger and you know this.”

“You know what I know?” she said, stopping and I noticed her eyes were watery and tried hard not to focus on that.

“What?” I whispered, feeling defeated.

“You’re going to leave me. You’re going to go a thousand miles away and we’ll become friends who call, then we’ll email, then we’ll see each other over the Holidays and then it’ll be months before we get enough of a break to see each other period. That’s already what’s happening with me and Lois.”

“I can be in Metropolis in fifteen seconds from D.C.”

“But you won’t come,” she said, and I blushed at that, even if she hadn’t meant it that way.

“I don’t know what to tell you.”  


“No, you hear me out. If I let you go, Clark, we’ll never be us again. We won’t be as close as we are, even after everything with Davis and Tess and Brainiac. We had the year from Hell and beat it back, and now we’re going to just walk away because we’re scared. I’m done being scared. I want you, and you want me, and I believe that you won’t hurt me.”

“Belief isn’t knowing.”

“Then,” she said, stalking over to me and kissing my cheek. “Prove me wrong then. Show me what you can do because if you want to never really talk to me, to stop having us be a team then you running away to Washington is the surest way to do that.”

I shook my head and threw my arms up. “Why are you pressing this now?”

“Because now’s all I have left,” she said, her voice rapid and unsteady. “I have to know I did everything possible to keep you. If you do leave, then at least I know it’s not because I didn’t try.”

“We agreed that…”

“No, you _told_ me. Now I’m telling you. This is stupid and it’s the worst possible thing you can do,” she took my hand as she spoke. I don’t even know why I did that, why I let her, but then Chloe placed my hand over her heart.

I didn’t need to feel it, not technically. I could already hear that frantic rhythm pounding in my head. She was as desperate and aroused as I was, and I just wanted…

I wanted her.

Maybe she was right, maybe all those delusions with Chloiac in my head were just that.

“I’ll try,” I said. At first I said it so quietly, that she blinked back at me, confused.

“What?”

“I’ll try, Chlo, but if I think you’re uncomfortable in any way, we’ll never try this again, do you get that? I won’t hurt you if I can help it, not after everything I’ve caused already.  


She nodded and pushed my hand down to the warm expanse of her stomach, at the soft flesh there, so different from Lana’s leanness but no less inviting. “Alright, I can live with that because you’re not going to do anything.”

“That makes one of us,” I said glumly, but even then I was leaning down to kiss her.

Chloe was more eager than me. It’s not that I wasn’t, it was more that I was still so scared. At first, it was a little pathetic, her trying so hard to get me to part my lips, so that she could kiss more deeply than we had circa eighth grade.

She pulled away for a moment and rolled her eyes again. One day they were going to fall out, like Dad used to say. “You have to actually try. That’s the deal.”

“I know…I…”

She kissed me again and let her hands roam over my body, and I responded to that. My eyes burned again and I slammed them shut out of paranoia and, well, not painting a huge picture here, but other things stirred. I was what I was, and I couldn’t help that I responded both like a human guy and with my eyes itching _and_ the oddest feeling of lightness in my limbs.

I was such a mess.

Still, it felt so good and safe.

Slowly, I reached out and let my hand cup her hips, digging my hand lightly---God, I was careful, so careful, remember that kitten—and felt the soft flesh underneath mold to my hand. She felt amazing and smelled great, of vanilla and honey, and something else that I was pretty sure a normal guy wouldn’t have noticed. Her heart was pounding in my ears and it was all so much, so much sensation.

It was like moving on autopilot after that. I risked opening my eyes long enough to speed us to the bed. It was worth taking the chance just to see her reaction to being on her back, tangled in the sheets, with me now down to my boxers on top of her.

“So, is this like Bart? Do I need to remind you that being faster than a speeding bullet is no good here?”

I groaned even as I closed my eyes again. “You talk even during sex?”

“Have you met me? Of course!” she chirped, laughing and wriggling her hips under me.

I ground into her, not as hard as I would have liked to, but enough to let her feel certain things up against her stomach, even with the fabric left between us. “I’ve got you now, Watchtower. What are you going to do about it?”

She laughed again and wrapped her legs around my waist. “Who says I’m not the one who caught you?”

She had a point like usual

I leaned down and kissed her neck, finding her pulse point by feel, not by sight. I couldn’t. I was already sweating and my eyes hurt from holding things back. With powers, I just couldn’t afford to keep them open.

Just another thing not normal about me.

She stroked my neck and I moaned a little at that, no longer caring how I sounded. “It’s okay.”  Chloe angled herself enough to give each eyelid a quick kiss. “Whatever you have to do, I understand.”  


“I wish I did,” I said morosely.  


“No,” she said, tone a little sharp. “This is a mope free zone. You are not moping during our first time. I won’t allow it.”

“I can’t.”

“Don’t focus on what you _can’t_ do, Clark, just on what you can,” she said, raking her finger nails over my back. I could feel that in a faraway kind of sense but it wasn’t leaving marks on my skin, wasn’t biting into it much at all. “See, I can try and mark you even if I can’t. It’s just what it is.”

I nodded and started kissing her throat again, then I made my way to her lips, I liked them so much. I’d never kissed her enough before, and that was mostly safe, wasn’t it? I might not even be sure what would happen with a lot of things. Hell, last time I’d broken an old oak bed. The time before that there’d been earthquakes. I was not going to explain to any E.R. how my girlfriend broke her damn pelvis.

One thing at a time.

I was kissing her again, enjoying the feel of her tongue on mine when I rolled onto my back. I was super strong but I couldn’t compensate for leverage. I wanted to stroke her hair but if I did that, I’d also face plant completely onto her.

Thank you for that, Phantom Zone.

Chloe snorted when she found herself on top of me. “You have got to give a girl warning. I’m used to seeing you speed not just ending up in random positions.”

I stilled and just like with my missing hand or the heat vision, felt painfully aware of all that was wrong with me. “I…is that not good?”

“No,” she said, her voice soft even as she rubbed my chest. Huh, so like this my nipples were supersensitive. Did not know that. Weird. “It’s fine, just it takes me a minute to figure out what changed. Clark, trust me, if something were bad, I’d let you know. It’s fine,” she said, her voice growing husky, “In fact, it’s awesome,” she said leaning down to kiss my throat

I groaned and everything felt so good, so amazing. I was doing fine holding back the heat vision. I could do this, damn it. I could. Chloe started tracing her tongue lower, working her way to my chest and my hand went from stroking her hair to resting on her shoulder. I closed my eyes and lay there, probably some huge disappointment since I was letting her do most of the work like this.

Then her tongue snaked out over my right nipple and it was the best thing I ever felt like stars exploding behind my eyelids.

“God, yes!” I shouted and then there was a crunch.

And her heart was pounding twice as loud as before.

Wait a crunch?  


I sat up immediately, all lust or anything else drained from me. There was no risk of heat vision escaping now. Chloe was rushing off my lap and to the bathroom and I sped around her.

“Chlo, what happened?”

“It’s nothing,” she said, frantic now and trying to rush around me to get into the privacy of the bathroom. Her right arm was hanging wrong and her shoulder didn’t look right, oddly bumpy. “I need a minute.”

I activated my X-Ray vision and wanted to vomit. “I broke your collarbone. Oh God.”

“Clark!” she shouted, trying to push past me again as if I weren’t both the Blur _and_ a state championship quarterback. “Let me through, okay.”

I shook my head and sped back into my clothes. “No, let’s get you dressed and we’ll take you to the hospital and---”

Then it started; the light show erupting over her shoulder the brilliant gold light. Even I had to shut my eyes at the strength of the glow. When it was over, I slipped back into X-Ray vision and her bones were as good as new. You couldn’t even tell I’d snapped them two minutes earlier.

Startled, I stepped back from her and knew it was the wrong thing to do them minute I’d done it. “You can heal?”

“I can explain,” she said, even as she hunched in on herself. The playfulness of earlier was out of both of us. Chloe just looked defeated, and I still felt like I could vomit at any minute. Mom had been right all along.

 _Hell_ , I’d been right too.

I just hadn’t wanted to be.

“How long has it been back?”

“Since a few days before your fever broke. I burned myself making popcorn because Bart distracted me. I started glowing and bam, healed. I wanted to fight it off, I can do that, keep it away for myself long enough to sneak away.”

I nodded. “The bruises on your neck. They seemed gone pretty fast.”

“Yes.”

“Why wouldn’t you tell me?”

“Because you’d be upset. You’d pull the martyr card because of the shower, and, frankly, I prefer not to think about it. I know it’s a ticking clock until I end up like Mom. I just don’t want to deal with it,” she said, her voice shuddering.

I desperately wanted to hold her then, like I had once long ago in the Daily Planet basement. But it wasn’t the time, not anymore. You couldn’t be someone’s bomb squad when you’d almost put them in traction.

“Clark,” she said, her eyes full of tears. “Say something, please.”

“I was right.”

“That my power’s back, yes.”

“No, about me and humans…Chloe, you’re so fragile. Your bones might as well be tissue paper. I just lost concentration for a second and if you were anyone else, you’d be in the hospital.”  


“I’m not and so it’s a learning process.”

“I can’t do that. I won’t keep hurting you on a loop like a bike with training wheels. You deserve better.”

“I’m not mad,” she said, reaching out to touch my cheek and I sped as far away as I could, all the way to her balcony doors. “Don’t.”  


“Chlo, you’re lucky it was just that and that you could fix it. What if I’d shattered your pelvis or burned your or frozen you or who knows what? Maybe you could live through it but would you want to...wait, do _not_ answer that. I won’t. I can’t. I just…” and it was cowardly, especially with her crying so deeply now, but I ran.

I ran all the way back to Smallville. I was rushing up the back kitchen stairs to my room in human speed. I’d already gotten home and felt too nauseated to run full out anymore. Mom’s voice called out to me.

Crap, she’d seen me.

“Clark? Why aren’t at the party.”

I stopped on the stairs and looked down at her. She was reading over bills at the old oak table my great grandfather had made, one that had managed to survive even the second shower. “We have to go tomorrow, Mom. I made a terrible mistake.”

“Clark, is Chloe okay?” she asked and it was a measured, calculating tone. It was the voice of a litigator then, measuring angles, and not really of my mom.

I nodded. “She’s okay. I did hurt her, but her power’s back and she healed. She’s physically fine but I can’t, Mom, and I can’t stay here.”

She sighed and pulled out her cell. “Let me check on her to make sure and, yes, sweetheart. Pack whatever you want. I’ll set out in the morning with you, okay?”

“I…thanks,” I said, rushing to the bathroom as fast as I could and only managing even with my speed to reach the toilet when I vomited.

Huh, this was a day of firsts wasn’t it?

I could get nervous enough to make myself sick. Who knew?

Leaning against the cold porcelain of the claw foot tub afterwards, I set my head in my hand and tried to calm myself. She was okay. Chloe was okay, and as long as I was alive she would stay that way. Nothing would threaten her.

Least of all me.

 


	22. Picking up the Pieces

**22 Picking Up the Pieces**

My phone started ringing five minutes after Clark left me. I was still naked. _Hell_ , I hadn’t even moved from the floor. But I had set the ringtone to the theme song from Disney’s _Alice in Wonderland_ so I knew it was the Red Queen, herself, Martha Kent. Sighing, I dragged myself to the phone still on the table.

If I didn’t answer, she’d just keep calling, or she’d become convinced Clark really had hurt me and that I hadn’t recovered as seamlessly as I had.

“Martha,” I said, clicking everything on. “I’m alright.”

There was a long exhalation on the other end, and that was interesting. Apparently she’d been scared Clark had sugar coated or downplayed everything. “Are you sure?”

“The Kryptonite did a great number on me. Clark said that when he X-rayed, you’d never have known my bones were broken at all. I’m fine.”

“What did he break?”

“My clavicle but it knitted itself back together. I’m really fine, and he can come back. It’s alright,” my voice was plaintive and I knew it was higher pitched than it should have been. I just needed someone to listen. “He’s coming back right? He just needed to run it off.”

“No, Chloe. I am so glad you’re okay and you’re lucky your power is back.”

That’s was distinctly **not** how I felt.

“Clark doesn’t have to leave. He doesn’t. I---”

“We’re leaving for D.C. in the morning. I’m very sorry, Chloe, but it’s going to be a while before Clark is going to be speaking with you.”

“My patients. He said he’d---”

“Chloe, I’m so sorry it ended this way, but it’s better if it just does. Thank you for everything.”

Then there was a click and I almost threw my cell into the damn wall, I was so frustrated. Instead, I pulled myself to the bed and curled under the covers. Twenty minutes ago, I’d never been happier, and now I felt like my life was just over.

**

“Chloe! You open the damn door!”

I blinked and looked back at the clock. It mocked me over the expanse of the bed, the sheets that Clark and I had ruffled last night, the empty white space where I wished to God that I was waking up in his arms instead. It was close to noon. I tried to ignore Lois outside, to just shove the pillow more tightly over my head, but she knocked louder. I knew my cousin. They didn’t call her “Mad Dog Lane” around the bull pens for no reason. If I didn’t answer, she was going to kick the door open.

Sighing, I stood up and ruffled through my suitcase long enough to slide on some clothes, just the first jeans and t-shirt combo that I came to. Then I covered up the bed with the duvet and walked to the door. Flinging it open, I was hoping my cousin would see how out of it I was and just drop it.

Lois, being Lois, wasn’t about to do that.

“Here,” she said. “It’s a mocha explosion from the café at the corner, and it has a blueberry muffin with it.”

“Lois, why are you even here?”

“Because you were supposed to talk to me at the party but you didn’t stay long enough. Then you were supposed to meet me for coffee about two hours ago. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” I said, trying to slam the door.

Lois was a lot stronger and bigger than me so it was easy for her to slide in. When she did, she frowned at the bed. I’d mostly shoved the cover back over it, but sheets were tossed everywhere and my underwear and the damn dress Clark had gotten from Rachel were lying on the floor.

Lois reached out and cupped my cheek, and I hadn’t seen her that worried or upset about me since the day she came after Mom left. “What the Hell happened? Where’s Clark?”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“It’s obvious, Chlo. You had sex, and what? Did he just leave? Just rush out on you or get his rocks off or help me out here.”

I swallowed and sat down at the table; there was no way I’d sit back on the bed having been caught that obviously. “It’s not like that.”

“It’s never like that with you or with him. I thought I understood, after all the years on the phone with you and then living with the Kents, being his damn desk partner, but I didn’t know _anything_ , did I?”

I blinked. Lois had never been this angry before, not with me. Her tone sounded just like during her most colorful rants against Lucy. “I don’t understand.”

“But you do,” she said. “The two of you…it always drove Olsen crazy, and I would talk him out of it on stakeouts, the thoughts that you and Clark were screwing him over literally behind his back.”

“We’d never.”

“Of course not, and he turned out to be a lying weasel. But I wasn’t a complete idiot. I knew that you all always rushed off, and mostly I thought it was because you were still obsessed with researching Lex and the meteor infected and all the other crap that’s in Smallville.”

“I guess high school habits are hard to break,” I said, trying to stay breezy.

“Chloe, I know about Clark.”  


I blinked. “Well, yeah, I guess I should have cleaned up better but I didn’t expect anyone to come see me this early.”  


Lois shook her head and the anger wasn’t there anymore. I did notice her pull out some Nicorette from her pocket and I frowned at that. She hadn’t smoked in years but I wondered if she’d slipped in Star City and was fighting that pull again. “No, I mean _everything_ , Chloe. After the dance I blessed Ollie out. I was so mad at him for treating you that way. Then he told me all he knew about Clark and what he actually is.”

I stilled and tried not to react. My heart was thudding beyond fast at that point and I felt dizzy. It had never occurred to me that Oliver would ever use any of Justice’s secrets against us. That was a huge problem. Not that Bart and Victor didn’t live an under the radar lifestyle, but he could blackmail me or Clark any time he wanted. He had enough proof on both of us after raiding ISIS’s computers about a year ago or more. But it was Clark. Sure, he and Ollie had fought and Oliver had gone postal over Veritas, but he’d never do that.

Would he?

Of course, a while ago I’d have said he never would blown up Lex Luthor either.

“There’s nothing to tell. You lived with Clark. You know him almost as well as I do.”

“No, I don’t. I thought I had that flannel-loving dork pegged and maybe I do, that part of him, but Oliver sat me down and told me about Veritas and Krypton and the Justice group, about what he tried to start and you and Clark…what the others left. So I _know_ , and can you please just tell me what the Hell is going on?”

I swallowed hard and then sipped half my coffee. I needed the chocolate and the caffeine to ground me, to make me feel less nuts. The last eighteen hours had been nothing but floundering and I needed anything I could grab onto, anything real.

“If you know then you don’t need me to say anything.”

“Look, personally? I could give a shit if Clark’s from Melmac and eats cats. He’s a good guy and I adore Martha. I don’t care, but he’s not here and you’re quasi-catatonic.”

“Runs in the family,” I huffed.

“Stop it, Chlo, but you don’t have to lie anymore. You don’t have to keep hiding his bullshit from me because I know. You never broke any promises, alright? I just…please why are you so upset and is he even in this time zone?”

“I think he’s at the farm. I…Christ, Lois, what do you want me to say? Oliver made a fool of me at the ball because we hate each other. I didn’t like the way he ran Justice, and he doesn’t care for me, thinks I’m too ruthless.”  


“I’m sorry. I don’t…Oliver didn’t talk about why the whole Justice thing fell apart. He just said he wasn’t comfortable working with Clark anymore, not after what happened with that Veritas cult.”

I snorted. “That all happened before Clark even crashed here.”

It felt weird to say that out loud, to be able to be honest in that way with Lois. I was so used to secret keeping, even if I’d been open with Tess out of desperation and fear. It had just been five years since we’d had a real conversation, where I hadn’t been desperate to hide everything I could from her. I’d put Clark first so many times, and it had really driven a wedge with my family.

Reaching over, I hugged Lois close, and let the tears come. I wasn’t always like this. I’d cried so much the year I’d found out I was infected but then I’d just shut it off, kept running, not let myself think about it after. There was always a mission to fight or an alien evil on the loose or LuthorCorp. Clark or the boys or _both_ would need me and I just had to gear it. Except now, there wasn’t anything left but me.

“We tried, but he’s not…and he didn’t mean it at all but it scared him and I’m fine. I really am,” I said, trying and failing to say anything truly coherent out loud.

“Shh, it’s okay, baby,” she said, stroking my hair. I’d let it get long like I rarely did and for once, I was glad I had. “Shh, what happened?”

I swallowed and looked up at her and there was no judgment in Lois’s eyes, just concern. “He’s really strong.”  


“Yeah, everyone knows that about The Blur.”

“No, Lois, he’s extremely strong, and things were actually going fine. We came back and we talked and then he set up his CD player and we danced. Then things led to other things, and we, you know, we tried to.”

Lois nodded, still patient, and maybe she had learned some things in her years at the Planet after all. “And?”

“He didn’t mean to, but his concentration slipped and he broke my collar bone.”

Lois’s hands were all over both my shoulders then, and she was trying to find wounds. “You feel fine? Are you sure he wasn’t confused?”

“He can see through things and, well, I felt the bones knit back together.”

Lois frowned. “I don’t understand.”

“Did the Green Arrow leave that part out?” I asked, bitterly. “I’m a meteor mutant like my mother. I…Mom controls people but it makes her not lucid. She’s not well at all, and I can heal. It’s why I was in Black Creek. It wasn’t a terrorist camp and it _never_ was. Lex sent me there to experiment on me. For a while, the power wasn’t working. It was compromised but it’s back and it works,” I said, highlighting my point by letting my hand flare rose.

Lois’s eyes were wide. “At the dam. I thought…I found you there and I was waking up and it was bright like that.”

I sniffled. “That’s how I found out what I could do. I knew I had something in me, but I saved your life the first time. That’s how I knew.”

“Clark said it was some weird morgue mix up.”

“Kind of, in a Smallville way,” I said. “I can heal and it’s not too bad, hurts me a little. However, I can raise the dead too, but that’s harder and I have to die to do it.”

“I died?” Lois asked, and she was shaking a little.

“I saved you though so only a little?” I said, wrinkling my nose up at the way that sounded. “You’re okay.”

Lois held me tight in a crushing hug, the way she used to when we were little and would get scared watching horror movies on the base. “Because of you. Thank you, Chloe.”

“Well I didn’t know I could do it at the time, but I’d do it again. It’s one of the only days having this weird, stupid power has ever made any sense. So, yes, Clark is maybe a little strong for normal girls.”

“Surely he and Lana…”

“Only when he was mortal---long story there---or when she had powers and those are even longer ones. I thought he could and I do think he could if he got use to things, but it freaked him out. I mean, I do understand. If I were anyone else, I’d be in a cast, but I’m _not_ and he just ran.”

“Maybe he doesn’t want to accidentally kill you,” Lois said, not unkindly.

I sniffled and rubbed at my eyes. “I’d heal. I’m not opting for that as an option A, but the only thing he can do to hurt me is to leave!”

“And the thing that attacked your wedding and hurt Jimmy? The weird strokes you had?”  


I frowned. “Okay so some of that was Kryptonian weirdness but it happens. It just goes with the territory. I’m okay with all of it, just the way I don’t mind a boyfriend with special considerations. Hell, if we literally _never_ did anything for like the next fifty years, I’d be okay.”

“Chlo, maybe you need a break.”

“Now everyone’s on his side. Martha is too.”

“And maybe you don’t need to have your life torn apart by weird strokes or spikey monsters or always taking care of Clark. Maybe he’s right, just this once. Smallville…he’s kind of an idiot about things.”

“Kind of?”  


“Okay, he’s _always_ an idiot, especially about women. I maintain that Lana was nice enough but you can’t just see the awesomeness of Sullivan-Lanes and be blind for like ten years. At least him being an alien makes some sense. Clearly Kryptonians have shit taste.”

“Lois!”

“I’m just saying, the last few years of your life have really, really sucked, and maybe a break is what you need.”

“I love him,” I said, curling up in her arms.

“But he’s not good for you, Chlo, and maybe this could be a good thing for a while.”

I took a deep, shuddering breath and my chest ached almost as if Knox had taken a knife to it. “Then why does it hurt so much?”

**

“Clark, hey,” I said, rolling my eyes at his voicemail yet again.

 I spent two weeks in Star City. Lois comped my hotel bill and I let her. Oliver deserved it for being a rude ass. Still, it was nice to be cousins again and we didn’t really even talk about Smallville, the town or Lois’s moniker for Clark. I got that Lois wanted me to try something different, that, yeah, Clark was kind of this rock I’d been breaking myself against since eighth grade. I wished it were that simple. It just wasn’t. I’d tried a million ways to get over him, especially with Jimmy, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t hold back how he felt. Still, we did normal things. I helped her with her articles and we shopped or watched terrible 80s hair band documentaries or whatever else we wanted. She talked about Oliver and I held my tongue because she really did love him, and, maybe, there was a part of him that was still good for her. I could see a wedding for her not too long from now and I was mixed on that, but I was glad to see my cousin happy.

She’d been played with a bit by Clark’s Blur act, and it was nice she had a hero of her own (definition with Ollie debatable) to take care of her.

We just never talked about Clark or the Kryptonian things. Lois had made her feelings clear. She loved me and because she did, she didn’t want me caught up in interstellar intrigue. I didn’t understand how I’d gone from the best sidekick in town to the damsel to be protected from afar but I didn’t like it. There just wasn’t much I could do to stop it.

And we talked about my power and what it felt like and the few saves I had made, and she assured me it was the coolest thing she’d ever seen and, frankly, I believed her. Lois wasn’t the best liar, and she’d always had her own admiration for heroes. It ran in our family too, to be honest.

But now I’d been back a month in Metropolis. I’d moved from The Talon to the basement of the ISIS building. Lana’s extremely questionable labs, the ones where Casey Brock had died, had been torn down and now a modest studio was where I spent my time. It eliminated the commute and now that the Smallville Shuttle was closed for business, I didn’t have a choice.

Still, damn it, Clark had promised to talk to my kids. He wasn’t answering my emails and this was the tenth voicemail I’d left him. I’d gotten so frustrated with him that one night after a patented stonewall of his, I’d just sat on my sofa and fumed at him, knowing full well he was attuned to my voice by now and that he’d hear me anyway.

The ass deserved it.

But, no matter what had happened to us, no matter how spectacularly we’d fallen apart, he promised my kids, and I was going to hold him to that.

“Clark, come on. I’m…I get it, okay? We don’t exist anymore. We’re not going to, but you promised my kids and if I have to physically leave the building for you to come to sessions, then I will, but it means so much to them. Please, just let me know.”

I hung up and sighed, leaning back at my desk.

“You know,” I said (and if one of my assistants entered my office then I might look nuts). “This isn’t fair. Those kids need help, Clark. If we can stop even one of them from going bad, it’ll save their lives and families and others just like if we’d gotten to the Shadow Shifter in time. Please, don’t hurt Metropolis because you’re mad at me.”

I closed my eyes and there was a breeze, and I knew damn well why.

Opening them back up again, I worked hard to fight back tears. There was a single yellow tulip on my desk and a note.

_Chlo, after Christmas, I promise. I just need some time and, yeah, maybe you shouldn’t be there._

That was all there was to it. No signature, no “yours truly” or “your friend” but it was the most he’d communicated with me in almost a month. I took it as a sign that, at least he wanted to help my kids, help still be a role model, and that was something.

“Deal,” I said, knowing we only had month or so before the New Year. “Do you watch me a lot? I bet you do, you ass. I just…come home already.”

There was no answering breeze or text or anything else.

I knew he’d heard me. Hell, he’d tracked my heart beat to a morgue drawer once. He could hear that. But I had files to work on, and so I shoved Clark out of my mind as best I could and went back to work.

**

“Are you excited about the Holidays?” I asked, waiting to scribble notes on my files.

At least being a counselor had something in common with being a reporter. I had to listen closely, hear what my patients weren’t saying, and keep excellent records. That I could do. It was more having any real concrete solutions that was my problem.

Devon sighed and pushed the red bangs out of his eyes. “Maybe? I don’t know. It’s hard. I get nervous because we have a pretty big Christmas tree this year. Last year, I set the wreath on fire and this is a lot bigger.”  


I nodded. “And do you know why?”  


“Why what?”

“Why you set it on fire? Look, I happen to know from experience that powers are psychosomatically linked. We’ve talked about this before.”

 

That wasn’t true for mine, not completely. I had to concentrate on positive feelings to heal, and since it had really only been Clark, Lois or Jimmy, those hadn’t been hard to find. It wasn’t like I accidentally healed or glowed without meaning to. At least not that I knew of. But Clark, oh man. If I lived a thousand years, and frankly I might, I would never get over the shock and utter ridiculousness of realizing the heat vision was a hormone thing.

It was less funny now.

“I know, and I guess it was because it was at the family dinner and my little brother made a snotty comment about my powers and I just couldn’t stop getting so mad.”

I nodded. “I know it’s hard. It’s unrealistic to say ‘never get angry’ again, but you’ve been here almost a year and working with meditation and you have ways to avoid going straight to mad first. Just tell yourself it’s a new year and that it’s not last Christmas. I’ll also talk to your mom a little about making sure your brothers are nicer, don’t pick on you as much.”  


“I know they love me but I think they’re scared of me. Hell, Chloe, I’m scared of me.”

I sighed, and it could have been six years ago or more in the barn loft, that mortal summer of Clark’s was interesting. He’d shared a lot then, not that I’d formally interviewed him. I’d desperately wanted to, but I hadn’t. Still, he’d had a lot of open conversations with me about what it had been like to be fully alien, about his fears. He didn’t as much once the powers were back. I think they were just easier to talk about when Clark thought they were truly gone.

“But you’re getting better, and you don’t _want_ to hurt anyone. That’s a great strength,” I said earnestly. “I knew another fire starter once,” I said, thinking back on how Coach Walt almost flambéed me. “You have a lot of power and you don’t want to hurt anyone with it and that’s really amazing.”

“Yeah, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t sometimes.”

“True, and maybe…I dunno, you ever think of an outlet for your powers?”

“I set things on fire what is an outlet for that?”

I shrugged. “Metal welding, glass blowing, being the best fireworks planner ever. I think you should think about that, something you can use your power for instead of denying it all the time. It might help to let it out too in controlled ways.”

He nodded. “Like The Blur?”

“Well you don’t have to try vigilantism. That might be a little much at sixteen,” I said, well aware of the irony in the sentence.

“He’s coming back right? The other kids, well, some say he doesn’t want to and some say it must have been a trick.”

“Nope, no trick. Also, yes, but he moved to another city and he’s been super slammed. He promised after Christmas he’d be back. He really did.”

Devon grinned at that. “That’s awesome, Chloe. He’s really cool.”

“I’ll let him know you said that.”

“I just…he has lots of powers. He has that fire vision stuff too, right? Like mine. I mean I think things and the fire’s just there but it’s close.”

I nodded and, without realizing it, my fingers played over my shoulder. Once he’d burned a tracking chip out of me, done what I’d begged from him to save me from Lex. That scar was still there. Some of mine weren’t anymore, not since I’d become a full fledged mutant all over again, but that one would always stay.

“He can, and he’s…I know it takes a lot not to hurt people, you just keep working at it and maybe, who knows, you can grow up just like him.”

 _Hell, considering Clark’s damn neuroses, you could do better_.

“Cool! So same time next week?”

“Actually, speaking of Holidays, I’m going out to my cousin’s in Star City for a couple weeks. But how about January fourth?”

“Works for me,” he said, hopping up and walking to the door. Devon amused me a little, and, yeah, I could admit that it was because his power superficially reminded me of Clark. He ran hot too and even if it was snowing today in the city, he was in jeans and a t-shirt. It must have driven his mom nuts. “Chloe?”

“Yes?” I said, making some extra notes on today’s session at my desk.

“You’re really good at this. I know that you seem nervous sometimes, but it helps. I’d probably be in Belle Reve by now even if I don’t want to do anything nuts.”

I stilled and offered him a pained smile. “I just wish I could help everyone.”

Devon considered that. “But you can’t save everyone all by yourself, right? I mean, even The Blur or the Green Arrow can’t do stuff like that.”

_If only he knew…_

“Maybe not.”

“I just…ISIS has helped me a lot so thanks and have a good Christmas okay?”

“You too,” I said, breathing a sigh of relief when he walked out the door.

I still lost patients, no matter how hard I tried, and it bit into me. They were my responsibility and I had to protect them, but, it was worse too. I’d see kids who a few weeks before their breaks would seem perfectly normal and then the cops would call me at three a.m., and I’d know exactly what had happened. Every time I got a call, I wondered when I’d go nuts next. You couldn’t heal someone to death, but I just…what if one day without warning I just ended up like my mother?

“You know,” I said, accepting that since Clark’s great stonewalling project had started that I was just talking out loud. I _knew_ someone could hear me. I didn’t give a damn if my staff thought I was a little off. “I hope you eavesdropped on this. You probably didn’t cause of patient privileges but you never gave a shit about it before, did you? I’m just saying that the kids really do miss you, and they look up to you. I _look_ up to you, you dumbass.”

“Talking to everyone’s favorite alien?” Tess asked.

I cursed when I realized she’d slunk into my office. “I don’t remember giving you free access to walk in.”

“The door was ajar and you didn’t look too busy talking to no one.”

“I wasn’t, exactly. He won’t take my calls but it doesn’t mean I can’t annoy him!” I shouted, hoping that hurt. “Anyway, you want to harass me…”

Tess nodded. If she had news about her team or the three Zoners---including the other Kryptonian---we only talked about it at her offices. I knew they’d be soundproofed to ridiculous levels.

“I’d love to do that, Sullivan.”

**

 “You look like shit, Chloe.”

“Thanks, Tess,” I said, helping myself to her dry sink in her DP office. I couldn’t get drunk, but the feel of a glass in my hand helped sometimes and Tess like any other Luthor scion didn’t settle for the cheap stuff. “I feel like it.”

“I really didn’t think Clark would go through with it. I mean, I’m perversely impressed with how stubborn he is. Takes off to D.C. and won’t come back for two months? That’s amazing.”

“He’s run longer and harder than that. You weren’t here for the summer he went to Metropolis. Once Clark commits to something, see one Lana Lang, he’s pretty hung up on it.”

“Is that a Kryptonian thing?”

“I think that’s just a Clark thing.”

“True, and I haven’t…the EMP’s seemed last to be located in Canada again, but this time closer to Vancouver. Half my team’s been on it and the other half has been trying to find the other one.”

“The other Kryptonian?”

“Yes, those weird Outback disturbances stopped about two weeks ago and I haven’t found out if whatever that was got killed or stopped or moved to another continent yet, but we thought since the EMP controller was doing more damage and the Kryptonian was more valuable to keep searching there.”

“And any luck with that one?” I asked.

“A few more sigils, well always the same one, left burned out. This one’s gotten as far as Cairo and China and Paris looking for him.”

I nodded. Those were all places that the stones that had made the Fortress had come from. “Anything else?”

“Yeah, a couple were burned just last week into the Mall.”

“Like the Metropolis mall?”

“No with a capital ‘M,’ and not too far from Honest Abe.”

I cursed. “Are the sigils still focused there?”

“Over the last two weeks, yes. Do you think they’ve made contract with Clark?”

“Doubtful, I’d have gotten a DefCon 1if there was another one. They never…the Zoners are violent criminals. They always try to hurt him. If Clark knew or they’d talked to him? Yeah, I’d have been called.”

“You sure about that?”

Actually, with how stand offish Clark had been, I wasn’t one hundred percent on that. But Tess fucking Mercer didn’t need to know that and hold it over me.

“I am so give me whatever you have for this week on the EMP and the Kryptonian and I’ll see what pattern analysis I can add.”

“Sure, always, but I wish we could get one of them. This is frustrating.”

“These are the worst criminals in 28 galaxies so if they were easy to catch, then they probably wouldn’t have earned a ticket to being there.”

“True. Hey, you know, ISIS was basically funded from LuthorCorp.”

“Lana embezzled but Lex let her keep it,” I admitted.

“But we’re not always pooling our resources correctly. My League is a perfectly suitable place for people with powers to end up. Bette likes it. So if you have kids who are over eighteen, you know that we’re always hiring.”

“No,” I said, rounding on her, my hands on my hips. “My kids are not there for you to pick and choose from. The next time you ask, I’ll throw your ass out myself.”

“That’s a lot of anger, Chloe. Maybe you need therapy for yourself.”

“I’m fine,” I said, even if we both knew that was so much bullshit. “My point is that don’t poach my kids, don’t ask about them. The Smallville mutants aren’t LuthorCorp’s play toys anymore because you’ll answer to me.”

Tess shrugged. “You’re all alone now, Chloe, even if you have that duo in Central City to call on. I could offer these kids money and luxury they can’t even imagine. If I want to poach, Sullivan, then I’m going to. Besides, what’s the point?”

“To ISIS? A damn lot. I’m saving Metropolis, keeping people from getting killed.”  


“True, but I mean you still being hostile with me. Clark’s gone. He’s not coming back and you’ve always been so much more malleable, more Luthor-like than you want to admit. Why be the ‘good girl’ anymore? Look, I’ll have my assistant draw up the papers. I think ISIS being an official subsidiary of LuthorCorp could be advantageous for all of us. Think about my League as the graduate program for those handpicked by you.”

“No, that’s not gonna happen. We’re not playthings, we’re people and just give me the damn files, Tess, and I’ll see you next week.”

I was already half way to ISIS before I noticed my own slip.

Well, it wasn’t my life if someone from LuthorCorp wasn’t trying to capture or kill me. At least I had one constant in my life, even if Clark wasn’t it.


	23. Tis the Season

**23 Tis the Season**

“Hey, so it’s me and, ugh, now I really do sound like a stalker ex-girlfriend. I mean, that’s not what I am…I don’t think, but God I’m doing this wrong. I just, call me.”

I sighed and shut the phone off. If I were less of a masochist or if I were a little less pathetic, I’d have either changed my number or stopped answering. Chloe wasn’t really stalking. The first week she’d emailed and called my mom’s house in Georgetown a lot. Then she got the idea, but she still called weekly, left a voicemail and I saved every single one. I loved her so much that it hurt to breathe but this was the right thing to do.

I’d hurt her.

I’d broken bones.

I promised her when we even tried if anything went wrong we’d never do it again. I mean I hadn’t known she could heal, and it sucked she hadn’t felt she could be that honest with me. I understood it, mostly, and I sort of resented her not telling me just a bit more. Rationally, I get the shower isn’t my fault. I do. But it _feels_ like all of Smallville and, frankly, a lot of Lowell County suffers because I came. In her own words, the town went schizo because of I came. It’s all connected and, sometimes, I think of Lex’s own insanity or Lana’s parents or Chloe’s mom and I feel like people I was close to once all lost things because of me. Like I’m not that good a trade-off.

And Chloe…if she wasn’t manifesting symptoms, then we both figured it was over. Yeah, there still had to be Kryptonite in her heart and it wasn’t like DNA reset itself, uh, that I knew of even with meteor rocks involved. It was just scarier now that she could heal again. Would she end up like her mom? Would Chloe, being Chloe, heal something she couldn’t actually cure and end up actually dead?

You couldn’t tell her anything, never could. I doubt she’d stop herself from trying something dangerous with her power if it saved someone’s life. Considering she was going to work with Bart and Victor some, I definitely could see her trying to heal, especially Bart. Hell, his metabolism was faster than mine and I’d “killed” her for eighteen hours. Could that do worse?

But I hated that she hadn’t told me because I knew exactly why. She was “sparing” me, sparing my feelings. It was part Chloe’s own talent for denial to keep herself focused but also because she didn’t want me to beat myself up over it.

I was going to anyway.

It was the reason I broke down and got the stupid voice modulator and everything else to see her kids about five weeks ago. Most of them were like that because of me. How could I know help>

I just…she buried everything all the time and it hadn’t done her any good with Brainiac or Davis, and I wasn’t sure she was ever going to learn. I mean, now it didn’t matter as much for our relationship, but it worried me about her. Chloe couldn’t solve everything on her own and she couldn’t just turn herself to stone and lock her feelings off forever.

No one could.

Just, she could have told me. If I weren’t banished, I’d go to Jor-El, beg him to see if there were anything he could do to stop her mutation. But that wasn’t an option and, frankly, the last time I’d taken to Jor-El for treatment, even with my own stupidity, he’d not helped one damn bit.

But she couldn’t…

I could live in a world where she was there and surviving. That was the whole damn point of not being together. I wasn’t going to shatter her again, literally, and it would keep her safer. It just would. I wanted Mom and Ollie and so many people to be wrong, but I _wasn’t_ human and Chloe kept getting hurt because of that. It was just better to be alone. Still, what if she ended up like her mom?  


I shook my head and played the voice message again, wishing to Hell I could talk to her, but she’d stop. She’d get the idea eventually. Chloe Sullivan was determined but she wasn’t an idiot. She’d see. Eventually this would be the best thing for both of us.

Of course, and this really was masochism to the eleventh degree, I could still see her. I was a lot faster than I was even in high school and Bart had done tricks like that before. Mom wouldn’t be back from the Hill for at least an hour. I could just do a quick run by her ISIS office and just see her. It’s not like Chloe ever had to know.

Yes, I am extremely pathetic. Thank you for asking.

“Great, this is healthy,” I said, slipping into super speed and taking a quick run through her office.

She was on the phone and it was a millisecond so it wasn’t exciting, but at least she seemed put together, a nice suit in pace and as determined as ever negotiating whatever it was. That was as long as I dared be in the same room with her. Hell, she’d probably figure out any stray breeze was me anyway.

Still, after I was done my “spin,” I stayed in the alley behind ISIS and activated my X-Ray vision and hearing. Really, if you thought about it, with my powers, it was just like the next step up from the telescope thing in middle school. Really, it wasn’t weird.

Okay, it was completely weird, but I just needed to see her. So I stood and watched for a while and realized that I had it worse than I thought. It was sad to save voicemails, it was something worse to just stand there and be happy to see her type at her desk and call grant sources up. It was dull but just seeing her in person, so to speak, it was the best I’d felt in five weeks. I hated leaving but if I stayed much longer either employees would start to leave for the day and notice me or my mom would want to know where I’d been.

Neither were good options.

“I’m so sorry,” I said, before speeding back to Washington.

**

“Honey, you didn’t have to cook,” Mom said but smiled politely anyway as she sat down to dinner.

It wasn’t anything complicated. I’d done spaghetti and the sauce was from a can. The bread I’d just toasted up with some butter and parmesan on it. It wasn’t culinary or anything. Actually, I could cook really well. Mom never had any other kids for obvious reasons and she wanted to teach someone. So I took to it pretty well. I mean, no one can bake pie like she can but I’m good, which, considering the fact that Lois and Chloe can’t, well, it just made me the designated food maker at any gathering we had that did not involve take out. One handed was hard but I could set a pot to boil and dump in noodles. I was getting better with the therapy. Dressing was still hard. I’d get frustrated and tear things. I think that was the worst part, was just the frustration. I’d had to learn as a kid not to get impatient or things broke. Now it was the same process all over again, but I was a Hell of a lot stronger.

Of course, on the other hand about cooking, I couldn’t get burned so it also made trial and error in the kitchen a lot easier for me. I, uh, might have spilled some of the water on me draining the noodles so I wouldn’t recommend people try it at home one handed necessarily.

“It’s fine. It’s not five star,” I said, grinning. “So was work boring?”

Mom frowned. “If that’s your way about asking after Checkmate…”

“It’s not. I just wasn’t sure what you were doing.”

“Not much. Everything’s about to shut down for the Holidays. There’s no more votes until some budget stuff in January. I was doing some constituency work. I’ll probably have to go out to Kansas some to check in with Topeka frankly. We could spend the holidays at the farm if you like.”

I sighed and reached down with my good hand to pat Shelby’s head. “Not much point, right? You need to see the state capital stuff, and I was actually relieved to be here for Christmas. It’s not even, uh, the Chloe thing.”

I blushed and looked away.

Mom sighed and reached over to squeeze my forearm, well, what was left of it. “You did the right thing. You really did. It was mature, and I’m proud of you.”

“Thanks,” I said.

_If it was the right thing, then why did it feel so shitty?_

“So it’s not just about Chloe?”

“No, and she’ll probably go to London to see her Dad or something. I just…Dad was never here, and at the farm, the Holidays are so hard. It was nice just having dinner out for Thanksgiving.” I sighed and it ruffled my mom’s hair a little. Ugh. “I wasn’t going to be up to carving anything anyway.”

“Then we can definitely stay here, and, just to clarify even if that’s not what you were asking, I quit Checkmate as soon as we got back. Honey, I know it was wrong and I’m never going to do anything underhanded for your sake again. I swear.”

“I appreciate that,” I said, honestly, but I couldn’t quite get myself to smile.

I wasn’t sure who my mom even was anymore, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to learn more about who she’d become, what sacrifices she’d made for me. I got why she did it, but _Jesus_ wet works? She didn’t have to do that. My whole family had given up too much for me, _everything_ between Dad and my sibling who never was. Mom didn’t need to ruin herself too.

I was just the maimed alien, and I wasn’t worth it.

“Clark, baby? Are you hungry?”

I sighed and shook my head. Then I cleared my plate in regular speed. Leaning over, I kissed my mom’s temple. “Just tired, I think. Maybe cooking was more than I…just tired.”

Mom eyed me and I knew she didn’t buy it. I’d never been any good at lying to her. “Adjustments are hard, Clark. You know that better than anyone. You’ll get used to D.C., I promise, and you’ll get used to everything else.”

She meant being alone and the life of monkhood I’d committed to at almost twenty-three. Maybe, but I doubted that.

“Yeah, and I think I’m getting a lot better. I couldn’t have muddled through this a month ago,” I said, gesturing to her plate.

“But you isolate yourself.”

“What’s the point, Mom? I’m weird. I’m always going to be weird. I try and be friends with normal people, and they notice my weird excuses or my slips or whatever and I hate lying about myself. And we both know that anything more than having a friend is out forever. I just…Lex and Lana? Lying drives people away and you can’t really be friends if you don’t know the first thing about each other. It ruined Pete and Chloe’s lives, knowing my stuff, and then Lana went and got herself irradiated. I just…it’s hard and if I’m alone all the time, then I don’t have anything to miss.”

“There’s an intern slot open in my office in the winter.”

“Oh Mom, that’s kind of lame.”

“You should come. It’s not like I’d be watching you all the time but you’d be out and doing something and seeing other people.”

I sighed and ran my hand through my bangs. “No, I’d be seeing _people_ and I’m not one of them. If I have a clean break, then maybe I just don’t want to lie. I just…I’ll figure out something but today’s not that day, Mom.”  


“Honey, you can’t rot your brain on day time TV from now until forever. What about reporting again?”

“I did kitten show articles on page 73 and Tess only hired me because she wanted to spy on me easily. Get real.”

“Then what do you want to do?”

I wanted to go back to Kansas, beg Chloe to take me back, and then help her at ISIS because I actually really liked her kids. I didn’t think I’d do anyone any good at “The Red and Blue Blur” since I was still just relearning the fine art of boiling water. But none of those things were possible, they led to bad places, places where if Chloe were normal, there would be traction.

So, basically, I didn’t want anything anymore.

“I like _The Price is Right_ , it’s a good show.”

“We’ll talk about this after Christmas. You can’t waste your life on terrible television and sleeping in, Clark.”

I shrugged. “I have a long time to live, Mom. J’onn was pretty explicit on that and he’s never been the only one. If I waste the first hundred or two doing jack shit, who’s gonna notice?”

That was cutting and mean, but I was awfully tired. She’d asked me to do this and, deep down, I agreed with her, especially after I’d shattered bone. But she didn’t have a right to get me to relocate from everyone I cared about (read Chloe) and then complain that I didn’t seem motivated.

I didn’t.

Once I’d had a destiny and a plan, kind of.

Now I had nothing.

“Clark, that was rude.”

“It was honest,” I said, before speeding to my room.

**

I didn’t even answer my phone this time. It was a week later, and I’d tried my theory, just slept in and watched ridiculous amounts of game shows and talk TV. Also, I might have, just a little, been abusing my metabolism. There were a lot of used _Cheetos_ bags in my room. I was trying to avoid, well, everything. I wasn’t sleeping much. I don’t think I really need sleep anymore, not more than a few hours at least, but I liked it a lot. But I couldn’t. My phantom hand hurt most at night and even with Chloe’s mirror trick, sometimes it wouldn’t uncramp for hours. Even if I did get to sleep, I dreamed. They weren’t vivid like on the fever, but they were the same thing over and over, visions of Chloe burned or broken or frozen.

I couldn’t.

“Why’d you do this to me?” I asked, quietly.

My birth parents had died years ago on a planet nowhere near here. They weren’t going to answer. I knew they were desperate, that they’d tried to save my life, and they had. I loved my adopted parents very much, wouldn’t trade anything for them. But I didn’t understand why I was here if I couldn’t have what I wanted most, if I couldn’t fit with Chloe the way a real guy would have. I wished terribly that Kara was back, that she’d either found Kandor or would come home. I might feel better if at least she were here. She’d get it. Granted, Kara hadn’t cared much, at least before the Zone, about rules. But she knew what it was like when everything was so damn fragile, that it sucked to be alone.

There wasn’t an answer, not that there ever was, but I just had no idea where I was going, and I wished Lara and Jor-El had given me more guidance than a Fortress that was more abusive than it was helpful.

Then I heard it, an achingly familiar voice.

 _You know, this isn’t fair._   _Those kids need help, Clark. If we can stop even one of them from going bad, it’ll save their lives and families and others just like if we’d gotten to the Shadow Shifter in time. Please, don’t hurt Metropolis because you’re mad at me._

I wanted to call her back. Hell, I wanted to run into the ISIS office and hug her and tell her I was an idiot and of course I’d help. I really did. Except that wasn’t possible. Still, Chloe had a point. What had happened to us didn’t have anything to do with her kids. If I’d had someone when I was sixteen to tell me things would work out and I wouldn’t have to always be scared of my powers, well, it wouldn’t have been true in my case because of all the alien crap that follows me around, all of Jor-El’s damn blood feuds. Still, maybe I wouldn’t have panicked as badly.

Maybe the baby would have lived.

I had to do that for them. Chloe wasn’t wrong. I owed Metropolis better. I owed the people the shower had hurt better.

Scribbling something fast on a piece of paper, I rushed by the downstairs first and grabbed a tulip. Mom and Chloe both had always liked them. I was in and out so fast, but at least she knew that after the holidays, I’d find a way to keep up the therapy visits. I’d promised her that much, and it was the one thing I could honor with her.

It was blessfully quiet for a few minutes and then she spoke, and I resented how well Chloe knew me. She knew that I could hear her anywhere, had known that since Bizarro and me pulling her out of a morgue drawer. I just couldn’t bear to tune her out. What if she got in real trouble?

_Deal. Do you watch me a lot? I bet you do, you ass. I just…come home already._

I sighed and clenched my right hand. I sometimes went to her office. I didn’t speed through it, much, because I was really scared that she’d notice. But, yeah, I had my own spot in the alley where I’d watch her a little, just for maybe an hour. I just missed her so much.

After that, Chloe must have gone back to work because she didn’t say anything else.

**

“You need to turn on the news,” Mom said.

I blinked and frowned down at my cell. “Well, I was in the middle of this Underdog marathon and…’

“No, Clark Jerome Kent, it doesn’t matter which news station. It’s on all the affiliates.”

I swallowed hard and turned it to the first channel I could find with a bulletin. The news was talking about a terrorist attack on the Mall in D.C., something beyond bizarre since no one had been hurt. But there was a symbol scorched into the bulk of the grass. I knew what had done it or who, depending on how you looked at it. I’d used heat vision enough to know what it did to grass. Then they cut to an aerial view and my blood ran cold.

It was my symbol, the figure eight in the diamond that was Kryptonian for “air.”

Someone had gotten out from the Phantom Zone, and they were looking for me.

“Clark? Did you do it?” Mom demanded on the other end. “Honey?”  
  
“I…what do we do now?”

“I don’t know, but I’ll call J’onn, invite him to the city. We have to figure this out and if they’re like Zod.”

“Well,” I said, my tone still hollow. “You don’t get sent to the Phantom Zone for liking hugs and puppies. Oh God, is this the only one?”

“I don’t know, but you and J’onn need to figure that out and, if need be, pass the information onto Bart and Victor or even to Oliver.”

I groaned. Oliver was actually a good option because he would believe me, had the money, and had Canary working for him too and her call could bring me to my knees, but that would mean that he might one day use any information I gave him against me. He didn’t know about the Kryptonite yet but if this Kryptonian was violent (odds were high), he’d have to and, after Lex’s death, I didn’t trust Oliver any farther than my _mom_ could throw him.

“Get J’onn, and then we’ll let Chloe and the boys know if we have to. I just…not Ollie, Mom.”

“Why not?”

“Because he’d hurt me.”

**

Okay so this time when I was visiting Chloe (it was not stalking so stop thinking that), I was hesitating outside of the basement at ISIS. I was hanging outside but not near the windows. I should talk to her, tell her about what was up. I always did when it was this bad because, frankly, Kryptonians who weren’t me or Kara were awful. Hell, even my uncle or Zor-El’s experiment or whatever from a couple years ago tried to block out the sun.

Didn’t make me feel all that great with the vaunted El line.

It just needed to knock, go down there and beg her and the Justice Bros for help. That was all. I just…had one even kind of emergency and was going to drag her back into the same Kryptonian bullshit that had gotten her mind eaten, her wedding ruined, and almost condemned her to life on the run with a damn monster.

 _No_.

I couldn’t. She was the only person I wanted in a DefCon 1, had been for forever, but I wasn’t going to get her killed. Not ever again.

Sighing, I activated my supersenses, and gave her one last look over. She was just in some fuzzy sushi-themed pajamas and eating take out from the carton. I think she was watching some old comedy Gabe had always liked, but I couldn’t remember which, just pick out Bill Murray’s voice (Gabe’s favorite). She picked up the phone and dialed and soon was chatting about nothing with Lois.

It was normal and safe, and that was what she deserved.

“I miss you,” I said, before turning to leave.

I should have used my senses for more than that.

Dara was standing behind me, her eyes still unnaturally blue, glittering like a cat’s in the night. She was wearing jeans and a plain black t-shirt, and I had no idea where she’d gotten any of it. She was as tall as I remembered, easily Lois’s height, and in her boots she only stood a few inches shorter than I did. Her thick dark hair was pulled back in a single braid down her back. At least her eyes weren’t red. So far she wasn’t tempted to use heat vision against me. That was something.

“Is that your pet, Kal-El. She’s kind of adorable. A little small, but that’s cute.”

“Are you here to fight because I just don’t have it in me much anymore,” I said holding up my left wrist.

She nodded at that but didn’t lunge to me. Maybe she could be reasoned with? Maybe what she’d said about trumped up charges were true. After all, Jor-El hadn’t exactly been fair to me and to my real family over the years, had he?

“Frankly, Kal-El, I’m amazed you’re alive at all. The Var’Nal poisoning is extremely potent. I didn’t expect you to be alive. Considering I’ve been leaving that mark all over for you, I thought I’d never find you.”

“How did you?”

“I saw a news story on a replay about your mother bringing you to D.C. I figured if I burned something near you that you might notice.”

“That was wrong.”

She shrugged. “I didn’t kill anyone or even hurt them. The grass will recover.”

“Still…I…are you the only one who escaped besides me?”  


“I’m the only one who was with you at the exit that day,” she answered. “You seem nervous. Huh, I didn’t know we could sweat on this planet.”

“I do when it’s psychosomatic,” I admitted. Or when heat vision was being held back but that was another story. “Are you going to hurt humans? I can’t allow it if you are?”

Dara rolled her eyes. “I’ve been out of the Zone and on Earth for almost ten weeks. You didn’t even know I was out. I was at the point of literally knocking on your mother’s door when you took off for Kansas and I figured why not follow. So, no. Frankly, if I hadn’t sought you out, you’d still not even know I was here. I don’t have world conquest plans, Kal-El, the humans are both too tedious to rule but so delightfully weird to watch. It wouldn’t be much fun to try and put order to it.”

“That’s oddly condescending.”

“They’re a mess, but they entertain me. Vegas is pretty fun.”

I blinked. “You’re serious?”

“Oh yes, and with our powers, I’m fabulous at Black Jack and poker. I have a nest egg now. Maybe I’m even entertaining legitimacy like you. I mean, you have to have records despite no birth certificate right?”  


“Wait, huh?”

She shrugged and stepped toward me. I took a step back, still scared it was a trick. “Don’t be so skittish. Rao, you’re still so young, kid.”

“I’m sorry. Except for my cousin, every other thing from Krypton I’ve ever met, especially the Phantoms, have tried to basically eviscerate me. The fact you’re what? Here asking for papers is hard to process.”

“I wasn’t a violent criminal when I went in and I like it here. It’s a lot more interesting than Krypton, something besides endless snow and crystal. Your pets are awfully fond of creature comforts and I applaud that.”

I glared at her. “They’re not my pets.”  


“The senator and that girl in there sure seem to be. You’ve very partial to them.”

“I…Mom’s my family and I love her. She’s not a damn dog or something. Also, Chloe’s private.”

“Is that why you’re standing here staring through the brick to keep an eye on her? Is she so private that she doesn’t know you’re even here, Romeo?”

I blinked. “Huh?”

“I’ve been her ten weeks. You think I didn’t check out cable in Vegas? It was worth it.”

“Oh, I just…okay I’m super confused.”

“I’ll say, and maybe Jor-El’s son isn’t all that bright.”

“I’m still expecting you to try murdering me any minute.”

Dara huffed. “Kid, if I wanted you dead, no offense, as maimed and young as you are? I’d be able to do it. I survived decades in the damn Phantom Zone and I’m a lot tougher than you.”

“I wouldn’t say that, exactly. I’ve fought off Zod and Brainiac more than once.”

“Uh-huh. Trust me, if I wanted your head on a platter, I’d have done it by now. I just want to enjoy Earth, that’s all, but the monkeys aren’t all that interesting.”

She shrugged and pointed at Chloe. “I mean, they’re fun to watch and they’re not bad to spend a day with but they break, don’t they?”

Bile rose in my throat. “You said you hadn’t killed anyone.”

“I haven’t, _rao-dracu_ , Kal-El, pay attention. It doesn’t mean I didn’t have a few trysts on the road and realize that bone shatters far too easily. They’re fun but the rushing them to the ER door step after? Not so much. So, I’m betting that’s why you’re out here, stalking your pet, like the most pathetic loser in 28 galaxies.”

“It’s none of your business.”

She laughed and I was really beginning to hate her. “But I’m right, aren’t I? You break your pet once? Did she throw you out for being what you are?”

“And what’s that?” I said, stepping to her, crossing my arms over my chest.

“Better,” she said simply. “Look, you’re obviously upset and I got this off on the wrong foot, but think about it this way. We’re both incredibly bored in one area, we’re both the last survivors outside of your cousin, and I helped save your life. I’d think about that.”

She shocked the ever loving Hell out of me then by kissing my cheek. Before I had time to reach out or keep her here for more details, she was gone, off in a flurry of dust.

**

“Mom, I…okay, so this is going to sound a little bad,” I said, digging into my pancakes.

I cook when I’m stressed. It was a big pile.

“Did you find the other one?”

“Her,” I said.

Mom arched an eyebrow at me but I tried not to read into it. “Her name is Dara and she is a thief. She was the one who found me after that thing attacked my arm and helped me find the portal. We traded. She helped me get there in time and I let her go with me since without my blood it doesn’t work.”

“You let her out?”

“Well, I hoped maybe it closed before she got through too. I was bleeding to death in a desert wasteland. I was basically out of options,” I defended.

“And?”

“Well I saw her last night. She visited.”

Mom was up then, running her hands over my chest and back, taking careful time with both my arms. “Did she hurt you?”

“No, she just wanted to talk. She said in the Zone that she was a tech thief and Jor-El got over ambitious with punishment in his last few weeks, that she didn’t do anything that really merited her being there.”

“You believe that?”

“Not necessarily, but we all know Jor-El’s creepy and vindictive. He basically created a Hell dimension to fight crime. I’m not saying she’s right, but she did point out she’s been out for over two months and she hasn’t hurt anyone.”

“That you can prove,” Mom corrected.

“Yeah, but I don’t know. I can’t take her in a fight. She’s survived the Zone for decades. J’onn doesn’t even have powers and I’m maimed. Maybe I need to get to know her and decide from there. If she is, maybe I can trick her into wearing some Blue K or something, but if she’s not violent, if she just wants to live like me or like Kara when my cousin’s back…”

“The Zoners have always been evil, Clark. That’s why they’re there.”

“Jor-El’s spent our whole relationship punishing me---branding or brainwashing or freezing. He killed Dad.”

Mom flinched. “I know.”

“So maybe he was that bad and mean on Krypton. I…maybe she’s not so bad?”

“Are you trying to convince me or yourself, honey? I’m going to tell J’onn he has to leave New York now. If she’s so amenable to things, she’d meet calmly with both of us too.”

“Well she is! She just wants papers like I have or Kara can have again when she’s back. I mean, you always taught me innocent until proven guilty right?”  


“If Dara weren’t a girl, would you be as eager to let a Zone escapee run loose?”

I frowned. “Huh?”

“Clark, honey, you can’t tell me that a girl out there who is just like you and not even related, well, you can’t tell me your judgment isn’t a little lax here.”

“It’s not a sex thing, jeez, Mom. I just know Jor-El does awful things and if all she wants is to live a quiet life like me or Kara, well, who am I to deny her that. You and Dad saved me, gave me that chance.”

“You were a baby and not a criminal.”

“But maybe she’s not either or maybe after forever in the Zone she wants to do better.”

“Alright, we’ll speak with her, but not until J’onn’s in town and not until you get some Blue K as a back up.”

I nodded. There was some in a lockbox of Lana’s at the Metropolis Bank. She’d left it there after she’d left. She said if I ever needed it, and I wasn’t really sure what that meant.

“Fine, deal then, but we’re not all bad, right?”

“You and Kara are both good people, and Raya seemed kind to you, but none of you were in the Phantom Zone. Honey, the thing about thieves?”

“Yes?”

“They’re like lawyers or CEOs. I’ve known my fill of all three with Dad’s firm and since then. They lie, Clark, so don’t let her being like you make you forget that.”

“I guess not, Mom,” I said, then I didn’t say much for the rest of dinner.

**

“This is what you do with unlimited power?” Dara asked as she ran into my room.

I rolled my eyes and turned up the volume on _Let’s Make a Deal_. “I used to be a vigilante. I retired for obvious reasons. So, yeah, for right now the strongest guy on the planet watches game shows. I don’t see how that’s any worse than using X-Ray vision or math savantism to cheat at card games.”

Dara shrugged and sat at my desk. “Savant?”

“Uh, yeah, the math stuff. I’m like a calculator. So’s my cousin. That’s a Kryptonian thing, right?”

“No, that’s an ‘El’ thing. Famous freaking physicists and geneticists. You’re a savant cause of the gene pool not the phenomenal cosmic powers. I just look through cards, but _natal pastale_ , kid. Why don’t you go to Vegas?”

“Not interested,” I said.

“You don’t seem interested in much of anything,” she said, gesturing to her chest and the rolling her eyes.  


“I’m extremely uncomfortable right now. Look, Mom and J’onn J’onz, my kind-of guardian, are going to talk with you, and if they think you’re on the level, they’re going to help you get a real identity. That’s it. We’re not going to…what is it you _think_ we’re going to do here?”

She licked her lips. “What do you want to do?”

I turned up the volume loud enough to make her wince. It hurt my hearing too but I’d had years of practice tuning stuff out. She hadn’t. Tough. “Did I mention that _Let’s Make a Deal_ was still on? I want to watch that.”

“What are you asexual?  Didn’t seem it staring at your pet. Your eyes were even glowing a little.”

Had they been?  


God, that was super embarrassing. Apparently, Dara had had her own run-ins with heat vision by now. Ugh.

“Chloe. Her name is _Chloe_ , and she’s my…well, we’re not together or, uh, speaking or whatever, but the point is I’m not interested in you.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m not.”

“Well we know you think about sex and you like human females,” Dara started. Then her eyes widened and the fact they didn’t look quite normal, shone like a cat’s or like Aethyr’s was really kind of creepy. “Oh that’s it. You only like humans? That’s weird, Kal-El.”

“I’ve only known humans, basically. I mean I have a cousin but obviously not and the only Kryptonian female I ever met was crazy and a criminal. So I really don’t know and no we’re still talking. You want to watch me watch games shows, cool. You want to sit in the living room until Mom gets home and talk fake passports or whatever, great. Otherwise, leave me alone.”

“Then this is all about that pet. You’re hung up on her. Was I right last night? Did she throw you out? Wait? Did she even know? I know humans get really upset when you get to the surprise portion of the night. They can be such babies about a little fire, _rao-dracu_.”

I blanched. I wasn’t sure how many humans she’d tried to sleep with but it sounded like a lot more than I had and it sounded like it went about as well.

“No, Chloe’s known about me since I was in high school. We’re best friends, well, we were. The point is she knew.”

“Then was it too much to see instead of to know?”

“No, I broke her collarbone and I threw myself out, okay? Now, will you shut up or leave?”

“You’re very rude.”

“I don’t like you. You confuse me.”

She grinned. “I bet I do. See, then we’ve covered so much ground. You’re attracted to women, you know how to and have, and you’re no longer attached to your pet, at least not that way. So then, I’m bored and you’re bored and you’ve obviously never had sex with someone with powers any more than I have. We give it a shot. I’m not asking for choirs and angels, Kal-El, but I would like to scratch an itch.”

I sat up and glared at her, my vision flaring and my voice low and angry. “No, you get the Hell out of here. I’m _not_ interested. I’ll help you because  you’re like me and I think Jor-El probably screwed you over because that’s kind of what he does to everyone, even now.”

She frowned but still nodded. “I’ll say.”

“But we’re not sleeping together. I don’t have itches and I don’t want you.”

“Your pet’s not made for you, Kal-El, and you’ll get awfully lonely eventually. Besides,” she said, standing up and easing open her leather jacket. She wasn’t wearing anything underneath and I blushed and looked away. It reminded me a lot of when Alicia snuck into my room and she hadn’t turned out to be sane either. “I have a lot of time and fabulous assets. I’ll see you later.”

I didn’t look up until the breeze and the lack of another heartbeat in the room let me know she was gone.

Oh man, I was in so much trouble.

**

Dara made it through the meeting with Mom and J’onn fine. She wore modest clothes and barely acknowledged me the whole time. She answered both their questions and was completely professional and demure. It was a big one-eighty from the beyond hard sell she’d given me five days ago. I should have said something, but I was incredibly embarrassed. I wasn’t going to take Dara up on her increasingly desperate offers and I just…talking sex stuff over with Mom was bad enough when it had been in the vaguest of terms about Chloe. I wasn’t…I just _couldn’t_.

Still her interview seemed to appease both of them and she was on her way to being as legitimate as I was. Now, great, maybe she could take her new status and move to Australia for all I cared.

Dara smiled at both of them. “Thank you, Senator Kent, and J’onn.”

He narrowed his eyes at her. “I wasn’t there for the final trials, but I sincerely hope you want to change.”

“I do and I am not the criminal you think I am,” she said. “Kal-El?”

“It’s Clark,” I said, looking at my mother. It was her surname after all.

“Fine, Clark, would you see me out?”  


I offered my family a tight smile and followed her out to the porch. “Congratulations on your pending citizenship.”

“It was smart, then, for Jor-El to send you to a senator’s family. Very clever.”

“Mom didn’t take office until I was out of college. It wasn’t a power play.”  


She shrugged. “I wonder if the humans would ever see it that way.”

“They’re not going to know,” I said.

“Maybe they should,” she said, shrugging. “It’s a little sad, don’t you think?”  


“What?”

“The last of the Council families, not that I cared much for them, but the last of them sitting on his ass, watching terrible TV shows, and maimed. Maybe you should do more.”

“Sometimes I read,” I countered.

“Kal-El, I’m not so bad. Maybe you’re not interested yet, but you will be,” she said leaning up to kiss me.

I stepped back and held up my good hand. “No, Dara, that’s not going to happen. I just…talk to J’onn from now on.”

“Your pet doesn’t need you. I’m at least similar,” she said.

“No, you’re not. Species is kind of a low bar.”

“When you’re one of three, what other bar do you need? I’ll be around and all you have to do is call. We’ll race some time.”

“Yeah right,” I said, relieved when she left.

I sat down on the stoop and set my head in my hand. She confused me. Yeah, she was objectively very attractive. Not to sound conceited, but that seemed to be the default on Krypton. Anyway, she was nice looking and, yes, I couldn’t hurt her, but she was cold and condescending and an insufferable know-it-all and, well, she _wasn’t_ Chloe.

I perked up my hearing just a little. I was too drained and frustrated with the new Kryptonian in town to go to Kansas but I could still listen:

_You know, I hope you eavesdropped on this. You probably didn’t cause of patient privileges but you never gave a shit about it before, did you? I’m just saying that the kids really do miss you, and they look up to you. I_ _**look** _ _up to you, you dumbass._

I hadn’t because Dara had been keeping me busy and, frankly, I didn’t like spying on people’s sessions. I’d learned my lesson about confidentiality last year. Still, my heart ached for her. She did heal, you know, maybe I could…but what if I killed her? What if I did something so bad that she didn’t heal? What if I did have to give her eulogy after all.

“Thanks, Chlo,” I said to no one. “I miss you too, and I feel the same way, uh, even if I have to look down.”

**

“Mom are you serious?” I asked.

“Lois asked, and, frankly, you should go and talk to Oliver about Dara. He might be able to track her better just in case she’s not on the level.”

“I think she is,” I defended.

She might be someone who kept popping by in the last week to randomly proposition, but sexual harassment wasn’t a capital crime. Still, I wasn’t sure how I felt about letting Oliver know there was another out there outside of Kara and me and I wasn’t sure that watching Dara was a good idea. I mean, yeah, we had to make sure there wasn’t another Zod out there, but we also…would it set her off if she knew that we were keeping tabs?

I wasn’t sure.

“Clark, I have to do things in Topeka but it’s not hard to take a flight and spend a week in Star City. Lois misses us and she’s very close to me, was great on my staff. Besides, you need to take precautions in case Dara isn’t always going to be cooperative.”

“I just…what if Chloe’s there?”

“Lois swore she wouldn’t be, that she was going to London to see Gabe. You won’t have to worry about it.”  


“But what if Chloe changes her mind?”

“Clark, she’s not going to. It’s not like trips to London are free. Just do this for me. Frankly, if we didn’t need an extra set of eyes with J’onn mortal and you recovering, I wouldn’t insist, but it couldn’t hurt.”

I sighed and shook my head. “I don’t even like Lois!”

“No you sound about four. Start packing, Clark, you’re going?”

**

“There’s another of you?” Oliver asked and I stared really hard at my boots.

I didn’t like his tone. In fact, I didn’t like his crime fighting approach, didn’t like his stupid hair and overall didn’t really like him. After he’d tried to blackmail Chloe over the Brainiac infection, I liked him a Hell of a lot less than before and that was saying something.

“Yeah, she escaped the Phantom Zone with me last time, uh, when I…” I floundered holding up my stump.

“You know, Clark, you have a weird definition of ‘last one.’ There was that Faora problem that took over Lois and Davis or that thing in him, it was from your planet too.”

“The Beast was grown in a lab, so that’s different. My point is she’s out there and she seems to just want to mostly cheat at Vegas table games---not a capital crime---and enjoy herself.”

“Oh, huh.”

“Huh what?” I asked looking up at him from across his desk.

“I thought the killjoy instinct you had was a Kryptonian thing.”

“No, I’m just not a joking kind of guy.”  


“I have to admire a girl who wants to have fun with her powers. Anyway, sure, I’ll keep an eye on it. I’m sure Canary would love to. Her scream can hurt you guys right?”

“Definitely.”

“Is there anything else?”

I stilled. “No, I just need tabs on her, Mom insisted. I don’t need you to hurt her.”

“What does work on you? You’ve been sick before, right?”

“You stockpiling, Arrow?” I said, my voice strained and bitter.

“One day, I might. You think I’m stupid. I’m not Lex or even Bruce Wayne. I didn’t pay much attention in school because it wasn’t my thing. That said…”

“What?”

“You think I’m so stupid that I can’t read back issues of the Planet? That I don’t know how to Google?”

“I assume you have people for that,” I bit back.

“I know what happened in the summer of 2003 in Metropolis. That was you, right?”

“I was pretty high and I got better,” I defended.

“And that weird string of E.R. spikes in 2007 after Lana’s wedding to Lex? Lots of low life criminals and drug dealers coming in with horrible trauma. Not fatal, but not good either. For about three weeks then it stopped.”

I sighed and looked down at my hands. “That’s different.”

“Were you drugged then?”

“I’m not a bad guy, Oliver. I’m not even using my powers for anything! The worst I’ve done is this morning I burned the toast with my eyes, okay?”  
  
“Uh-huh. So there’s two of you and Kara will be back and I don’t get a hint on containment if you, ahem, ‘get high’ again?”

I stood then and shook my head. “You watch her. You make sure she’s not hurting anyone. Otherwise, I let her out and she’s my problem.”

“Since Earth’s my actual planet, I think it’s a big problem if the three of you ever went rogue. Clark, I’ll find out eventually so maybe you should just save me the time. Hell, maybe I could ask Chloe.”

“She hates you, and she wouldn’t ever say a damn word. So, Arrow, do your job and watch her but don’t touch me and mine. You won’t like it if you do.”

“That include Chloe?”

“And, God help me, Lois. You don’t hurt me or my friends or my family and we don’t have a problem.”

“But we do and we always will because without you and their damn crazy cult? My parents would still be alive.”

I snorted. “So you want to blow me up too? Lex was nine and that didn’t stop you. I was three in a ship and had no idea what the Hell was going on. Would it make you feel better? Would it bring them back?”

“No, but it might feel good. Just don’t go pulling any _War of the Worlds_ crap and we’ll be fine, Boy Scout.”

“Go to Hell, Ollie.”  


I made it about twenty yard from that part of the estate before my frustration got the better of me and I slammed my fist hard into the pretentious marble bust in the hall. It shattered instantly and I felt at least better. Between Ollie and Dara and whatever the Hell Tess knew, I was so sick of being played with.

“Smallville, are you kidding me?”

I froze. I hadn’t made sure anyone else was around to see me.

“Lois, uh, it was the weirdest thing. You see the statue just spontaneously exploded.”

God, I’m the worst liar. I know it too.

Lois rolled her eyes and put her hands on her hips. “Ollie told me everything about you. I’ve known since Halloween. It’s okay.”

I stilled and was breathing pretty hard. “Lois, I can really explain. You see the marble was probably weak and…”

“You’re from Krypton and so is Kara and you have about a bazillion powers and used to sometimes call me on the phone as the Red-and-Blue-Blur. I get it, okay? And I know you and Chloe and Ollie have some weird friction thing over that Justice Society.”

“That’s not what we called it.”

“What did you call it?”

“We never came up with a full name,” I conceded. “I just…oh wow.”

“So you feel more naked than that time I actually found you in a cornfield?”  
  
“I, uh, wasn’t completely in control then, actually,” I admitted.

“Explains a lot.”

“But, yeah,” I said. “I feel super exposed. Those weren’t Ollie’s secrets to tell.”

“I know and Chloe was pissed too when I talked with her after your great big flounce off. Clark, I’d never tell anyone, not my friends or the paper or Dad okay?”  


I wanted to vomit. “You can’t tell the General, Lois, Jesus. He’d have me in Area 51 in no time.”

“I said I’ve known since Halloween. I’m not an idiot, Smallville, and I can do math. You’re safe with me. Hell, I never wanted a little brother but you’re family, alright?”

I grinned at that. “Well I never signed up for a sister.”

“Tough, I’m awesome.”

“You sound like Kara.”

“Where is she and why isn’t she enjoying Christmas here.”

“Uh, off planet actually. She can fly, and no I can’t so don’t get me started, and she went looking to double check if all that was left of Krypton was, well, it. I hope she’s back soon.”

Lois blinked at me. “Wait, she’s just flying around space? You can do that?”  


I rolled my eyes. “Kara can do that. I’m grounded. I just don’t have that ability. Anyway, the point is that…I’m not sure what the point is. Just don’t tell anyone and don’t,” I stopped then, not wanting to go on.

“What?”

I shrugged and shoved my hands in the pockets of my red jacket. “Don’t look at me weird, okay? I’m still the same guy.”

Lois punched my shoulder and I rolled with the motion to spare her. “Come on, Alf, you’re as unimpressive as you ever were. Just don’t feel weird either. I’ll clean the bust up and make up a better lie because you? You suck.”

“I do not.”

“Yeah, you do. Besides, I know Christmas is tomorrow, but I have something for you!”

“Is it some hair band CD because I’m really, really fine on that front,” I groused as she pulled on my good arm.

Yeah, I know she couldn’t actually move me, but I don’t know. Maybe it’s some weird meta thing in the Sullivan-Lane line. I have a really hard time saying no to _either_ of them, even if I should know a Hell of a lot better.

“No, it’s something really great and you so owe me, Smallville. There’s this Ratt reunion concert soon and…”

“No, Lois, and you’re rich so you can get whatever you want.”

“Ollie’s loaded but I’m a fairy godmother,” she said opening one of the million doors of the mansion. Behind it and sitting at a polished oak desk while reading over her computer was Chloe.

“I…” I stumbled.

Chloe heard me and looked up, eyes both wide and hungry. “Clark?”

Lois grinned at both of us. “Play nice. You’re both coming tomorrow and I will track you both down, don’t think I wouldn’t try in your case anyway, Smallville. So you talk this shit out because, frankly? I think I made a mistake and you’re both pathetically miserable,” she finished heading down the hall. “Oh, and Merry Christmas!”

 


	24. Holiday Blues

**Chapter 24 Holiday Blues**

“Guys, you didn’t have to do this,” I said, grinning for the first time in almost two months.

Apparently, Victor and Bart had taken it upon themselves to set up a Christmas party for me. They’d broken into my basement place---probably Bart; it was his specialty---and set up a fake tree complete with fiber optic lights. Underneath were two wrapped gifts with actually hand-tied cloth bows.

“So Vic you have hidden talents?” I asked, gesturing to the presents.

“I do more than hack firewalls in a single bound,” he admitted. “Look I had a mom and a ton of sisters. I ended up learning the finer arts out there in life.”

I laughed again and then frowned. “I didn’t get you guys anything.”

Bart waggled his eyebrows in a way that had Vic glowering. He had that effect on everybody but, most of the time, I found Bart amusing. I can’t even explain that. He’s not completely my type, and he’s still pretty much walking libido everywhere we go. Yet, there’s something innocent and kind in the way he hits on me. That sounds like a contradiction but mostly, except for the goosing, I can tell he’s just saying things to make me feel better. Of course, the fastest mouth alive act does get old. I bet it grates to live with non-stop.

“I can think of a few things.”

“Not funny, Bart,” Vic growled.

“No, jeez, I mean, Cuisinart, that she can visit us. We want one week of Watchtower’s services for our base in Central City. You come out when we have a big mission and coordinate for me and Vic.”

I frowned and chewed at my lower lip. “I would but ISIS really…”

“You need to see people who don’t work for you. Have you even talked to someone who’s not staff in two months?”

I blushed. “I sometimes talk to Clark. I mean, I just start speaking and I know he can’t really block me out. It’s probably not the healthiest thing.”

Vic patted my hand and Bart clenched his fist. It was, of course, Impulse who spoke first. “Stretch is being a tool and a complete idiot. If he doesn’t want you, we’ll have you.”

“Talk to Chloe less like she’s a cow at auction,” Vic riposted.

“You know what I mean. We literally just want you to come hang out. We’ll put raiding a lab on our itinerary because fucking with LuthorCorp is about the funnest thing in the world.”

I nodded, thinking of the way Tess was trying to poach my kids. We had to work together because of the Zoners, but I didn’t trust her, and I never would. I was terrified of how many of the ISIS patients might end up in her Injustice League project or, at least that’s what I called it in my head. “I do like that.”

“And we can have normal people days too,” Vic added. “See a movie, go to the beach. I’ve heard people do that.”

I sighed and let the glow spread over my palm. Vic was impassive as I did it, but Impulse lit up about as brightly as the tree behind him. “You get all the best powers, Choelicious.”

“Sure, dying is great. Morgue drawers? Total vacation spots.”

“Chloe,” Vic started.

“And I sometimes suck the fun out of the room. Lois says it happens all the time since Halloween. I’m sorry. You’re being so great to me and, except for Lois, are really the only non-employees or patients I talk to. I just…normal people have fun, we’re not exactly that.”

“I still love to surf, Chiquita,” Bart replied. “Hell, Vic digs the sand and the hotties.”

“Ooh,” I said, latching onto anything else. “Do tell? You have someone you’re eying?”

Vic rolled his eyes. “No, but the view’s not bad. We’re superheroes, not saints.”

I snickered. “Isn’t that the truth.”

My mind thought back to Andrea Rojas aka the Angel of Vengeance. Rumor was she’d come back to the slums of late after Lex’s death and a lot of the denigration of LuthorCorp. Maybe there was someone out there for Vic after all. And maybe that sounded calculated, but I understood better than most that Vic and Clark, stupid alien, weren’t even paranoid. They could kill people and, yeah, they might always be limited in whom they could safely date. A woman with almost Clark’s strength wouldn’t be a bad fit for Vic, and one who mostly fought the good fight was an added bonus.

For what it’s worth, I do think Clark and I match. I’m not saying I _want_ to practice with him and experience a ton of broken bones. I’m just saying I’m far from normal myself and I heal so fast now, even faster than before Brainiac took my powers the first time. We could learn, but he won’t even try.

There was a blur of motion and a stupid, sad part of me wanted it to be Clark hugging me but I knew it was another speedster. Bart’s large, worried brown eyes bore into mine. “Chloe? Are you okay?”

I sniffled. I wasn’t okay and I wasn’t going to be okay. I was dealing. It seemed that since Lex had fired me that it was all I could do. It was easier with Clark by my side and, for a while, even if he’d been injured, I thought we’d at least have each other, even if I was, ironically, the superhero (not much of one) and he was the civilian. Now?

Everything was so flat.

“Chloe, we didn’t mean to make you cry. We came out to get you to spend some serious sun and surf time with us and to open some presents. You’ll like it, promise.”

I nodded and pried Bart back off of me. “Sorry, God, I hate doing that. Now you’re going to think I’m a total girl.”

“Well you have nice---”

“Bart, no!” Vic snapped. “Look, A.C. was always touchy-feely. You’re a total tiger, Watchtower. It’s okay. Everyone gets the holiday blues. Just let’s open the presents and then there’s a Chinese place on fifth with great Peking Duck.”

“I’d like that,” I said, turning to the tree and picking up the larger present first. It had a big tag reading from Victor on it. Tearing into it, my eyes went wide at the tablet I pulled out. It was something experimental that Wayne Industries had been working on for years.” Whistling, I eyed the boys. “Was this a five finger discount?”

“Never,” Bart replied. “I happen to still have an active credit card that Ollie forgot to shut off. Rich people problems. Black AmEx with no credit limit.”

“As long as you didn’t steal.”

“Nah, we only bomb things, but we don’t steal, Chloelicious.”

“We need to work out the superhero moral code better,” I quipped. My own was murky and it kept me up nights, terrified that it wasn’t just Brainiac in my head, but my own ruthlessness. The first incarnation of the League had collapsed because at least Ollie became a villain, but we’d all played fast and loose. Maybe one day, Bart and Vic and I could build something better, but we couldn’t just do it the same way as before. That much I knew. “So, I appreciate that. Vic it’s amazing. How did you know I was drooling over it?”

“Because I was. You think we didn’t get one each. I’ll start the coding to get us an interface for the three of us.”

“Ooh, can you make us a badass Justice Logo?” Bart asked.

“I’m more than Photoshop,” Victor replied.

“Anyway, that leaves mine and it’s awesome, Chloe, open.”

“It’s not lingerie is it?”

“Do you want it to be?”

“Boundaries, Bart,” I said, rolling my eyes and picking up the other. It was clearly a book and that was interesting. Bart wasn’t a reader. When I peeled it open, I laughed. It was a massive cookbook for all kinds of Mexican delicacies. “I don’t cook.”

“I do. Bart-man is coming over weekly to wine and dine you.”

“Bart…”

“Fine,” he said, rolling his eyes. “I mean, that you don’t have enough free time. Vic and I lied. We don’t just want you out for a week for recon. We’ll be over at least weekly for taco night. That’s the deal.”

“I…”

Vic nodded. “You’re stuck with us, Chloe. Just because some of the superpowered are complete idiots, doesn’t mean we are. We’ve definitely decided you’re not allowed to keep yourself in seclusion. Besides, Bart’s not wrong. There is a serious lack of awesome girls with superpowers out there. The least we can do is spend a Thursday night with you.”

I blushed and hugged both of them. I’d never had a big family. For the longest time, it had been me and Dad. Now it was me and Lois every day over the phone and at least with secrets no longer between us we were close again. However, it was like whether I liked it or not I had two brothers looking out for me, ones who knew exactly how hard it was to be a freak. Maybe I could stop fighting that much. Being alone was making me miserable.

“Fine, but I veto any weird dishes or anything that’ll burn my tongue.”

“That’s the brilliant part, though,” Bart said. “You heal so I can five alarm you all I want.”

“That’ll be great,” Vic quipped. “So, are we getting duck or are we getting duck?”

**

I was going to kill Lois. I was going to absolutely kill her. After I found a way to sneak out of this office, I was going to find my cousin and strangle her to death. After all, she was only alive because I’d done it. I think she got that privilege revoked by lying her ass off to me and then forcing me into a room with Clark who, frankly, looked like he would rather he’d found Kryptonite than me just sitting her going over files remotely.

“Chloe?”

“Yeah, you see, Lois and I are related and she invited me for Christmas. What are you doing here and is that plaster dust on your knuckles?”

“It’s marble, and Oliver might have one less pretentious statue.”

“You know there’s staff here and a security feed. That’s not terribly smart.”

Clark frowned and shoved his right hand behind his back as if it would make it less obvious. “Lois said she’d handle the clean-up. Did you know she knows?”

“Yeah, she was pretty forthcoming on the point that while we might be sitting on the GA’s secrets that Oliver’s not necessarily keeping our private information that private. I mean, Lois would never tell anyone, Clark, you have to know that by now.”

He nodded but still paced a little. I was just grateful he kept it to human speeds. He made me so dizzy if he really got going. “I think I do. It’s weird. She just punched me on the shoulder anyway, made a cheap alien joke and griped about my mess. I’m not sure she understands the gravity of the situation.”

“Or she’s not going to go ‘eww alien,’” I said, snorting. “Come on, you have to know that Sullivan-Lanes are pretty awesome. We roll with a lot of stuff.”

“So should I tell Lucy and make it a hat trick.”

“No, she’s a grifter at heart before anything else. Besides, you missed my point. You, Mr. Kent, now have a seriously overbearing big sister in your corner. Congratulations.”

He stopped pacing then and groaned. “I think I liked the weird crush better. I do not need her to be all up on harassing me again. Living with her sucked. I don’t want like weekly  phone calls of ass kicking.”

“Welcome to life with Lois. I can’t believe she pulled this crap and I can’t believe I didn’t see through it. Before I agreed to come out, she swore you weren’t going to be here.”

“Yeah, she might have told Mom some awesome lie about you being in London with your dad.”

“You’re an idiot. I haven’t even talked to dad since before Lionel died. I mean, you’re the one who walked me down the aisle. If Dad cared, don’t you think he’d have at least been there?” My voice was coming out more clipped and bitter than I wanted it to. I’d ruined anything I could have had with my father once we went in witness protection. Of course, considering how horrible Jimmy Olsen turned out to be and all the theft and nasty Facebook messages, it was good that Dad wasn’t there anyway. There’d definitely been no happy union to bless. “I should just go.”

“Don’t,” he said. “I did want to talk.”

“Yeah, I can tell with how many times you sent me to voice mail or your _one_ note that suggested I shouldn’t lead therapy groups you come to. That was pretty endearing, Clark.”

“Don’t be mad.”

“How am I supposed to feel?” I demanded. “I love you, and I don’t care what happened. You just shut me out, move to a completely different time zone, and never acknowledge me again, almost. I know that what happened is only second to being in a lab as your greatest fear. I do understand that, believe me, but I’m okay.” I barked out a sad, shrill laugh and let the glow spread all over my body. Clark’s intake of breath made me feel even more like a freak than I already was. “Like I said, your planet did a number on me.”

“I thought just…”

I shrugged and let the light show die down. Why I had to glow when I healed, I had no idea, but it was embarrassing and made it somehow twice as bizarre, as if raising the dead weren’t weird enough. “You thought that it was just my hands, right? Now, I can from anywhere and if I use enough energy or whatever it is, then it’s kind of like fireworks.”

“Does it hurt?”

“No, it doesn’t feel like anything when I use it, and, no, I haven’t really been practicing with it. I mean, a few times just to make sure I had it down with Bart. Paper cuts or small things like, uh, he slammed his hand in a drawer once. Nothing life and death. As far as I know, it does what it always did.”

“And you’re?”

“Not crazy like Mom? I don’t know. Just for the record, you really are an alien right?”

“Very funny,” he replied, his voice low and mournful. “I just…are you okay? I don’t want anything to happen to you at all. Are you thinking of using this more?”

“Like what? I get spandex too and heal all over the city at night? No, I can’t. If one of the Bros really needed something, I would. If something bad happened to Lois or you, I’d try, yes, but I can’t just use it like a patrol type thing. I can’t die every night or end up a corpse in an alley. It’s an incredibly impractical ability.”

“You can’t heal me. Frankly, considering his metabolism, you really shouldn’t do it for Bart if he’s hurt seriously.”

I stood then and put my hands on my hips. Was he kidding me? “You’re going to tell me how and when to save people?”

“No, but you can’t just… _never_ me, Chloe. Promise me that much. Never me and if Kara ever comes back from Kandor hunting, you can’t do that either.”

“I don’t tell you how to use your powers,” I reminded. “You stay out of mine.”

“Eighteen hours, Chlo.”

“I remember.”

“You don’t remember watching it. You were blue. What am I going to do if you try something nuts with Kara or Bart or whatever and you just _don’t_ wake up? Don’t do that to me or Lois, just don’t.”

I shrugged and threw up my hands. “What do you even care?”

“I care so much that it’s killing me, Chlo. I don’t want you to die. That’s why I’m not even in Kansas anymore.”

“You know, I didn’t die last time.”

“I can’t. We can’t talk about it.”

“Why not? We were close.”

“No, I slipped for a second and shattered your collarbone like it was china. That’s not the same thing as almost having done anything. What if it’s a skull next time? Or your hips?”

“I _heal!_ ”

“And if I burn you to nothing?”

“You wouldn’t.”

“I could have. I couldn’t even keep my eyes open. I’m trying to do this to protect you.”

I laughed and it was small and bitter. “You’re doing it because you’re a coward, Clark. I love you more than anything, but when things get scary, you run. You always have. It doesn’t matter if it’s to Metropolis or D.C. or that weird disappearance you had when I was underground. You run. So don’t pretend ripping my heart out is for me. It’s for you because you’re scared of what you are.”

“I broke you. We had conditions. If I ever hurt you, I was never doing it again.”

“Maybe, but you always set the rules, and I’m tired of it. I…first group session back is on the ninth. I’ll give you my secretary’s number and you can set it up yourself.” I said, breezing past him and out the door, glad he let me pass.

**

Christmas morning was awkward.

There aren’t enough synonyms for that word, believe me, I checked. Oliver hates me and Clark and we hate him back. Clark wouldn’t even sit near me as if proximity might shatter me too, and Lois kept looking between both of us with huge puppy eyes and dropping anvil sized hints that we should hug or talk or whatever she thought was going to happen. I think I’d rather have been back at Black Creek and being experimented on, frankly.

I hadn’t even given Clark the real present I had for him. Once I realized he was there, as dumb as it was, I’d gone shopping out on my own in Star City to get what I wanted for him. Instead, I’d faked that a few non-plaid shirts were the sum of my gift to him. To be fair, it made Martha genuinely happy because he was eventually going to start interning for her (not that he’d sounded thrilled on that) and the dress shirts were appropriate for it. Lois liked it because she thought he was as big a fashion disaster as I did.

He’d given me a few add-ons for my computer, some extra hard drive capacity and things. Stuff that I’d normally have thought of from Victor. Maybe I was too transparent if everyone was giving me tech this year. Hell, maybe I just needed more of a life. After the blowout with Clark yesterday, frankly, maybe even one day moving to Coast City with guys who would hang out with me was looking better and better.

At least they got me an awesome tablet.

After Christmas lunch, I made an excuse and started down the hall to my room. I only got half way when there was a breeze, and I wanted to scream. “You so better be Bart Allen.”

Clark flinched at that and he had that look, the one Bart actually calls “cow eyes” and ducked his head. “I deserved that.”

“Maybe,” I said. “I’m tired, and the last two days have sucked, and I’m going to go home tomorrow.”

“Don’t.”

“Really? Because this is going great.”

“Chloe, if it were different…”

“If what?”

“If you didn’t heal, okay? Think about it. If when you touched someone they got hurt instead.”

“But I don’t do that.”

“No, but I do. If it were reversed and you’d done something to me that really injured me, if you felt my bones shatter like I did yours, you have to understand how awful it feels. I have these powers and I didn’t ask for them, and a lot of the time, I don’t even want them, but I…the times it was okay was when you _liked_ them.”

“Huh?”

“Stupid things, like delivering the toys and seeing you clap and smile, and for the longest time you’d just have this awe on your face from seeing me speed. It was like I could be your hero. Then I hurt you, and it’s the one thing I never wanted to do.”

I wanted to object. It was all so dumb. For a few minutes it had hurt, but mostly the shock had set in faster than the pain. I was better in an instant, except I thought of what I could do and how lucky I was, even now, that I couldn’t use my power against someone else. My kids? So many of them hurt people without meaning to. I’ve sat there for long minutes watching them cry about it, just desperate to do what anyone else can. I know how much it scared Clark with Lana before me. It’s just…if I had done that, I’d probably never touch anyone again, period. And I thought back to that.

He hadn’t had he?

No one, not one person in the last two days while I’d seen him. Even after getting presents from his mom, he hadn’t hugged her. He had side stepped any of Lois’s attempts to throw her arm over his shoulder. It wasn’t just me.

“You’re not touching humans anymore are you?”

“What?” he asked, eyes wide.

“I thought this was just about me, but it’s not. When’s the last time you hugged your mom, Clark? You’ve been dodging Lois all week.”

“It’s _Lois_ ,” he half protested.

“You’re scared,” I said, and it was hitting me. It wasn’t just about me, but about any bit of progress he’d made frankly his whole life.

“Yes, I told you that.”

“No, to even pat a shoulder or shake a hand. Clark,” I said, reaching up to stroke his face. He flinched but stilled as I did it, and he was so stationary, like a damn statue. “You have great control. You’re not going to suddenly start putting people in traction left and right.”

“I hug Mom,” he objected.

“When?”

“I…”

I sighed and shook my head. “Don’t get a complex now. I mean, don’t shut yourself off because I pressed.”

“There’s no point,” he said, and it chilled me to hear it. It was quiet and empty. Usually, to be honest, Clark was a big whiner, wheedled more than you’d think from his Red and Blue Blur heroics. But here, it was like he was reciting baseball statistic by rote or the weather, no inflection at all. “Not really to any of it.”

“I don’t understand. Your mom said that you were going to start helping her.”

“She wants me to. That’s different. Chlo, I’m so tired. I don’t have a destiny anymore, which is fine because I always hated Jor-El, but I liked helping people and now I’m just barely able to boil spaghetti. And, yeah, I could build a life in her office or doing whatever in D.C., but anyone I meet? I have to lie, have to hide, and so what’s the point? I can never have real friends, and I can’t…you know I can’t and I wouldn’t want to with anyone but you anyway.”

I found it hard to swallow. He couldn’t be serious. Yeah, we’d been dancing around each other for a while and so close to more, but in my head, I figured if somehow Lana de-Kryptonited herself that she’d still be on his radar. He was talking like, tortured as he was, I was his one and only.

“What?”

He reached out and cursed when it was with his left arm first. Then he regrouped and cupped my cheek back with his good hand. “I love you, but I can’t have you because I could kill you and you deserve more. I’m tired of lying and hiding and not fitting in, so why should I even try, Chlo. Give me one good reason.”

“I can give you three. Martha would be crushed if you never left your damn room. Second, your birth parents didn’t send you here to be a freaking hermit, and because I know you’re better than this. You’re a hero, Clark, and an injury or not, you can do more than me, Victor and Bart combined and you know it.”

“But I can’t…” he blushed. “I lied.”

“About?”

There was a breeze and he was standing there with a small wrapped box. It was about the size of a jewelry box, not a ring but something. I laughed and he scowled at me, clearly misunderstanding me.

“What? You don’t like it already? You didn’t even open it!”

“No,” I said, pulling out a wrapped package from my purse. “I did the same thing. I had better stuff all along, but I didn’t need Ollie as an audience.”

“See, when you know me this well, no other woman matters,” he said, sadly. “Can I open mine first.”

I nodded and handed him the package. “It’s probably stupid.”

He grinned when he saw the book. “Did you recycle your birthday gift?”

“No, I got you your own copy of _The Tales of the Weird and Unexplained_ ,” I said. “Read the front page.”

“Huh?”

“Do it, Clark.”

He frowned but looked at the main title page and then read it. “ _Clark, I came to Smallville looking for the weird and unexplained, and, yes, I found it but I also found my soulmate. It’s been worth everything, Love Chloe._ How can you still even feel that way? After I---”

“I’d always feel that way,” I said. “So let me open yours,” I said, looking down at the box. It was easier to concentrate on that, to feel its heft in my hands. It was also easier to look there than at his eyes. When it came to Clark, I usually ran first, and I knew that, so laying things out there even now, even after fight, it left me terrified. “Oh Clark.”

It was a thin, filigree silver bracelet with a small chip of an emerald in its center. It was the most beautiful piece of jewelry I’d ever seen. “You bought this yesterday?”

He nodded and then reached down to slide the bracelet over my right wrist. “I wasn’t intending to. I saw it in a window and it was…I wish I could be more to you, Chlo. It doesn’t make me happy that we’re like this, that I can’t touch anyone, really.”

“Clark…”

And I just didn’t care. I knew how scared he was, could even imagine how bad it was if it were me and my powers, but this was too much, too consuming. We’d been in each other’s lives for ten years, and circling these feelings almost as long, especially since he’d come back from the Phantom Zone. So we’d have to be more creative with sex or find ways for him to trust himself even holding a hand or hugging humans again. I could do that. I _would_ do that. It was the only option we had because being apart was agony.

Leaning up, I kissed him and for a minute, my heart was still in my chest. I was so scared this very action would set him off, that he’d run as fast as he could. But his lips were soft and hungry against mine and for a few minutes, it was everything I’d wanted since Halloween.

Then he pulled away and I frowned back at his slightly amber eyes. “We need to stop.”

“Oh!” I said, and I wanted to rub his shoulder or pat his back, offer him comfort but I figured my touch would work him up even more. “Just take a breath.”

He was blushing furiously too but at least kept breathing and the amber was leaking from his eyes, leaving them almost green again. “I shouldn’t have.”

“You always should,” I said. “Can we just work on figuring things out instead of fighting? We suck apart.”

“I don’t know,” a strange voice said to our right. “You’re amusing together too. Kal-El sure blinks enough.”

Clark was normal again and he zipped fast in front of me. The birth name was always a tip off whoever I was about to deal with was an alien. The fact that we still had a few Phantom Zone escapees, one of whom was branding the Mall, was another. But all that aside, the bright eyes of the woman before me, ones that preternaturally glinted like a cat’s, those told me she was Kryptonian. It wasn’t something Clark or Kara did, but some of Zod’s lieutenants had, way Lana told it.

I stiffened. Kryptonians---no offense, Clark---meant trouble, and I didn’t want to be eviscerated currently even if I’d (probably) heal.

“Who are you?” I demanded, and it probably would have been more intimidating if Clark wasn’t standing in front of me like my own personal Great Wall.

“Oh, I’m hurt. Kal-El didn’t mention me?”

“Clark?”

He sighed. “This is Dara. She was a thief and she was in the Zone. She came out with me, or, well, she got sucked out. Mom and J’onn have been helping her get her papers in order.”

“So she went to the Zone for some petty theft?”

“Jor-El was a bit over zealous in the final days. I’m not here for world conquest, pet.”

“Excuse me?” I said.

“I’m sorry. I don’t remember your name. But you’re Kal-El’s favorite pet.” She frowned back at me. “I can’t understand what he sees in you. I’ve asked him to have sex with me a few times now and he’s been moping endlessly after you. I thought you’d be prettier.” She shrugged and eyed me hard. “I definitely thought you’d be thinner.”

I stepped back from Clark until my back hit the chair molding in Ollie’s mansion. “What the Hell is going on?”

“Oh, believe me, I really did try. I let him see the wares, even if with X-Ray vision that’s sort of ancillary. He’ll barely leave his damn room, that’s how obsessed with you he is, well, except when he just stands outside your building and stares at you.”

Clark’s face was red and he started stammering. “Oh man…Chlo…that’s not what it sounds like.”

“I wouldn’t know,” Dara said, her tone breezy and condescending. “He does stare at you sitting on your couch an awful lot. If he peels back your clothes too, only he knows.”

“Dara, shut up. What the Hell are you doing here?” Clark asked, and this time the amber hint in his eyes had nothing to do with lust, of that much I was certain.

“There’s a lot of trouble in New York. Something from the Zone that isn’t us. Would you like to help me catch it?”

Clark stilled. “What?”

“You really thought it was just us? That’s cute. After we started talking, I looked into it, on a hunch. There have been a few more, but there’s one in New York and one over the Outback that have been causing the most trouble. A few off the odder humans around here---and I didn’t know they had powers were themselves---have rounded up the others. I saw one of their team jumpsuits when I spied on them in London. They’re from a company called LuthorCorp.”

I didn’t move. I forced my breathing to stay even. Clark would know if I didn’t, if I started to panic.

He looked back at me. “Chloe, Dara, someone explain what’s going on and do it now.”

“Ask your pet. She’s been very, very busy.”

“Well, at least I haven’t been hanging around with Kryptonian gutter trash,” I spat.

There was a breeze and Clark was between both of us again, his hand on Dara’s shoulder. His eyes were burning so hot then they were almost white. “If you want to keep having help from my family, you won’t even think of touching Chloe. Now, seriously, Chlo why is LuthorCorp tracking down escapees.”

“I…Tess and I have been cooperating on this. She has a team of metahumans that she’s sending out after the Zoners. There were six craters made the day you escaped. Four obviously were hard core criminals. She’s caught two and two we haven’t gotten our hands on yet.”

Clark spun around and looked at me, eyes limpid and green again. “The Zone’s my problem. When I escaped, I thought I was lucky this time, that I only let me and eventually her out. If aliens have been out there killing people, then I have to stop it.”

“How?” I pointed out. “For the first two weeks you were high as a damn kite and could barely breathe. Then you were learning to even button your clothes. How were you going to stop things you couldn’t before? I’m not letting you get your spine ripped out. So if Tess’s team wanted a crack at it, then she certainly was welcome to it.”

“You’re supposed to talk to me.”

“I won’t let you get yourself killed. Besides, that’s a laugh. You didn’t tell me anything about your new girlfriend.”

“We are _not_ like that.”

“We could be,” Dara purred.

“No, but you’re just going to buy her story about being a good Kryptonian. Yeah, because those live in the Phantom Zone. I just…you know what? Go off and take care of New York. At least you’ll be doing _anything_.”

“Chloe, look…”

“No, the pet’s right. Time’s of the essence, chop-chop,” Dara said.

I’d rarely wished for Kryptonite more in my damn life.

“Chloe,” Clark floundered. “I’m mad about the Tess stuff, but you have to believe me. We’re not sleeping together.”

That much I believed. He was so bereft that if he actually did have someone, he wouldn’t be like this. I’d only seen him even this close to withdrawn after his dad died or Lana’s wedding. But it hurt that he really had spent the last two months seeing me, following my life, but hadn’t done me the damn courtesy of taking my calls. He set the rules, and he always got to because of his powers and his baggage, and I was tired of it.

“No, go. I’ll be back here doing pet things.” And with that, I stormed back to my room.


	25. 25 - The City that Never Sleeps

**The City that Never Sleeps**

“Chloe!” I shouted as she walked away from me. I could have sped after her. Technically, there wasn’t anywhere she could go that I couldn’t follow, but I didn’t like doing that to people, and if I had to chase her down, she was probably just going to be more angry and upset. “Chlo, come on!”

She just kept marching down the hall to whatever wing Lois had arranged for her.

“You know, if you’re pet’s that upsettable, you might want to get a better one.”

I turned around and glared at Dara. “Is there even an escapee or are you just doing this to harass me?”

Dara shook her head. “No, I have better ways to do the latter, Kal-El. If you don’t believe me, then you can check a computer or a TV set. They’ve found three bodies in the last three days with spines torn out and now something is ripping through that Times Square thing. Do you want to stop it or do you want to placate your human?”

I paused for a minute. Honestly, I didn’t think I could get Chloe to look at me, let alone placate anything. Still, this was what I _used_ to do, but I hadn’t patrolled at all since I’d gotten back from the Phantom Zone in September. I’d never planned to go back to this at all, but the Zoners were my fault, like they always were, and I couldn’t let New York slip into chaos because of me. On the other hand, I’d been completely healthy and well-practiced with my powers last time I’d dealt with whatever it was from the Zone that could tears out spines. If J’onn hadn’t shown up, it would have taken mine. Now J’onn didn’t have abilities as a back-up, and I was beyond out of practice and maimed on top of that. Hell, even Jor-El thought I was hopeless.

It was getting harder to swallow.

Okay so I can admit it. I was scared. I didn’t want to die or end up more maimed than I already was, but I didn’t trust Tess worth a damn, and I didn’t think that Dara was completely on the level about stuff. She might find this amusing as a way to lure me out, but I didn’t know her. I know she could hunt well, and that she’d saved me in the Zone once, maybe because it was more expedient and she’d figured out I was an “El” from the family resemblance but _I’d_ chosen to go into the PZ and I’d also chosen to come out.

It was my responsibility.

Chloe could wait but New York couldn’t.

Shaking my head, I glared back at her. “Show me where it’s happening and I’ll take care of it.”

**

Maybe taking care of it was too optimistic.

The escapee looked human, and I wasn’t surprised. Most of them did. I hadn’t met any phantoms except for the one that could shapeshift to look like me actually be something else. I wasn’t sure if that meant there really was sort of a default design to the universe or that Kryptonians only even knew of other races that mainly looked human or what. The point is that it wasn’t Godzilla or some giant mucus blob or even The Beast tearing up Manhattan. It was what looked like a guy who could be a pro-wrestler tearing out lamp poles and punching cars. Then again, he was no more human than I was, just less terrifying on the outside than the Var’Nak or The Beast.

Dara and I both skidded to a stop in an alley just on the other side of the chaos. Mom was getting more famous and there were cameras everywhere from news crews. The last thing I needed was to risk making the five o’clock news for appearing out of nowhere. On the other hand, I was about to go punch out (I hoped) some guy who’d been shredding steel like it was nothing (and really, it’s not that big a deal). Maybe if I moved in superspeed no one would notice.

“So, do you have a plan? You do this sort of thing for hobby, right?” Dara asked.

I frowned. “I used to do this sort of thing,” I added, holding up my left arm. “I wasn’t sure how to proceed exactly. The last guy was, uh, as strong as I was and it didn’t go well.”

“One of him, two of us, shouldn’t be so bad.”

“True, so one three? See if that divide and conquer part’s real.”

“You don’t have partners much do you, kid?” she asked, blue eyes shining back at me.

“Not in the field, since there’s not a lot of people as strong as I am and my cousin’s never around,” I admitted. “Just ready, set…”

“Go,” she finished and she broke right as I rushed left.

I reached the Zoner first, knocking him into him hard with my right shoulder, and it made him drop the hot dog cart he’d been about to throw. I got to my feet first and, for what it was worth, he didn’t seem faster than I was. That was something. The ecapee got to his feet and spat near me.

“So it is true. Jor-El saved his son.”

I groaned. “Yes, and you have to stop this. This isn’t right.”

No, bargaining has never worked with alien invaders. I always try it. It’s fair to give them a chance to surrender first and, frankly, if I could avoid people getting hurt in the crossfire, then I was going to do my best to try that. Also, I really, really hate that Jor-El and I look basically like twins. It drives me nuts because any criminal or Kryptonian who sees me just knows, and I never get time to explain that I’m not exactly thrilled with my birth father either.

Also, blood feuds?

The worst.

The escapee circled me and cracked his knuckles as he did it. “Do you not know how to fight, son of Jor-El?”

“I’d rather not. Let’s just go anywhere else where there aren’t literally thousands of humans around and we can figure out what you want.”

“I want spines.”

“And we could maybe find some of those at a morgue or…”

He lunged for me and I dodged but not as easily as I’d wanted to. Maybe he was faster than I’d assumed. He reached for me and grabbed the sleeve of my red jacket. The Zoner started yanking me to him and I spun, trying to punch him and yelled instead when I remembered I’d thrown the damn wrong arm.

He stopped then and laughed. “Perhaps combat is not your strong point.”

“Used to be,” I said, breaking away from him and blasting him with heat vision. That had worked for J’onn last time.

His skin sizzled and I coughed back at how nauseated the burning made me. “You’re going to pay for that.”

Then, finally, Dara slammed into him from behind and sent him spiraling out on the asphalt. “No, he’s out of funds but I’ve got credit.”

“Took you long enough,” I said, rushing over and helping to hold down the escapee.

She rolled her eyes back at me. “Sit on his back. You’re heavy. That’ll help.”

“Thanks,” I huffed, kneeling at the small of his back. He thrashed under me and I kept my hold on him. “What are you going to do?”

“The obvious,” she said, pulling out a knife from the waist band of her jeans. I could see the sigils gleaming on it from here and was sure it had been hers and that it was made of Kryptonian crystal.

“You can’t---” I started.

Then there was a swift movement and the Zoner no longer had a head. I leaned over and coughed. I didn’t vomit, but I wanted to. I wasn’t a killer; there’d been an accident with Titan in the ring, but I wasn’t a damn murderer. If she’d given me some time to think, we could have dragged him to the Fortress. My so-called “father” might have dismissed me, but it could still contain a criminal. It seemed to at least be good for that. The A.I. had frozen me once after all. If she’d just…maybe she wasn’t just a thief after all.

Could we all have been wrong? What? Did J’onn not bother to read her?

“Kal-El!” she shouted, shaking my shoulder. “We have to move, unless you want to be famous but you said you didn’t want people to know.”

“I don’t,” I snapped, and then followed her out of Times Square and deeper into the city.

**

I didn’t want to go back to Star City right away. Chloe was still pissed at me, Mom was not letting her terrible intern idea go, and I didn’t like Oliver or Lois under the best of circumstances. When Dara was already working my last nerve, I wanted to deal with anything else even less. Besides, I was both shaken and trying to process what had happened. What Dara had done wasn’t good. We could have come up with something more peaceful.

And, I got it. It’s not like apparently a tribe or group of spine crunchers had been sent to the Zone for being kind to old ladies and kittens. To get there, this guy and the one in Seattle had probably killed more people than I could count. And, yes, technically as far as humans were concerned, it probably wasn’t murder. When the authorities took the body, they’d figure out it was something very different, and that they’d never find where he’d come from because he didn’t come from anywhere. But it wasn’t right. Killing a Var’Nak was one thing. It wasn’t sentient. Just chopping through a neck like it was nothing was something else.

Something disturbing.

So, right now, the smartest idea seemed to be keeping an eye on Dara and making sure she really was just a thief. I was terrified she wasn’t because, frankly, if she didn’t want to place nice, there wasn’t much _I_ could do about it. She was a better fighter than I was, after years spent hunting and surviving in the Zone, and she was whole and I wasn’t. Clearly, she was also more ruthless.

I guess if things did go south, then Victor and Bart and a lot of Kryptonite would work.

We were walking through Central Park, just mindlessly going at a slow speed even for a human. I’d taken off my red jacket and stowed it, just to distance me from anything that might have made the news. Dara was talking.

A lot.

She was nattering on about Vegas and then Los Angeles, and I think she might have looped somewhere into talking about Paris, but I wasn’t sure. It seemed a lot of the women who bumbled into my life were obsessed with it. Lana and that damn Bizarre Phantom came to mind. I was mostly just nodding (Chloe had trained me well in the art of pretending to listen, don’t judge) and eying her. She’d slipped on some sunglasses and mostly seemed wrapped up in her own discussion, but I couldn’t help the concern creeping through me. I had no idea who she was, and she hadn’t saved me because she wanted to. She’d needed me.

Maybe she wasn’t Zod, but that didn’t make her safe either.

“You’ve been staring at me for an hour. Normally, kid, that wouldn’t bother me, but since I know this isn’t going to lead to sex, then I’m more annoyed.”

“I’m _not_ sleeping with you. We’ve been over this way too much in the last few weeks. You ask, and I refuse and that’s not going to change.”

“Because of the pet. Yeah, we established that. So what gives?”

“Huh?”  


“Why didn’t we rush back to Star City? Let’s face it, the sun set---and only one moon rose so weird---and we’re making the third lap around a park in a city you don’t live in. _Iad_ , you’re walking around aimlessly with a person you hate. So what are you actually thinking?”

“What do you care?”

“Well,” she said, stopping and quirking her head back at me. “You’re not necessarily my style, outside of being attractive, but you’re the only other kind-of Kryptonian anywhere so maybe I care just because we’re the same.”

“You just murdered someone. I’m nothing like you.”

She shook her head and laughed before she started walking again. “That was a murderer from the Zone who’d killed humans, was tearing up a city, and had all the human cops and soldiers running scared. Was I going to hug it out with him?”

“I don’t kill people. If you’re ever going to patrol yourself, then you can’t do it either.”

“You’re going to tell me what to do?”

“Murder’s wrong.”

“That wasn’t a human or Kryptonian. It was a Darneshian thug and now it’s not a problem. Besides, the monkeys are on their own. I have my papers and there are a lot of cities to have fun in. That boy scout act of yours isn’t for me.”

“Then what is?” I asked, stepping in front of her. “All you want to do is have sex and sight see? Why do I find that hard to believe?”

“You watch game shows.”

“The point is that you say that and, okay, spend a lot of time trying to flirt with me or something. However, you just slit that guy’s throat like it was nothing. You were _good_ at it. Did Mom and I make a mistake? Are you just a thief?”

“I was the best thief on Krypton and I stole computer secrets like no one’s business,” she countered, picking up her pace a little. “I wasn’t just anything, but I’m not interested in taking over the world, no. I’m just interested in fun. I spent what felt like eternity it Hell because of your father and I think I’ve earned my fun.”

I swallowed at that. The Phantom Zone was awful. Frankly, if given the choice, I’d almost take death over being shoved in an eternal desert wasteland that never stopped having howling winds. Considering it had been thoughtfully stocked with monsters from across the galaxies, I’d definitely consider the other options. The damn Var’Nak hurt. The longest I’d ever spent there was overnight this last time. I couldn’t imagine years there so, okay, maybe the gambling and need to, uh, sow wild oats made more sense.

But she was so fluid at killing, even if she’d had to survive the Zone, it made me wonder if she’d had experience in it before she went in.

“You quieted up a lot there, Kal-El,” she said, her tone harsh.

“I’m sorry. Jor-El was an asshole. Anything I’ve ever learned about him makes me think he was always an asshole, and what he did to a lot of people wasn’t right. I get if they were killers but the Zone is cruel, and I hate feeling guilty for something I had no part in and even worse because anyone who gets out of it comes gunning for me and my family.”  
  
“The humans,” she said, shaking her head. “They’re fun for a little while, but they have to bore you some time.”

“You haven’t even been here six months.”

She turned to me and took off her glasses. I tried not to find her eyes distracting but didn’t think I was succeeding in that. “They’re not us. It’s not just the fragile thing or the fact most are very stupid.”

“They’re not.”

“Really? Their governments---plural!---are a mess, they have no taste in music, and they make up the most ridiculous entertainment. They’re limited as Hell, and they still don’t please.”

I clenched my jaw. “I’m not interested.”

“I feel badly for you, is all. You never had a chance, never got to learn any better. Our world was beautiful, the envy of a dozen galaxies and, yeah, the monkeys have their fun, but you have no idea what you lost and you don’t even care.”

“No, I don’t,” I said, holding up my stump. “Things from Krypton have caused me nothing but trouble, you don’t even know how much.” And I stopped then, gasping, and trying not to think about my dad, about what the A.I. had done to him. “I don’t want my powers and I don’t want to even _know_ Krypton existed. It’s gone, and, you know what? Good riddance.”

“You really mean it, don’t you?”

“I do. It’s not like Krypton loved you back much. You got exiled.”

She snorted and started to walk again. “We _both_ got exiled, kiddo, just in different ways. It’s pathetic you turned your back on it though. I don’t necessarily care about laws and all that other crap, but we had a Hell of a planet, and this place? It cannot compare.”

“Well it’s what you got, and I’d just rather be normal, but I don’t get to have that either. I swear, if I could get the Fortress to listen to me for once,” I started, and then startled a bit. She’d reached out and grabbed my shoulders so fast that even I’d barely noticed the motion. “What?”

“You have a Fortress?”  
  
“No, well, I’m not sure. Kind of?” I hedged. “Long story, but I know it can do things I’d rather it didn’t. Mostly I think it’s an archive but I never go there and it threw me out for being deformed now so, you know, ‘Fortress’ is probably a misleading term.”

“But you have Kryptonian tech with you?”

“For what good it does, yeah, but it mostly spends its time branding or brainwashing or punishing me and Kara so it’s pretty much something I avoid. Why?”

“Where is it?”

“You really don’t want to take things over, sure, right,” I said shoving my right hand in my jeans pocket. “Why do I keep _not_ believing you?”

“No…I, it’s an archive though?”

“Among other things. I’ve never really used it for that so who cares. Again, it kicked me out and it likes anyone who isn’t me even less.”

“Frankly, it’d be nice to have holos of things again, saved books and music and art and things that would help the homesick. You don’t even know the depth of the tech you’re probably sitting on. Stupid.”

“I’m not.”

“Well, you’re not very smart either,” she frowned. “Kal-El?”

“It’s Clark.”

“Sure, go with that,” she huffed, stopping to lean against a railing. “I’m serious, sarcasm aside, my attraction to you aside.”

“It’s not that much. I’m available and the same species. It’s a low bar.”

“But there aren’t any other men around so it works for you.”

“No.”

“Anyway, not ulterior motives in this question, I promise.”

“I think you always have alternative motives.”

“Not this time.”

“Then what?” I asked, feeling exhausted all of a sudden and leaning next to her on the fence. “What besides the obvious do you want from me?”

“Why do you like them?”

“Huh?”

“Your pets? Why do you care so much?”

“First of all, they’re _not_ pets. Mom saved me. She and dad found me in the shower and took me home and kept me safe and she still helps me a lot, all the time. I’m damn lucky to have her.” Even if her dating advice hadn’t been what I wished it would be and, yeah, even if she seemed not to like Chloe all that much.  


“And Cleo?”

“Chloe,” I corrected. “You might not think much of ‘monkeys,’” I said, making air quotes with the fingers I had left. “But she’s smarter than I am. She’s possibly the smartest person I’ve ever known. She’s been by my side in all the Kryptonian and LuthorCorp weirdness for over four years and she’s done a lot to help me save the damn world. So I love them both because they’re brave and selfless and tough and they saved me. What more is there?”

Dara considered that for a long time. “But you’re not like them and you never will be.”

“No, I guess I won’t.” I said, and I wished that mortal summer had never ended, that I could have been like everyone else for the rest of my life. Of course, since that summer had led into Gabriel’s bomb stunt in the fall, the rest of my life wouldn’t have been very long anyway. “I want to be like them so badly that it hurts. Sorry it’s not ‘Kryptonian’ enough for you, but I don’t care anymore.”

She sighed and shocked the Hell out of me by kissing me. She’d propositioned _a lot_ , but she’d never gotten this aggressive. I tried to pull away but was shocked to find she was as strong as I was. That was not good. In a fight, I could usually take Kara eventually. I’d just assumed that would be the same with Dara.

I was wrong.

Her kiss was intensifying and I kept my mouth slammed shut as much as I could, but she still wouldn’t let me go. I was pressing against her with my good hand and, finally, desperately, opened my eyes again and blasted her with heat vision. It was enough to leave her forehead burned and scarred as she pulled away from me.

There was a sharp pain in my jaw next from where she slugged me. “Are you crazy, Kal-El?”

“No, but heat vision hurts us too. It’s a pain in the ass. You might want some aloe for that, looks rough.”

She glared back at me and cursed in Kryptonian, words I am not about to translate for you. They weren’t tourist phrases, I’ll put it that way. “I could give you anything you wanted. You can’t even touch your pet.”

“Maybe, but you’re not a good person, and I don’t like you. So far, you haven’t broken any laws. You leave me alone and pick anywhere else but D.C., and we don’t have a problem.” I glared at her, my heat vision contained but raging. I was sure my eyes were crimson by then. “You harass me again or you even _think_ of touching my family, and I’ll burn you worse.”

“You shouldn’t have done that,” she said.

“You shouldn’t cross me. I’m out of practice, but I’ve taken on a lot tougher than you,” I said, even if a lot of times things like Brainiac or The Beast had basically handed me my ass. “Just go away Dara and never come back.”

“Gladly,” she said, blurring off into the night.

I sighed and stayed against the fence post. Chloe and Kara both think I can be naïve; they’ve complained about it often enough, but I’m only so dense. She was furious and Dad always had this thing about scorned women, always said really making them angry was a terrible idea. For someone “retired” my life was getting busy again. There was something else from the Zone I’d have to check out soon in Australia and a Kryptonian with a creepy crush on me who probably couldn’t be warned off. I didn’t think she’d take it out on my family, but I wasn’t sure.

And that fear chilled me the way the wind around me should have if I’d been human.


	26. Girl Talk

**Chapter 26 Girl Talk**

“I found our mystery player,” I said, slumping down on the sofa in Tess’s Daily Planet office.

 

I loathed being here. If life were fair, I’d still work for the Planet. If life were fair, of course, I wouldn’t be a mutant with a timer clicking down in my head until I went as crazy as my mother. If life were fair, Smallville wouldn’t have been covered twice over in meteors, but life wasn’t fair. So I came to the holding she said come to in order to discuss Dara.

 

 _Merry Christmas to me_.

 

Well more accurately, the day after Christmas, Tess had flown me back to Metropolis. Now I was sitting in said office, trying to process anything at all. Clark had known about Dara. I’d grilled Martha Kent on it. They’d been working on the Krytponian’s papers for several weeks. There was a rogue running loose and Clark hadn’t even bothered to call me. I mean, I wasn’t stupid. I figured only he and J’onn and Martha had known. There was no reason to think that Bart and Victor had been briefed but he’d decided to just leave me in the dark. Of course, it really wasn’t that surprising. Who the Hell was I kidding? Just because Clark had bought me a bracelet---one I was still wearing under my sweater like an idiot---didn’t mean he trusted me.

 

He’d been looking in on me for months. I’d suspected as much, felt odd breezes in my room. I knew Clark was fast enough for that, but the thought that he’d been so achingly close and still let me rot there in my basement. The ass.

 

I didn’t even know what to do anymore. I just didn’t. I loved him, wanted him home, but he always got to decide things, he always made the unilateral choices and let me suffer because of them. He had never talking to someone in his head as the same as being “noble,” and he certainly wasn’t. Clark was just being cruel.

 

And, yeah, maybe a little this was how he’d felt when I’d shut him out about Davis. But this was still different. He was avoiding me because he apparently was avoiding _all_ human contact if he could, and I’d been trying to ensure that a monster didn’t tear Clark apart limb from limb. But, Christ, he’d been coming by daily it sounded like this whole time? He could see me but I could barely get one lousy note out of him.

 

Why the Hell was I even in Metropolis anymore? I could get a better shrink, hire someone who wasn’t terrible from a place like Arkham or Belle Reve, places that were no strangers to the insane and the powered. I could go to Central City right in a few days. Hell, Bart would speed me over and pack me himself. The boys talked to me, they didn’t hide things from me or make all the rules.

 

I just was so tired, and, as sad as it was to admit and as crazy as it made me sound, it was only now that I was starting to wonder what I was fighting so hard for. I’d lived through losing my dream, my mind, and control of my own body. I’d lived through his barbs and suspicion when I’d brought him home from South America. It had all hurt, but nothing hurt more than knowing he’d been _this_ close to me for months and not bothered to see me.

Maybe I really did love him more than he loved me.

 

Of course, if I believed that, then I’d have left the bracelet back in Star City with Martha.

 

Tess eyed me sitting there and shook her head. “You just trailed off, Sullivan. You’re not your usual sharp self, are you today?”

 

“Define ‘usual,’” I snarked.

 

“Fair enough, Chloe,” Tess said, leaning back in her desk chair. “You know that you mentioned last time that none of _you_ were play things for me to poach. Your power’s back again? The Black Creek records were pretty thorough on that. So you’re a supercomputer once more?”

 

“Black Creek was wrong,” I replied. “I had an infection from Krypton in my head. Once, sure, I was infected and I guess my DNA never changed.” Boy had it never. “But I don’t do anything more than counsel.”

 

Tess deflated at that. “What a pity. The things in your head. You were extraordinary.”

 

I shuddered. I’d been in a lab three times over because of Lex’s interests. I didn’t need a return trip. “The genius wasn’t mine to have, trust me. It ate through my brain. I’m as boringly normal as you are, now, Tess, but that doesn’t mean I want to become a feeder school for the Injustice League.”

  
“I don’t call it that.”

 

“I think of it that way. You’re not like us.”

 

“There’s no League of yours anymore, Chloe, and don’t pretend bombing places and murdering Lex is any better. It’s _not_. At least I pay well, but tell me about what Clark hid from you.”

 

“Don’t say it like that,” I said, pushing my hair back out of my face. It was a stupid move, borne of frustration. It cause my sleeve to ride up and Tess’s eyes widened at the bracelet there. “What?”

 

“I doubt that came from Oliver or Lois. You must have had a very interesting Christmas.”

 

“Clark’s confusing as Hell.”

 

“That we agree on,” She said, crossing her legs and leaning on the desk. “He gave that to you?”

 

“We had a decent Christmas until this Dara showed up. I don’t know what her angle is but I’ve never met any Kryptonians, outside of Clark and Kara, who weren’t trouble. I don’t care what line she fed Clark or how she hid things from J’onn. You don’t go to the Phantom Zone for liking hugs and puppies.”

 

“And the most she’s done is drag Clark off to New York to stop a Zoner. That’s impressive.”

 

“How so?” I snapped.

 

“Because he’s been so committed to becoming retired,” Tess said, her tone whiney. “This is a good sign, then. If she can get him motivated. Christ, Clark can do more with one arm than most of my time can combined and he knows it. You think someone who could be the world’s savior should waste his life in a townhouse in D.C.?”

 

“I think it hurts that Clark stopped helping people, but he has his own life, and if he wants to do nothing, then that’s his choice. He lost a hand, _and_ he lost his father in this stupid war. He’s not your messiah, Tess, and he’s not going to be.”

 

“He’s worth more than that,” she hissed, standing. This was the madness in her, the weird eco-warrior bullshit that had led her to bomb things almost as often as A.C. “You’ve coddled him and let him go and if this new girl can get him back in the fold…”

 

“He won’t work for you. He _hates_ LuthorCorp.”

 

“But he could. I could make it worth his while, and you damn well know it. I can pay him handsomely, give him whatever he wanted. Maybe if Dara comes first…”

 

“They’re not a couple.”

 

Tess eyed my bracelet and shrugged. “Be honest,  Sullivan, if Dara were a man, would you be as upset.”

 

“Zod, Zor-El, Faora… _none_ of that ended well. I see a pattern, and I see that Dara could really screw all of us if she’s a liar.”

 

“Or maybe you’re jealous.”

 

I snorted. “We both are. You think I can’t tell from the looks on your face. You might have some zealot fascination, Tess, be some true believer, but you’re also in love with him.”

 

“We could make a club.”

 

“Hardly, but Kryptonians are dangerous and Zoners are worse so one that escaped? I’m not wrong to want to know more.”

 

“Maybe Clark would tell you if you asked. Oh, wait, he didn’t last time.”

 

“You’re enjoying this.”

 

“Maybe. You and Martha, you make this club or you did, control access, and it’s stupid. You think you’re not replaceable, but clearly you are. You’re upset because Dara wants him and he won’t break her.”

 

“He’d break you,” I bit back.

 

She shrugged. “As long as I have what I really want, and, yes, you’re not wrong, I do _need_ someone with his strength, a cornerstone for my team. He could save the damn world and I want to get him there. If Dara warms his bed and makes him compliant, bully for me.”

 

I stood then and glared back at her.  “I’m done with this. You have your team and apparently Clark and Dara only have one Zoner to go after this. I’m done with him, and I’m done with you and if you think he’ll come to you like some trained dog…”

 

“I don’t expect that. There’s always perks. Maybe I never needed your compliance, Sullivan. Maybe I just need _hers_ ,” Tess stood as well and shrugged. “Besides, if you really thought he wasn’t tempted, if you really thought he’d come back to you from New York, then you wouldn’t have hopped back on my jet so fast. Just admit it. You hate Dara because she’s like him and you’re not.”

 

“Goodbye Tess,” I huffed crossing out of her office. I ignored the beautiful heart deco of the Planet. It had been my home and now it was nothing to me. I had a lot of that in my life lately, _loss_ , and I was fucking sick of it.

**

 

I went back to my office. I had some possible new patients being transferred after the first of the year from Belle Reve. They’d been deemed well enough to be out patient. I was going over what I had and how best to accommodate them. Looked like I had one who could make their body like liquid metal---what fun flashbacks to Lionel-sponsored assassinations—and another that seemed to have the power of hypnotic suggestion. We’d have to watch her. Smallville had taught me enough to know it was the ones who could play with your mind who were the most dangerous.

 

Sighing, I clicked my TV back to CNN.

 

The melee in New York was over and the body collected. Police were going to be assessing where the threat had come from with “military assistance.” That was going to go great. I made a note to see if Lois could put feelers out and see whatever the military might discover about the Zoner. She had a way of ferreting things out of Uncle Sam no matter how confidential they were. Clark and Dara weren’t in the wreckage so that meant they’d survived. I frowned watching it. It was Clark’s “style” to be sloppy and to draw attention to himself. That wasn’t unusual, but, except for Titan, he didn’t kill.

 

It made me think that Dara had done that, especially since he was out of practice.

 

Again, it didn’t matter what Tess had said, I didn’t trust Dara. Couldn’t. Yes, it burned that, for now while he seemed to hate her and be nervous around her, they were still the same. He was the one so obsessed with compatibility and my so-called fragile nature. I could raise the dead; it wasn’t like I was made of china. Still, they’d finished yesterday with this mess and Clark hadn’t come home yet, not according to Lois’s latest e-mail.

 

Where was he?

 

Was he with her? Did he like he better now that they’d fought side by side?

 

I both wanted to know and didn’t.

 

Shaking my head, I turned off the feed and read the next file, about a girl who could control ice. I didn’t get far into her information before I felt a familiar breeze and rolled my eyes at my papers scattering everywhere.

 

“Clark, good timing. I guess that means that you do remember how to get back from New York and we are still speaking to each other. That’s novel.”

 

“Wrong one,” a deep alto rang out behind me.

 

I froze. If Dara was as dangerous as I thought she was, then I might get a chance to see how well my powers bounced back. I knew if a Kryptonian snapped bone, then it would heal fast. I wasn’t sure if that applied to my neck, but I might find out.

 

“You confuse me,” she said, stepping around my desk and facing me. I stared her down, those unnaturally bright blue eyes of hers as intimidating as the rest of her. Of course, I’d faced down Brainiac and Davis’s Beast before. I’d seen my fair share of horrors. I wasn’t going to give her any satisfaction. “Your heartbeat is racing so fact, but you’re not reacting.”

 

“Lie detectors. I hate that,” I said. “Where’s Clark?”

 

“ _Kal-El_ got sanctimonious about how I decided to get rid of our problem, and then he refused me again.”

 

“We have this saying on Earth. Maybe he’s just not that into you. I can’t imagine why,” I drawled.

 

“I think my problem is how much he’s attracted to you. I’m frankly at the point of thinking he’s broken somehow, that being raised with only humans ruined him. Maybe he’s only attracted to your kind. Poor bastard.”

 

I smiled and hoped it was as feral as I wanted it to be. “Maybe you’re not as attractive as you wish you were. Between us girls, you look rough around the edges from all that time in the Zone. Maybe a little bit of skin cream will fix that up.”

 

Her eyes flashed amber just a second, and maybe I was never the smartest, said too much. At least I held my tongue more often than my cousin. “What’s so much better about you.”

“Must not be that much better. You’re the one who pointed out he watches me but won’t talk. At this point? I don’t know if he sees me as anything at all.”

 

She snorted and her eyes were still glowing. I’d always found it neat with Clark, but with her, it made my heart stop. She might be tempted to use it. “Oh, I made what I wanted very clear to him. He wants you, only you, so how did you do that to him? Assuming he’s not just hopelessly fucked up by living on Earth.”

 

“Oh, he is. Clark’s got more issues than _Rolling Stone_ ,” I said, echoing something Lana and I had once commiserated over.

 

“But assuming he doesn’t have some monkey fetish, why you? Your nose is too big and your arms too fat. You don’t have any actual power, and you’re shorter than I’d have assumed at first, way he goes on about you.”

 

“Thanks, would you like to mention any other shortcoming?”

 

“You don’t have a winning personality.”

 

“I’ve heard that more than once today,” I said. “Look, I never had him, not once. I thought there was a moment or two…but he won’t even talk to me anymore, not like he used to. All I want to know is if you’re a killer? What really got you sent away because tech thief doesn’t strike me as enough even if Jor-El’s an ass?”

 

She smiled but her expression gave nothing away. “I guess you’ll never know, pet.”

 

“I want to. You might have done something to even convince J’onn, and, since he’s not powered and the last days were probably confusing as Hell, maybe he didn’t know enough about your case to know better. Clark believes in second chances. I’m not as nice. If you do anything…”

I stood then, not that it did much good. In her boots, Dara was over six feet. I wished I had gotten some height from my uncle and Lois’s side, that would have been nice. “Then I will make you sorry. I know how.”

 

Dara moved faster than I could count and her hand was clamped over my forearm. I wasn’t sure if she’d squeeze to make her point or if she’d reach further, like for my neck. I felt pressure for an instant and assumed she was going to snap it. But she didn’t.

 

Her eyes went wide and she dropped me, almost as if I’d scalded her.

 

“What are you?”  


“Huh?” I asked, completely confused about where this was all going. “I don’t understand.”

 

“There’s something…there’s everything different about you. I thought you were just a human, but you’re not. Kal-El didn’t tell me you were gifted.”

 

I snorted. That was one way to label being able to wake in morgue drawers in a single bound and owning a one way ticket on the crazy train. “Gifted” was hardly what I would call myself, ever. “The Kryptonite did a number on me and on most of my kids here. We’re just so lucky.”

 

Dara shook her head. “I…you don’t understand at all, do you?”

 

“That I’m a mutant? Believe me, I get it!” I snapped.

 

She shook her head and backed away from me as I stepped towards her. Things were turning on their head fast. She’d been so confident before she’d touched me, and now she was gaping back instead, her expression that same odd mix of confusion and horror that was on Brainiac’s face when he’d hurt me. Or, okay, I’d found some weird, reflexive way to injure him.

 

“No, you really don’t. I had no idea what Kal-El had found. This? This will take some planning.”

 

She was gone in a massive breeze again before I had time to ask what the Hell she meant. Pulling out my cell, I called Clark’s number and screamed when he sent me to voicemail. I jammed it off and just shouted instead:

 

_Don’t be an ass. We have a problem, a huge one, and her name is Dara. Meet me at my apartment in five because she’s got plans and I don’t think they’re good._

**Author's Note:**

> \----NOTES:  
> 1) I'll be writing this all through in one shot and, aside from any obligations for secret_chlark OR a "five things" break, this will be the only long fic I'm working on until it's completed. Trying something new to get stuff finished and off my plate more timely now that I'm back to fandom, 2) After this is over, the regular schedule will recommence with Smelt finishing, 3) This is for marikology as basically the latest auction fic this side of ever but also because she's awesome all the time too, and 4) Thanks goes to purple_moon123 for things she's doing for me with regards to this fic, so props to her and you'll see soon.
> 
>  
> 
> \---Apologies: Look, the last time I watched season 8 of Smallville...was during season 8 of Smallville (2009). I remember most of the basic crap or well enough. I'm gonna be super honest, I'd rather gouge my own eyes out than rewatch the series or go to the Wiki to iron out any nitpicky details. If I get some details about "Beast" wrong or have forgotten what characterization Tess had in s8, then so did the show. I remember Tess toward the end of that being super zealot-y and wanting Clark to be a Savior, but also in s8 and some of s9, she was painted as an eco-extremist, ends-justify-the-means person. We'll go with that here before her other like 4 plot device reboots by the time SV ended.


End file.
